I felt that chapter three wasn't cracky enough, so I decided to update super fast for everybody. Thank you to all the reviewers. This chapter is dedicated to Ashley, Sagakure, Blood-Lies, angelthewriter, Kar-Kar93, Risika135, VampireMaddy, svetili, InuYashaFreak, VampireKnightLover, daydreamer11691, Dawn Haruno, pookie, tchb, aileen9505, It's Shiki Bitch, EvilMonkeyKween, -Violet-Rebel-, and anyone else who reviewed and I posted this chapter before I got your review. Tell me if I missed you and I'll give you a Kuran cookie.

This chapter is also dedicated to kAtiE-lUvs-mcr, who was the first person to review the last chapter and gets to be a Kaname stalker in this chapter. Yeah stalker! You get to be in a flashback. I didn't know how you would act as a Kaname stalker, so I just wrote how I would react…which is pretty sad.

Yes, this chapter starts off with a flashback.

Disclaimer: The lawyers keep beating me up with their Law Books of Doom! I don't own Vampire Knight. Leave me alone you evil lawyers! –runs away as more books are thrown at her-

Warning: Stalkery. And lots of OOCness spewing from the characters. Okay, that sounded kind of wrong. Haruka, my love, is so out of character that you wouldn't recognize him.

Attempt #4

Zero couldn't believe he lost Yuuki again. He turns around for one minute while on patrol, and when he turns back around she's gone. He had smelled her blood, and Aidou had walked by a few minutes ago, but Zero just ignored the blonde vampire.

"God, this is the fifth time I've lost track of her. Maybe she's stalking Kaname…" said Zero. He turned a corner, and let out a yelp of surprise when something crashed into him. Something very sexy. Zero was face-to-face with Kaname Kuran, who was clutching him tightly. The other vampire looked like his clothes had just gone through a shredder. His hair was disheveled and there was a frightened panic in his eyes. He was slightly out of breath as he addressed Zero.

"Have…to…help me. The fangirl…and the screaming…and the…" Kaname was starting to sound more and more crazed as his grip on Zero tightened. Zero tried to pull away from Kaname, but the pureblood wouldn't let him go.

"Calm down, Kuran! What's happening?"

"There was this girl…stalker…she said her name was Katie-luvs-mcr. Then all of a sudden she started ripping my clothes and trying to kiss me and…I'm scared!" yelled Kaname. He started crying on Zero's shoulder. Zero awkwardly patted Kaname's back.

"C-calm down, Kaname. It's going to be okay…"

"Why do these fangirls keep following me?! And what the hell is Zeki?! That's not even a word!" Kaname was slowly starting to calm down…until a girl's voice broke the silence.

"Kaname-kun!" A girl came around the corner and started running towards the two vampires. She had a shirt on with Kaname's picture on it.

"Oh no, she's found me," whispered Kaname. He took a few steps back as the girl got closer.

"Kaname-kun! Just let me rape you once and I swear I'll leave you alone."

"No! Only Zero is allowed to-I mean, leave me alone!" And then Kaname proceeded to run away…sexily.

Attempt #4- A Uber Fancy French Restaurant

Kaname and Yuuki Kuran sat at the table of the fancy French restaurant. It was so fancy that it didn't even have a name. Yuuki and Kaname were snuggled close to each other and making lovey-dovey eyes at each other. Yuuki hugged Kaname closer.

"I'm so happy I decided to let you out of the basement early. Have you learned your lesson, my love?" asked Yuuki, sweetly. To sweetly.

"Yes, Yuuki," said Kaname, smiling. His left eye now had a permanent twitch. Yuuki sighed happily and rested her head against Kaname's chest.

"Do you remember the times before I lost my memories? Our time with mom and dad?"

"Yes, I remember this one time, before you were born, when Uncle Rido came to visit…"

"Haruka! Haruka! Haruka! Rido is biting me!" screamed Juuri. Rido had his fangs permanently latched to her neck and she was trying to pull away from him. Small, cute Kaname was just staring in horror. Staring in all his chibi cuteness. Haruka didn't turn away from the TV set when he addressed Juuri.

"Shut up! I'm watching American Idol, dammit!" He burped and continued to chug down another can of beer. Kaname walked up to Haruka and shook his shoulder.

"Daddy, I think uncle is hurting mommy and he keeps touching her-"

"Then you go help her," snapped Haruka.

"But…I'm only two!"

"Go on son, be a man. Now run along so I can finish my Ryan Seacrest fangirling."

"Yes, those were the good old days," said Kaname fondly. Yuuki nodded.

"Mother and father were so nice. They were the perfect couple…"

"You never think about my needs, Haruka! All you care about is yourself and that stupid TV."

"It's always about you, huh, Juuri? It's always 'Help Haruka, Rido is trying to rape me' or 'Help Haruka, I'm in labor'. God, you're such a pain."

"I'm going to go and destroy that stupid TV of yours and-"

"Be quiet, women!"

Yuuki and Kaname both sighed happily. Kaname was thinking about how peaceful it was before Yuuki was born. Yuuki was thinking about yaoi. Yuuki turned and looked up at Kaname.

"We're always going to be together and happy like mother and father, right?"

"Yes. Always."

"And we're going to have beautiful children together?"

"Don't push it, Yuuki." Yuuki glared at Kaname, but they were both interrupted by the waiter arriving at their table. He had a thick black mustache, silver hair, pretty purple eyes and…wait a second.

"You look familiar…" said Yuuki. She examined the waiter closer. "Do I know you?"

"Um...no. I have never met you before, Yuuki," said the waiter in a thick, fake French accent. He nervously pulled his collar up and tried to hide the tattoo on his neck. Kaname rolled his eyes, absolutely sure that Yuuki would not fall for Zero's horrible disguise.

"Oh, never mind. There's no way Zero could pull off such a wonderful French accent."

Or she could fall for it completely.

"Here is your menu," said Zero the waiter. He gave the menus to the two purebloods. "I suggest the Bloody Rose pasta." Yuuki looked up at him, confused.

"But that's not on the menu…"

"Get the freaking Bloody Rose pasta."

"Actually, Yuuki wanted the-"started Kaname, but Zero cut him off with a glare.

"Sexy people don't have a say in the matter. I'll go get your pasta." He grabbed the menus and quickly walked away. Yuuki continued staring at him.

"He looks so familiar…"

"Oh God," said Kaname, slapping himself in the face.

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"All you do is stick the barrel of the…pasta into your mouth and pull the…pasta trigger," explained Zero as he placed Yuuki's plate on the table. His plan would work out perfectly this time. Yuuki picked up the Bloody Rose, which was wrapped in noodles, and looked at it.

"Then what?" she asked. Zero stuttered nervously.

"T-then…your mouth is filled with…pasta goodness," he replied. All Kaname could do was stare at the two in wonder. He couldn't believe how stupid the plan was…and that Yuuki was actually falling for it. Kaname sighed. Well, he might as well save Yuuki. He leaned closer to Yuuki and whispered in her ear, to low for Zero to hear. She nodded eagerly. She aimed the gun at her mouth, and then her hand suddenly jerked and aimed at Zero's shoulder. She pulled the trigger.

"Ow! What the hell!? How do you miss your mouth?!" Zero screamed, clutching his bleeding shoulder. Yuuki seemed surprised that blood was coming out of Zero's shoulder, too.

"Oniisama said that it's a custom in France to let the waiter try the food first," answered Yuuki. She looked at Kaname, who was laughing so hard that everyone was paying more attention to him then the bleeding waiter.

"I-I…can't believe…how stupid…you two…oh god!" chocked out Kaname. He continued his laughing…sexily.

Yuuki remained forever confused.

I heart Haruka/Juuri. That's why I totally screwed up their relationship. Hope you guys liked this chapter. I'll try to update as soon as I can.