Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I go to college full time as well as work part time, so i've been extremely busy. I now have the whole story done, so I'm going to go ahead and post the remaining two chapters as well. Enjoy, and please review!
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the story itself.
Margaret sat in her room thinking about the conversation she'd had with Trapper after she had found Hawkeye and him. Hawkeye had gone back to his room to take a nap, and, after she made sure he was safely in his room, Margaret went back down to talk to Trapper.
"So, how exactly did you and Hawkeye end up traveling together? From what Hawkeye tells me, it sounds like you've been there for him since the beginning." Trapper was curious. He never would have thought that Hawkeye and Margaret would be able to stand being together any longer than they had to, much less travel together. Obviously much had changed since he had left Korea.
"Well, it's kind of a long story. I was tired of army life, so I decided not to re-enlist. Of course, the meant I was out of a job. Colonel Potter told me that Hawkeye was looking for a nurse, so I decided to apply. When I arrived, Hawkeye was only having short periods where his vision would grow dimmed and blurred, but they were growing more and more frequent. It just so happened that at the time that I arrived, Hawkeye was having one of those periods. I convinced his to see an optometrist. You already know about how Hawkeye was diagnosed, so I'll go ahead and skip that. After he found out that he was going blind, Hawkeye knew he'd have to give up his practice. He also knew that he wanted to see all of his friends from the 4077th again before he went blind, so he decided to travel around and visit them. He also knew that as his vision worsened, he wouldn't be able to travel by himself, so he asked me if I'd be willing to travel with him. I agreed, so, here we are."
"You love him, don't you?" he asked suddenly.
Margaret was shocked. She never expected Trapper to ask anything like that. "What do you mean?" she asked, flustered.
"Don't try to pretend that you don't. I know that you do. I can tell by the way that you act around him, and by the way you look at him. Come on, Margaret, tell me the truth."
Margaret sighed. "Yes, I do." she answered quietly. "I was hoping that no one would notice."
Trapper laughed. "You just invited the entire 4077th here. There's no way you'd be able to keep it a secret. I know for a fact for Colonel Potter would notice right away. Why don't you want anyone to know?"
"Trapper, I never intended to fall in love with him. I didn't even realize it until I found out that he was going blind."
"When did you fall in love with him? The last time I saw you two, you were fighting like cats and dogs."
"I'm not exactly sure. It was sometime before the end of the war. I think it started when we were trapped in that hut together when we were sent to the aid station that bugged out."
Trapper looked puzzled. "I don't remember that."
"Oh that's right. That was after you left. Hawkeye and I were sent to help at an aid station, but they bugged out before we got there because the shelling was getting a little too close. Hawkeye and I ended up having to spend the night in this little hut with shelling going on all around. At first, I didn't want him anywhere near me, but I got scared and he came over by me anyway. I fell asleep in his arms that night, Trapper. When we finally got back to the 4077th, I acted like nothing had happened. I made myself believe that, too, at least until the war was over and it came time to leave Korea. I had finished saying goodbye to everyone except for Hawkeye. When it came time to say goodbye to him, he pulled me into a hug and kissed me. I'd never had one like that before. Not from Donald, my ex-husband, not from Frank, not from anyone. I've never forgotten that kiss, Trapper. Believe me, I've tried. I just can't."
"Does he know all of this?" Trapper asked.
Margaret shook her head. "No. I'd never even think of telling him. He doesn't feel the same way about me. I know he doesn't. It's like you said, we used to fight like cats and dogs. Why would he want to marry someone that he'd just fight with all the time?"
Trapper smiled inside. This looked like a perfect matchmaking opportunity, something that he loved. He knew for certain that Hawkeye did indeed like Margaret. Hawkeye had admitted that to him this afternoon. Hawkeye didn't know, however, that Margret liked him. Hawkeye didn't think that anyone would want him now that he was going blind.
"Don't be so sure about that," he said, repeating what he had told Hawkeye this morning when Hawkeye told him there was no way Margaret liked him. "I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Hawkeye does like you. Just be careful. Hawkeye is still very insecure about going blind. He thinks that no woman would want the burden of caring for him the rest of his life." He watched Margaret intently while saying this. Her reaction would tell him how much she really loved Hawkeye.
Margaret looked shocked, then outraged. "How could he even think such a thing? Taking care of him isn't a burden at all! Why would someone ever think such a thing?"
"So she really does love him," Trapper thought to himself. He hadn't really doubted her; he'd just wanted to make sure. He didn't want to see Hawkeye or Margaret get hurt.
"Why don't you tell him how you feel about him? If you really love him, you should be honest with him." Trapper instructed.
Margaret looked terrified at first, but after she thought about it for a few minutes, she agreed. "Okay, I will. I want to wait until after the reunion, however. I don't want things to be strained between us at the reunion. That would be hard on everyone."
"Margaret, I know you. If you wait, you're going to lose your nerve. Why don't you go find him now and tell him?"
"No!" Margaret almost screamed. "I couldn't do that! What if he doesn't like me? Then everyone's going to know that something's wrong between the two of us at the reunion."
"Margaret, you two never got along in Korea. Why would people expect it to be any different now that you're back in the States?"
Margaret sighed. "You're right. I know you are. But I'm terrified, Trapper. What if he doesn't like me?"
Trapper pulled her into a hug. "Then you'll know the truth," he replied. "Isn't that better than not knowing?"
Margaret nodded. "Okay," she said. "I'll go talk to him." She pulled away from Trapper and started towards the elevator. When she got there, she reached out to press the button to go up to the floor where her and Hawkeye's rooms were, but stopped. She turned around and looked at Trapper.
He nodded at her, urging her on. "Go ahead, Margaret. You can do it."
Margaret took a deep breath, and once again reached out to touch the button. This time she pressed it. The elevator doors opened with a ding, and she got in. She turned around and caught Trapper's eye, holding it until the doors closed completely.
When the doors opened again, she was on the third floor, where her and Hawkeye's rooms were. Taking another deep breath, Margaret stepped out of the elevator and walked towards room 312, Hawkeye's room.
When she reached the room, Margaret paused, and then knocked on the door. "Come in," she heard a sleepy voice say.
Margaret opened the door and called out softly, "Hawk, it's me, Margaret."
"Come on in, Margaret." He replied.
She came in, closing the door behind her. She clasped her hands together, attempting to stop their trembling. It didn't work.
"What did I tell you about letting just anyone into your room?" she scolded, walking over to the bed and sitting down on the edge, beside where Hawkeye was lying.
"And what did I tell you? I said that I could tell when it's you. I can tell by your footsteps."
"I still wish you wouldn't do that. It's not safe."
Hawkeye sat up and reached out a hand to caress her face. "Are you worried about me?" he asked softly.
Margaret was too choked up to speak, so she just nodded instead. As hard as she tried to hold back her tears, she couldn't. A few drops ran down her face and splashed onto Hawkeye's hand.
He jerked his hand away startled, and then put it back to her face. Feeling moisture, he brought his thumb up to her eye and wiped away the tears that were forming there.
"Why are you crying, Margaret?" he asked, his voice ever so soft and gentle, the softest and gentlest Margaret had ever heard it.
Margaret shook her head. "I don't know," she whispered.
"Yes, you do." Hawkeye prodded his voice even more soft and gentle than it was before. "Tell me? Please? Is it me?" he asked, his voice cracking with emotion.
Margaret shook her head at first, and then ever so slightly she nodded.
"Is it something I did? Did I do something wrong?"
Margaret shook her head. "Oh, Hawkeye, you haven't done anything wrong," she whispered. "Not a thing!"
"Then what is it?" he prodded again, his voice still soft and gentle. "What can I do to fix it?"
"Oh, Hawkeye, it's nothing you did. In fact, I'm not really sure it was you at all. It was me!" she cried softly.
"What did you do?" he asked ever so softly.
"I fell in love with you, Benjamin. That's what I did. I fell in love with you." With that, Margaret got up and ran from the room.
Hawkeye sat on his bed in shock. She loved him? When had this happened? After a few seconds, he shook himself out of it and got up off the bed. As quickly as he could, he made his way to the door and opened it. Where had she gone? He thought for a few moments, and then made his way to her room.
Hawkeye knocked softly on Margaret's door. "Margaret?" he called softly. When he didn't get an answer, he opened the door. He knew she was in there. He could hear her. One benefit of him going blind is that his hearing had sharpened incredibly.
Hawkeye walked into the room and slowly, carefully, made his way over to her bed. When he reached it, he sat down on the edge. The room was dark, so he couldn't see exactly where she was, but he knew she was on the bed. He stretched out his hand, feeling around on the bed until his hand brushed over something soft and silky. He moved his hand back to where he'd felt it. Hair. It was Margaret's hair. He followed it up to her head.
Hawkeye sat on the edge of Margaret's bed, stroking her hair. He could feel her body shaking, so he knew she was still crying. He sat in silence for the next few minutes, trying to get his thought and feelings back under control.
Finally, he spoke. "Margaret." No answer. He tried again. "Margaret." Still no verbal answer. However, this time she moved, moving her head farther under Hawkeye's hand. He smiled. Well, that was a little bit of improvement.
He tried again. "Margaret," he said. This time, although he had tried very hard to hide his emotions, his voice cracked. "Margaret, why? Why did you fall in love with me?" he choked out. Tears started running down his face.
Margaret turned over so she could see his face. When she realized he was crying, she sat up. "I don't know, exactly. I just did. I tried not to, but it happened anyway." She paused, trying to get her thoughts organized. "I didn't want to fall in love again. I'd been hurt too many times. I couldn't stop myself. It seemed like the more I told myself that I couldn't fall in love with you, the deeper in love I fell."
Hawkeye placed his hands around her waist and pulled her into his lap. He buried his face in her hair. "Oh, Margaret, I don't deserve your love. You deserve someone better than me. I'm not good enough for you!" he cried.
"Benjamin, you are the only person I've ever truly loved. You're more than good enough for me. In fact, I'm the one that's not good enough for you. Why would you want me after the way I treated you, after the way I acted with Frank and with Donald?"
He looked up and looked into her face. "Because I love you, Margaret. That's why. I don't know when I fell in love with you, but it happened. Remember that night in the abandoned hut? That was the night when I first knew that I loved you. I didn't want to let you go. I didn't want you to move from my arms. You were the perfect fit."
"You mean you really do love me?" Margaret asked, almost afraid to hope.
"Oh, Margaret, yes, I love you! I love you more than anything! I love you so much it hurts!" He whispered. "But I never dreamed that you would love me."
Margaret laughed through her tears. "Look at us. We've both loved each other but thought the other one could never love us. What fools we are!"
"Shh," Hawkeye said. "You're not the fool. I am. I waited until you told me that you loved me before I told you how I felt. I should have told you long before now."
Margaret started to say something, but he stopped her with a kiss. When he went to pull away, Margaret wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss.
"Margaret," he mumbled. "We need to stop." That just made Margaret deepen the kiss even more.
"Margaret, stop! If we don't stop now, I won't be able to stop. We don't need to do this, not right now."
Margaret finally pulled away. She looked confused.
"It's not that I don't want to go farther, Margaret. Believe me; I would love to continue what we just started. I think we need to think about this first. Look, you stay here on the bed, and I'll go sit over in the chair, okay?'
"Stay," she said softly. "Please."
Hawkeye groaned. "Margaret, don't do this to me. I have to put some distance between us or I'm gonna want to kiss you again. Not hat I don't want to kiss you again," he hurried to add, "but we need to talk right now. Okay?"
Margaret nodded, so Hawkeye stood up and went over to the chair. He sat down, and then hopped back up the next second. He moved the chair next to the bed, and then sat down again. "Look, Margaret, I love you, I really do, but you need to think about this. I'm going blind, Margaret. Do you realize what that means? It means that if we get married, you'll be stuck taking care of me until I die." Hawkeye started to say more, but Margaret put her hand over his lips to stop him.
"I realize exactly what that means, Ben. It means that I will get to take care of you the rest of our life. It means that I'll be able to show you just how much I love you. I won't be stuck taking care of you; I'll get the privilege of taking care of you, of helping you, until we die. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you, Benjamin Franklin Pierce. And I won't be taking care of you; I'll be spending my life with you, helping you."
Hawkeye had tears streaming down his face. Margaret reached up and gently brushed them away. "I love you, Ben."
"Oh, Margaret," was all Hawkeye was able to choke out before he pulled her into his lap and held her tightly.
Margaret didn't say anything, she just held him, comforted him, and cried with him.
Several minutes passed with neither of them speaking. Finally, Hawkeye spoke up. "Margaret, what did I do to deserve you? How did I get someone as good as you?"
Margaret smiled through her tears. "You were you. You were Hawkeye. You didn't have to do anything."
A knock sounded on Margaret's door, interrupting them. Margaret gave Hawkeye a quick kiss, and then got up to see who it was. When she looked through the peephole, she got a smile on her face. "Ben, come here," she said softly.
Hawkeye got up quickly. Since he was unable to see her smile, he thought something was wrong. "What is it, Margaret? What's wrong?" he asked as he quickly and quietly moved towards the door.
"Nothing's wrong." Margaret said. She threw open the door. Standing in the hallway was Colonel Potter.
"Colonel! What are you doing here?" exclaimed Hawkeye.
"You needn't cal me Colonel anymore, son. Call me Sherman. We're not in the army anymore. I'm here to see you, of course. Well actually, I was planning on seeing Margaret first, but it looks like plans have changed." Colonel Potter looked back and forth between Hawkeye and Margaret. "Did I interrupt something?" he asked. "I can come back later."
"No, no, Colonel, I mean Sherman, you're fine," Margaret and Hawkeye said at the same time. They each looked at the other in surprise and smiled.
"Well, well," said Colonel Potter. "It appears that I misunderstood why I was coming here."
Margaret quickly shot him a look that warned him to be quiet.
Hawkeye saw the look, but didn't let on to Margaret that he had. "So, why exactly did you come here, Col-, I mean Sherman?"
"Well, I thought I was coming just to visit a few old friends. Margaret called me the other day, son. I know that you're going blind. She said that the two of you and Charles were all here in Boston, and seeing as it had been so long, I figured I'd come on out and you all a visit."
Hawkeye didn't believe him, but easily hid that fact from Margaret. "I thought you hated flying," he said.
"I do." Colonel Potter replied. "Just not enough to come see some old friends that I haven't seen for a long time. Especially when one of those friends needs me."
Hawkeye turned to Margaret. "Do you mind if the Colonel and I go talk?" he asked.
Margaret smiled. "No, not at all. We can finish our conversation later." she said. "Go on. I don't mind, I really don't."
Hawkeye gave her a quick smile, and then led the way out of Margaret's room. "Where would you like to talk at, Colonel?"
Colonel Potter started to correct him on the use of his old military title, but just smiled instead. Old habits don't die. "How bout down in the lounge?"
"Sure. Sounds good to me. Would you mind leading the way?" Hawkeye asked, staying where he was when Colonel Potter started moving towards the elevator.
Colonel Potter stopped and came back, taking Hawkeye's arm. "Sure. Sorry about that."
Hawkeye smiled and waved it off. "Don't worry about it. I don't mind. It takes awhile, I know."
As they rode the elevator down, Colonel Potter asked, "So how bad is your vision?"
Hawkeye got a serious look on his face. "It's bad, Colonel. All I can see anymore are very dim and blurry shapes. I can't make out features or details anymore, even if I'm right next to someone. That's on good days like today. Most days I can hardly see at all, and on the worst days, I can't see anything. Everything's black. It's bad, Colonel."
"Forgive me if I'm being too nosy, but does Margaret know how bad it is?"
Hawkeye sighed. "No. She knows that it's very bad, and of course she knows when I can't see at all, but she doesn't really know how bad it is."
"Why haven't you told her?" Colonel Potter stated. By this time, they were sitting in the lounge.
"I don't want her to know. It's hard on her, Colonel. She hates seeing me like this, and I hate that she has to see me like this. If she knew just how bad it was, it would really hurt her."
"Hawkeye-"
"No, Colonel, let me finish. If she knew that it's almost every day now that I can't see anything, it would hurt her."
"Hawkeye-" Colonel Potter tried again.
"I can't bear to see her hurt, Colonel. I just can't."
Colonel Potter tried again. "Hawkeye-"
"Colonel, please. Let-"
"Ben, why didn't you tell me?" Margaret asked, standing only a few feet away, tears streaming down her face. She had been walking by the lounge on her way to go find Charles when she had overheard Hawkeye and Colonel Potter talking. She had inched closer when she had heard what they were talking about. That's why Colonel Potter had kept trying to interrupt Hawkeye. He'd been trying to warn him.
Hawkeye stood up and walked over to Margaret. "I didn't want to see you hurting. I know how much it hurts you every time you realize how bad I'm getting. I can't stand to see you hurt." he said, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a hug.
Margaret surrendered to the comfort of his arms while Colonel Potter sat at the table and looked on in shock. These two were not the same Margaret Houlihan and Hawkeye Pierce that he'd known in Korea. The Margaret Houlihan he knew would never have been willing to let Hawkeye explain, much less let him hold her like that, and the Hawkeye Pierce he knew would have been furious at Margaret for eavesdropping and never would have comforted her like that. Something was obviously different.
"I'm sorry," Hawkeye whispered into Margaret's ear. "I should have told you. I just didn't want to see you hurting. It hurts me to know that you're hurting and I can't do anything about it."
Hawkeye pulled away slightly and led her over to where he and Colonel Potter had been sitting. Hawkeye sat back down, and then gently pulled Margaret into his lap, wrapping his arms back around her when she had sat down.
While all this was going on, Colonel Potter started piecing things together. He had known from the moment those two had arrived back from the abandoned aid station in Korea that they were in love, but he hadn't realized until now that they both now knew they were in love. Now that he realized that, he was able to fit everything together. That explained why Margaret had called him about a reunion for the 4077th. It also gave him some idea of what Hawkeye and Margaret had been talking about when he'd interrupted them with his arrival.
Since the two were obviously oblivious to the fact that there was anyone else in the room, Colonel Potter cleared his throat, causing both Hawkeye and Margaret to startle.
"Sorry, Colonel." Hawkeye apologized, quite obviously flustered.
"No problem, kids. However, I would like to be clued in as to what's happened between the two of you. When we were in Korea, you two couldn't stand the sight of each other. Now, it appears to be quite the opposite."
"Well, it's kind of a long story, but basically what happened is Margaret and I are in love. We have been for some time, actually but neither of us knew that the other was in love until tonight. That's what we were talking about when you knocked on Margaret's door."
"Well, it appears that I showed up at the wrong time. Seeing as it's getting late and all, why don't the three of us turn in for the night? I can finish catching up with you later."
Hawkeye smiled. Colonel Potter's intentions were quite obvious. "Sounds good, Colonel. What room are you staying in?"
"Room 215," replied Colonel Potter.
"Okay. Margaret and I are in rooms 311 and 312. Let us know if you need anything. We'll be up shortly."
"Okay. Sounds good. I'll see you kids in the morning."
"Goodnight, Colonel," Margaret said.
Colonel Potter smiled. "Goodnight, Margaret; Goodnight, Pierce."
"Goodnight, Colonel." Hawkeye replied. However, his attention was not on Colonel Potter, but rather on Margaret.
Colonel Potter chuckled to himself as he rode the elevator up to his room. He remembered what it was like to be young and in love.
Back downstairs, Hawkeye and Margaret started towards the elevator, with Margaret guiding Hawkeye. At nights, when Hawkeye was tired, his vision was at its worst, even on good days.
"I'm sorry, Margaret." Hawkeye said suddenly.
"What do you have to be sorry for?" Margaret asked, surprised.
"I should be the one offering my arm to you, instead of you offering yours. Why would you want someone like me? You could have someone so much better, someone who's not losing his sight. Someone that you could live a wonderful, fun-filled life with."
"I don't want that someone. I want you, Ben. You're the one I love. Sight or no sight. It doesn't matter to me that you can't see. The only thing that matters is that we love each other."
They had arrived at Margaret's room by now. She reached into her pocket and took out the key, unlocking the door. When she had finished, Hawkeye gently removed Margaret's guiding hand from his arm, and took her arm in his hand. He flicked on the light as they entered the room and led Margaret to the bed.
"I love you, Margaret Houlihan," he said softly. "Are you ready to continue our conversation now?" Margaret nodded, so he continued. "I want you to be sure about this. Are you sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with me? It's going to mean a lot of work for you."
"I'm sure, Ben. I want to spend the rest of my life with you no matter what. I don't care how much work it is or how hard it is. It won't be hard if we're together. I need you, Ben."
"I need you, too, Margaret. I need you more that I've needed anyone before, and I need you more now than I ever have before. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together."
"Is that a proposal?" Margaret asked.
Hawkeye smiled and gave her a kiss. "No, it's not. Not yet, anyways. Now get to bed. I'll see you in the morning, beautiful."
After giving Margaret another kiss, Hawkeye got up and went to his own room.
Margaret lay awake for a long time that night, thinking about many things. She thought about what she had found out tonight, about how bad Hawkeye's eyesight really was. It wouldn't be too much longer before he was completely blind. She was glad everyone was arriving for the reunion tomorrow, and could only hope that the next couple of days would be good days for Hawkeye's eyes.