Drowning in Spite

Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

Disclaimer: Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

Warning: This is a very Dark fic. Please DO NOT READ if you are offended by ANY of this.

A/N: Okay, so they're more mature this year. The story is a little lighter from here on out, Draco's father isn't around, and Hermione seems to be fitting into her own skin comfortably now. This story is off to a smashing bang!

Chapter nine: Ghosts Don't Exist

WARNING: VIVID SEX SCENE!

We knew all the answers
And we shouted them like anthems
Anxious and suspicious
That God knew how much we cheated

It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated

Hermione, Ron and Harry hurried eagerly down the path to The Three Broomsticks. When they finally entered, the autumn air pushed them acceptingly inside. Hermione hopped towards the Town's Bulletin and saw her name under the newly employed list. She screamed in joy. For the first time in her life, she had been given a job! She would be an employee. Madame Rosmerta came from behind the bar to look Hermione up and down. Hermione had simply wore low-riding jeans and a blue sweater, her scarf wrapped tightly around her neck.

"Yesser…you'll fit lovely in the nightshift dress…lovely figure doll," she complimented. Hermione blushed and thanked her.

"Hermione: The Bartender," Ron said dreamingly. She nudged him in the stomach and laughed as Harry turned to order three butter beers.

"This causes for a celebration, right? Our Mione got her very first job!"

"It's only a weekend job, Harry…"

"But still! It'll be an amazing weekend job!"

Actually, Hermione hated her weekend job like she had predicted. She worked the night shift, and the dress Rosmerta had for her was tight and revealed a lot of her bosom. She kept getting tipped generously by the male customers. Once, one actually pinched her bottom and he ended up going home with a head full of flames.

She realized that she was taking back to her dorm nearly two hundred galleons a weekend because of these men. She felt like a cheap hooker instead of a bartender. She mixed their martinis, their rum, and their vodkas with a fruit.

She scrubbed the counter, getting ready to close up alone for the night when she heard the shrunken heads yell. She turned to see Blaise enter the pub. Immediately, she took a step back from his approach. He grinned.

"Hermione…" he drawled.

"Blaise," Hermione steadily said.

"You're looking quite…well." He whispered, his eyes trailing up and down her figure. Hermione ignored him and took another step back, her face hidden in the clutter of the bar.

"What will you be having?"

"How about you, on this counter?" he asked provocatively. Hermione's eyes grew wide as he walked near the door leading to the back of the bar. He was coming towards her.

"What do you want?" She asked feigning fear. Although her heart pounded, Hermione had seen and dealt with a lot of danger to know what to do.

"We didn't finish what we started, did we?" Blaise asked. He now had her pressed against the bottled shelves. A vodka bottle fell to a crash and he pressed his body against her and kissed her on the neck.

"He's not here to save you, now is he?"

"You're making a mistake Blaise…" she said fiercely. He laughed and continued to kiss her, now on the mouth. Hermione began to kiss back, her head leaning against the shelf. Her hand slid down to rest on the buckle of his pants, then onto his erection.

Immediately he howled in pain. He screamed, backing away from her, his hands covering his crotch. He frantically unbuttoned his pants to release his member, which was slowly and apparently painfully, shrinking.

Hermione laughed as he moved away from her, doubled in pain.

"Don't think…I'll forget this…" Blaise said through tears. He left the pub, and Hermione happily cleaned up the broken bottles and spilled liquor to close up the place for the night.

"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" shouted Harry. Hermione rubbed at her sagging eyes as she came to relax in the common room. It's Halloween! She thought, and she happily had the day off from work, and the weekend off of homework that was done ages ago.

"Harry…" she yawned, "happy Halloween…" She plopped down next to him and crossed her legs to lean comfortably into the sofa. She was wearing her favorite pair of daffy duck pajamas and a black t shirt to go with it. "Where's Ron?" she asked, glancing around.

"He wouldn't wake up with me," Harry answered, smiling back at her, "it's just you and me, m'dear."

"Well that's perfectly fine," Hermione confirmed, yawning once more. She lifted her legs to press against her chest on the sofa. She rested her head on her knees.

"So, what do you want to do?" he asked, glancing at his watch.

"Well…what did you have in mind? I mean…I could help you with your potions essay…or we could visit the library," Hermione gave a concentrated look, trying to sum up a to-do list in her mind. Harry cleared his throat and moved closer to her.

"No…I meant…what we can do." His cheeks burned feverishly and his smile wavered slightly under the pressure of being suave. Hermione merely laughed.

"Are you serious? Harry…" Hermione protested. But she was cut off as Harry leaned forward to kiss her. She happily wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her to him. Gently, he leaned her onto her back, positioning half of his weight on her as he continued to kiss her. He placed a shaking hand up her shirt to caress her breast, and she moaned in his mouth. She thought, this is the type of Harry I want. She sloppily grinded her hips upward, wanting to feel what she had felt in her dream. Harry got onto the sofa, completely above her and nudged her knees apart.

"Not on my watch!" Draco yelled from the stair top. He angrily stared down at Hermione, his body ridge with irritation.

"Bugger off you Bloody nance—" Harry said, removing from on top of her. He plopped beside her.

"—Harry! Don't say that—" she hissed, fixing her shirt.

Draco gave an upturned sneer, looking down at her from the stairs with disgust, "Oh how you move quickly Granger…" and with that, he turned and went back to his room. Hermione turned away from the stairs to stare absently into the blazing fireplace. Harry also turned around, swearing about Draco. Guilt filled her veins as she cursed herself. She didn't have anything to feel guilty about, but for some reason, she did. Hermione was interrupted by hearing Ron's bellowing yawn as he entered the common room. She immediately felt her face burn red. If Draco hadn't stopped her and Harry, Ron would have walked in on his two best friends shagging on a sofa. Harry, having also realized this, turned pink as Ron came to sit in between them.

"All right mates? What are we doing today on this joyous holiday?" Ron asked with his usual boyish charm.

Hermione actually spent the day in the Great Hall alone with Draco decorating it for the Halloween feast they were to have. She entered the hall; her arms filled with pumpkins and nearly fell forward. Draco appeared beside her, catching the pumpkins that flew out of her arms as she went sprawling.

"DAMN IT MALFOY!" She yelled, scrambling to her feet, her lip fat. "YOU COULDN'T TRY TO CATCH ME IN THE PROCESS?" She touched her lip tenderly and cursed her clumsiness. Draco carefully placed the pumpkins on a nearby table with levitation and glanced dryly at her.

"Well Granger, the pumpkins were picked by that great Oaf—"

"DON'T CALL HIM THAT!" She overlapped.

"—of yours and I don't need McGonagall or Trelawney on my tail about destroyed pumpkins…you should be using magic to handle the pumpkins anyways! They said you were smart…" Draco drawled. Her face heated with frustration, she pulled out her wand and pointed it at the pumpkins,

"HERE'S YOUR MAGIC!" She exclaimed, making them explode. The pumpkin remnants flew all over the hall, but most of it ended up on herself and Draco.

"A price to pay to get even…" she howled with laughter. Draco stood rooted to the spot, his arms spread and his head bowed to survey his body. His face was twisted with disgust and he turned to her. She doubled over, her eyes leaking tears as she slapped her knee in laughter. She laughed hard and Draco became blinded with fury. "C'mon, clean it up Malfoy…we'll do it togeth—"

Draco lunged at her, making her slip backwards and land roughly on her back. She cried out in pain and fear as he got on top of her, his hands going around her neck.

"STOP LAUGHING!" He screamed, choking her. "STOP LAUGHING AT ME!"

Flashback

Imagine distortion. Imagine complete and utter darkness.

Your heart wanted to cry when it broke, and yet you closed your mouth and allowed for the cry to die. Imagine that yearning you had to be accepted by someone you loved, but instead you submitted to nasty sex, so forbidden it entered under your skin, like dirt under fingernails. Imagine the hate you had but couldn't show. Imagine the love you lost, imagine the respect you lost, the confusion and the anger.

Draco sat in the corner of the rough stone walls, his legs brought up to his chest, in his father's torture chamber. He shivered uncontrollably and wrapped his arms around his naked body. He looked down at the pool of blood his father was pointing down to. His blood. Lucius hovered over it, disgust evident on his sharp features.

Draco had been locked in the torture chamber for nearly two weeks, alone and starving. His father assured him that it would end soon, but still the days dragged, still Draco's stomach cramped at night, still his father beats him, testing his "strength", making him into a man.

"Did you hear me Draco? I told you to clean up this mess…"

"Father, please…I'm sick."

"How can you be sick?" Lucius asked.

"I—I—I—th-th-rew up…" Draco choked out. He lifted his hand to point at the puddle of blood. "I—I—I—think I'm bleeding on the inside," Draco said. Lucius stepped over the puddle quickly and reached out for Draco, grabbing hold of his hair. Lucius yanked him forward, only to slam his head against the wall.

"No son of mine throws up blood…only a fool—a weak, weak fool," Lucius hissed. Draco cringed, trying to prevent tears from falling. He couldn't help it, they fell down his cheeks and he released a shattering sob. "Weak!" Lucius yelled, punching his son in the head. He drew back his fist and punched him again, making Draco fling his arms up to protect his head. Lucius then drew back his foot and kicked his son in the stomach. Draco fell out near his father's feet and cried. He took a step back and kicked the pool of blood so it splashed all over Draco's face and body. Lucius laughed, his voice ringing out in the chamber. Lucius still laughing glanced down at his shoe, now covered in blood.

"A price to pay to get even, right son? You mess up my floor, I mess you up, and in the mists of it, something gets seriously hurt, like my shoes…but it's worth it…" Lucius laughed again, turning to leave the chamber, shouting over his shoulder,

"Clean this up…"

End Flashback

"YOU WOULDN'T STOP! YOU JUST WON'T STOP!" Draco screamed hysterically. Hermione pierced his skin with her nails, trying to pry his hands off of her. She began to jerk and kick underneath him, aiming to not go unconscious. She pleaded with him, her eyes leaking with tears. She could see his eyes fogging over with fear and uncertainty.

"Please…no…" she whimpered. He released her and stood from on top of her.

"Oh God," He quivered; "I'm so sorry—" he apologized, "Hermione…I…" he closed his mouth, and then opened it again, saying nothing. Having given up, he turned on his heel and ran away from her sprawled form. She sat up, rubbing at her neck, watching him disappear from the Great Hall.

"Hermione, what's wrong with your neck?" Harry asked, touching it tenderly, she hissed in response.

"It's nothing really guys, a little accident today in the Great Hall." She sat at the Gryffindor table for dinner as the school watched the performance the Ghosts were giving in honor of Halloween. She merely glanced at the Ghost that came bursting through the center of their table.

"Please tell us Mione, did someone do this to you? It looks like you tried to conceal it, but did a messy job…"

"…I guess you weren't looking in the mirror?" Harry asked. "Is someone abusing you? Is it Blaise?" She shook her head no. "TELL ME SO I CAN HELP YOU!"

Hermione grew irritated. "WHY DO YOU CARE HARRY? SO YOU CAN HAVE AN EXCUSE TO SHAG ME?" She asked angrily. She stood from her seat, "Don't follow me," she said disgusted. Glancing over the amused and shocked faces of the Gryffindor table, she left the Great Hall as McGonagall announced the great work done to the hall.

She quickly left the hall, but wanted to go to her tower, not being a fan of wandering the corridors. She felt dreadfully cold in her Halloween-celebrated skirt. It was a blue denim tutu and she wore an orange t-shirt with a witch hat on it. She suddenly stopped, emotions getting the best of her. She allowed for a wave of tears to flow down her cheeks. She continued to blindly walk down the corridor.

Draco had been watching her throughout the whole event. He saw as Harry moved to touch her neck and a few minutes later she had stormed away. He stood from his chair, startling Pansy who shot him a curious look.

"Where are you going Draco?"

"To the Tower, I'm tired of this rubbish," Draco nodded at the Ghosts Performance.

"Okay. See you in the morning…" she whispered, patting his arm. He walked away from her, seeing Hermione disappear behind the large double doors.

Draco saw the swaying of her hips in her absurd-looking skirt, her legs long and pale under it. His breath caught in his chest. He saw that she was incredibly gorgeous in the dimly lit corridor, and he's never seen her look so provocative before.

"Granger! Granger!" Draco ran to catch up with her, his white-blonde hair standing up in all places, free of gel. His chosen costume for the event was simple: black shirt with black pants.

"What do you want Malfoy? Another go at me?" She asked, pointing at her neck. Draco withdrew from her upon seeing that. "I didn't think so," she muttered, turning around to walk away.

"I'm sorry. You don't understand how much I mean that." He lowered his voice. "I've been having troubles Hermione…I—I'm sorry."

She stopped walking, mostly shocked at the softness of his voice, his usual edginess gone from it. She never was a fan of soft voices, but his was so tender and accepting it made her shake in the knees. She felt him walk towards her, and he placed his arms around her body, and rested his head on her shoulder…he was hugging her.

"Please…" he whispered.

She slowly turned around in his arms to look up at him. His eyes were a soft gray as he looked down at her eyes and then to her lips. He moved in to kiss her. At first it was soft, like his voice had been. He slowly made his way to the inside of her mouth, their tongues dancing. He backed her up into a darkened alcove off the corridor, so they wouldn't be seen. He lifted his hand to place it on her cheek and caressed it. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and responded with force, her teeth clicking against his lip in desire. He pulled away from her, resting his forehead on hers.

"What's wrong? Why did you stop?" she asked breathlessly. Draco squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

"I don't know," he said quietly, moving away from her. He knew exactly why. He couldn't get the image of his father out of his head. His Father, the one who stole his innocence was behind his eyelids. He felt his father's hands down his back, his weight on him, his lovemaking, and it played vividly in his mind when he kissed her.

"Wait! Malfoy! Draco! Wait!" She pulled him to her again and took his hand and placed it over her breast. "I'm beating so hard for you…can't you feel that?" She asked, caressing his hand. Hermione gently pulled him into her arms and embraced him. He didn't know what to do with his hands for a moment, which was hovering over her back before finally resting his head next to hers and breathing in the scent of her hair, his arms holding her to him. They stood like that for some time, silent, listening to each other's breathing and heartbeats. "Please wait with me?" she asked. He nodded in her hair.

Draco tightened his arms around her, bringing her closer to him.

She removed herself from the embrace, and instead took hold of his hand. She led him to their tower, up the stairs and into her room, where she magically locked the door. Draco felt incredibly safe in her room. He was able to let his guard down and just be there with her. She touched the buckle of his belt, and pulled him to her once more. Her mouth tilted up, Draco kissed her slowly on the lips. She undid the buckle and pushed down his pants and boxers.

"I want to be with you…" she whispered between their heated kisses. Hermione broke the kiss and gazed into his eyes as her hand slid down to his hardness. Draco closed his eyes as her cool fingers closed around him. She ran her hand up and down his shaft, feeling every curve. Her fingers paused at the head of his member and her thumb swept over the head, coating the tip with his pre-cum. Draco groaned and thrust into her hand as he pushed her hair to the side and lowered his mouth to her neck.

"Hermione…" he said, muffled.

"Take me to bed Draco." She started to unbutton his shirt, watching it slip from off his toned shoulders to fall on to the floor. He began to kiss her again, their tongues fighting with each other. He moved her to the bed, and pulled her knickers off hungrily and then her skirt. She removed her shirt herself and sat up to unclasp her bra in front of him, her soft rounded breasts, tipped in rose, her nipples hardened, awaited his touch as they sprang from her bra. He had never seen such a sight before, and it made him shake as he reached out to caress them. She sighed happily at his softness. He grew bolder and took one tip into his mouth. She cried out and he fearfully moved away from her.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked.

"No…no…it's just, it feels good Draco. It's okay to shout when things feels good." She said tenderly. She reached out to caress his chest, but Draco swiftly grabbed her wrist. She gasped.

"Please don't."

"Why not?" Hermione asked, her face flushing with humiliation. Instead of answering, Draco began to kiss her again, but Hermione moved away from him, angry.

"Why are you doing this? Why are we doing this?" She asked him, sitting up, her breasts swung. He pulled her to him but she slapped his arms away. She screamed as he pinned her to the bed with his arms.

Honestly, Draco did not know why he was doing this. He hated this girl, or at least he was supposed to. But her kindness had never left his mind and he found himself liking her daily. She held him during his most embarrassing moments, and she had genuinely given him every bit of reason to love her.

She turned back around and pushed him off the bed.

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" She screamed, covering her breasts. "You think you can touch me all over, and then not let me touch you? Want me to touch your prick a wee bit and when you're done using me you flee?" She asked, getting close to his face, her voice barely above a whisper.

"It's not what you think!" Draco gasped. Hermione finally stood from her bed, her arms crossed over her breasts. She grabbed a bathrobe from off her door and swung it on her, quickly tying it around her body.

"I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT!" She screamed. Tears were threatening to spill, but she fought against it.

He went to the door, and faced her. She looked away from him. He placed his hand under her chin and yanked her head up to look at him. Her bottom lip trembled as he brought his lips down to hers.

"I don't want to be your whore, Malfoy."

Draco took a staggering step back from her. She was staring intensively, as if trying to burn the statement into his mind. "I wouldn't treat you as my whore Granger. I know how it feels, and it's nothing I could show to another."

Hermione thought nothing of his comment as she moved in to capture his lips. "Don't hurt me; I've never done this before." Draco nodded several times as he slipped her robe off and lifted her into his arms, her legs going about his waist.

He dropped her onto the bed and looked down at her, her body shown with impeccable beauty—from her gorgeous face to her full breasts and down below.

He looked away, shameful about staring. She sat on the bed, encouraging him, spreading her legs invitingly. Draco went to her, and in one fluid motion was on top of her. She gripped his arms as he pushed inside of her.

An agonizing thought raced into his mind: she deserved better than him - the poor excuse for a pureblood that he was! The defiled and permanently stained, scarred. Could she forgive him for touching her, spreading his disease of distortion once she knew what had really happened to him?

He repeated in his mind that he too was a mudblood, so their joining would not be a demolition of something beautiful because they were both soiled before they began the journey. She was disgraced and dirty, and so was he, abused, bloodied, and stretched into something horrible.

He did not allow her to adjust to his size or length, but pushed again and again inside of her. Fascinated, he stared down at where their bodies met, and he watched as his member disappeared inside of her. He pushed her legs wider, getting lost in the slapping noise of their skin.

She screamed, her body twisting underneath him as he stretched her, buried himself inside of her and possibly hurting her. He didn't care. He couldn't believe it. He was shagging Hermione Granger in her bed. He was having sex with a girl, for the first time. She dug her nails into his shoulders as he pumped into her. He became sloppy with his thrusts and he began to shake. He tried hard to keep his thrust steady, not wanting to give in to the climax.

"No…" Hermione whimpered, shaking her head.

"What's wrong?" Draco asked, still moving inside of her.

"NO! GET OUT OF ME!" She screamed, pressing her palms against his chest. "NO!" She looked up at him, confusion spread across her face.

"Hermione, Hermione…it's me…it's me Hermione, Draco…" He stopped thrusting into her as she looked around wildly, her face red and her eyes unfocused, she wept uncontrollably. He wiped away her tears with his hand, shushing her gently.

"Please, don't stop…I'm sorry," she whispered. "Please…I…I'm trying…" she whispered.

"It's okay," Draco said, kissing her forehead, and then her lips. She kissed him back furiously, her hands going into his hair. He began to work into her again, and this time she responded with just as much enthusiasm. She moaned as she thrusts her hips up to meet his. She growled in anticipation and he lost it. He went crashing into her one last time, and spilled everything inside of her, and she went along with him, releasing her juices. She cried his name lazily as she combed his hair with her fingers, removing the sweaty strands from his forehead.

She slid her finger in between their bodies to rest at the top of her and she slid her finger in, massaging herself before being hit with another wave of orgasm. She shuddered.

"What did you just do there?" Draco asked curiously.

"I just came again," she said blandly, smiling.

"But how?" he asked. Hermione gave him a quizzical look.

"Oh…I see…you want a personal lesson!" she said shyly, her eyes glittering with interest. She pushed herself against the headboard, bringing her knees up. She took his hand and led them to her. She showed him where he could put his fingers, how hard to press, and when to touch her sensitive spot. When he got the rhythm, he began to make love to her again in that fashion. She arched her back a bit and licked her lips.

"Don't stop," she whispered urgently. "Please don't...stop..."

"Never," he replied. "I want to see you come, Hermione."

His words seemed to be just what she needed and her breaths came even more quickly than before. Soft moans escaped her as she drew nearer and nearer. Draco kissed her nipple, flicking it with his tongue, keeping the movement of his fingers down below steady. He moved up to her ear and suckled her earlobe. "Come for me," he said into her ear. This sent her over the edge and a cry rose in her throat as she was overtaken with pleasure. She gasped and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly and grinding against his fingers.

Draco watched her, enthralled. He'd never seen a girl come before - and she'd come because of him, because of something he did. He suddenly felt powerful and very manly. He couldn't help but wonder if his father felt this way after making him come? Draco realized that he was cheated into falling in love with his father, and it was nothing at all like this.

So...is this love? He asked himself, watching Hermione fall out against the headboard, her lips gracefully turning up into a smile.

With her, his father was nothing more than a ghost.