Yes, I demanded 5 reviews and got 4, but that's close enough!! I just want to post it :]

And now for the second installment….

Carlisle and Esme

Part Two: Oh No You Didn't

"Are you two sure this will work?" I asked as Alice held up frilly blue lingerie then lacey red against my frame.

She and Rosalie had deemed it their personal duty to help solve this nonexistent issue. However, I was certain it had gone too far when they made me strip down to nothing but my underwear and bra to find out which set of lingerie was the sexiest. Frankly, I found it hard to believe that I had the ability to be sexy. Beautiful, lovely, or graceful were much more appropriate terms. But sexy? Doubtful.

"I think the red. What do you think, Rose?" she ignored my question. How strange it was for the women I had so long thought of as my daughters to be picking out lingerie for me. At least, strange for me.

"Definitely the red. The blue is too cute and girly. We want him to go crazy with passion, not buy her an ice-cream."

Alice took an investigative look at the blue one. "Hmm…I guess it is." She threw it over he shoulder and into her closet. "I don't think I'll be using that one on Jasper anytime soon."

"Please tell me you haven't worn this before," I said, suddenly disgusted.

"Of course not! That is repulsive, Esme! Don't you see the tags still on it? Now go put it on."

"Just making sure," I muttered before trudging off to the bathroom. I went deliberately at a human pace, just to spite them. Then I heard the garage door downstairs open. Emmett, Edward, and Jasper were back from hunting already. I listened as each of them went in different directions to go to their rooms, I assumed.

That was when I realized that someone was coming straight to this bathroom. Judging by the scent, it was Emmett covered in elk blood. Of course he would want to shower; he knew that I would have his head on a platter if he sat on my white couch again while he was still in his hunting clothes. Of course it would be Emmett, the only one who would dare ridicule me. Just great. He tried to open the door. Good thing I had locked it for fear of Alice or Rosalie walking in and critiquing me before I had it on...

"Who's in here?" he asked.

"Me, now leave," I sounded surprisingly hostile.

"Esme? Why are you in the bathroom?"

"I just am, now go somewhere else!"

"…oh…kay…" I heard him shuffle off somewhere before I opened the door to see him standing not five feet to the right. When he saw me, his jaw dropped and his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. We were both caught like deer in the headlights. He seemed to snap out of it and for a moment, questioned whether he should be embarrassed. But then again, nothing embarrassed Emmett. He gave me an appraising gaze as if I were modeling it like a Playboy Bunny. "Damn, Esme. I think Carlisle might have a heart attack."

"Very funny." I sprinted back into Alice's room, Emmett's booming laughter trailing after me.

"Sorry about that. I'll beat him up later." Rosalie was not even fazed. "Sit." Once again, they went to work, doing my makeup and my hair differently than I normally would have. In fact, I could not even remember the last time I wore makeup. Then they made me stand up and put on a tight, low cut green blouse and tight black jeans that came up high enough just to cover what needed covering. I found it very inappropriate for someone my age (at least the age I was pretending to be) to have a sliver of their stomach peeking between the shirt and jeans.

"I think you're ready."

"Me too," Rosalie added. They both stepped back to survey their work on me. I felt ridiculous.

"Are you two sure this will work?" I repeated my question from earlier. I indicated my reflection in the mirror. "I mean, how is all this going to change a thing?"

"Well it isn't going to be just that," Alice answered. "We intervened just a tad."

"You'll figure it out. Won't she?" Rosalie turned to her sister. For moment, the pixie's eyes unfocused, searching for that one particular future. Then she grinned hugely.

"Yes, you will figure it out. But later."

"Later?" Rosalie and I said at the same time.

"Much later." I was confused but both of them seemed quite pleased.

"Good," Rose returned the smile. "But it won't work unless you get really angry."

"Oh, she will be."

"Do neither of you find any of this even remotely embarrassing? I have been your mother for decades! Most children find the thought of their parents making love the single most awkward thing ever!"

"Mommy," Alice said just a little too innocently. They put a hand on either of my shoulders.

"Haven't you realized by now that we are not like most children?"

I was so nervous while I waited for Carlisle to come home. I did everything I could to keep my mind off of what was to come. I re-vacuumed every room, polished the already gleaming silverware, shined all of my shoes, reorganized our room for the third time this month, and then tried to find something else to do. It felt like our wedding night all over again: the nerves, the excitement, the anticipation…just waiting for something to go wrong…

The garage door opened again. It was Carlisle this time.

"Bye guys!" Emmett called to us as he grabbed the keys to the Volvo.

"I will be driving, thank you very much," Edward said as he snatched the keys out of Emmett's hand.

"Where are you going?" I asked, extremely confused. The girls had just joined them.

"We're going to the movies," Alice replied, already wrapping her arm around Jasper's waist. I swear, none of them could ever keep their hands to themselves. "and maybe drag the boys around the mall for a while." Jasper's head dropped, his eyes closed, and muttered unintelligibly. "Jazz, what are you doing?"

"Praying that we don't do the latter part of that sentence," he responded without looking up.

"Hey," Alice pouted, punching him playfully in the arm. He laughed and looked at her, the adoration on his face so present. They had not even noticed that the others were already gone.

"Isn't Bella going?" I asked, hoping they might stay a little longer to wait for her.

"We're picking her up. You know, with the price of gas these days it only makes sense." She looked at her watch. "And we might be late, even if Edward is driving. Bye!" as they turned for the door, she gave me a little wink. "Don't wait up!"

"I guess I missed all the fun," my husband said as he dropped his medical bag at the door. He took his coat off and hung it on the hook before turning to me. "I missed you today." he stopped walking towards me and looked me up and down. He raised his eyebrows, his eyes scanning over my figure again and again.

"What?" I said, becoming impatient, but also welcoming the wait.

"You look…well…I…" he stammered.

"What?" I repeated, now wondering what was wrong with how I looked. I knew this was too much!

"The only word I can think of to describe you right now is…sexy." If my heart were alive, it would have broken through my ribs. He walked toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me up against him. "I love you."

I slid my arms around his neck in response, inhaling his scent deeply. "I love you, too."

He started kissing my neck, the softest of touches, like butterfly wings brushing against my skin. Oh well, what did it matter if tonight turned out to be just another part of the routine? I did not mind; Carlisle was an incredible lover. But maybe this time-

Then I noticed something that completely killed the mood for me.

"Carlisle?" I asked, suddenly furious.

"Hmm?" he was oblivious.

"Where is your wedding ring?!"

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Part three (the final part!) will not be posted until I have five more reviews. For real this time. And trust me, you WANT to read part three… ;]