Drowning in Spite

Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

Disclaimer: Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

Warning: This is a very Dark fic. Please DO NOT READ if you are offended by ANY of this.

A/N: Enjoy the Chapter Lovers!

Chapter Eight: Complete and Utter Mess

There he sat. His left arm wrapped tightly around his legs and his right arm dangled on the ground, blood smeared all over it. He shook uncontrollably as he rocked himself back and forth. He cried into his knees as if there were no tomorrow, and it broke her heart.

Immediately she slid from off the bed, not startling him at all. She sat in front of him, her body also shaking with his. She touched his bleeding arm, making him jump. He lifted his cold steely eyes to her warm ad terrified ones. He could smell the fear coming from her. It was like a stench he had accepted as company.

She lifted up his sleeve, finding thick brownish pink scars. She had heard of these situations in the muggle world, but never has she met a wizard…a pureblood and loathsome wizard, adapt to such muggle behavior. She then saw the streak of similarity between muggles and wizards—they both had their breaking point.

"I-I—" he started, but stopped.

"It's okay Draco, really, it is," she whispered, reaching onto her back. She lifted her shirt to reveal an invisible hoister that held her wand. She removed it and cleaned his deeply inflicted wound, and then performed a concealment charm on his scars. He avoided her eyes as she cleaned him up. She moved closer and removed the stray hairs in his face. Her hands shook madly as she surveyed his crumpled form.

"I—I—I didn't know you were a—a—awake," he stuttered.

"I didn't know you were gone, I reckon your absence sort of awoke me out of my sleep." She had settled back in front of him, her legs folded underneath her.

"Oh."

They sat in silence for awhile as Hermione cleared her mind. He now had both of his arms wrapped around him, and his eyes were round and soft, unusual for a cruel Malfoy like himself. The delicacy of his state of being almost seemed ludicrous to Hermione, but she kept it to herself.

"When did you start…erhm, hurting yourself?" She finally asked. He lifted his eyes to hers once more and smiled sadly.

"Since the beginning of sixth year…surprising, eh?" His voice cracked again, "I'm too much of a fucking nance to actually go ahead and do myself in…I'm a bloody fool! That's what I am!" He broke into tears again. Hermione leaned forward to rub his arms.

"Draco, don't say that, please…you're not…its good you didn't kill yourself…you're too young to die." She said soothingly.

"WHAT IF I WANT TO DIE?" Draco bellowed through his tears. He crumpled and bawled into his folded arms. It was then when she knew she was witnessing something deeper than just a delusional Draco Malfoy. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him forward so he uncurled himself and rested his head onto her lap, his legs coming to bend comfortably. He quieted as she stroked his hair soothingly.

Hermione left the common room washed and ready for the start of classes the next day. She entered the Great Hall in need of food. Scoping out Harry and Ron, she ran towards them, a large grin placed on her face.

"Mione, where have you been? We were starting to worry," Ron said, eggs swirling around in his mouth. She glanced down at him with uncertainty, not wanting to get in close proximity of him in fear of having a storm of wet eggs fly on her. She smiled at Harry who, as usual, gave her a desirable smile.

"Really guys, if I get the job, I won't take it," Hermione said, sitting comfortably in her seat.

"Why? You would look hot in your work-costume Hermione!" Ron exclaimed. She gave him a lopsided smile.

"Yeah Mione, it'll be smashing! And you'd bring back a good wage, what's the problem?"

"I just don't want to look trashy."

"Oh Hermione! Nothing could ever make you look trashy! Just see, you'll love your job," Ron said, winking at her. Hermione's lip twitched in annoyance. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Of course, Mione would listen to what her heart tells her, right?" Harry asked Ron. He nodded and continued to eat.

She began to load her plate with kippers when she heard Harry howl with laughter.

"Look at that! Malfoy's arguing with Zabini!" Hermione quickly turned to the entrance of the Great Hall, where a fight was beginning to brew. She jumped from her seat without thinking, pulling her wand out as Blaise drew back his fist.

"NO!" She screamed, releasing a jet of purple light to hit Blaise squarely in the back. He froze and fell face down. Half the Great Hall was staring at her. She quickly recovered and cleared her throat.

"Ten points away from Slytherin, Mr. Zabini…you are excused to the Infirmary now," she said loudly, removing the spell from him. She continued, "It is against school rules to attack the Head Boy…or the Head Girl. So please, excuse yourself…" Hermione said pompously. Blaise stood, his face bruised (an effect of the spell) and glared at her.

"I'll get you back you bloody wench…" He muttered, walking away from her. She finally released the breath she was holding in.

The Great Hall broke into heaps of whispers.

"I thought they were dating!"

"Did you hear about what happened over the summer at his manor?"

"Yeah, I was there! SHE TOTALLY LIED ABOUT IT!"

"…yeah, I reckon she's mental. I saw her at the party!"

"Did you see Blaise? The poor guy…all he wants is love"

"Hermione Granger's a stuck up bookworm!"

"How could she break Blaise's heart?"

"Wannabe Slytherin!"

"Whore!"

"Wench!"

"BACKSTABBER!"

Hermione covered her ears with her hands. "SHUT UP!" She screamed, removing her hands from her ears. The students in the Great Hall fell silent. She turned to Draco and smiled up at him.

"YOU JUST COULDN'T KEEP YOUR NOSE OUT OF IT GRANGER, COULD YOU?" Draco asked angrily. Hermione was flooded with shock; she took a fearful step back from him.

"I COULD HAVE TAKEN HIM ON MY OWN!"

She shivered.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?" Draco yelled again. She shook her head.

"Are you serious?" she asked quietly.

"YES I AM YOU BLOODY MUDBLOOD! Get out my way!" He hissed, pushing pass her.

She nearly broke into tears as she recovered and went back to a bewildered Ron and Harry.

Draco went to the nearest washroom and entered a stall. He latched the door and immediately fell to his knees before the toilet, spilling his guts. He didn't know how he was going to get through the year, and frankly, he didn't want to find out. He shivered as he thought about Jon…he dreamt endless nights about him.

"Do you need some help?" Someone asked from outside the stall. Draco turned to stare at the feet underneath the door.

"No…go away; I don't need your bloody help!" Draco yelled at the door. The door unlatched, and Blaise stood in the entrance. Draco cleared his throat of his breakfast-grime, "Now I REALLY want you to go away…"

"Save it Draco. I need to know what the hell is going on with you and my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend? Is that what you're calling the girls you victimize now?" Draco asked from the floor, leaning over the toilet to flush it. Blaise stiffened.

"It was an accident…she…she made me mad…"

"And I guess what happened over the summer was a result of her pissing you off too?" Draco asked lightly, moving to use the toilet as a chair. He crossed his arms over his chest and surveyed Blaise's still-burnt face.

"You weren't there Draco."

"Okay. Well, there's nothing going on in the bedroom, but the mudblood and I got a pact going on. I'll be nice to her; she'll be nice to me…no world domination bullshit going on there, mate."

"Bugger…you were ready to kill me for her."

"Not true…I just didn't want to smell death in my tower, or…dirty sex…"

"But you still helped her."

"What the problem Blaise?" Draco hissed. Blaise crossed his arms and glared at Draco.

"You know what the problem is Draco."

"I'M NOT SHAGGING HER—IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR!" Draco shouted, becoming irritated. He continued, "But then again, YOU shouldn't be shagging her either."

"Whatever. I have to go…just tell her I'm sorry, okay? I love her Draco." Blaise said with as much sincerity as possible.

"Will do," Draco muttered drearily. Blaise left the stall.

Later that night in the Tower, Hermione was closing her potions book. Her eyes were still red from crying. She hated him! She hated how he treated her outside of the Tower, embarrassing her in front of their fellow peers, and then her attacking Blaise in the Hall, all of it was tarnishing her already ruined reputation as being a good student.

Or at least that's how she saw it.

Finally done with all her homework, she allowed for a fresh wave of tears to hit her at the thought of Draco turning nasty again, when Draco waltzed into the tower. He stumbled onto a chair, his feet dangling on the side. Hermione, still cautious of their earlier argument moved over to him quietly. She peered down at his face and gasped. He was sweating and his eyes looked unfocused. He groaned.

"Granger…you're a fool…"

"Malfoy?" She turned him onto his back and pressed her ear to his chest. His heart was beating extremely fast. "Oh no…Draco…what did you do?"

"Mates gave me a present to help the nightmares…"

"Who Draco?" Hermione asked fearfully.

"I dunno…mates…" Draco gasped several times and he was now beginning to shiver.

She quickly retrieved her wand from her pile of books, and charmed him into an easy sleep, ending his pain. She patted down his pockets to find small white pills. They amazingly looked like drugs and she pocketed them in her own pajamas to destroy them later. She smoothed back his damped hair and again pressed her ear on his chest, finding that his heart was beating normally.

She didn't want to play hero forever, but she didn't want to see Draco die from something she could have prevented.

She watched him as he slept, and later curled up in the armchair, a book in hand.

"Please…"

Hermione looked up from her book to glance at Draco, "Please what Malfoy?"

"Please…father…don't kill him…" Draco whispered fearfully. "Please father don't…please…kill me instead—I—no…!" Draco cried aloud, whispering a name.

"Jon!"

Hermione sat down her book and went to stand over him. She knew it was wrong, she knew what she was about to do was wrong, but she had to find out.

"Do you love him?" she asked. Draco gave a shattering cry in his sleep. Hermione bit her lip. He stirred, moving around the sofa so that his back faced her and he mumbled into the cushion of the sofa.

She stepped away from him, her heart pounding. She felt guilty for trying to meddle in his dreams.

But then again, why not meddle in his nightmares, when she could try to find a cure to end it? She would have to do major investigating and research to help him, she thought, taking a throw and spreading it over him, she turned off the lamps and went to her bedroom.

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