Chapter 10

bout an hour later I had but up all the decorations that weren't on the tree. I decided to leave it up until Shane wanted down. Shane was still in his room. I have no idea what he's doing though. He's not playing guitar or anything. Maybe he's writing a song. But he's been in there for 2 hours and it's worrying me. Maybe he does hate me.

I decided I was going to see what he was doing. I walked past the empty room again. But I stopped. I stared at the empty room. I walked into it. I wonder if it would ever become a nursery or if it would just stay empty. I shook my head to rid the thoughts. That was not something I need to be worrying about.

I went back into the hallway. I knocked on Shane's door.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

He didn't answer at first and then he opened the door, "Sure."

I walked in and set on the bed. There were pictures laying on every part of the bed.

"What's this?"

He walked over and looked at me but I was looking at all the pictures. There were so many. The first were pictures from our years of camp. I never knew we had so many. Then there were pictures of the engagement. The pictures that Nate and Cait took. I thought they only took one picture. But here there were 10's of 20's. Then there were pictures of me and Cait and all my bridesmaids trying on dresses. There were lots of those. There were silly pictures. There were serious pictures. Then there were pictures of my wedding! Me walking down the isle. Me and Shane at the front. Our first kiss as husband and wife. There were pictures of the flower girl and the ring barrier. There were pictures of our first dance.

"I- I was just…"

I still stared at the pictures. The memories were so vivid. Some good some mad. But over all being with Shane made me….happy.

He got down on his knees and put a finger under my chin and lifted it to look at his face.

"Why are you crying?" He asked as he rubbed my tears away.

I shrugged.

"I was trying to figure out what happened," Shane said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I was trying to see that if any of these pictures you were unhappy and I just didn't realize it at the time. But you look so happy in all of them."

"That's because I was."

"But you don't seem to be the happy bright Mitchie that I knew anymore. Your still Mitchie but its like a different version of Mitchie. And I don't know if you've ever been like this before you met me or if it was something I did. Or didn't do."

"It's not your fault Shane," I tore my face away from his hand.

"I juts wish I could understand."

I looked down at the pictures. I wanted to be that happy again. In every picture I had so much fun I had the biggest smile every. Now I feel like my face can't stretch that far.

"Do you think that…" I trailed off. "That maybe," I started back up again, " that maybe I did something to deserve this?"

"Whatever happened Mitchie you didn't deserve it," Shane said seriously.

"Then why would it have happened."

"I could say why if I knew what it was," Shane mumbled.

"I was…." I whispered so that he couldn't here. He could just here that I was saying something. "Raped," I whispered even quieter.

"What?"

"Raped," I choked a little louder.

"You were raped?" Shane choked.

I nodded.

"And you couldn't tell me that?"

shrugged. I kept staring at the pictures.

"Well you certainly didn't deserve that."

"Maybe I did."

I could feel Shane staring intently at me as if I was crazy.

I stood up at left the room. I walked past the empty room again with out a second of thought. I grabbed my purse and car keys and opened the front door. I got into my car. My shaky hands put the key into the car after a couple of tries. I drove down the street past Cait's house. Then I took a left onto a major highway. I sped past the mall. I sped past Jason's exit to get to his house. Then I slowed just slightly. I was in the middle of no where. I decided I should turn around and go back . I really didn't want to get lost. I turned around. When I was about 20 minutes away from my house I stopped at a red light. It turned green quicker that usual. I went pushed onto the gas. But I heard a honk that made me slow just the slightest. I looked to the left and saw nothing. Then to the right. Then I saw a car racing towards me and then it crashed into me. Everything was gone. Nothing was left. Everything went black.