Authors' Note: This chapter was exceedingly hard to get out. We apologize. On the plus, this chapter is almost double in length.

A thank you is sent out to for proof-reading a part of this chapter and giving us some very good feedback.


Standard warnings and disclaimers may apply


Recap:


So Riku laid in the dark of their bedroom, glass forgotten on the side table, as he stared at the ceiling, trying to keep images of writhing bodies and golden eyes away. And he told himself it was only his imagination when the shadows in the corners seemed to move as unwanted tears pricked at the corners of his eyes and rolled slowly down the side of his face and into his sweat dampened hair.


A Baby Story


Part One: Stork One


Chapter Four: Nightmares

--oOo--

A scream wrenched through his throat as he writhed on the bed. It was torture. His insides were burning as pain seared his skin. His stomach, large and swollen pulsed with movement from within. Bumps and protrusions formed as the thing inside him pulsed and pushed to get out.

And then he felt it. Tearing, clawing through, ripping his flesh.

And then he saw it. Looking down, he saw his protruding stomach stretch, turning near translucent, black veins projecting through the skin sickeningly.

It tore.

He watched wide-eyed as his stomach was ripped open, back claws tearing the flesh. He stared in horror at the black blood that poured from the wound, arteries and veins ripping to spill more of the foul liquid.

There was a lurch and a sickening wet sound as whatever abomination thrust out of him and fell with a sloppy thud off the bed. He could still feel the searing pain of his torn abdomen. I shouldn't even be conscious.

The bed sheets were slowly getting soaked with his blood. One pale hand lifted weakly to wipe at wet, stringy hair, smearing warm liquid across his forehead as he swiped sticky bangs out of his face. He stared at his hand and the black that dripped from his fingers onto his face. A couple drops hit parched lips, metallic and sour.

There was a scurrying on the ground and he stared past his torn stomach, flesh jagged and mutilated. It was a black, bloodied creature twitching and staggering on the darkened floor.

It was not the same baby that the doctor had showed him. Nor was it a writhing heartless. It was a hybrid of the two, a sick and mutilated creature of black, twitching and stumbling, trailing dark blood on the carpet. The head turned. A head with no antennae. And stared at him. And those eyes terrified him, past all the pain. For those eyes were not the cold, unseeing yellow of a heartless, but the bright indigo of a child.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to pass out and die of blood loss. But he couldn't. The creature's eyes closed, leaving him to stare at nothing but a blob of darkness as it wobbled once more before laying still and silent on the soaked carpet.

Dark spots appeared before his eyes. He exhaled painfully, relieved. Now he would black out and die. He shouldn't have even lived through it. The scholarly side of his brain wondered why his body hasn't gone into shock.

But those spots turned into wisps of dark smoke. Smoke that started to form a solid mass in front of him. He wanted to shake his head furiously, but he couldn't move. It's not happening. It's not.

Flowing white hair.

Tan skin.

Gleaming amber eyes.

And a body he was all too familiar with formed in front of him. The apparition moved and prodded the lifeless creature with the toe of his boot. Thin lips upturned into a smirk.

"Well, it would appear you've made quite a mess." The foot came down on the creature with a squelching crunch, spilling more pungent liquid into the blackened floor.

"Come now, what is that look for?" A strong hand came to pat at his cheek. He couldn't even flinch away. The hand was real. It was warm. It exuded raw power.

It terrified him.

"Tsk tsk. You really are a mess." Amber eyes examined that hand, now covered with vile blood. A red tongue darted from parted lips to lap at the black liquid dripping down his wrist.

One more step forward. That hand was reaching for him again.

---

And Riku jolted out of the bed, eyes darting frantically around the dark room. There was no sign of him, no sign of vile creature with equally vile blood, no sign of… anything really.

He tumbled off, kicking sheets furiously and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before emptying his stomach. He hiccupped and coughed, bile burning his throat. Hot tears streamed down pale cheeks. He was vaguely aware of warm hands caressing his face, pulling back damp, stringy hair.

He started and yanked away from the offending hands only to stare at concerned sapphire eyes. Blue eyes. Soft whispers of comfort caressed his ear as he heaved once more into the toilet.

There was no substance in his stomach anymore. The only thing running up his throat and into the bowl was pure, biting, stomach bile. He heaved again. Why won't it stop? Tears burned his eyes as they streamed down his face. A warm wash cloth caressed his face, wiping his lips clean. They still stung.

He barely registered that he was rocking back and forth like a child, trembling in Sora's strong arms. Soft kisses pressed to his forehead, warm and comforting as his tremors quieted and tears slowed. He looked wearily up at sympathetic blues.

"You okay baby?" Sora's grip on him tightened as he continued to rock back and forth.

Just a dream…

"Y-yeah. Just… sick." Sick lips turned up in a watery smile, eyes barely matching with a faint grimace.

Another loving kiss to his temple. "Alright. I have some food ready for you. Come eat."

Riku almost heaved again at the thought of food. Instead he flashed another weak smile. "Be there in a sec."

One last kiss to his temple and he was alone. Pale lips pulled into a frown when he stared at the nasty toilet. He flushed it, hand tugging the handle down forcefully. He sighed and wiped his face with the washcloth once more before tossing it aside. Just a dream.

He reached for the doorknob before halting, a flash of amber catching his eye. Hesitantly, he turned his head slowly to look in the mirror.

Staring back at him was dulled ocean eyes, bloodshot and held on his face by dark circles, stark against his pale skin. Paler than normal. He gave one last glance at his reflection only to stumble backwards, knocking his side harshly against the doorknob.

He stared at the amber eyes, on his face, gazing defiantly back at him, vibrant against the pallor of his skin. And behind frowning chapped lips was the barest hint of a confident smirk not his own.

And then it was gone.

And all he was staring at was his own tired and terrified image. He shook his head furiously, wet strands of silver whipping across his face. Just a dream.

He left the bathroom, fully intending to meet Sora in the kitchen. It's a normal day. We'll eat and I'll throw up and all will be normal.

But a scratching sound caused him to halt by the bedroom door. It paused and he almost left. But when he moved his foot, the sound started up again. Like something was dragging itself across the floor. Cautiously, he gently nudged the door, hand on his still queasy stomach.

He started at the black blob moving on his carpet.

"Jeeze Kai! Give me heart attack why don't you?" There was Kairi on her knees, scrubbing the carpet with a towel, her butt waving in the air, clad in black exercise shorts. It was a sight to give anyone nightmares.

"What? I'm cleaning up the water you spilled when you ran to go make love to the toilet and this is the thanks I get?" She pointed, damp towel in hand, at an upturned glass, now empty, and a large wet mark on the table. "If you wanted something else, you could have just said so."

Although she tried to look angry, there was a smile tugging on her lips. She was twirling the wet towel in her hands. "Oh, how mean you are Ri." She murmured sweetly as she advanced.

"What are you – OW!" He rubbed his offended thigh, right where she had snapped the towel at him. "Kai!" She went to snap the towel at him again, but he dodged out of the way.

"Oh, go eat you poor, pregnant… boy." He could still hear her laughter as he entered the kitchen.

"When did Kairi get… here…" He trailed off and stared at his husband. "What are you wearing?"

Sora tilted his head and looked down. "What?" He grinned and twirled in a slow circle, pink frilly apron whirling around him.

Riku's gaze never left the sugary pink fabric and the god-awful marshmallow colored frills and Sora merely laughed. "It's Kairi's, you goof. She left it here after we made that...chocolate cake concoction for Grandma's birthday last summer. Remember?"

No. Not really. He didn't remember, but then again the thought of a chocolate cake didn't exactly sound appealing. So Riku shook his head and gave the other a half smile, soft and barely there, but it somehow suited Sora just fine.

He took a seat at the dining room table, ignoring the soft bubbling sounds of something on the stove and the faint smell of vegetables in the air. Really, he adored it when Sora cooked, the brunet could surprisingly whip up a damn good lasagna, but right now anything edible besides the air sounded disgusting.

A hand lay flat over his stomach as he sank into the soft cushion of the chair, eyes falling to stare blankly at an empty vase just sitting in the center of the table. It almost looked how he felt. Transparent, empty and cold. Dull, void of life, and alone.

He was knocked out of his state of thought as a plate full of food was set in front of his nose. The smell almost made the newly formed stomach bile to creep up his throat once again, but he forced it down when he caught site of Sora's concerned eyes just waiting for him to run for the bathroom.

After a moment, he sighed, and gave his husband a soft, loving smile, which was returned in full force. He hated seeing Sora worry so much over his behalf, but then again, he really had no right to tell the other not to worry. After all it was their child he was carrying.

The thought, even though it should've been comforting and easy to hold like a warm cup of tea in his hands, wasn't even wanted and he quickly started to forget it.

Instead, he let his eyes fall back to the food and the small slices of turkey and the steaming pile of fresh broccoli. He blinked when he noticed the remnants of hastily wiped off hollandaise sauce and glanced up at Sora in question, only to see the brunet's vegetables covered in an over-abundance of the stuff.

Sora chuckled softly and rubbed the back of his head at Riku's observant stare as he sat beside him and dug his fork into the mountainous veggies. "I figured something without so much butter in it would make your stomach feel a little better." he commented during mouthfuls as Kairi moseyed her way into the kitchen, throwing a 'Don't talk with your mouth full!' in his direction.

Actually, it probably would've helped make him feel full, however he didn't exactly want his stomach to feel anything. But he was hungry, that annoying little gurgle was rocking his insides and he couldn't ignore it, not with Sora noticing every single one of them.

"Eat, please? Just a little?" he asked, so sweetly there was no way Riku could refuse. Kairi sat down at his other side, completely ignoring Sora's whine of 'Did you have to eat the rest of the turkey!? I was gonna save the leftovers!'

"So," Kairi began, reaching a fork over to steal off Sora's plate, much to his protests, "I got this book on pregnancy." She produced said book, a hot pink hard back entitled: The Modern Women's Guide to Pregnancy - Keep the Party Goin'! The coverhad a business woman in a risqué skirt and jacket, pregnant belly showing, breasts overflowing, looking very much like a Play Boy image for pregnancy fetishes.

"It's all about keeping busy and helping your sex drive while pregnant." Riku raised a thin eyebrow.

"Are you implying something Kai?" She paused as she swallowed more from Sora's plate, ignoring his swatting hands.

"Not at all," She winked, "but if you want to use the Kama Sutra baby-safe sex techniques in the back, that's your business."

Sora coughed, nearly choking on his diminishing mound of veggies, cheeks stained a bright red.

"In it though, is a whole bunch of 'tricks to fight fatigue and combat morning sickness to keep you on the go!'" She quoted from the book with a fake advertising voice, high and sugar-laced.

"Geeze, Kai, you make it sound like a war." Sora muttered as he batted her fork away from his plate with his own. They battled fiercely, fork versus fork.

"Well, it sort of is," She broke through his defenses to stab at a poor, doomed broccoli. "A war where he is thrown against the adversaries of food smells, left bemoaning to his dear friend, the porcelain princess about his cruel fate." She ate the sauce covered vegetable triumphantly.

Riku's eyes rolled instinctively as he pushed the food around on the plate, eating little nibbles here and there. His throat was loving the feeling of something good and solid going down instead of burning and sloshy coming up, but his stomach wasn't exactly feeling the same love spell. Although he didn't feel nauseous, eating still felt like a chore.

But he sat there and waited until he noticed the look of approval in Sora's glances at how much he ate before he made his quiet exit to the bedroom. He felt uneasy walking across the soft carpet with its innocent water stain. But he decided not to look at the floor on his side, or his side of the bed at all. Instead he crawled across the cool sheets and curled against the comforter, resting against Sora's pillow. He inhaled deeply, eyes falling closed as he nearly rejoiced in the comforting smell.

Only to wake up to a similar, terrifying dream. It sent him rushing towards the bathroom, scrambling over a sleeping Sora in the process.

He coughed and sputtered, all of the food from earlier making its way back up. The sudden bright light of the bathroom hurt his eyes, but it was a welcome relief to the darkness in his dreams. Glaring weakly once more at the toilet, he flushed it.

Avoiding looking in the mirror, he turned on the cold water, fully intending to wash away the dream. His shaking hands didn't seem to want to allow that and he looked down tiredly at his now soaked shirt.

Sighing, he peeled it off and threw it off in the corner before making his way back to the bed. A soft smile graced his lips. Sora had moved into the center of the bed, sprawled out so sporadically it would prove difficult to find a comfortable place to lie.

Climbing under the covers, he curled as close as he could to Sora, relishing in the warmth that seemed to radiate from the other. He rested his palm lightly on his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of the warm heartbeat.

He didn't sleep the rest of the night

-----

Night after night progressed much the same way. He would sleep, wake up in a cold sweat, run to puke in the toilet, crawl back into bed and stay huddled against an unconscious Sora, sleepless the rest of the night.

It got to the point where once he awakened from a nightmare, he refused to sleep again that night. Instead, he would stay curled next to Sora's warmth, comforting in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

During the day, would find him dozing off in the middle of things. More often then not, Sora and he would be huddled on the couch watching a movie, and he found himself in bed later that night. His morning sickness had all but disappeared during the day, but was still attacking him once he awoke from a nightmare. Often, he would doze, head on hand, in the middle of a conversation.

His skin remained unearthly pale, a sharp contrast to the ever darkening circles under his eyes. Sora noticed and frequently asked him if they should schedule a meeting with Cat, but Riku would just brush it off as a minor side-effect to being a pregnant boy. And Sora could find no fault in that logic.

Riku would spend his days either reading or watching TV, trying to escape from the solitude of their home, without succumbing to sleep. More often than not, Sora would come home to find him dozing on the couch or bent over a medical book, fast asleep. And every time, Sora would gently lift his husband and move him to the bedroom, where Riku would jolt awake to visit the toilet, and crawl shaking back into bed, Sora sleeping oblivious the whole time.

Until his daily pattern, like a worn out puzzle, was jolted off the table, pieces flying to the floor, scattered.

It was a nondescript Saturday afternoon. He was going to the store for some groceries when he was jolted into awareness. Honking from the nearby cars startled him as he realized he had begun to doze off and drift into other lanes. He quickly corrected himself, his fingers trembling as he gripped the steering wheel hard the rest of the car ride.

His sudden and shocking driving incident still had him shaken up, even while he quietly roamed the isles in search of anything they could possibly need. He was only slightly surprised when he found himself standing in the medicine section, tired eyes trained on the innocent bottles of natural energy supplements. He knew from his studies that taking these pills could potentially be harmful, especially for a pregnant woman, but he wasn't a woman and the book never said anything about natural supplements. That convinced him enough, and as soon as he was back in the car, he quickly downed one and was only mildly disappointed when he didn't receive instantaneous results as the bottle so had promised.

Although having a slow starting effect, the little pill seemed to have more of a punch than Riku bargained for. He suddenly had all the energy in the world and he exerted it on laundry, dishes, organizing and a much needed walk around the block. Sora was more than surprised to come home to a fully cooked dinner and not a sleeping or zombie-like Riku. He was even more shocked when Riku had approached him first, smiling and kissing his cheek, instantly asking about his day. This happier, more alive Riku was hard for Sora to resist, and he couldn't wait to babble to him about all of his work related adventures.

And although Riku would've liked for that sweet boost of energy to continue, after they had eaten, they had resorted to simply sitting in the comfort of one another. Sora worked intently on a Sudoku puzzle and he attempted to read another chapter in his book, but wasn't surprised to be suddenly woken up once again by another nightmare, having dozed off earlier in the night.

And once again he was in the bathroom starring at the newly flushed toilet in disdain. He let the cold from the bathtub seep through his clothes and ease his sore, tired muscles. But all that seemed to accomplish was chilling him to the bone, leaving goose bumps on his skin.

He found his mind blank and vision blurring when he realized that he was too exhausted to move. After some moments of mental preparation, he managed to drag his weary body back to bed and, for the first time after a nightmare, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

And when Sora woke up, it was close to noon, and although it was Sunday, he was already hours late for work, Riku dead asleep next to him. It was so out of their normal routine, Sora couldn't help the frown that pulled on his lips. He had to reassure himself that his husband was still alive, just sound asleep.

Dragging his way to the kitchen he grabbed the phone to call into work, turning on the coffee pot as he went. Rummaging through a grocery bag left on the counter from yesterday, he began to put away random cans of soup and jars of tomato sauce when his hand grabbed a pill bottle. Looking down at it curiously, he shook the green bottle lightly, pouring some small pills into his palm.

Natural energy supplements. 500 mg of green tea extract. Clearly opened.

Why is he taking these?

And suddenly, everything off about Riku was glaringly obvious. Every long sigh, the unusual naps, the dark circles under his eyes, and the utter lack of 'Riku-ness' in the sluggish pregnant body that floated listlessly through their house. All of it was like a slap to his face and his eyes shot up to look at the innocent half open door of their bedroom.

Have I really been that blind? Have I really been ignoring these signs?

Guilt racked his insides, and suddenly, for once, he was the one that felt sick to his stomach. He couldn't seem to keep steady on his feet as he leaned heavily against the counter, the pill bottle still clutched in his hand. But how could he have truly known? All Riku ever told him was that it was normal, that he was okay. And who was he to believe, the doctor that only dealt with pregnant women, or his husband that was the only pregnant man?

He brought the pill bottle closer to his face, reading its promises of instantaneous and safe energy boosts. And all he could do was bitterly think about how fake it all sounded, everything all the way down to Riku. And his guilt slowly began to transform itself into a dull sense of anger at the fact that he hadn't noticed sooner. Not to mention that Riku had bluntly been lying to him about sleeping.

He decided not to say anything to Riku, choosing to wait. Maybe it really was nothing. But it still didn't stop him from foolishly dumping the contents of the bottle onto his palm, counting the remaining number of pills. Silently he returned the pills and placed the bottle innocently on the counter.

And Sora had, for the first time in a while, a cup of strong, bitter black coffee.

The next days were spent with his thoughts consumed with Riku. Riku not sleeping, Riku not talking, Riku with that same fake smile when he greeted him every evening before passing out at night. And everyday Sora would casually ask how he was doing, how he was sleeping, how he was feeling. And everyday Riku would brush him off, change the subject, or ignore him completely.

He was so busy worrying about Riku that it was quite a shock when he glanced at the calendar and realized that today was Valentines. The holiday seemed to have snuck up on them. Without hesitation, Sora picked up the phone and called in to work, already making plans in his head for the holiday. Only thing he needed was a willing Riku that wouldn't put up too much of a fuss.

Riku was still fast asleep late into the afternoon. He always seemed to be sleeping in these days. He was awoken with soft lips being pressed to his forehead.

"Aw, Baby I didn't mean to wake you up," Sora hummed as he nuzzled gently against the curve of Riku's neck. His husband simply sat up, rubbing the thick sleep from his eyes and shaking his head in dismissal.

"No, that's okay. I'm up," and he had no intention of going back to sleep anytime soon.

Sora smiled and grasped Riku's hands, pulling gently until he was successfully out of bed. "Well good, because I've been up all day slaving over a hot stove for you," the brunet teased as Riku's face tilted in confusion.

"What's all this for?" he asked softly, his nose picking up the distinct smell of something hot and very much Italian cooking in the kitchen. "And…why aren't you at work?"

"Well…" he began grasping Riku by the shoulders and leading him out into the dining room. He proudly gestured towards a set table, complete with candles, not yet lit, and a large vase of well over a dozen red roses.

"Happy Valentines Day, Baby!"

"It's Valentines Day?"

Sora shrugged nonchalantly. "Apparently," he declared as he held up a calendar with the fourteenth circled in thick red marker.

The smells from the kitchen were overwhelming. His stomach suddenly gurgled in approval.

Sora grinned. "I made lasagna!"

And for the first time in a while, Riku found himself enjoying every single bite.

"When you're finished," Sora started, taking the last bite of his generous portion of the pasta, "I thought you'd enjoy a nice, hot bath."

And even if Riku had disagreed, as soon as he was finished he was promptly but lovingly directed to the bathroom. Awaiting him was his midnight friend, the tub, full of bubbles and surrounded in tiny tea light candles. Sora grinned and left him alone, and even Riku had to admit, the bath did look welcoming. And he was thankful Sora left him to himself. He didn't really feel sociable or appealing right now.

As much as he would've just adored to be part of the bubble bath or at least get to help in the washing bit, Sora simply changed into a pair of loose yoga pants, cracked a book open and plopped on the bed. He smiled when he heard the faint sloshing of the bath water and the soft moan of approval.

Book forgotten he let his mind wander to images of his very pleased, and very naked husband in the bathroom. He could just see that pale skin gaining a faint pink glow from the warm water, and those iridescent bubbles on that wet skin. And although the imagery Sora painted in his head was beautiful, he knew that Riku was probably submerged to his nose oblivious to the world, letting his fingers and toes prune. The thought, although not quite as sexy, still made Sora smile.

Just as Sora had focused enough to be enraptured in his novel, Riku walked in, clad only in a towel, and sent his concentration crashing to the floor. The brunet smiled up at his mostly naked husband and patted the spot beside him.

"I know it's Valentines Day and all, but I'm really not in the mood for a romp."

Sora rolled his eyes and shook his head lightly. "I know that, just sit with me."

Now that Riku could do.

"I've gotten used to being celibate anyways."

Smack.

Sora laughed at the half-hearted attack and his book was now forgotten in favor of Riku. Blue eyes took in everything, from the still damp silver hair to the slightly pruned toes. It was the first time in about three months he had such an eyeful in front of him. Riku's eyes were half lidded in the afterglow of his bath. Sora tilted his head to the side as he noticed something different and sat up to get a better look.

A grin wrapped its way around his face and he placed one warm hand on Riku's bare stomach. Riku jolted slightly and opened his eyes wide.

"What are you doing?" It had been such a long time since there had been much physical contact between the two of them.

He was met with that wide grin. "You have a tummy!" He rubbed his palm against the hardly noticeable bump right above the towel. Riku looked down. If he was wearing clothes it wouldn't even have been noticeable. Just the tiniest little rise, as if he still had his baby fat. He frowned briefly, missing the firm abs and taunt stomach he used to have. This new stomach made him feel weak and flabby.

Sora stared in fascination and couldn't help his hands from roaming across the little bump. Although he knew this whole time that there was a tiny baby inside, this was the first time there was visible proof.

"The plum is getting bigger." He smiled down at Riku, fingers still ghosting over the sensitive flesh.

"Then it's not a plum anymore."

"Sure it is," Sora nodded, "just a bigger one." His hands roamed up that stomach onto still firm chest muscles, exploring. Riku closed his eyes and let those warm hands soothe his skin. They were at his throat, fingertips softly caressing the dips and curves. The digits ran the length of his collar bone, dipping and running over the arcs of his shoulder before trailing down to his sternum. He felt those hands rest over his heartbeat, enjoying the relaxed rhythm.

Riku shuddered when nimble fingertips pinched at his nipple and a chuckle floated down from Sora's upturned lips.

"Baby, you're nipples are darker."

A slightly aggravated eye opened to stare at him. "What?"

Sora just giggled. "It's cute. They used to be more… pink-ish… now they're more of a dark-ishi-pink-ish-brown." He nodded at his own reasoning. "Sort of like strawberry and chocolate ice cream."

Both aqua eyes blinked up at him. "Sora."

"Hmm?"

"Did you just refer to my nipples as food?"

"Mm-hmm." He nodded once again. "Yum." He licked his lips and winked.

"Whatever." He closed his eyes again. "I'm still not in the mood." And although Sora couldn't help the small pout, it turned into a grin within seconds as his hands continued their exploration.

Down they rested on the soft stomach, poking little designs and sticking his index finger in a pale belly-button. Riku squirmed and wiggled, making cute little noises of protestation that brought yet another smile.

"I didn't know your belly button was ticklish, Ri."

"It's not. You'd squirm too if you were being poked and prodded."

But even the slight annoyance in Riku's voice didn't stop his fingers from tracing along the beginnings of pelvic bones and across to the curve of one hip. His smile widened once again as he discovered the normally near-translucent birthmark was now the same strawberry chocolate as his nipples.

His smile still remained even when he bent and pursed his lips so that he could place a soft kiss on the mark. Riku let one hand tangle in Sora's mane when the brunet licked the mark lightly with a slight nip. Sora's own tan hands massaged his husband's hips in relaxing circles. He kissed and licked and nipped his way slowly to the other hip, making Riku squirm even more. Then those lips made a return journey, stopping right below the bellybutton, at the center of his raised stomach.

Biting the edge of the towel, he squeezed Riku's hips once more before letting his thumbs slide beneath the material with teasing touches.

Suddenly, the hand wound in his hair tightened painfully, causing him to gasp, dropping the towel. Sora stared with questioning eyes when Riku yanked his head up. Oww…

"I told you, I'm not in the mood." And Sora saw the dark circles that remained beneath dull eyes and the tiredness that radiated from the body beneath him. Letting go of Riku's hips, he crawled up the lean body. Resting his arms on either side of Riku's face, he placed a soft, chaste kiss to pale lips before settling beside him.

He left one hand on Riku's face, the tan contrasting sharply against the pallid skin. "You're so tired baby… maybe we should go to the doctor?" He wouldn't have noticed it if he wasn't laying right next to the other, but Riku's whole body tensed, and he could feel the jaw clench beneath his palm.

"No, I'm fine. It's called pregnancy." And the words seemed just a little forced. Even to Riku.

He opened aquamarine eyes to stare at deep blues. Sora's shone with worry… and a twinge of sadness. The look was of helplessness and mild desperation. He had to get away from those eyes. Clenching his own shut, he turned his head in the opposite direction. Sora's hand dropped from his cheek, leaving it to rest by Riku's neck.

"Are…" Sora hesitated. "Are you sleeping alright?" He had to ask, even if he already knew the answer. Riku clenched his eyes tighter together, frown pulling at his lips. Swallowing, he turned his back to Sora, hoping that the other couldn't hear the shuddering breath that passed between his lips.

Even if Sora couldn't hear it, he definitely felt it, along with the forced gulp, as Riku turned. Sighing, Sora wrapped his arms tightly around the other, pulling Riku flush against his chest. And as much as he wanted to say 'Please tell me – don't keep things from me.' He murmured a determined "I'm always here for you…" Riku could feel the arms around him tighten, as if never wanting to let go. "You know that right?"

Guilt racked his form and Riku nodded dumbly, not trusting his voice. There was a painful block in his throat as he swallowed that he could only attribute to this lie. Scrunching his eyes tight, he refused to let his damp eyes leak. Dragging another, shuddering breath, he turned in Sora's arms to clutch at broad shoulders.

The brunet could feel the sharp nails dig into his back as Riku buried himself in his arms. And although Riku would never admit it, Sora helped ease light tremors that racked his frame. And although Sora would never admit it, he felt a sense of contentment as Riku's body relaxed within his hold.

"Thank you for Valentine's." And although that's what he said, both knew it was 'Thank you for being here.'

---

After that, Riku stopped taking the energy pills. Even if he was a zombie without them, he didn't care. He'd rather sleep as little and be completely out of it than have a burst of energy only to crash. And crashing normally meant he didn't wake up, no matter what the dream. And those prolonged dreams were really starting to take hold of him. Instead of waking up during the nightmare, cutting it short, he had to ride it out in every gruesome detail until he was woken by Sora or something else.

The brunet, who noticed the pills weren't decreasing, took this as a good sign. Maybe everything's getting better. Even if Riku seemed just as tired as he was before, if not worse.

Sora was woken a few nights later. Always being a heavy sleeper, he laid on the bed disoriented. His foggy mind faintly noted the bathroom light and the sound of Riku retching. Yawning, he turned in bed. The sheets were tangled and mostly on the floor, part of them even torn. He must've gotten really sick to rush that fast. To wake Sora up, he must've been moving a lot. He probably got stuck in the sheets.

Getting ready to get up and aid his husband, he halted. Aside from the normal sick sounds there was also hiccupping and wheezing and the sound of sobbing. Wanting to rush to Riku's side, he found himself unable to move. If he went in there, it would almost be like admitting that something wasn't right. As childish as it seemed, he laid still and waited.

Riku stayed in the bathroom longer than normal. The nightmares had been progressively worse. Sometimes they involved Ansem. Sometimes they didn't.

This one had.

He had 'given birth' if that's what it could be called. And died in the process. But the dream continued and he watched as a baby boy with aqua eyes and silver hair grew up. And god, Sora was a wonderful dad. But that boy grew. And his hair changed from silver to white, and blue eyes turned golden, and the childish smile turned into a ruthless smirk. It ended very much like all the rest of his dreams, in blood and tears.

This one had been particularly hard to shake off. He could still see the Ansem-offspring standing in a field of blood, dead bodies all around, heartless waiting in the shadows. And a dead Sora in his arms, body limp and eyes listless. Normally it was only himself that ended up dead. This was the first time it had been Sora too. He couldn't get away from that image.

He needed to be near Sora.

Riku came stumbling into the room, and crawled as close to Sora as possible. The brunet could feel the tense body shaking and it took a lot of his control to, as naturally and sleep-like as possible, only wrap an arm around the trembling Riku. The pregnant boy breathed deep, the hot, moist breath seeping through Sora's shirt. And he could feel the wetness of Riku's cheeks pressed against his collar.

Sora didn't sleep the rest of the night.

Neither did Riku.

Once the first rays of light streamed through the window, he got up and moved to the kitchen to have coffee and breakfast ready like he did every morning. And like every morning, he 'woke' Sora gently with a small smile and the newspaper.

And although Sora pretended like it was any other day, he couldn't shake the night from his mind. He had to know what was going on.

So, behaving regularly, he resolved to get to the end of this tonight. He smiled and talked about his day like normal, watching as Riku ghosted around the house in a daze and waited. Waited until Riku was sprawled on the couch, book in lap, as those heavy eyes finally gave into sleep.

Picking up the slumbering form, he carried him to bed and settled comfortably beside him, eyes trained on Riku waiting for the smallest sign.

It came hours later, the moonlight playing off his ethereal features, shadows emphasizing the bags under his eyes.

It was subtle and he wouldn't have recognized it had he not been paying such close attention. It was just a slight twitch in the facial muscles as Riku's eyes began to rapidly move back and forth beneath his eyelids.

Although Sora knew that this was nothing to be alarmed about, it was still very creepy to see the eyes roll back and forth relentlessly as Riku dreamt. It was fascinating and freaky all at the same time, facial features amplified in the dark. He wanted to reach out and gently brush silver bangs away to better see the beautiful angles of Riku's face and the pulsing eyelids. What's in his dreams?

Before he could, he curled his hand in on itself, restrained. It was best not to disturb him.

It must've been hours, but to him it felt like only minutes, as he was shaken awake violently by an urgent hand clasped to his shoulder. Aqua eyes sprung open and turned so they looked up at deep blue. Although he knew this was another dream, this one seemed different from the rest.

"Wake up, Riku. We have to go. It's time!" Sora urged, grabbing Riku's arm and pulling him to his feet in one swift move. His knees wanted to give out, as if they did not want him to walk, but he was held fast by Sora who began to pull him around the bed and out of the room.

"Where are we going?" he asked, confused, lost and a little dazed as Kairi stood at the door, an angry frown twisting her pretty mouth.

"Don't be stupid, Riku, it's time," she barked, her stiff body and sharp gaze reminding him of some sort of prison ward.

"But, I-"

"Stop asking ridiculous questions, Riku," Sora said, his voice becoming less violent as he turned to face him, blue eyes smiling. "It's all going to be okay, I just know it," he said, so soft that Riku barely heard him. Tan hands ghosted over his stomach which was firm and sensitive, and Riku flinched.

"I know it hurts, but...we'll get it out and everything will be okay, right?" Riku blinked at him, confused and unsure what to say. He didn't quite understand why it hurt or what Sora was talking about, but he hated seeing the brunet like that. So he mutely nodded and Sora smiled at him. "See, I knew you'd make it all better."

Blue eyes watched steadfast as Riku winced in his sleep, just another slight facial twist. He had seen it many times before. Riku never liked to show he was in pain, but every time, Sora could always tell by the slight flinch. Just a twirk of the lips and squint of the eye. Hardly noticeable.

Pale lips muttered something unintelligible before he lay still once more, unmoving save for his eyelids.

His hand was clasped and he was then pulled, out of the house and into the car. He didn't really see the world rush by the windows outside, but was merely concerned with the thought that everyone was completely silent. And as more of what appeared to be city lights disappeared, it seemed as though he allowed any thought to disappear with it.

But a sudden jerk, a hit as soft as the smack of a pillow but as loud as colliding cars, shook him into reality and the empty car he sat in. Blinking, he looked around, not recognizing anything. He appeared to be in a field with no buildings, no sign of life, save for the one figure that stood in the glaring brightness of the car's headlights.

Quietly, he slid out of the backseat, bare feet touching dry rock and dirt as a cool wind howled past his head and kicked up dust. He moved around the car, standing near the driver's side as he stared uneasy at the back of Sora's head illuminated by the headlights. Kairi had removed herself from his line of vision but he could somehow still feel her presence there.

Suddenly, Sora's head cocked to the side, giving Riku a plain view of his profile and the slightly open eyes that moved to look at him. His hands hung loosely at his side as Riku's came up in slight defense against the wind.

"It's all your fault, you know?" came Sora's voice soft and casual.

Riku's face screwed into one of confusion, his head tilting slightly as he murmured out a tiny "what?" that was lost against the whistle of the wind.

"But, don't worry, Ri," Sora hummed, turning fully to face Riku his face soft and smiling, "we can make it right. All sins can be repented."

As the words left his mouth, the familiar sound of metal flying through space and air, whooshed into Sora's palm; the well-known weight settled comfortably, humming with magic and power. The sound cut through the silence of the night and hurt Riku's ears with the brightness of it.

A sick feeling began to settle in Riku's stomach as the brunet approached him with that look on his face. The same look he was given in Monstro and Never Land. The same look that was directed to him when Ansem had control of his body. The same look that he had swore he would never have to face again.

But when Sora's hand rose towards his body the Keyblade did not touch him. The hot, brilliant metal seemed to glow just mere inches from his chest, the owner's hand fully clasped at its hilt. "Do it."

Aqua eyes ran the length of the blade and up into the blue pools that stared evenly with his. He didn't understand and the confused feeling did not settle well with him as he began to shake his head. "Do...what?"

"Do it or I'll have to do it!" Sora yelled, blue eyes frantic as he thrust the blade closer, the charm jingling harshly in his ears. Riku took a defensive step back and Sora only followed.

"Do what, Sora?"

"Just do it!" he screamed and Riku flinched, eyes shutting tight against that horrible sound. His shoulders shook as his head moved from side to side. He didn't understand what was going on or what Sora was talking about, but the harshness of his voice had him fully shaken up.

He remained still, confused eyes trying to search for answers in Sora's frantic ones. "Dammit Riku! It was so easy for you to take action." He shook the powerful blade in front of Riku's face. "So easy for you to go to the Darkness. For you to turn on me." He shook the blade again, dangerously close to Riku. "So easy.." Sora's voice caught and choked, almost as if he was trying to hold back tears. Of frustration or sadness, Riku didn't know.

But the truth of what Sora said bit into him hard. His sins were so many. "Why can't you take action now!? WHY!?" The blade shook closer as Sora brought his face up to stare at him. He didn't understand. 'What am I supposed to do?' He shook his head in confusion, trying to convey that he didn't know. His voice didn't seem to be able at the moment.

Sora watched the ever so slight expression changes on Riku's face. His face would scrunch up slightly at points. But more often, those fine silver brows would be pulled tightly together on his face in some sort of uncertainly. His head moved back and forth lightly and his lips moved wordlessly, not one sound passing through from the dream realm.

The brunet laid one tan hand close to Riku's face, wanting to touch him, but not daring to.

"Fine, then." was the biting and soft reaction to Riku's unwillingness to do what Sora wanted. The Keyblade was brought back to its owner, Sora's body falling into its normal battle stance. Riku's eyes widened as not a second was spared before Sora sprang into attack and he had to move his arms to cover his abdomen.

He cried out softly as the hot metal came in contact with his skin and he heard Sora moan in frustration. "Stop fighting it, Baby. You knew this had to happen!"

Riku couldn't help but move his eyes up to see that desperate look in Sora's eyes. It looked as if he was about to cry as the hot, metallic liquid began to tumble down Riku's arms. But it didn't stop him from raising his weapon and striking again. This time, Riku's yell of pain caused Sora to scream in anger as he struck again, knocking the protective arms away from their hold on his stomach.

"Stop hurting yourself!" Sora cried, striking again and hitting Riku's side. He gasped as he could feel his own blood flow down his hip and thigh, and he desperately tried to move away from the brunet. But no matter how much he struggled to get away, Sora refused to stop following.

As he was struck again, he bit back the groan of pain as blood began to gurgle up his throat and he finally decided to try and defend himself. He threw his arm out, willing Way to the Dawn to appear, but to his dismay his palm remained cold and empty, nothing but the night wind flowing though his fingers.

He was too shocked to notice the direct hit to his stomach as he was knocked off his feet and onto the dirt. Sora stood above him, Keyblade poised and ready as Riku's hand refused to stop moving in what seemed to be a foolish attempt to bring his Keyblade to his aid. He needed it. But he didn't want to hurt Sora. He couldn't. He deserved this. This was punishment for everything he caused. All the bad things that had happened because of him.

Blue eyes stared as Riku began to toss and turn restlessly in his sleep. And the faces he was making were enough to tear Sora apart.

All of a sudden, Sora felt a surge of energy and practically jumped away from his sleeping husband. Riku's pale hand almost smacked him in the face as it swung out desperately, Way to the Dawn appearing not a moment later. It materialized and cut into the lamp on the side table, sending thick pieces of glass to the floor, the lampshade unrecognizable.

Wide eyes watched as that hand flung madly back and forth swinging the Keyblade recklessly, over and over again. He didn't appear to be actually attacking anything, just waving it back and forth nonsensically.

There was one sharp movement. One quick moment as Riku swung the Keyblade. He watched as it moved, almost in slow motion towards Riku, bringing forth his own Kingdom Key to block the potentially deadly blow to Riku's head.

The clang of metal on metal was deafening in the quiet of night. I really hope he doesn't wake up to this. The position was a familiar, unpleasant one and Sora never thought he would again be clashing blades with Riku. His Kingdom Key was not an inch from Riku's head, blocking the sharp angles of Way to the Dawn, from slicing into the pale skin of its wielder. The metallic ring still hummed in the stale air.

Suddenly Riku's hand fell listlessly to the side, fingers slack, Way to the Dawn falling and disappearing before it could land on the carpet. Sora let himself relax as his own blade vanished, his hand reaching instead to touch Riku. He needed to wake up.

It made him feel sick as tears began to well in his eyes as Sora grit his teeth and sliced at the skin of his stomach, carefully and gently, as if it was only his hands caressing the skin and not the sharp blade. The Keyblade shook in Sora's palms, and he could no longer keep it steady. He lost control. Aqua eyes opened wide as slash after slash was rained down upon his body and the skin of his abdomen was severed.

He couldn't feel anything but the searing pain as black spots danced in front of his eyes and Sora dropped to his knees. He could feel the thick liquid pool around his back and legs as the hard 'thunk' of the Keyblade falling reached his ears. Suddenly, instead of feeling a weapon's anger, he in turn felt the gentle touch of Sora's fingers as the pushed against the last remaining bits of stomach.

He groaned and pushed more blood out of his mouth as his insides were pushed around in desperation and something deep within was grasped hard and tugged out as flawless as removing a seed from a watermelon.

Riku's eyes rolled downwards in some sort of sick curiosity as he watched Sora cradle a bloody, unmoving little body to his chest. Riku's eyes widened as Sora crawled closer and bent at his waist, showing him the peaceful looking, half developed face of a baby.

The white skin of the unborn child was stark against the dark of his blood. The spots invading his vision seemed to swim and haunt him with unconsciousness as Sora nudged closer. Cerulean eyes looked hopeful and almost proud as he presented the bloody mass to Riku.

"Look, it's done." Tan hands placed the child on the ground with a near tenderness. "No more worries. It won't hurt you. There's no more darkness left."

His head felt heavy and his eyes burned as his vision spotted and faded. He could feel himself falling backwards. But he was already lying on the ground. Yet it felt like he was falling. Deeper and deeper.

What brought him out of it was warm, sticky hands on his face. Vision blurred he could make out Sora's features. And on his was a look that was worse than any heated glare the brunet had ever sent his way. Worse than any pained expression.

Tears were streaming down tan cheeks he could barely see in the darkness of night and shining blue eyes that stared down at him in… concern. And worry. Those eyes stared tearfully down at him as he faded in and out of consciousness, frantic kisses being placed to his bloodied cheeks.

"Baby. C'mon." kiss. "It's alright now. It's done. You're gonna be fine." Sticky hands tugged on his hair and shook him painfully. "You're safe."

And as much as he wanted to believe him, that safe hands were holding him, he couldn't mask the feeling of the apparent lie. So he turned his head, away from those eyes and that face, and closed his own. Death was more welcoming than the arms his lover provided. But Sora would hear nothing of it. He screeched and cried, digging bloodied nails into Riku's cheeks in order to force his face back.


"Don't do this to me! Wake up, Baby! Wake up!"

And for once, he listened.

Aquamarine eyes shot open, blurry and distorted vision searching the darkness until they landed and were drawn into the pure safety of the blue eyes hovering right above his.

Blue eyes that were laced in… concern. And worry. And pink lips that were mumbling soothing words and petting his tearstained cheeks.

Terror struck his body as a wave of tremors shook his very core. He smacked at Sora's hands and scrambled from the bed sheets, legs on autopilot as he rushed to the bathroom and collapsed to his knees. As he emptied his insides, he couldn't help the tears and choked sobs that shook his body. He couldn't see anything through the tears as he heaved and groaned in frustration and disgust.

And he couldn't help it when his whole body flinched away at soothing, loving hands on his shoulders and back, pulling his hair out of his mouth's way. As he finished being sick, his eyes refused to stop the tears and he was pulled into strong arms and against an even stronger chest.

"It's okay, Riku. Shh, you're okay, Baby. You're okay. I've got you," Sora hummed, resting his cheek against the crown of Riku's head. He rocked softly, bare legs cold against the bathroom floor but he could only feel the shaking body in his arms.

When he felt Riku's tremors lessen and the tears slow in their downward travel, he scooped him tighter in his hold and carried him out of the bathroom, eyes adjusting quickly from the hot brightness of the bathroom to the cold darkness of their bedroom. He placed Riku down ever so softly and hurried to crawl in beside him, arms once again pulling him closer and holding him tight against his body.

"It's all over Riku, just a nightmare." Sora said quietly, as a damp face was pushed against his neck and cold eyelashes brushed against his pulse. Why didn't you tell me you were having bad dreams?

And he laid there, waiting for a response. But none came. Nothing else was said, but neither one slept. Sora had tried, for Riku, but he couldn't bring himself to give way to sleep when he could still bluntly feel the stiff body in his arms. And Riku couldn't stop his thoughts from wandering to the darker recesses of his mind.

So as the sun rose, Riku rejoiced in its safe and welcoming warmth and moved with it to start another day. He crawled softly away from what he believed to be the sleeping form of his lover, and stood up to prepare breakfast. Just like every morning.

And Sora let him go, watched him walk away as if nothing had happened. He couldn't help the sick feeling that settled inside his ribs. Had Riku really done this every morning? Would he fall asleep, dream something terrible, wake up crying and throwing up, only to wait until morning to rise for the day? Would he really lie straight to Sora's face with all the times he had asked him if he was sleeping well?

But with the more he thought about it, the more he couldn't bring himself to be angry with Riku. He knew why he wasn't informed of his husband's nightly terrors but it still killed him to know there was nothing he could do about it. There wasn't any sort of remedy he could give Riku to make it all okay. And that hurt.

So he shut his eyes and listened to the random tinkering and clanging of pots and pans; and he waited to hear Riku's soft voice from the doorway, telling him it was time to wake up for work. It all felt so rehearsed to him as he murmured incoherent words in response and sat up slowly, rubbing the invisible sleep from his eyes.

Once dressed, Sora made his way into the kitchen, spotting the breakfast made for one waiting for him on the table. Riku was sitting, hunched slightly at his waist as he stirred a small cup of tea aimlessly. "Looks great, Baby," he said quietly as he took a seat and stared into the food, sparring small glances in Riku's direction.

His husband wouldn't even look at him, much less acknowledge his presence more than just slightly.

And Sora couldn't stop himself from thinking about just how dead Riku looked.

The food, although as appetizing as it may have looked, only left Sora wishing he hadn't looked at it. Everything in that moment felt so incredibly fake to him it seemed almost wrong to be eating. But he knew Riku, or so he thought, and he was almost positive that his lover would be angry with him if he didn't eat. But then again, Riku didn't look like he had the energy to be holding his head up, let alone the energy to form such a heavy emotion like anger.

But Sora ate as much as he could, giving Riku the little excuse that he was still a little full from dinner. He kissed a pale cheek and murmured a sweet 'See you later' and was out the door a little faster than usual.

He couldn't help but feel a little sense of relief once the front door was securely locked and closed.

And it killed him to feel that way. It was glaringly obvious that all was not well with Riku. But all of his sweet little conversation starters were always ignored or never truly answered. He couldn't keep going on that way. He needed answers and closure. He needed to help Riku.

But it was just like those old sayings go; 'How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?'

Sora stared hard at the innocent, somewhat swaying, red light as the thought sunk into his brain and leaked into his ribs. Could Riku really not want his help? After everything they had been through, he was still going to be the stubborn anti-hero that took all of the negative happenings upon himself?

As the car rolled forward and closer to its destination, Sora could feel his thoughts trying to drift further from Riku. Work had started to become an escape from the lifeless freeze frame that Riku seemed to always be stuck in.

And his job, an exploration leader at their local theme park, seemed to be doing the trick. He got to be around children all day, asking questions about the animals he showed them and he was always chipper and ready to answer. As worried as he may have been about Riku, he would always find the strength to put on that trademark happy face and deliver his knowledge and the occasional joke to the tour groups that sought the adventure of a "safari" expedition.

But as much as he wanted those feelings become transparent, if only for a little while, they seemed to be even more obvious. Riku was lying to him, not sleeping, barely eating. He was slowly watching his husband fade away to nothing more than a ghost and that thought terrified him.

He had no idea that the thought was terrifying Riku as well.

After Sora left, Riku began to try and find things to occupy his time, or better yet, what would keep him from falling asleep. But this time, he didn't even think he could move.

Sora knew.

Sora knew he lied.

And yet, he pretended that everything was okay.

When it was most obviously not okay.

And Riku didn't think he could deal with that. Something wasn't right, and he was sure of it. Of course he had read about how the first trimester of pregnancy wasn't always the most fun and how the sickness would eventually fade. But there were never any mentioning of this.

There weren't any mentioning of pregnant boys either.

Riku's head fell into his arms, eyes open and starring at the tablecloth. He felt hopeless.

He was sure that he would at least be excited, like Sora, by now. Cat had said that the baby was healthy, and it was surely growing. Even they could see that. But somehow, in Riku's eyes, there just couldn't be a baby inside of him.

People always say that when a woman is pregnant, they just seem to glow with unspoken happiness. Riku couldn't even feel a spark, much less a glow.

But he was in too deep now. There was something inside of him. Child or monster, something was there. And although his heart longed and prayed that it was truly a child, his mind could only see white hair and amber eyes. A monster.

Frowning, he lifted his head and stood up. This wasn't working. Somehow, all the pretty thoughts of 'when this passes' or 'when it's over' just weren't enough. He felt like he was dying. And worse, he was lying to Sora.

Gingerly, he made his way around the house, picking up here and there, rearranging and righting what was off in the house. And as he was submerged in the chore of doing the dishes, a thought slowly formed itself in his mind which sent his thoughts backtracking and doing flips.

The wet dish slipped from his fingers back into the soapy water as his eyes widened and stared hard at the dull gleaming faucet. What the hell was that, Riku? There's no way that could even be an option.

And he brushed it off. Only to find it creeping in the darkness of the house, popping up in random thoughts, spelling out in between the lines of his books, and dancing in the background of the TV screen. And as vile and disgusting as the thought was, he couldn't help but feed off of it, which left a nasty taste in the back of his throat.

When Sora came home that evening, Riku had a small dinner waiting. It was nothing special, leftovers of the stew they had the night before. But Sora couldn't bring himself to form a conversation. The whole atmosphere was quiet and tense. And Riku was simply fighting the urge to keep his eyes open.

Sora saw every single nod of the head and the flutter of those seemingly heavy eyelashes, even if Riku was none the wiser. And as he ate, the angrier he seemed to get. Why couldn't Riku see that this wasn't working? That he was becoming unhealthy and their relationship, to a point, was falling apart?

Riku dropped his fork suddenly, causing both to jump and look up at each other. Sora's expression softened a little but Riku's only seemed to stare right through him. His fingers were shaking as he grasped the utensil and with the smallest of movements, made to finish his dinner. Sora simply stared.

This wasn't Riku.

He had absolutely no idea who this person was that sat in front of him.

But he was certain that there was no way in hell it could ever be HIS Riku.

He stood up quietly, and grasped his half eaten plate, much to Riku's surprise. Aqua eyes followed his every move as he dumped his remainders back into the leftover bowl and tossed his dishes into the sink. Flipping the hot water on, he immediately started to grasp some of the utensils and scrub them clean. He was surprised when the wet dish was grabbed from him. He stared at Riku and how he quietly started to dry the plate of any remaining water.

Sora sighed softly as he tried to ignore the ridiculous tension. It was suffocating as dish after dish was handed to Riku and finally put away.

This wasn't supposed to be like this. In Sora's head, he could see them sitting on the couch laughing and talking about what they wanted the baby's room to look like, favorite names and if they really even cared if it was a boy or a girl. He could see them lying next to each other, both sets of hands on that darling little bump, dreaming and talking about holding, rocking, feeding, and even diaper changing their baby.

Their baby.

Sora jumped when the cup he had mindlessly handed to Riku didn't even make it and instead went crashing to the floor. Both sets of bare feet were suddenly covered in tiny shards of the colored glass and he saw Riku's whole frame let out a frustrated sigh. Eyebrows pinched together as Sora immediately bent to collect the pieces of glass without a word and was almost annoyed when Riku bent to help.

"I've got it, Riku. Just get away from the glass before you get cut," Sora told him quietly, grabbing and collecting all that he could see into his palm.

"It was my fault, I'll do it," Riku mumbled, ignoring Sora's suggestion and reaching for the shards.

"I said forget about it, Riku. Get away from it," Sora snapped, bringing his face up to stare at Riku who was looking at him in disbelief.

"What the hell is your problem?" he asked as he stood, eyeing the brunet as the remaining pieces were gathered and Sora was standing as well.

"What about you, Riku? What's your problem?" Sora countered, dropping the pieces into the garbage and moving to take the ones Riku had gathered.

He was completely silent when the hand he reached for was pulled away. "I don't need you doing everything for me, Sora."

Riku moved around him and Sora stared at the spot where his husband just stood. He could feel his anger and frustration bubbling in the pit of his stomach and he turned on his heel to face Riku, blue eyes darkening.

"Apparentlyyou don't need me for a lot of things, Riku! Were you ever going to tell me you weren't sleeping, or were you just going to continue to lie to me about it?" he asked, hands folding over his chest as Riku stared at him in a mixture of shock and disbelief.

"Just don't worry about it, Sora," Riku mumbled and made to walk around the brunet, but was stopped by a strong hand suddenly grabbing his elbow.

"Don't worry about it?" he cried, turning Riku so that he faced Sora completely, tan hands on the curves of both shoulders.

"That is the stupidest thing you could ever come up with, Riku! Asking me to not worry about it is like asking me not to worry about you or our baby! I just want to help you!"

"Well, you can't! You want to help me so much? Then you be the pregnant one! I can't do this anymore Sora!" Riku yelled, feeling the tears burn in the back of his eyes as his vision blurred. He made to break from Sora's hold, but the brunet wouldn't budge.

"Let me go."

And he did. Sora watched as Riku tore through the house and disappeared into their bedroom, door closing with an earth shattering slam.

Riku's body nearly collapsed on the bed as his knees gave out and finally, hot stinging tears leaked from his eyes. This wasn't working. He was ruining Sora.

And he would be damned if he had a hand in ruining Sora again.

So as the clock ticked innocently on the bedside table, Riku's thoughts blurred from self-hatred to that horrible, gut-wrenching thought from earlier. And the thought turned into an idea, which in time transformed into a possibility. Then finally, an answer.

It was well over an hour when Sora quietly entered the bedroom, bare feet barely making a sound on the plush carpet. He went around the bed to Riku's side, startled to find him awake and starring off into oblivion. He gently kneeled beside him, tan hands reaching for a curled up fist.

"Riku, I'm sorry for yelling, but... you can't go on like this. Please, Baby. Talk to me," he begged, eyes welling up at the sight of the remainders of tears and the apparent pink puffiness of his husband's eyes.

And to his surprise, aqua eyes moved to face his and he almost had to look away from just how lifeless those eyes appeared.

"I can't do this, Sora."

Blue eyes blinked at how rough the voice sounded, how the eyes suddenly glimmered with more tears, and how the fist in his hold clenched tightly. He forced a small smile to his lips and he nodded his head mutely.

"Yes you can, Baby. I know it's hard, Riku, but-"

"Sora-"

"...we can do this together, Baby. You aren't alone, and-"

"Sora-"

"...I know we can, Ri. Think how much we've been through together, how much we've grown and seen, Riku we can do this. You can do this-"

"I want to have an abortion."

--oOo--

TBC

This was a pain to write. And although it took so long to come out, it is almost double the length of previous chapters.

We could have ended it at an earlier place, but this was really the best stopping point.

Be sure to check out the Live Journal link in our profile to see Riku's pregnancy progress and baby images.