Disclaimer:Dragonball z nor king cold is my creation! WAAAAA! All respects go to the awesome,glorious Akira Toriyama! Vash and Kuno are not mine either.
The Things of Life Ch.3-The Wedding and the Building of the Temple
King Cold, knowing that he hadn't any money to live on, decided to go to work as a door to door salesman! (A fitting job for a fitting things of life elite.) King Cold went into a magazine store which had a sign saying that they needed an intelligent, well spoken, tender hearted gentlemen to apply.
He walked up to the counter and said, "I'm here to fulfill your ad."
The secretary looked up and said, "Ah, yes sir, good. I'll tell him you're here."
King Cold grinned, "Thank you."
Cold found him a chair and sat down. After a few minutes the secretary came out of the office and came over to where King cold was.
"Sir," the secretary explained, "he'll see you now."
He got up and started walking over to the office and he started hearing this strange high pitched laughter. He walked in and it was none other than MASTER ROSHI HIMSELF!
King Cold was in shock. "I do say! Roshi, you betrayed me! You told me that if I got your magazines, you'd join my cult. Yet I find that you're the head of a magazine organization!"
Roshi looked up from his Playboy magazine and said, "Heh heh heh. Yes, but I need more!"
King cold now knows the true essence of Master Roshi's mind: he is a pervert but with true intelligence, and a perfect sort of a guy for his cult.
"Roshi," Cold says fearfully, "I need a job!"
He put his face on the desk and he cried. Roshi saw what was happening and felt remorse. He patted Cold on the back, lifted him off the desk, and said, "Cold, its okay. I'll give you a job... besides, you're RUINING MY MAGAZINES, YOU IDIOT!"
King Cold flew off his desk and hit his head, but it didn't hurt him. He was very happy, he was smiling big.
"Roshi, you wont regret this; you'll see!" King cold said.
Roshi didn't believe him and said, "I probably will, but I'll give you this one chance."
Roshi picked up a bag, stuffed the dirty magazines in it, and gave it to him.
"Cold," Roshi said, "be careful with this. This is my pride and joy... sell them won't you?"
"Will do, sir," Cold said.
After he received this, he went outside. He walked for a ways and found a great big brick house on the corner of the street. He walked up to it and knocked.
While waiting, he said, "This will be my first sale!"
The owner answer the door. It was a older woman. Cold looked inside and saw children running around.
"Yes?" she said.
"Ah, yes Ma'am, this is your lucky day! I have the perfect reading material for you!" Cold said.
She nodded, and Cold gave her the magazine. She fumed when she saw what it was and started screaming, "You idiot! I wouldn't read these magazines!"
Cold, knowing he made a mistake, said, "Oh, I'm sorry Miss. These are for children and I see you have children!"
The woman didn't say anything; she just made a fist.
Cold, knowing what was fixing to happen (because it had happened many times before), said, "Ma'am, even before you hit..."
He couldn't complete his sentence. She threw back her arm in great force and swung and hit the king in the jaw. The force was so great that he flew back across the street. He landed on top of some people.
"I do say, folks! Excuse me," Cold said apologizing.
King cold got off of them and looked at them. It was none other than his things of life elites, Kuno and Vash. He was quite surprised and said , "I do say, Kuno and Vash, what are you doing here?"
Kuno, being the kind of guy he is, said, "Well, master, we were looking for you and we wanted to go on a mind cleansing journey to find you and--"
Vash cut in, "The truth is we were swindled by this old pervert who made us sell these awful magazines, and we tried to sell them because we knew we needed money and that's why were here. We were thrown."
King Cold was speechless; how could they do this to him? King Cold smacked his hand on his other hand to symbolize his anger.
He said, "I can't believe you all would stoop this low. I'm very disappointed in ya'll. This sort of thing is not..."
While King Cold was fussing at them, Vash noticed something in his hand. It was a bag just like theirs! Vash looked at Cold and said, " Cold what's in your hand?"
King Cold was very afraid now. He was fussing at them for the exact thing he was doing. "Well, Vash, I'll tell you. It's... uhhhhhh... my book! Yeah, my things of life book. You know I've always wanted it to be published, and well it finally has."
Vash wasn't convinced. "I see, let me see it."
King Cold at this time was sweating. He was just standing there staring at Vash; what could he do? Before he thought of something, Vash grabbed the bag out of his hands and looked.
"King Cold, you were doing the same thing we were!"he shouted.
King Cold dropped his head in shame. He couldn't hide it anymore.
"You caught me," Cold began to say, "Yes, I sold those very exact same disgracing magazines to people, because well... we need money!"
Vash and kuno both knew this of course. For they were trying desperately trying to help also.
"King Cold," Kuno explained, "we were trying to help also because we knew we were broke and we saw this sign outside of (what we thought was) a good magazine business. It turned out to be a very bad magazine store run by a old man bent on world domination."
King Cold understood and was very flattered. They were trying to help him. He congratulated them and said to never speak of this shameful act again. They went back to the magazine store run by Master Roshi. They of course knew he'd be mad at them for not selling a thing, and... oh no! King Cold had just remembered that he had left that magazine at that woman's house without paying for it! King Cold knew he was finished. He walked through the door of his office and kuno and vash was behind him.
"Vash, Kuno, I'll do the talking," Cold said forcefully. "Master Roshi, we have decided..."
He couldn't finish his sentence, for Master Roshi saw them and said, "Ah... Cold, Vash and Kuno! You have returned sooner than I thought! How much have you sold?"
"Oh no! Here it comes," Cold thought.
"Well, uh, we didn't sell anything. We failed miserably!" Cold said, saddened.
Master Roshi looked at him and said, "HEE HEE HEE! I knew you'd fail, so I'm not furious at all. I am just glad you brought them back to me now. I see you have the bag there. Let me see them."
Cold thought he might be able to get by with this, but this is the biggest pervert in the world! This may be hard. We shall see. He gave it to him.
Master Roshi looked in there and, "Well it seems they are all in order and still neat. It seems they're all here... but wait! THERE IS ONE MISSING! COLD, YOU MORON! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"
Roshi lowered his head in anger. He leaned down, gripped his hands into fists, and started to power up. His shirt ripped off. He became bulked up. Cold by this time was worried.
"Uh Roshi," Cold began, "let me explain. I accidently left one at a house for a sale. I'm sorry!"
It didn't work so he went with a different approach. "Roshi, you're going to wreck your magazines!"
Master Roshi never quit so suddenly. "You're right, Cold! Killing you and wrecking my magazines is just not going to work. So I'm going to do the thing that will hurt you the most. I'm quitting your cult. And by the way, don't ever let me see you or talk to me again. I won't be by my magazines all the time, you know, so next time I won't be so merciful."
Cold threw his head down in anguish; he had lost a recruit. He had to get him back, he thought. He walked out of the office, with Vash and Kuno behind him. They stopped on the corner. Vash leaned against the wall. Kuno just sat down. King Cold started pacing; he had to figure out a way.
Vash looked at Cold, puzzled. "So... what are we going to do now?"
Cold stopped pacing and looked at him, saying, "We have to get Master Roshi back! I'm trying to think of way to go about doing this. What does Master Roshi like best?"
Vash began to think a little while and said, "Well, as we all know, he likes magazines, and we know he's a pervert. We should use this to our advantage."
Kuno, who was listening to all of this, said, "I've heard throughout the years that Roshi has always liked Launch. She couldn't cook too well, but he really likes her."
Cold was very surprised at what Kuno had said. He asked, "Where did you hear that?"
Kuno, with a smirk on his face, said, "I have my sources."
Cold then said, "Do you know where we could find her? I have this idea cooking up that we could ask her to do something for Roshi. I'm sure he'd come running back to us if we brought her to him."
Vash pondered this and said, "Well, let's just start looking."
--------------
So they began to walk, and they came to a saloon. As soon as they walked past it, they saw about five men being thrown out and rapid gunfire.
The trio flew around and Cold began to yell, "I do say! What the heck is all this? I'll take care of this. You two wait out here."
Cold walked in and this was what he saw: a woman with blonde hair, two machine guns, and a evil look in her eye.
"Ma'am, stop this right now!" Cold yelled at the top of his lungs.
The woman turned around and said, "What did you say?"
Cold turned solid white. She moved towards him. She picked him up and threw him out the window. Vash and Kuno saw Cold lying there. They pointed and started to laugh hysterically.
"Shut up!" Cold said forcefully.
By that time, the saloon doors flung open and out came a woman.
"It's LAUNCH!" Kuno concluded.
Cold flew off the ground and kneeled before Launch. Launch looked down at him and shrugged. Cold lifted his head, but before he could do anything else, Kuno bulldozed him over.
"Ah my love, my sweet princess! Come with me and we can be free together!" Kuno said..
He had her leaning down like he was going to kiss her. She turned bright red and knocked kuno off his feet. Then grabbed her machine gun and shot a few rounds in his head.
She looked down at him and said, "Don't ever do that again!"
"Yes, my golden-haired goddess," Kuno quickly said.
Cold got off the ground. All of a sudden Launch sneezed and her hair turned blue.
"Uh... what happened and where am I?" Launch gasped.
All three of them were dismayed.
"I do say, uh what the heck happened?" Cold said.
"I don't know, master; it seemed she sneezed. Is it the same person?"Vash said.
"I'll find out," Kuno said while running towards her. He pulled her close and said, "Are you still Launch?"
She moved her head up and looked him in the eye. "Of course I am, sir."
He had a big smile on his face because no one had ever called him "sir" before.
"Please, stand back," Launch said sternly.
Kuno obliged. Kuno had never been talked to that way, and it was refreshing to hear those kind words. Cold stepped up to her.
He cleared his throat and said, "Hi, Ma'am. I am King Cold and..." (he motioned his two minions to come closer) "...these are my associates, Vash the Stampede and Kuno, who you have already met."
She nodded to Vash and Kuno, and smiled to Cold.
"Hi, I'm Launch," Launch said.
"Yes, Ma'am, I have heard a lot about you. I have to ask you something very important," Cold said.
Launch was curious. She said, "Uh...sure. Why not."
Cold was very excited and hesitated. He was also very nervous because everything depended on this, and if it failed, everything did.
"Ma'am, this is very important; please hear me out. See, Master Roshi quit my cult a while back because I lost his mag... you know what, that's a long story. I'll get right to the point: he quit the cult and we need him back. That is where you come in. We need you..." he gulped, "to marry him."
His heart was beating very heavily and fast, with a thud, he was sweating very heavily like a summer rain. He began to shake like a tree in the wind. Launch for some reason didn't really seam bothered.
"Oh, Roshi I know him, but he's kinda old," she said. "But sure, I'll marry him."
All three of the cult fell over. They got back up and were dumbfounded. All of them had a very weird look on their faces. They looked at each other.
"It was that easy?" Vash questioned.
"Heh, I guess so," Kuno said. Cold couldn't believe that he did it! Cold was extremely happy and he jumped up and down.
"Thank you, Miss Launch! I really appreciate this, and you really don't have to marry him if you don't want to. You can pretend," He winked.
She shook her head. Cold apologized, "Sorry, you don't have to. I didn't mean to offend you."
"I wouldn't do that to him," she said. "I'll marry him for real."
Cold yelled, "Okay, LETS GO!"
He grabbed Vash, Kuno, and Launch and zoomed off to Kame Sennin's Island. King Cold carried everyone; Vash in one hand, Kuno in the other, and Launch on his back. They finally get to the island. Meanwhile, Master Roshi was doing his usual sleeping with his reading material over his head, snoring. Cold dropped his cult; then landed on the island and gracefully let her off. It may surprise you, but Cold is a gentlemen. As you might have guessed, Master Roshi was still sleeping heavily. Vash and Kuno got off the ground and dusted themselves off.
"What the big idea?" they both yelled.
"Just keep to business," Cold said.
Vash and Kuno shrugged, but they didn't say anything else. Cold walked up to the door, with Launch behind him. Kuno and Vash walked up next. Cold was about to knock when he realized something.
He said, "Launch, go hide at the corner of the house. I want this to be a surprise to him."
She agreed and ran there. When she got into place, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door. You could hear Master Roshi in the background, "Listen here, I don't want to buy any..." He opened the door.
"IT'S YOU!" Roshi bellowed.
Cold threw up his hand, saying, "Now, Roshi, don't be too hasty."
"I told you what would happen if I saw you again!" Roshi roared.
The old coot threw his hands in the air and he started to power up. His shirt wilted away.
"I do say! Launch, get the heck out here!" Cold screamed at the top of his lungs.
She flew out of the corner of the house and sprang up the porch. Roshi looked bewildered.
He stopped, saying, "Miss LAUNCH! Uh... what are you doing here? Cold, this better not be a plan to get me back."
Cold looked at her and then him and stated, "Of corse not. She's here to marry you."
The word "marry" didn't register to the old geezer. Roshi simply replied, "What?"
Launch decided to add something in, "I am going to marry you."
Roshi's eyes popped out of its sockets, "Mar..."
He didn't have time to finish his sentence; he fainted! The old pervert fainted! Vash and Kuno looked at each other and nodded. They both grabbed Roshi up and brought him toward the house. Cold and Launch directed them and held the door open for them. Vash and Kuno got him in the house and laid him on the couch.
"I think you gave that old man a good shock," Vash said, laughing.
"Aye," said Kuno.
They all had a good laugh. A few hours later Roshi began stir and he jumped up.
He looked at Launch and Cold and said, "Wow, what a shock! I didn't think I really wanted to get married, but I wont let this pass! HEE HEE HEE!"
Launch smiled, "All right; let's get to planning."
Cold was afraid to add this, but he must because... well... this was reason they were doing this.
King Cold said, "Roshi, I wanted you to know since you're getting all this, you must re-join my cult."
Roshi, not really paying attention, said, "Sure, okay."
Wow, Cold thought, he had already forgotten what he had said. And with that, Roshi and Launch got to planning.
--------------
A few months later, the wedding was on and everything was underway!
In the chapel...
The wedding began and Frieza started to come out, throwing flowers. He was the flower boy. He heard some snickering in the audience.
"I don't want any laughing, you hear?" frieza demanded.
Still laughing.
He raised his finger started to form a energy ball. The snickering stopped.
"That's more like it," he said with an evil grin.
He moved out of the aisle and into his spot. Everyone stood in a row. Then everyone started to stand up. Cold cued the music.
"What the?"
Kuno was playing something dark and strange. It's the funeral march! He had to fix it... people were starting to stare.
Cold looked at Vash and mouthed the words, "Kill him if he does it again!"
Kuno started to play again and it was right! Cold wiped sweat from his forehead. People looked back from him and looked at the bride. While the people weren't looking Cold flew over to the organ and slapped him on the head.
"Why did you do that, you moron?" he whispered.
He flew back to his place. Surprisingly, the crowd didn't notice the split silence. Launch walked down the aisle slowly, and she finally got to the end of the aisle. She got into her spot. Roshi was waiting for her. Cold cleared his throat. He motioned the people to sit down.
King Cold began, "Dearly beloved! We are gathered here today to honor the cursed union of the beauty and the old pervert, Master Roshi and Launch! The Things of life!"
As soon as he finished, Vash and Kuno stood up where they sat and started to sing, "Haaalllleeeee------."
Cold started again. He looked at Roshi. Cold said, "Do you take launch to grab...oopsie, I mean to hold?"
"Hee, Hee, Hee, I do both!" Roshi said.
He turned to Launch and said, "Launch, do you take this geezer to have and to hold, and to talk things of life with?"
"I..." Launch began to say.
Then this silly old man with a sack on his back ran in, yelling, "What a haul! What a haul!"
He had in his bag certain unmentionables and magazines. When he dashed in, he stirred up a LOT of dust.
He ran up to Roshi and said, "Roshi my student, It's ME! Haposai! I came bearing gifts to my best student. These are yours!"
He pulls out a bunch of magazines, which Roshi reached for. Launch saw what was in the bag and let out a big shriek!
Launch slapped his hand, saying, "Roshi, that's not very gentleman-like."
"Uh... well... uh... yeah..." Roshi stuttered out, reluctant to let go of his precious magazines.
Then the dust that Haposai kicked up began to disturb Launch's delicate nose. Then she sneezed! Her hair changed gold! Cold noticed something.
"I do say! She's one of them Super Saiyans!" Cold stated.
Gold-hair Launch realized with fury what she was about to be suckered into. Then she slaps Roshi.
"I'll never marry you!" she yelled.
Laughing at Roshi, Haposai states, "See, you should have been like me, a collector!"
"No!" Roshi yells.
"I'll destroy you all!" Launch yelled.
"Violent kids! All they want is explosions!" Cold yelled.
"WHAT...DID...YOU..SAY?" Launch exploded.
Everyone's heart stopped as she pulled out a automatic machine gun.
Then Cold yelled, "Well its been fun!"
As he is running away from the blood thirsty blonde he yells, "Gang way!"
When he finishes his statement, she opens fire. Haposai, seeing his chance, throws a happo-fire bomb to Roshi and he catches it.
"Use that!" Haposai said.
Roshi realized too late what it was, and it exploded in his hands! There was an enormous blast and a mushroom cloud. When the smoke blew away, Roshi was shaken and battered, but still alive!
"Heeeeee! I'm alive..." Roshi said.
A figure burst from the rubble and yelled, "Not for long!"
Master Roshi thought his goose was cooked when Launch pointed the gun at him. Then a miracle happened: dust and ash flew in front of her nose and she sneezed. She was the normal Launch again. She looked around; she saw everything. She was in the rubble.
She looked at Roshi and said, "Uh... Roshi, did you do this?"
Everyone fell over. They all got up.
"Uh, yes, sure it was me," Roshi said.
He pulled himself out of the rubble and turned over to help her out. Cold, who tried to get out, didn't make it; he was in the rubble.
Roshi and Launch walked to Cold and said, "Well, Cold, your plan failed! We're leaving!"
He called a taxi, and with that he was gone. Cold was there with his mouth hanging open.
He said, "Blast! We failed again."
He got out of the rubble, went to the curb, and sat down. Behind him where the church's rubble was, two beings burst through the rubble. It was Vash and Kuno; they had also survived. They got out and walked over to Cold.
"Well, I must say that was a total waste of time," Vash said.
Cold turned around glaring at him.
Vash restated what he had said, adding, "Heh, sorry."
"Don't worry, Master. It'll all work out in the end," Kuno said.
Cold was sitting there on the curb moping. He grumbled, "Yeah, right. Everything we have done... nothing was successful. Everything was a complete failure. Also, we still have no money for the temple."
Something strange then happened, an armored car with a large amount of money ran out of control and hit the building next to the destroyed church.
"Master, a phenomenon of miracle proportions just happened next to us!" Kuno explained.
"I do say, we have just solved our money problem!" Cold said excitedly.
"Cold, I'm appalled at you! How dare you suggest we steal this money for our gain?" Vash said.
Both Kuno and Cold turned around and said, "Vash... Shut up!"
Vash sighed and shut his mouth. Cold, Vash, and Kuno all got sacks and loaded up the money from the armored car. Well, they had the money! Surprised? I am. It took them a few months getting all the materials together and writing the blue prints. After all of this was finished, they built the temple.
--------------
A day later
Kami got up early as he had always done, right when the sun rose.
"Ah, this is a great morning." Kami said, looking out the window.
He walked out of the look out. He stretched and took a death breath.
"Ahhh... this is going to be a really good day," he yawned.
He turned around to look at his lookout; he always made sure it was clean.
"Ah, so clean! Mr. Popo has outdone himself," he noted.
He looked up to the top of the lookout and saw something. He gasped, "What the?"
He climbed up to get a better look, saying, "What is this building doing up on the look out?"
Somebody had built a building on top of the lookout! He walked up to the building.
"Who is the idiot who would build this?" he wondered.
He walked in. He saw King Cold. He sighed, "Now I know."
He realized that this building was not an ordinary building... it was a temple! He gazed around the temple and noticed something in the middle of the temple. It had spotlights connected to the ceiling that shown on something that looked like a trash can! He walked up to it and the "Hallelujah Chorus" blazed out. He noticed stuff written on this trash can. In big bold letters it had "THE THINGS OF LIFE" written on it. He turned to King Cold, who had his other followers with him.
"Cold, what are you doing here? And the main question is why did you build this stupid temple on my lookout?" Kami demanded angrily.
"Well..."
Cold didn't have time to finish his answer; all of a sudden he heard a crack.
"Vash and Kuno, give me the papers," Cold said.
"Aye, sire!" they both said.
They got the building plans and gave it to him. Cold looked at the plans. He noticed that it had for some reason a capacity of three. He looked around the room, counting, "One-two- uhhhhhh..."
Cold went into a deep thought.
"Four, master, four," Kuno said.
"Ah... four," he gulped.
He began to sweat and shake. It finally hit him.
"Oh God, Kami! You killed us all!" Cold yelled.
END OF CHAPTER 3
Sorry about the wait everyone, but I wanted to make sure this was as perfect as possible. PLEASE FORGIVE ME... WONT YOU! More failure of Cold as usual but what more could you expect? Chapter 4 is in the works and should be here quite soon.
I do say! Please review, or I'll build a temple on top of your house.