"I still can't believe you're back," Keith said to me after supper. "Where have you been hiding all these years?"

"I've been living in Chicago," I replied.

Keith nodded as he sat down in the arm chair. "I see, and you came back because of pony's book."

"Well ..." I looked over at Darry. "It did play a part in my return."

Keith watched the television for a few minutes, but he was really thinking and I knew he wanted to say something. He never was good at hiding his emotions from me. Not even when he was smiling. Something in his face always gave him away. Finally, he turned to face me again.

"You know, some of us missed Soda, too," he said softly. "We still do."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked.

"Steve, you left right after the funeral," Keith told me. "We haven't seen or heard from you until now, and look at you, you're not the same Steve I grew up with. You've changed."

I stared at him, unable to speak. It wasn't something I'd expect to hear out of him. That was more like like something Darry would say or maybe even Ponyboy, but not Keith. In fact, I thought Keith would be a little happier about my return. After all, he had been close to all of us.

"People change," I replied. "Look at you, you're going by your real name. Before I left, very few people remembered that you had a real name."

"I'm not a kid anymore," Keith said. "And that's not the change I'm talking about. What are you doing to yourself, Steve? What have you been taking?"

Darry looked back and forth between me and Keith. The sound of the bathtub filling up with water and Matthew yelling that he wasn't dirty were the only sounds in the house as I tried to think of a lie. Something I had been doing a lot over the years. It was one of the reasons why my wife left me. That and the truth.

"Look Steve," Keith said, breaking the silence. "I'm still your friend. You can tell me what's going on, and I promise not to run out of here in fear."

I managed a small smile. "At least not real fear."

Keith grinned back at me.

"But there's nothing going on," I lied. "Really."

"I lived through the sixties too, you know," Keith said. "Vietnam was hard for everyone."

"You know nothing about Vietnam," I said, trying to stay calm. "You weren't there, you didn't see what happened, and you don't have to relive it every night in your sleep."

"Steve," Darry said as he put a hand on my shoulder.

I sighed as I put my head in my hands. I had only been back in Tulsa a day and already we were talking about the war and Sodapop. Maybe I should have expected it. It wasn't their fault that I had a hard time talking about the war.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Keith said. "I'm just worried about you."

I looked over at him and saw a look of concern on his face. "It's not that. I just have a hard time talking about the war."

"Soda avoided writing about the war," Darry said fondly. "Instead, he would write about the pranks they used to play on each other. I always wondered if he did that so Pony and I wouldn't worry about him so much."

Even though Soda and I weren't together in Vietnam, I know that he probably did write about the pranks to keep his brothers from worrying, or to convince himself that his brothers wouldn't worry. He knew that Darry and Ponyboy were worried about him even though he tried to act like everything was fine. He had to. Everybody knew that Vietnam was claiming the lives of the young men who were over there fighting. The news reminded people of that everyday or at least it seemed like it.

"You worried anyway," Keith told Darry. "So did Ponyboy."

"Yeah," Darry said sadly. Then he squeezed my shoulder. "We were worried about you, too, Steve. I hope you know that."

"Thanks," I said, not knowing what else to say. I had received letters from Ponyboy while I was in Vietnam and still had them tucked away in an old shoe box. Those letters were my only connection to home and I used to reread them often. It didn't surprise me that Soda didn't write much or even Keith, but it did surprise me that Pony took the time to write me an occasional letter because we had never been close friends. It meant a lot to me to know that Ponyboy wanted to keep me informed on what was happening.

"I should probably get going," Keith said. "I hope to see you again soon, Steve. Don't be a stranger anymore."

"I'm not planning on going anywhere," I replied.

Darry smiled. "Does that mean, you're staying here in Tulsa and not going back to Chicago?"

"I'm staying here and not going back," I said. "I have no reason to go back to Chicago."

"Where are you staying?" Keith asked.

"I'm at a motel for now," I replied.

"Can you afford that?" Darry asked. "You're more than welcome to stay here."

I grinned as I stood up. "You put up with me enough when we were younger. I think I can manage until I find a place to live."

"Well, I'll see you both later," Keith said as he walked out the front door.

I turned to Darry. "I think I'll head out, too. You must be getting tired."

"Sure," Darry said as he held the door open. "It was nice having you over. Feel free to stop by at any time."

I waved as I walked down the front steps and to my car. It felt good to know that I still had friends in Tulsa even though Soda was gone. And I knew that when I was back at the motel, I would feel even better. At least that's what I always tried to tell myself before shooting up.