FALLEN ANGEL PART 8

In the light of new life and fresh beginnings comes forgiveness.

Owen was perusing the test results with great interest. Sister Elizabeth was doing well, the pregnancy seemed to be progressing normally and now she was half way through and starting to show through her white habit. The woman had resigned herself to being confined with good grace. She spent her days making tea and cleaning the Hub (in Ianto's absence) and then kneeling in her room deep in prayer and meditation. Once a day she was escorted outside so that she could take a walk in the fresh air. Normally it was Gwen or Jack who accompanied her. Elizabeth didn't seem to mind, trusting herself to be guided by God as always in all matters. Jack marvelled at her unwavering faith and Gwen just enjoyed listening to an entirely different perspective on the world. The woman reminded her strongly of Ianto, her quiet calm washing over them all like a warm blanket and like the others she found herself greatly missing his presence in the Hub.

Jack had tried everything he could think of to persuade Ianto to return to work, but the young man had refused. He had taken to shutting himself in his flat and refusing to go out anywhere at all. He had even started ordering his groceries on line to avoid going outside. Their relationship had fallen apart, mostly because Ianto had simply shut him out, refusing to talk and absolutely turning down any physical contact of any kind. Initially Jack had been persistant with his worry, latterly he just became frustrated and annoyed at the younger man's unwillingness to let anyone near him. He had kept going on about being contaminated and unclean, which had lead to a heightening of his OCD hygiene fixation. Ianto's flat became like an operating theatre it was so sterile. Jack didn't know what else to do and eventually he stopped trying and stopped visiting. It broke his heart because inspite of everything he still loved Ianto and really didn't know what to do anymore.

Owen had gone through various prescription medication options and Ianto wouldn't touch any of the tablets that were offered. He wouldn't be councelled and ended up yelling at Owen to go away and leave him be. When Tosh went to visit him, he simply ran to his bathroom and locked himself in it and wouldn't come out until he was certain she was gone. Even Sister Elizabeth tried to get through to him, explained that there was nothing to forgive because what happened wasn't his fault. Ianto had downed a bottle of scotch after she left and woke up the following morning in a pool of vomit, which he then spent the day scrubbing away until his hands bled.

Torchwood had moved on. Father Gabriel, at Jack insistence had been Retconned, but only a few weeks worth so that he wouldn't remember Ianto's name or the events in the Hub. Jack had put him on a plane to Rome with a note to the Pope and then there was the Sister still in their care and Owen was looking at the latest set of results in puzzlement. Charts in hand he made his way up to Jack's office and walked in.

Jack was hunched over a bunch of reports from UNIT looking thoroughly dispirited, he was relieved to have Owen distract him from work that Ianto would normally be doing.

"Owen."

The medic sat down and passed Jack his charts. "That's the latest on Sister Lizzy."

"And?"

"She is carrying a normal, healthy human child, the amnio tests say it is a match for Ianto's DNA. It's a baby Jack a proper one, a boy actually."

Jack was frowning. "I thought...."

Owen shrugged. "I can't explain it either. The only thing I can suggest is divine intervention." As much as it upset him to admit it.

Jack's eye brows were in his hairline. "You have to be kidding Owen."

"I have no other explanation Jack. Whatever it was initially, well it's not that now. It's Ianto's son."

Jack slumped back in his seat. "Does it make a difference?"

"When we deliver a normal healthy baby? Of course it does! Sister Elizabeth has already stated that she will release the child into our care, she has every intention of returning to a monastery, or whatever it is nuns do. She told me it was Ianto's decision, which now kind've complicates things, especially given his current condition." Owen felt extremely uncomfortable discussing the matter. "One of us is going to have to try and talk to Ianto about this."

"Give the child up for adoption. There are families with Torchwood clearance, once we are certain he is 'safe' that is. There is no need to involve Ianto."

Owen was not happy. "Do we have that right?"

Jack narrowed his eyes. "Don't let me make in an order. Ianto is in no fit state to make any kind of decision, you know that as well as I do. I'll be honest I am seriously considering Retconning him, he can't go on the way he is if he is to have any quality of life."

"You can't be serious Jack. Retcon is not a precise science and in his state it will do more harm than good."

"Is that your personal opinion?"

"No it's my medical one. You're the one whose too personally involved here. Throwing off another ex – lover for the sake of your own convenience Jack. That boy needs our continued support not be abandoned because we can't be bothered." Owen snapped.

Jack glowered at him. "We cannot baby sit him indefinitely Owen."

Owen lurched to his feet. "Get stuffed Jack. You so much as go near him with ANY tablets and you will regret it. He needs time and after what he went through 3 months is not enough. If you need sex so badly pick someone up from a bar like the rest of us, but don't you dare sacrifice Ianto for your own selfish needs." He left slamming the door behind him.

Jack buried his face in his hands wondering why everyone thought so badly of him, was he really that bad? He had genuinely believed he had Ianto's best interest at heart, he wiped at the tear that had formed in his eyes. Damn it! He made a decision and got to his feet grabbing Owen's charts. He needed to see Ianto, maybe this new news would help and grabbing his great coat he headed out of the Hub without telling anyone where he was going.

Jack let himself into Ianto's sparsely decorated flat and straight away hung up his coat and pulled off his boots in the hallway. He found Ianto in the kitchen cleaning at the work surfaces singing softly to himself in Welsh, completely lost in his task. Jack coughed to get his attention and Ianto kept at his task as he spoke.

"Hello Jack."

Jack shuddered at the montone of his voice.

"Hey. I was wondering if we could talk."

Ianto stopped and ducked down to put the cloth he had been using into the washing machine.

"Of course. Coffee?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah, that would be nice." He replied gently and sitting down at the kitchen table, which was spotless. Jack placed the charts down in front of him and watched as Ianto set about making his special brew, the only constant thing that hadn't suffered was Ianto's ability to make the best damn coffee in Cardiff, probably in Wales actually. Jack took in Ianto's diminished appearance, baggy jeans and T-shirt hanging on far too small a frame. Ianto's skin was almost alabaster white and there were deep grey circles under lifeless blue eyes. The scent of the coffee was the only reassuring thing as a mug of the steaming liquid was carefully placed before him. Ianto still suffered with the shakes then.

The younger man took a place opposite him, he had not made himself anything to drink. He just sat there, skeletal fingers interlinked on the table top in front of him. It was a contradiction of old age and youth sitting before him, like a paradox. Ianto wouldn't look into his eyes like he used to either.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk about?"

The coffee tasted wonderful and Jack savoured it having missed it so much recently and that was it really, the core of it.

"I miss you."

Ianto looked down at his hands. "What's to miss?"

Jack raised his mug. "This for a start...You Ianto. I don't know what to do any more, how to make this right."

"What's in the paperwork?"

Jack sighed. "Owen's scans of Elizabeth's baby. It's a boy, in good health and you are his father."

Ianto looked up, apprehensive a world of pain shining there. Jack wanted to grab him and hold him but instead he edged the documents over.

"Take a look."

Ianto looked down at the folder. "Why wasn't it terminated?"

"Elizabeth wouldn't allow it and Owen refused to perform the procedure without her consent."

"I raped her, how can she want that thing to live?"

"Its a child, not a thing and it's not the babies fault who it's parents are." Jack half wondered if that was the right thing to say, but he knew deep down that Ianto would prefer the honesty.

Slowly Ianto reached out and opened the folder. There were pictures of the baby from the ultra sound scan. Ianto studied them, picking one up in a trembling hand to get a better look.

"What will happen to it?"

"Him, it's a boy, apparently; though I'm no good at reading those things. It's your decision. Elizabeth will be returning to orders once the baby is born, she's insisted that you decide."

Ianto put the picture down and got up trying to hide the fact that tears were flowing over his pale face, went to the kitchen sink and got himself a glass of water.

"I thought Owen said, it wasn't human."

Jack shrugged, finishing the coffee and resisting the overwhelming urge to get up, he still needed to hug Ianto and take his pain away.

"All the tests, indicate that he is. Owen called it divine intervention and given the amount that Elizabeth has been praying, who am I to argue? Gabriel thought you were an angel, perhaps he was right."

"Angels are supposed to be good, Jack." The was no passion in his voice it was a flat statement of fact.

"Maybe sometimes they fall, the same as the rest of us do. I don't know Yan. I just know that you have a son to think about now and none of it is his fault. He'll need to be loved and cared for like any other child. Like any one of us. You can do that." Jack realised his mistake the moment he said it. The glass dropped into the sink and Ianto swung round his eyes wide with grief. He dropped to the floor and howled burying his head under his arms and drawing his knees into his chest. Jack was at his side in an instant pulling the crying man into his arms, cradling him and enveloping him as much as he could to keep the badness out. Jack had no words of comfort though, he knew they'd be of no use.

Jack wasn't certain how long they had been hunched up on the floor. He was cramped and cold and Ianto didn't feel at all warm against him, just awkward and bony and he finally realised, sound asleep. Jack gathered him up and lifted him into his arms and got his to his feet. Ianto was ridiculously light. He carried him through to the bed room and lay him down wrapping the duvet around his wraith like form. Jack settled down beside him taking care to make sure that his embrace wasn't going to wake him up.

Ianto awoke to find himself ensconsed in the quilt on his bed. Slightly confused he sat up and found a note on the pillow next to him.

I'll be back this evening with dinner, hope Chinese will do, ring me if you want something different.

Love J.

Ianto surprised himself by smiling at Jack's neat copperplate handwriting, he loved Jack's handwriting, it was the only thing that man did neatly. Stripping off his clothes Ianto went for a shower. He was still smiling, for some reason he had something to be happy about, he wished he could figure out what it was though.