Chapter 4: Union

Disclaimer: BBC, Kudos and Monastic own all copyrights. The only things I own are this and my other fanfics.

Thank you so much to everyone who has read this, and especially those who have reviewed Chapter 3. I'd been so uncertain about it, it's wonderful to get so much really positive feedback.

This is the last chapter - as this is a Christmas fic, I had to finish posting it before the decorations are meant to come down!

As always, reviews and other feedback would be so welcome.

At last they were both silent, but neither dared to move, as though afraid to break the spell. Alex shivered, and Gene drew a fold of his coat around her, pulling her closer to the warmth of his body.

"So many tears between the two of us," he rumbled into her hair. "An' why were you cryin'?"

"I thought I'd lost you," she said in a small voice. "Have I?"

Dangerous. Don't push him. You still might lose him.

She felt him heave a long, deep sigh that washed him clean at last of the burden of grief and guilt which had crippled him. "No, love, you 'aven't lost me. Looks like we've only just found each other. I'm 'ere, as long as you want me an' need me."

"Always," she whispered, daring to look up at him. In the glow of the candle he looked exhausted, but younger, the lines of strain washed away by emotional release. He caught his breath at the sight of her face, undried tears still sparkling on her cheeks.

"Gene," she whispered. "Stay with me tonight. Please."

He allowed himself to smile. "Didn't I just say, as long as you want me?" He bent his head and she lifted her face for his kiss. She gasped softly as he carefully kissed her tears away, one by one. Only when they were all gone did he allow his mouth to brush hers very gently. She reached up one hand to tangle in his hair as their kiss deepened. They drank each other in, lips caressing, tongues entwining, slaking the thirst of the long months since they had first met. He raised his head and gazed deep into her eyes for a moment, then stood, picked her up in his arms, swung her around towards the cabinet, and nodded at the candle. Understanding, she picked up the candlestick and held it out in front of her, lighting his way as he carried her to the bedroom.

So it was by candlelight that they first became lovers.

-o0O0o-

Alex awakened hours later, in darkness, cradled in Gene's strong arms against his naked chest, listening to the steady beat of the heart that she now knew loved her dearly. She felt a deep sense of peace, safety, and happiness greater than she had never known. The candle had burnt out, and she had been awakened by moonlight, shining through the holes in the blind and dappling over her face.

She had imagined many things of him as a lover, but never this gentleness, never this tenderness which he had offered to her as the gift of himself. He had given himself to her, utterly and completely, calling forth a response from the very depths of her being. Their lovemaking had been so profound that when he had fallen back onto the bed beside her and gathered her in his arms, it had been a shock to remember that they were two separate people. It had been as though half of herself lay beside herself.

She sighed contentedly. She knew that she had managed, at least for a time, to dispel the demons that had haunted him, and if they ever returned, she would be there with him to help him fight them.

Or would she?

Her blood ran cold as the realisation struck her. She had found love beyond her imagining, where she had no hope of keeping it. He had entrusted himself to her absolutely, and she was destined to betray that trust. Sooner or later she would return home, and then she would abandon him to a loneliness and despair even greater than that from which she had just redeemed him.

What have I done to him? In trying to heal him, in claiming his love, I've only made him more vulnerable than ever. The happier I make him while I'm here, the more I'll destroy him when I leave him. How can I do that?

She had forgotten that she had once thought of him as a construct. This man was real, his grief and suffering were real, their love was real. The prospect of losing him was like a physical pain. She shuddered at the thought, then started as a large hand sleepily drew the duvet up around her shoulders.

"Cold, love?" His voice was soft, warm, full of deep happiness. Her heart ached for them both.

I won't make his mistake. I won't drive him away.

"Gene?" She reached up to caress one broad, bare shoulder. "I didn't know you were awake."

"Only just woke up. Moonlight in me face. You'll 'ave to get that blind fixed. Thought I saw - "

"What?"

"Forget it. Trick of the light." He would not tell her what he had seen on awakening. The shafts and sprinkles of moonlight had made him think, for a moment, that her brown curls were draped in white and crowned with silver flowers. Wishful thinking or a glimpse of the future? He smiled to himself and dropped gentle kisses on the top of her head. Whether or not it ever came true, he would cherish the memory.

Did he see the Clown? she thought confusedly. But I haven't seen the Clown since my parents died. He must have seen something else. Maybe he'll tell me someday. If we have time...

"Oh, Gene," she sighed, snuggling closer against him, "why did we wait so long?"

"We waited till it was right," his voice rumbled from the darkness. "It could 'ave 'appened before. You know when. But then it would just 'ave been a shag we'd both 'ave ended up regretting. You're too precious for that. I promised meself that night, that I'd wait until - if - I got the chance to make love t'you."

"As you have," she said softly, stroking his chest.

He cleared his throat. "Bolly, I 'ope you won't get me wrong on this, but I think you'll 'ave worked out that I'm not much used to 'appiness. Don't trust it yet. I just want to say - what we've got now is the best thing that's ever 'appened to me, but I know we might not 'ave it for very long."

She froze, suddenly grateful that it was too dark for him to see her face. "Gene, I - "

"You're always talkin' about leavin'," he said gruffly. "If it gives you a chance to see your kid again, I could never stop you. 'Ope you know that. You were right with what you said earlier. A bullet could take either of us away any time. An' I know that if I tried to stop you doin' your job to keep you safe, I'd lose you anyway. You're too bloody independent to stand for that. But 'owever short or long we've got, I promise you I'll do everything I can to make each second count. We'll waste too much time arguin', of course, but then we always 'ave. Can't change that. An' if we do - lose each other - God knows it'd be 'ard, but at least we'd be able to remember what we've got now. It'll be good for us both while it lasts, love. Promise. We'll live for every moment we get. Unbreakable."

"Unbreakable," she whispered, sliding her hand into his like a pledge and laying their entwined fingers on his heart. So she did not even have to tell him that she must go someday. He already accepted that. She could love him and accept his love, hoping that he might not be without comfort when the time came for her to leave him. Perhaps, just perhaps, it would be all right.

Maybe I wasn't sent here to try to save my parents. Maybe it was to save this flawed, damaged, good man from despair. I'll do my best for us both. He's right. I won't waste our time together dreading the future. Live for every moment.

Feeling as though a great weight had been lifted from her, she laughed softly with relief.

"What's so funny, then?" he rumbled.

"I was just thinking that you're the best Christmas present I've ever been given." She slid her free hand blissfully over his strong, hard body.

"Oh?" His voice was heavy with mock suspicion. "Then 'ow come you unwrapped me a week early?"

"Because I never could resist a sneak peek before Christmas Day."

"Care for another peek?"

"Oh, yes..."

His arm tightened around her as he bent his head to hers, and she smiled into his kiss.

Tomorrow she would light another candle.

THE END