We walked into the waiting room. I went to notify the receptionist, she nodded and handed me forms to fill out. I took them from her, thanking her all though I wasn't sure why. I purposely sat a seat away from Lucas, not wanting to be close to him. But, I was shaking so much that I couldn't fill out the forms and I felt helpless and alone and scared. Then, I felt his hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him and he gave me a small sad smile and I broke down.
"I'll fill these out." he said, taking the papers from me. I brought my legs up to my chest, burying myself into the chair.
'I can do this, I can do this, I have to do this.' I thought, trying to convince myself that that was what I believed.
Lucas returned my papers to the receptionist and then returned to his seat a chair away from me. I knew he's doing it out of courtesy to me, but I wanted him to just hold me and tell me that I didn't have to do this. That there was some solution we hadn't thought of.
But then his phone rang, and the way he looked at it, I knew it was Peyton who was calling him. That's when I started to hate him again. He cheated on me, he broke my heart, he got me pregnant. I wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for him. It could've been early hormones or my own rage, but when I looked over at him, I wanted to stab him for doing this to me. He ruined my life and I couldn't see what I ever saw in him.
"Brooke Davis?" I looked up and saw an elderly nurse smiling and looking around the room. I sighed and stood up, holding onto the chair for support. I could see Lucas start to get up from the corner of my eye.
I looked over at him and we both stopped. I shook my head and he was confused by the action.
"Go to hell." I mumbled quietly, continuing my shaky stride towards the nurse.
I went through a routine check up before I was told to change into a gown and wait for a nurse to come and get me. I sat in the room shaking I was so scared.
'What if I'm making the wrong choice?'
'What other choice do you have? You can't go through with this pregnancy!'
'Karen made it work. She's doing really well.'
'She had already graduated from high school. Your still a junior.'
"Brooke?" I was torn out of my internal argument by the nurse standing in the doorway. I looked up to her smile and I couldn't stand it. I was going to go kill my baby. She worked at a place where they killed babies everyday. How could she keep a Susie Homemaker smile on her face? It made me sick. "Follow me." Her voice was so cheery.
Cheery. Lucas used to call me that. Back when we were good and happy and I didn't think of him as a hurtful cheating bastard.
I followed the nurse into another room where I was told to lie down on the table and place my legs into what I could only identify as stirrups. I did as I was told and the nurse told me that the doctor would be in soon.
They really want to make sure that you are positive about your decision. I waited 5 minutes in the waiting room. I waited 5 minutes in the other room. I waited for 10 minutes on that table. 20 minutes to think about what you are about to do. To think about your baby. To think about the baby that will no longer exist by 8 pm tonight. The baby that will never see anything. The baby that will never have a birthday.
The doctor came in and I tensed up. She explained the procedure and then numbed me. Then, I heard the machine start and I couldn't hold back the tears.
'It's done. I can't go back now. I can't go back now. It's for the best.' I kept repeating over and over in my head until the words came into my head that I wish hadn't.
'I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. This was a mistake.'
"Your done." the doctor said simply before leaving the room.
I spent 10 more minutes on that table, crying. I was then told to change back into my clothes and then went through a small check, both physically and mentally, with Nurse Susie Homemaker.
After that, I walked back into the waiting room to find Lucas sitting in the exact same spot, tapping his foot nervously. He finally looked up when he heard the nurse call another name.
'Another baby dead.' I thought as my eyes met his. It was too much. His face said everything. He was scared and I knew he was regretting all of this. I slowly walked to him, grabbed my jacket off of the chair next to him and slid it on.
Without a word, he got up too, and we walked outside to the car. He didn't ask any questions and I didn't offer a word for the first 5 minutes of the drive. The radio was on, some aimless song playing. That was the only thing filling our silence.
He pulled up to my house and cut the engine. We sat there for what seemed like hours in silence until I had to say it. I had been thinking about it the whole time and I needed to get it out.
"I made a mistake."
With that I broke down again, sobbing hard into Lucas's chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I didn't pull away. I still hated him, but I need him in that moment. He ran his hand down my head and back repeatedly, whispering words to comfort me.
"It's okay... I don't blame you... It doesn't blame you... It's okay... I'm sorry..."