Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight. Well, we own some of it. Uh, babe, no we don't. Are you sure? That doesn't seem right. Trust me, love, we don't own any of it. Well, not even like a little, tiny bit? No, honey, I'm sorry. I…I don't understand. I was almost certain we had like a page or a word. I'm sorry, baby. Not even a letter? Sure, pookey, a letter. Really? Whatever you want. That makes more sense

To the TGIF Gang! You would rock my bra (as I said, socks is totally over used), so hard that if it wasn't so freakin cold, it would shake off. But I clutch it tightly because it is freezing! Baby, hold me!!

To those of you applauding my choice in cereal when I chose Count Chocula as the breakfast of choice. You guys have awesome taste.

To Jessica Supercali who said, and I quote, "Miley Cyrus seems like a good person to blame for the alerts being down." And I agree. Damn you, Miley Cyrus, damn you all to hell. Hey, I like Miley Cyrus. You get the best of both worlds. Moving on.

To amberrx for saying there should be another button at the bottom of the screen that is the "add authors to I'd Totally Love To InternetBang." I'm not sure if you were talking about me, or Hayden, or both of us. Hmmm. If it was directed at me, thanks…lol. If it was directed at Hayden, no. If it was directed at both of us, well e-mail me for further details…lol.

To Poppinfresh for that amazing review that made me want to fall off my chair laughing. Dear LORED I wanted to cry from laughter, and I thank you. I love a healthy laugh.

So this chapter wont be pretty and I'm quite sure I will get a LOT of hate-mail…be gentle. But as I told Hayden, this is were we see who our true fans are. It's a risk and the number of people reading this might drop off, some already have coughitoldhaydeniwouldn'tmentionhername, but I am interested to see what you guys think.

That being said, onto the boy….

Bow chick-a o wow! Hey guys. So, I've decided that this story is becoming a nagging part of my life, slowly eating my brain away, until my head is filled with ideas of what to do. Seriously, I was at work, and in the bathroom, when suddenly, AN IDEA! It was shot down by the girl, but ya… Still, consuming!

I'm going to say this again; ASHEL AND I ARE NOT REALLY MARRIED. We are, however, dating. It will be 5 months October 21st, so guess what that means. On November 21st (Twilight Movie in the US) it will be our 6 month…I thought it was super cool. You can say no… but ya…

Hey, so if you think this story has gotten too guessable, I do apologize. But never underestimate our ideas (i.e. my bathroom visit). If you're still not shocked, then PM me, and say, Hey Hayden, I'm not shocked, what should I do? I'd say write your own story, develop a new idea, and become "shocked" with your own ideas.

Just remember, that this is mine and Ashel's plot. All that matters is that we are happy with what we're writing. I won't judge your writing, but I would be interested to see what you come up with. If I'm super slow at looking at it, feel free to poke me in the eye. I have a tendency to forget things… Onto my girl…

Okay with all that being said, raise your hand if you're excited for chapter 13! Good, now tell me if you raised your hand, cuz I can't see if you did so. Thanks. And now, there's only one thing left to say…that you love your baby boy and want to have his babies? Heheh…well that too, but we shouldn't discuss that til later tonight, hon. Oh, okay. Yes the phrase I'm thinking of is one you all know. All hold close to your hearts. So say it with me (then tell me if you said it cuz I can't hear you), ON WITH IT…

EPOV

Bella had fallen asleep exhausted from her incessant crying from the night before. Her head rested against my chest, her lips blowing hot air across my cold skin. Her pleas the night before had made me want to return home, just so her fears would be calmed. Emmett was fine, but Bella still believed his injuries were entirely her fault.

My hand roamed over the cloth covered skin of her back, gently moving the stray wisps of hair away from her shoulders. Her breathing was still even, however, I could feel my angel stirring from her spot on top of me. A soft knock on our door tore my gaze away from Bella.

"Daddy?" Libby's tiny voice called through the empty hallway, and echoed into my room. Carefully moving Bella away from my chest, I dropped my feet to the floor. When I pulled open the door, Libby was clutching her light yellow blanket to her chest.

"What's wrong, baby?" She extended her cast clad arm in my direction, tears spilling onto her cheeks.

"My arm huwts, Daddy." Libby held out both arms, her blanket still carefully draped over her arms, as she waited for me to lift her from the ground. Libby whimpered as the movement jostled her injured arm.

Walking down the hall, I kissed Libby's sleep mussed hair as she rested against my shoulder. Her voice was muffled, but I could feel her smile against my shoulder, "Mommy?"

"Hey peanut." Bella's voice was exhausted and when I looked at her, she had red rimmed eyes and dark circles on the soft skin. Standing in front of the refrigerator, I opened the steel doors, my hands reaching for the milk.

"Libby, sweetheart, you're going to need some food if you take this medicine, so what would you like?" I settled my sleepy daughter on the counter, but made sure that my body was situated in front of her so that she would not fall.

Libby tapped her tiny chin, and she looked deep in thought as she decided what meal she wanted with her meds, "How about, mashed taters?"

Bella giggled from where she stood, her arms crossed over her body, defensively. I nodded, reaching in the cabinet behind Libby's head, my hand moving around the dark cupboard to find the box of potato buds.

Libby grabbed at my elbow, as her body slid away from the counter, and I grabbed her to make sure she wouldn't fall. The corner of the cabinet cut my finger and I hissed in pain as the blood dribbled from my fingertip. A mild injury as compared to what Libby suffered.

Fast moving feet started towards me as I set Libby on the floor, a stern expression on my face. She knew better then to wiggle around off the counter, and the gesture baffled me, "Stand there until I tell you to move, got it?"

My daughter averted her eyes, ashamed, and when Bella moved towards Libby, I snapped my fingers, "Bella, she needs to stand, right there. She knows better than that."

Bella ignored my simple instructions, and scooped my pouting daughter into her arms, whispering soothing words. My jaw clenched, but I didn't say anything else, not wanting Libby to think that Bella and I argued.

My hands gripped the saucepan, as I mixed butter, water, salt, and milk into the empty pot. Grabbing a jar of gravy from the other side of the refrigerator, I emptied some of the contents into another saucepan. I was agitated, and as Libby and Bella sat in the living room, watching television at 3:30 in the morning, I felt hopeless.

Neither would listen to me. What was I to do if they were set on ignoring me. Once the ingredients boiled, I added the buds, stirring slowly. When the food was finished, I dished it onto a plate, my jaw still clenched.

When I opened my mouth to speak, my tone was terse, "The food's ready."

BPOV

He was upset and I understood that. Probably something having to do with the stress over recent events. His daughter had been badly injured and a friend of ours head ended up in the hospital, not to mention he was probably already thinking the same thing I had realized…I wasn't good for him or his family.

Yes, all of this was understandable and all of it was justified, but there was no reason for him to be so pissed off because I picked up his daughter when she no longer wanted to sit on a countertop at three-whatever the hell the time was-in the morning.

I grabbed Libby's hand as I lead her to the dinning area and helped her up onto her chair. I took the seat next to her and pushed the hair away from her eyes so she could see her plate better. Her toothy smile shined at me before she dug her fork into her snack. I smiled back at her, but knew it didn't reach my eyes because I wasn't happy. In those three words Edward had said I could hear the world crumbling to my feet.

The way he had snapped his fingers at me as if I were a dog or cat or some other house trained animal made me want to glare at him until it set him ablaze. And I did glare as I picked the helpless child up into my arms, but he was so preoccupied that unfortunately, he didn't see it. I wanted him to see it. To know that I was not some push over he could order around. He was not the head of this household. And Libby may be his daughter but I earned the name "Mommy" from her. She gave that to me because I was there. I may not be her mother, but I sure as hell was considered her Mommy and while I was there, I would not see her in pain, even if it was her father that caused it.

And it was with those three words that I knew something was about to happen. This would not just go away. This was something that would change how we were. It would affect the three of us, but who else would it effect? I couldn't be sure yet I didn't know the extent of his anger.

I looked from Libby over to wear Edward was leaning against the counter in the kitchen, his arms folded in front of his chest his jaw clenched and his expression hard. What a fitting arm gesture for the moment. Shows how closed off he is and in that moment, he was closed off from everything. From me, from Libby, from the world, everything but his anger and temper which I'm sure resided as his left and right hand.

The anger in his eyes which were aimed at me pissed me off further but more so made me want to cry. He had never looked at me that way. I was sure that had it been anyone else, I would be terrified of the look he gave me, but I wasn't. I had to hold me own, I owed myself that much. To be able to stand up to the man I loved.

His eyes didn't stagger as I looked back at him, feeling the prickling of my tear ducts activating. I breathed in through my nose, trying to seem calm and focused my hearing on the clattering of the fork on the dinner plate that Libby was eating off of.

"All done, Mommy," Libby said making me tear my eyes away from my lover and back to her. She smiled proudly at the empty plate and looked up at me, her eyes then going to her father, then back to mine. "Mommy, why's Daddy look so angry?" she asked as her eyes began to look glassy with the tears she started to produce.

I put my hand on her cheek gently cupping her soft skin. I grabbed her plate and as I got up, I kissed her on the forehead. "I love you, honey," I told her, not knowing what to expect once Edward and I were alone.

She didn't say it back as I went to the kitchen with her plate, noticing the pain in my chest when Edward moved to Libby as soon as I neared him. He was giving her medicine on her now full stomach as I washed the dishes then put them away.

The whole while my hands worked without me thinking and my head remained empty. I didn't think, instead I moved like a robot designed with these activities as instinct. I made every necessary move. I opened the cabinet letting the side of my thumb and finger touch the metal and I registered the feeling. I slipped the pan into the cupboard and slid the handle to the side, making sure it was perfectly in there.

Doing all these meticulous things was the only thing I could think to do. Edward was putting Libby to bed, back in her room and she called out goodnight to me, to which I returned no louder than a whisper.

I closed the kitchen cabinet as I heard Edward closing the door to Libby's room and his usually light and soundless footsteps could now be heard practically stomping towards the kitchen. When the steps stopped I took a deep breath before turning towards him.

He stood with his arms crossed over his chest again, a deep frown on his face, eyes stern. It was very patronizing as if he were about to scold a child who had a cookie before dinner.

"Wanna tell me what the hell that was about?" he asked, features not changing as he leaned against column next to a counter top.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said just as coldly as he.

"You know what I'm talking about, Isabella."

"You mean the way I comforted our daughter after you made her cry? Or was it the snapping of your fingers and ordering me like a dog, you're referring to?" I asked back with venom.

"MY daughter," he corrected, making my heart stop.

"Excuse me?"

"Elizabeth is my daughter. I am the one that cares for her, the one that has raised her. The one who she shares DNA with," he explained as if I was an incompetent child.

"But I'm her Mommy," I said more to myself then I did to him.

"No. You're a replacement. You are not her mother."

My heart was shattering on the spot. He was talking to me as if I was Carmen coming back to take Libby away from him. I was the woman he loved (supposedly), the one who loved his daughter. Cared for both of them. And here he was taking away almost every dream I had been reaching for lately.

I didn't even fight the tears as they ran down my face. I wanted to fight with him, yell at him, hurt him like he had just done to me. But there was nothing I could say that would stab him through the heart like he had just done. Despite this, I decided to spit out the only thing I could think of.

"I'm leaving you," I said, thanking god that my voice didn't break.

That broke him out of his stern stance, his arms dropping to his side and his face starting to show some sort of emotion. His hands reached out as if he wanted to touch me and I instinctively turned put my hands up in surrender as I shook my head and walked past him. To our bedroom.

I refused to look at the bed as I ran into the room, not even bothering to close the door as I heard the footsteps behind me, knowing he would come in anyways. Instead, I pulled out a duffle bag and started throwing some of my clothes in it.

"Bella…please…" he began and I knew what he was about to say. He was going to apologize. He was going to tell me that his temper had simply gotten out of control and he was ashamed he took it out on me.

He was going to say he loved me.

And I knew that if I let him say those things, I would believe them. I wasn't exactly sure how true those words were anymore but somewhere, under the ruble, I'm sure there was a hint of truth.

But if I was being honest, this hurt like fuck and I knew that if we continued to be together, if we finished our Hawaii trip and returned home, I would never be able to do what I knew I should. I wouldn't be able to break Edward's heart (or my own) out of the blue. That night, Edward had provided me with the ammunition I needed, and he didn't even know it. I had to do this now or I was certain I would never again be strong enough to make the decision I was making right now.

"I'm leaving," I said, hiding my face away from him so he couldn't see how much it was hurting me to actually say.

"Don't be ridiculous, where are you going to go?" he asked in a soft, worried voice.

I clamped my lips together to keep a sob from escaping, while breathing in through my nose. "To Alice and Jasper, or maybe Jacob. I don't know, but it doesn't matter. I can't be here." I had the urge to wipe the snot running from my nose on the sleeve of the provided robes, but I didn't want to be reduced to a child in his eyes.

"Bella, please, you can't go," he said and as I stood up I wasn't able to even look him in the eyes. He took a step closer to me and his scent overwhelmed my senses.

That smell brought back all the memories of how he used to hold me, the way he used to love me. This time I couldn't keep the sob from erupting from my lips. His arms immediately came to wrap around me and for a moment I was lost in him. In my Edward. It felt so right to be in his arms, to have him all around me as if he was part of me.

But the longer he stayed near me, the more danger he and Libby would be in. I had to do this now, to keep the ones I loved safe. I needed to let them go on with their lives and try to be a normal, happy family. One that doesn't have to worry about their house getting broken into, or their picture being taken as they walk around a mall; I had to leave them to protect them.

I pushed myself away from Edward and met his usually green sparkling eyes, which were now dull and glossy. "I have to leave. I love you," I said, kissing his cheek.

He didn't even chase after me as I grabbed my duffle bag and headed towards the door. He didn't call my name. He didn't do any of the things a man would do if the love of his life was walking away. Instead he stood there, not making a sound, not moving a muscle, as I took out my phone and called for a taxi.

As I walked out the door and down the driveway, I could only think of the world that I had wanted falling apart. Demolish: let the world crumble.

EPOV

She was leaving me. She couldn't stand being with us anymore, and she was leaving. I kept swallowing, trying to stop myself from getting sick. My cheek still burned from her soft, warm lips. The lips that I would never feel again. I couldn't stop her from leaving, just like I couldn't have stopped Carmen.

Jacob. She was going to Jacob to console her, to comfort her while I stood, hopeless. Nothing would ever be okay again, my life was over.

"Daddy?" Libby stood by my feet, her eyes tired from the little bit of sleep that she had gotten that night. I lifted her from the floor, holding my child against my body, unsure of what to say to her. Two mothers had left her, one she never knew, but longed to meet, and the one she knew and adored.

"Yes, Libby?" She would be able to tell how upset I was instantly, she had Bella's intuition. Her hand reached up and brushed away the tear tracks on my cheeks. I felt weak, as if nothing would ever be right again.

"Where did Mommy go?" Libby brushed back the hair that had fallen into my eyes, and I felt those tiny lips press against my now clammy forehead. I took a deep, shuddering breath and bit my lip, trying to figure out a way to explain this to my four year old.

"Mommy's gone, honey." Her lips no longer lingered against my skin, as she drew her head back to stare into my eyes again. I could tell that she didn't understand that Bella was gone, forever. Her mind was trying to grasp the concept, but it didn't fully understand.

"When will she be back?" My breathing was shallow as my mind began to brace itself for the emotional blow that I had just been dealt. Bella was gone, and she wasn't coming back. I licked my suddenly dry lips, not wanting to speak, knowing that my voice would be hoarse.

"She's not coming back, Libby Bug. Your Mommy had to go. She loves you, sweetheart, but she doesn't love Daddy anymore." Her eyes filled up with tears, and I felt her try to jerk away from me. Libby managed to squirm out of my arms, and she started running. As she ran, she was screaming, calling out for her Mommy. But Bella wasn't there, and Libby's desperation broke my heart.

Libby's tiny legs were kicking as she searched underneath her bed, as if this were some sick dream, and Bella was just playing hide and seek. But it wasn't a dream, and the love of my life was gone, and it was my fault.

That night, I booked our flight. Back home, back to our old life. Libby was silent, no longer my bubbly little girl. Bella had taken Libby's personality with her, and for that I never wanted to forgive her.

Deep down, I knew that if I ever saw Bella again, that I would forgive her in an instant, just to see that gorgeous smile again. To feel her lips against mine, and her body underneath me as we moved together. The passion in her eyes as she broke beneath me and the fire in mine as I kissed her softly, cuddling after our love making.

I carried Libby through the packed airport, making my way through the crowd of people. Couples holding hands, laughing at nonsense that they murmured to each other, families flocking towards the airplanes, running late because one of their children couldn't find his shoe.

My parents stood by the gate, my dad's arm wrapped around my mother's waist. Libby smiled when she saw them, and I set her down. She ran straight into her Papa's arms, hugging him tightly. I only wished that I was four again, and I could run into my parent's arms. The arms that I would run to were gone. Replaced with a teaser of what I could only dream of.

Esme hugged Libby after she let her grandfather loose. I slung our bags over my shoulder, and walked in the direction of the parking lot. My father's hand reached out to touch me, but I brushed him off. I didn't deserve to be comforted; I had let her slip out of my fingers.

When we arrived at the car, I still hadn't spoken. My tongue felt heavy in my mouth, and Libby rested her head in my lap as my parents drove us home. Esme climbed out of the car, and ushered Libby out as well. After they had both gone into my house, Carlisle turned towards me, his face demanding an explanation. But this was one of those times when I didn't want to be comforted, when the questions would start, and I would break down.

"Edward, what happened?" His tone was soft, urging me to tell him what I was feeling, but if I started, I wouldn't be able to stop.

"She left. The end." I twisted the handle, and pushed the door outward, but my father was just as fast as me. He had his seatbelt unbuckled, and he was by my door before I could move from the seat.

"Edward this is fixable, you and Bella are made for each other." I snorted, shaking my head furiously.

"Right, Dad, just like Carmen and I were made for each. Look where that relationship got me."

"You have Elizabeth. Carmen may not have been the one for you, but she gave you your daughter."

I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice, "Yeah, Dad, the daughter that she resented every second she was pregnant with. The daughter that made her hate me."

Carlisle grabbed my jaw, his brown eyes glaring into mine, "Don't you dare act like you resent Libby being born because the second you do that, you are no longer my son. What have these women done to you, Edward? You're your own person; you were before Carmen, and before Bella. You can be yourself without them. You don't need them."

"Like you don't need Mom? You know damn well how much you need her, so don't stand there and tell me that I don't need Bella. She's my life, and you don't see that. I understand that we haven't known each other very long, but I wanted to marry her. Make her Libby's mother. But I fucked it up, and I can't fix it. She left me, just like Carmen."

My father stepped back, and I brushed past him, leaving the suitcases in the car. Libby's lip was quivering when I stomped into the house, but at the sound of her whimper, my body lost its hard outer shell. Libby was what mattered, and I would do anything to keep her with me.

"What's wrong, honey? Please tell me." Her body was shaking, and tears began to roll down her cheeks. She looked as though she was holding her breath, so I gently massaged her back, hoping the soothing motion would make her let out that air she was holding in her lungs.

But once that air was expelled, the quiet desperation in Libby's voice broke my heart, "My real mommy hated me?"

She had overheard the entire conversation that I had with my father, and she was losing it. Libby was never going to be told the reason that her real mother left, ever. She pressed herself up against me, and the anguish in her sobs made tears roll down my cheeks. I couldn't lie to my daughter, so I held her close to me, rocking my child. She didn't need anyone else, she just needed me.

The words that Libby proceeded to shout broke me completely, "Your fault, Daddy! Mommy leaving is YOUR FAULT! YOU YELLED AT HER! SHE LEFT ME! YOUR FAULT!"

Libby shoved away from me and ran towards her grandparents, as I slammed my fist down. I was alone and helpless. My daughter didn't want me, Bella didn't want me, and I didn't want to be me.

The next few days could accurately be described as hell. Libby was staying with my parents, and I spent those days resenting myself. Wanting to die because no matter what I did, no woman would ever want to be with me. I could never be good enough for any of them because I was certain that there would always be someone better.

I had thought about visiting Emmett, but his injuries were a product of my inability to be Bella's body guard. I had let my love for her get in the way of protecting her, and the people she loved. No wonder she left me. I wasn't even sure if Rose or Emmett would want to see me, it was my fault that Bella was upset.

Apparently, my best friend felt that his intervention was needed, and we slowly began to work through what had become my personal hell, my purgatory. I never knew that Liam could be so helpful, and he seemed to be the only one who cared, besides his wife.

Heather had brought Brennor by, but it only made me feel worse. I missed my daughter, but I was a failure as a father, a failure as a lover. I was a failure in this world, and nothing could fix how I felt about myself, except for one person. And she was gone forever.

A month had gone by since Bella had left me, and yet I had heard nothing from her, or about her. I kept my eyes away from the paper because little tidbits about her movie with Jacob Black would envelop me, and pull my concentration away from what really mattered, Libby.

My daughter had long since forgiven me, but I could tell that she longed for Bella as much as I did. Anything that reminded her of Bella was pulled from the shelves at the grocery, and stored in a special box. A box that Libby had made with her Mommy. The pictures of our last night together were in that box, and I watched Libby stare at them, and stroke her Mommy's face each night before she fell asleep.

She would talk to the picture, as if Bella could hear her, and she would always tell her Mommy that she loved her. When my daughter prayed at night, she asked for her Mommy to come back to her Daddy because we needed each other, and Libby needed her Mommy too. But it would be okay if Bella came back just for me, because apparently, I was super sad.

Libby's nights would consist of her climbing in my bed sometime around midnight, to tell me about her dreams. Bella would talk to her in her dreams, and tell Libby that she missed her, but Libby could never say it back. Because Bella would disappear.

During these nights I would hold my daughter close as she cried herself to sleep, and I longed for the love of my life to be on Libby's other side, comforting our daughter. I regretted calling Libby MY daughter, ever since I realized that I had said it. Those had been the words that had ended my relationship with Bella, and I could never do anything to fix that.

My father had talked me into returning to med school, I only had a few semesters left to complete, and I had to pass my boards again. But with a mentor as great as the one I had, it was easy to recall past information.

I was up late most nights studying, not wanting to see my angel's face in the dreams I had at night. Most of them consisted of the night I let Bella go, the night I should have gone after her.

When I arrived home from class, I noticed that there was an unfamiliar car in my driveway, and as I started towards the door, my jaw dropped when I saw her. She was still as beautiful as when she left me, but something had changed.

The way she held our daughter close to her, murmuring things that made Libby giggle startled me. Light brown hair, big beautiful eyes, and the figure that she had never lost, made me pause, and stare. Her smile had trapped me before, and this time was no different.

She walked towards me, trailing her hand down my jaw line, tracing my cheeks with her fingertips, "Hello, Edward."

Her voice wrapped me in the web that I had never forgotten, and my hands reached out to settle themselves on her waist, "Hello, Carmen."

BPOV

When I stepped inside the taxi outside, still in my bathrobe, I was barely even aware of the driving asking me where I was headed. I kept my eyes down cast, thinking that would keep the tears from sliding down as I gave him Jacob's address. Really who else could I turn to? I couldn't bring whatever plague was following me to Jasper, he was already having to look after Alice and I wouldn't want to impose on their relationship, no matter how they convinced me I wasn't.

No, Jacob was a much safer bet. He would be able to ward off anything that came our way. With Jacob there was no child involved and as far as I could tell, no one was here in Hawaii anyways.

He didn't live far from what used to be my own little condo. His was like mine, just off the ocean, painted a crisp white, pots of flowers on the wooden porch. I gave the cab driver his money and took my bag as I stepped out. I gazed at the house that looked so much like mine and wiped my eyes on the sleeve of the white fluffy bathrobe, attempting to make myself look better, though I knew my face was splotched and my nose red.

I heard the cab drive away and found it a little annoying that he sped off as soon as I was out of the car. Never mind the fact that it was barely four in the morning, let's let a woman in a bathrobe be alone. Edward would never have…

I stopped the thought but not soon enough as water fell from my eyes in streams and my lips quivered at the memory of what I had had and what I had just lost. More like thrown away. But I couldn't think that way. I did this for them. For Libby, for Edward, for Esme, and Carlisle. It was what was best for them.

And he didn't come after me.

I took in a gasp of air but it sounded so shaky even entering my body as I convulsed on the road for a moment. I once again wiped my face on my now damp sleeve and kicked the stones beneath my feet as I headed to the door.

I was only able to knock once before I fell down to sob as I cradled my legs and rested my head on my knees. I left him. We were really over. There was nothing left with me of Edward. It was almost as if he had never been with me. But worse. I had gotten a taste of perfection. I had bitten into the forbidden fruit only to drop it in the river and have it float away. But the taste still lingered on my tongue.

"Bella? Oh god, Bella," Jake said before coming to wrap his arms around me. We sat like that for a time. It gradually got lighter as he held me on his porch, letting me cry into his bare chest, covering him in my tears. He didn't ask any questions, he just held me which is exactly what I had needed at that moment.

I concentrated on breathing him in. He didn't smell like Edward and for that I was eternally grateful. Jacob smelt like the forest. Clean and outdoorsy and I just wanted to be lost in the woods for the moment. He let me do that.

Eventually my eyes shut for the remainder of the day, and I slumped into Jacobs's warm embrace. I had a dream that night. I remember that so vividly because it changed my perspective. It made me believe that despite how much I wanted to go back to Edward and throw myself at his feet, begging him to take me back, I couldn't.

In my dream, Edward and Libby were playing in a field full of wild flowers as the sun shone through the trees, making the white flurries from dandelions look like snow. The two of them were laughing and running and the sound was truly magical. The most beautiful song I had ever heard in my life. It was as if someone was able to bottle happiness and poured into the small meadow.

When I woke up I knew I had a smile on my face and tears running from my eyes as I felt the clenching of my heart. That was them without me. Safe. Happy.

As I went to clean off my face for the umpteenth time that morning I realized that I was no longer outside on the porch with Jacob. I looked around and found myself in a bed with brown sheets that were beautiful as well as masculine. The white and brown comforter was fluffy and inviting.

I let my feet dangle off the bed for a moment, anticipating the feeling of the cold floor on them before finally putting them on the ground and going out to find my friend. I didn't have to look too hard; he was on the sofa in his living area, his huge legs hanging off the side of the couch and his arm over his eyes. His mouth was hanging open and from it came the most disturbing noises I've ever heard.

As I gazed at my friend I wondered, would the time come when I would have to leave him too? Leave Alice and Jasper? Leave everyone until I was alone or whoever it was that was trying to hurt me finally did? I hoped not.

Days went on and filming began. I was able to act almost normal again in front of the camera, and in front of the producers (no need to worry them). But as soon as the camera turned off, it was like a switched and it turned my off too. I didn't feel anymore. I didn't do anything.

Every day I would wake up with Jacob and we would talk quietly as we ate breakfast before driving to the site. I would be quiet as Alice did my hair and make up all the way until "action" was called. Then I would no longer be Bella Swan. I was absorbed in my character and tried to become her as much as I could because I knew her life was better than mine. She would get the man she loved in the end. They always did in the movies.

But my life wasn't as predictable. It was a movie that had been scripted and it didn't get its problems solved in two hours. Life was nothing like the movies I was acting in. My life was not cold and empty. I had my friends, but that was all.

Each night, after production, Alice, Jasper, or Jake would say that they were gonna go out and ask me to come with them. I wasn't stupid; I knew why they were doing it. That they wanted me to go out with them, to try to be who I had been before.

But I had changed.

I didn't want to have fun when I knew back home Edward was with Libby. I thought about them constantly. It had been a month and not a day had gone by when I didn't wonder about what they were doing. How big was Libby now? Did she lose any teeth? Did she meet a new JJ? And of course about Edward as well. Did he go back to SWAT? Was he seeing anyone? Looking for a new mom for Libby?

Libby deserved a mom. She should have a woman there to cuddle with her and tell her things that only a mom can. I sat on a stool in the kitchen while everyone else was out, thinking about this. I wanted to be that mom. I wanted to be there for all the little things. When she needed her first bra, when she needed to know about sex, when she goes on her first sleep over, her first date, I wanted to be there. I wanted it to be me who explained all those little things that only another girl could. I couldn't even imagine Edward trying to explain to an older Libby how to use a tamp…

Well that thought stopped me in my tracks as I looked to the calendar hanging on the refrigerator door. It couldn't be. I counted back the days and weeks to the last time…

And my heart started beating so fast; I thought it would jump out of my chest and onto the white tile floor. Oh my god!

Hola, Bonjour, Hey, Waz up… So, still predictable? Carmen does have a place in this story, just thought you ought to know, or why would we have brought her up in the beginning? She's going to be fun to write, yet, I don't know EXACTLY what is going to happen.

So lately, been wondering, who will be there to take my place. When I'm gone, you'll need love… I need love, love, you need love, love, we all really need love… out of nothing at all, making love, out of nothing at all…

Okay, I'm done, sorry. I have ADD, but the doctor's say it's not fixable, and I'm rambling trying to make you laugh so you don't murder me for what may or may not happen in the next chapter LE GASP!

See you soon,

Hayden

Well honestly, what did you guys think? Now I think that the first BPOV MAY be the best I've ever written. I love the rawness of it and it was one of those things that just makes you feel, and I love writing that (that's why I love doing lemons). So please, let us know. I know we both want to know your thoughts on this chapter.

Thanks guys.

Much love and even more writing,

ashel-13