(A/N) I'd like to thank Mystical Beckie and Alex the Anachronistic for reviewing as well as any anonymous reviews I may have forgotten.

Some people have wondered about the location of this story. It will be set outside of Forks as there are relatively few vampires there. Other than that, there really is no definite setting. This is supposed to be funny as it is a parody. The characters will be OOC on occasion; I hope this fact does not bother anyone. I am also ignoring any plot points from the series that don't conform to my story.

Summary: We all know that many vampires have trouble controlling their need for human blood once they've decided to live life like the Cullen family. What if Carlisle, being a doctor, decided to help them by starting a support group? What if his whole family went along for the ride? Hilarity ensues as a group of vampires deal with their addictions.

Warning: This story contains references to some material that may not be appropriate for young children. It also has several religious references, so if any of this makes you uncomfortable don't read it.

Disclaimer:I do not own Twilight, nor do I own AA or any related trademarks.

Advertising and Design

Edward groaned as he picked up a stack of multicolor fluorescent papers. He still maintained that this could only be a bad idea. He spent his time tracking down dangerous, bloodthirsty vampires when he would much rather be with Bella.

It was the same thing every day. Smell dangerous vampire, chase aforementioned vampire, convince them they need counseling, hand out flier and directions to the meetings. Several of the vampires he encountered were less than trilled about him suggesting that they needed help and, on occasion, got somewhat violent. Bella was in a state of constant panic that Edward might not come back from dealing with them one day.

Carlisle was having only slightly better luck. His age and connections to the vampire world earned him at the very least a bit of civility from those he came in contact with. More often than not however, he was politely rejected. He began to harbor some doubts as to whether or not it was possible to help those who didn't wish to be helped.

Of all of those advertising, Alice had the most luck. The little pixie could be extremely scary when she felt like it and she used that to he full advantage. A number of vampires said they would consider going just to avoid her wrath. Many of them were too afraid of her to show up however.

After they had finished their advertising, they still had to get the room ready for the meetings. Carlisle had secured a room in the basement of the hospital, even though a place with human blood being prevalent may have been a bad idea. They chose to have it at a hospital as opposed to a church for the simple reason that vampires and religious institutions don't mix well.

The room was large enough to fit everyone they expected, but not so large as to feel overwhelming. The walls had been painted a pale blue to have a calming effect. There were no windows that could leak sunlight into the room and cause a nearly blinding sparkling with all of the vampires in the room. The carpet was a neutral gray, but that could end up being a poor color choice if any of the guests had food on their shoes. There was a chalkboard on the front wall and a cork board on one of the side walls, both for announcements and working on recovery. Over the chalkboard, Alice had painted a large banner that proudly announced, "People are Friends, not Food" in a rainbow of colors. Chairs were arranged in rows facing the front of the room with an aisle down the middle. In the back, a bookcase was set up with books related to recovery, group pamphlets, and cards and sheets with the names and phone numbers of more experienced group members, like the Cullen-Hales.

All in all, the room didn't look too bad. It was at the very least acceptable. The walls were eventually covered in posters promoting resisting temptation and peaceful coexistence with the object of their addiction.

As Alice spun around the room admiring the work that had been done, she stopped as she suddenly had a vision. What she saw must have been comical as she was captured in a fit of giggles for three or four minutes.

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what did you see Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"Well obviously I can't tell you. All I have to say is that Eddie here has to speak at the first meeting," with this, she fell over in another fit of silent laughter.

Edward didn't like the sound of that at all, so he tried to see into his sister's mind. When he couldn't see anything useful, he grew even more worried. If Alice wasn't willing to share, it must mean an impending horribly embarrassing moment for him.

"Alice," he said as a warning growl.

"No, you'll just have to wait and see. Just like everyone else."

Thanks to Mystical Beckie for the slogan that is painted across the front of the room.

Alice is a rather devious creature isn't she? Any plot suggestions are appreciated. As are reviews.