part three

'You make me look bad, you know that, don't you?' Sirius said, folding his arms and leaning against the bookshelf Remus was poring over.

Remus smiled but didn't look away from the books as he studied their spines. 'You make yourself look bad.'

Eyeing off some of the titles, Sirius said, 'So why are we here?'

'Well,' said Remus, removing a large book and flicking to the index. 'I don't know about you, but I've got work to do before tomorrow, and I want to get it over and done with as soon as possible.'

Sirius smiled at this. 'When you were young, you ate the peas first, didn't you?'

At first, Remus didn't seem to have heard him, scanning the index as he was. But then, tutting, he frowned at Sirius. 'What?'

'Never mind.'

With a groan, Remus snapped the book shut and returned it to its place.

'That bad, huh?'

'Worse.' Remus stood there frowning at the books awhile before trying another. 'How was McGonagall? Is it endless months of servitude, then?'

It took Sirius a moment to figure out what Remus was referring to. 'Oh, the essay, no. She didn't even ask for it after, um ... I think she must have forgotten.'

'Half your luck!'

Remus was flicking through the pages of a considerably hefty tome and Sirius watched him thoughtfully in the ensuing silence. Turning his back on the books, he leaned his weight against the shelf, toying with the hangnail as he considered what he wanted to say. He figured he'd be brushed off again, but … to hell with it.

'I'm going to ask again why Dumbledore wanted to see you,' he said carefully. 'Only this time, don't lie.'

Remus' eyes stilled on the page.

Non-reaction usually meant fast-thinking where Remus was concerned. Sirius left his words hanging there between them, confronting, if accusing, yet they both knew it was the truth.

Finally, Remus gently closed the book and slid it back between its neighbours.

'Remus?'

'I heard you.'

Pushing his hair out of his eyes, Remus turned and sank to the floor, sitting with his legs drawn up and his elbows across his knees. He sighed tiredly and at length said, 'I think you can probably guess.' He stared at his hands in a way that made him look nervous.

It felt peculiar to be standing over Remus, and so Sirius joined him on the floor, legs stretched out in front of him, ankles crossed. With a quick glance, he made sure their area of the library was deserted before speaking.

'It's about the werewolves, right?'

Remus forced a laugh, little more than a derisive huff.

'We saw that report in the Prophet, the one about the sightings in Hogsmeade.'

'I figured you must have,' Remus said, nodding. Suddenly, he smiled. 'Can't keep anything from you nosy gits.'

'You should know better than to try,' Sirius said. 'So what's going on? What did Dumbledore say?'

'He said …' Remus trailed off, looking at Sirius solemnly for a brief moment. 'He said he thinks Voldemort is gathering his forces, that it's why they're stalking me, that … I won't be the only one.

'So now I'm not allowed anywhere outside on my own,' Remus continued. 'I have to stay here for Christmas holidays, seeing as they know where I live, and I won't be going to the shack for full moons. You three will have to find something else to do, I'm afraid.'

'They're not making you go to the Ministry, are they?' Sirius said. 'With those cages? They can't --'

'No, nothing like that. They're going to set up one of the dungeons.'

'Inside the castle? Sounds risky.'

'We don't have much choice. They're getting a security troll in, though,' Remus said, letting his head fall back to rest on the books behind him. He took a deep breath and sighed. 'It'll be alright.'

Sirius certainly hoped he was right, and as another week passed with no more news of the werewolves he dared to let himself believe it would be. He could hardly sleep the night of the next full moon, but Remus returned the following morning in one piece, no better or worse off than usual.

He could tell James was disappointed, wanting to spend the holiday together as it would be just him and his father for the first time, but Sirius opted to stay at Hogwarts with Remus over Christmas.

It was set to be a very quiet, subdued break, especially seeing as they were the only two Gryffindors staying behind. If Sirius was honest, though, he was glad for it. It was great having the common-room all to themselves, for starters. They could hog the best seats and sit fair in front of the fire without anyone to whinge at them for it.

Another thing was the privacy. Unexpectedly, the solitude came as a relief and, of course, there was only so much of first-years one could take before it posed a serious health hazard.

On the morning of Christmas Eve, after sleeping late and then paying a visit to the kitchens, Sirius joined Remus in the Great Hall where he had parchment spread over the table and was staring thoughtfully at his quill. Seeing Sirius approach, Remus began rolling the parchment into a loose scroll.

'It's a letter to my parents,' he said by way of explanation as Sirius took a seat on the table and planted his feet firmly on the bench. He began gathering his things together in a neat pile.

'Well, aren't you going to finish?'

Remus shook his head. 'I'll do it later on.'

'I suppose you've got loads of time to spare,' Sirius said, resting his elbows on his knees and looking around the empty hall. 'I never realised how dull this place could be.'

With a sigh, Remus raised his head and squinted at the cloudy mist hovering over the Great Hall's enchanted ceiling. He was thoughtful for only a moment.

'Do you want to come outside with me for a little while?'

Sirius glanced up at the ceiling; nothing short of a death wish could make him go out in that, he thought. The solemn look on Remus' face made him bite his tongue on the emphatic "hell no" he'd planned to speak. Instead, he found himself saying, 'I'll just grab my cloak.'

'I'll come with you.' Remus rose from his seat, picking up his things. 'I want to take these back anyway.'

The cold that hit them when they opened the entrance hall doors and stepped out onto the snow-covered grounds was like walking into a wall of ice, their breath coming out in plumes of white steam. Sirius swore, pulling his scarf tight around his neck, and tucked his hands under his arms.

'Here,' Remus said, fishing his wand out of his pocket. With a muttered incantation, a small orange flame sprung to life and hovered before them as though tethered to the tip of Remus' wand. Sirius might have died of sheer gratitude as he attempted to huddle around the warmth of it, but Remus kept him from getting too close.

'Careful,' he said. 'It can still burn you.' He laughed, but his smile faded quickly.

Sirius didn't ask. He kept his eyes on the fog surrounding them, wondering where these werewolves might be right now, imaging them stalking ever closer to Hogwarts. But when he looked at Remus, walking with eyes downcast beside him, he remembered: right now, they wouldn't be wolves at all. They'd be human. All this time he'd imagined they were some sort of ravaging beasts that were after Remus, and realising they were people just as capable of exercising their own will as he was made it all the more terrible. Dumbledore was always right, and he'd be right about them working for Voldemort, too, and so Sirius knew - these weren't just werewolves that were after Remus, they were Death Eaters.

But what a bunch of Death Eaters - worse still, Voldemort himself - would want with a seventeen-year-old boy, werewolf or not, Sirius didn't want to know.

'I haven't been completely honest with you,' Remus said, interrupting Sirius' thoughts.

'What do you mean?' Sirius said. They both stopped walking.

Remus frowned at the snow, crossing his arms and effectively ending the spell that kept their portable flame aloft. It went out before it reached the ground.

'I can't stop thinking about him.' Remus squeezed his eyes shut. 'Twelve years and I can still remember what he looked like as a wolf, but I'd never seen his face until Dumbledore had the Aurors show me his photograph.'

It seemed Remus was staring at memories when he opened his eyes. His glazed look went straight through Sirius.

'His name is Fenrir Greyback.'

Sirius could barely believe what he was hearing. 'You're saying you know who bit you?'

Remus nodded.

'And it's him - he's one of the … ?'

'Yeah.'

'Why didn't they throw him in Azkaban back then, when they had the chance?!'

'Why would they?' Remus looked genuinely confused.

'Why the hell not?! He changed your whole fucking life! For Merlin's sake, you wouldn't have to go through any of it. You could have been --' Instinct told Sirius not to say it, but Remus finished the sentence for him anyway.

'Normal.' Remus shook his head. 'Every werewolf is a killer as far as the Ministry is concerned. In their eyes, you're just as culpable as the one who infects you and every bit as guilty as those who've killed whole villages of people. They'd never allow a werewolf defence in their courts, Sirius, so when you're bitten, you don't go pointing the finger - you keep your damn mouth shut about it.'

'That's bollocks!'

'That's the way it is.'

Sirius couldn't believe how anyone, let alone the Ministry, could think like that. 'So this Fenrir Greyback can bite a five-year-old boy and go on his merry way, no harm done, because hey, the kid's a werewolf now anyway?!'

Remus scowled into the distance.

'Don't you even care?!'

'Of course I care!' Remus exploded, turning on Sirius. 'He bit me on purpose, and sometimes it makes me so, so … angry I want to hunt the bastard down and show him just what I think of him, but I don't, and you know why? Because it won't change a thing. This is my life now.

'There's no point wishing things were different,' Remus added quietly, staring at the ground.

'Maybe so, but I do,' Sirius said, reaching out to place a hand on Remus' shoulder. 'I wish things were different.'

'It's cold,' was Remus' only response. He shrugged off Sirius' hand and made his way back to the castle without another word.

Fenrir Greyback was a shadow cast over them, but they didn't mention his name again throughout the rest of Christmas break, nor when the castle was once again filled with students. Not until early February, when Remus gladly told them there'd been no more sightings, not even by the Aurors, and that he could go next Hogsmeade weekend, was there even a vague reference to him. Sirius knew James and Peter hadn't forgotten what had happened, but it annoyed him all the same that they hadn't bothered to even do so much as ask.

For the first time in a long time, Remus' smile was more than fleeting. He seemed really to be enjoying himself as they perused each of their favourite Hogsmeade shops in turn. Sirius supposed he should, seeing as how he'd been holed up in Hogwarts all this time. He was only disappointed he couldn't feel more enthusiastic himself.

Lunch, as always, was spent in the Three Broomsticks, where they had their fill of butterbeer. Afterwards, they made their way to Honeydukes.

'You don't have enough money for all of them,' James was saying to Peter, whose face instantly fell.

'Could you lend me some? I'll pay you back.'

Sirius was certain sweets really weren't so important as Peter would attest, but perhaps he was being more cynical than usual. He stood by the door, toying with a display of enormous lollipops - the rainbow of coloured hard-boiled candy discs were each at least as big as his hand. He had to wonder if anyone had ever actually managed to finish one. Still, he got a smile out of watching his friends' eyes grow to the size of their stomachs as they looked around the shop.

'Why don't we just put them together and pay all at once? That'll be easier. We can share the whole lot and you won't have to owe me anything.' James looked over his shoulder. 'You too, Remus. You want more than that, though. Go get some and tell Sirius to bring his here, too.'

Remus let James take what he had and caught Sirius' eye with raised eyebrows the moment he turned around.

'You heard the man,' Remus said as he came over. 'What'll it be?'

'I don't want anything. Oh,' Sirius said, and picked out a bright pink lollipop. 'Maybe just this.'

Remus took it and put it back, looking both amused and understandably worried. 'Perhaps not,' he said. 'It doesn't become you.'

'I'll take that as a compliment.'

Remus nodded and looked at the wall of jars beside them, but before he could move away, Sirius caught him by the sleeve.

'Hey,' Sirius said quietly. 'Can I talk to you for a second?'

'Sure.'

Sirius pushed the door open, held it for Remus and then fell into step beside him as they headed away from Honeydukes and the main part of the village. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he watched his feet as they walked.

'I'm glad you could come today,' he said after a long silence. He didn't look up.

'Me, too.'

Sirius didn't really know what to say after that, but Remus didn't push him. They walked without speaking at all until they came into the shade of an old oak tree, its thick branches spreading out and hanging low. It stood before a small cottage, the last in its row, where a dog whined at them, standing on its hind legs and scratching at the gate. Beyond this they had nowhere to go other than back towards the centre of the village.

Here, Sirius turned to Remus, halting him with a hand on his shoulder. He shoved it straight back in his pocket.

'Is something the matter?'

'No,' Sirius said. He couldn't look Remus in the eyes and not completely forget what he was trying to say, and so he let the idle movement of the leaves distract him. 'Yes. I mean -- Remus …'

He took a deep breath; this wasn't going to work. Remus had always been so patient, and they could stand there for an hour while Sirius tortured himself senseless. He may have been a Gryffindor, but the words for what he was thinking scared him far too much to speak.

It was awkward. He still had his hands in his pockets, but he didn't take them out, knowing the only thing to do with them would be to touch. With one perfunctory lick of his lips, he closed his eyes and kissed Remus hesitantly. Somehow, he'd imagined it would be different to this, and he sure as hell would have thought himself above such a chaste, undignified display. Remus stood stock still, but Sirius was relieved that at least he hadn't been pushed away. It was encouragement enough, and so he pulled back, eyes on Remus' lips, and took both hands from his pockets, intending to pull Remus against him, to touch his face. He wanted to kiss Remus again, and this time he wanted Remus to kiss him back.

Without warning, the dog in the yard erupted into loud, savage barks, startling Sirius so much that he jumped. He looked up to gauge Remus' reaction, but Remus was staring over Sirius' shoulder, and there was something so strange in his eyes that Sirius was compelled to look, to see what it was that Remus was so entranced by.

There, not more than a few yards away from them, stood a tall figure cloaked in black robes, torn, faded and dirty. It sent a chill down Sirius' spine that they'd been watched, but the figure stood calm and motionless, watching them still from beneath the low hood.

'Let's go,' Sirius said quietly to Remus, taking him by the arm, but Remus recoiled, shrugging out of his grasp.

The figure laughed, and it was then that Sirius realised something was very, very wrong. It wasn't until filthy hands tipped with ragged, uncut fingernails reached up to pull the hood back that Sirius realised just what that was. Beneath matted grey hair that seemed not to have been washed in a decade, the man's face was scarred, just as dirty as the rest of him. He smiled a crooked, yellow-toothed smile, and somehow Sirius just knew.

'All grown up since I saw you last, Remus Lupin,' Greyback said with a mocking rasp, his rough voice cutting through Sirius' nerves. 'What, don't I get a hug?'

Sirius was horrified; he wanted to get out of there right away. Remus just stood there in shock, and it wasn't until Sirius tugged on his arm and tried to pull him away that he was moved into action. Only, instead of going with Sirius, he snatched his arm away. Quicker than Sirius' eyes could follow, he'd pulled out his wand.

With lightning-fast reflexes and nothing more than a flick of his wrist, Greyback tore the wand from Remus' hand before it was even raised. It flew through the air and clattered uselessly on the ground behind him.

Remus stood his ground defiantly, and Sirius fought back his fear enough to lurch forward and grab him again. Arms in a vice-like grip around his waist, Sirius tried vainly to pull Remus away, but as soon as he did so Remus countered Sirius' weight with his own.

'Remus Lupin,' Greyback taunted softly, stepping towards them. 'Remus Lupin …'

Remus fought with such determination, such force, that Sirius doubted how much longer he could hold him. Desperately, he wondered where the Aurors were, silently pleading with them for help.

'Remus Lupin is dead,' Remus yelled fiercely as he struggled, prying at Sirius' grip. 'You, you killed him!'

The arrogance in Greyback's casual, unhurried demeanour, the twisted timbre of his laugh, the hideous pride that showed on his sallow face at being recognised by Remus - all of it, everything about him sickened Sirius right to the pit of his stomach. 'No, no sense to be killing them younger ones. It's the kids you want to be turning, see ...'

'Remus, please.'

'That way,' Greyback continued, slowly pulling out his wand, 'you can grow 'em up good and proper - teach 'em to be savage like they ought to be.'

'Damn it, Remus!'

'Only your folks didn't throw you out, did they, Remus Lupin?' Greyback smiled again, baring his sharp teeth. 'But we can fix all of that with one - little - Imperio.'

The curse hit Remus, there was no doubting that, but nothing seemed to change. He struggled as strongly as ever, putting all his weight into breaking free, thrashing ferociously in Sirius' arms.

Frighteningly, Sirius could feel Remus beginning to overpower him. He lost his grip momentarily and Remus didn't hesitate in taking advantage, finally wrenching himself away, and before Sirius could even think to grab him again, Remus spun on the spot and punched him hard in the face.

The pain was merciless, seeming to split his mind in two, blurring his vision. Stunned and bewildered, he staggered and lost his balance, falling, unsure if the vague shapes moving in around them were real or imagined.