"Oi, Kagura, it's time to go!" Gin exclaimed.
"Sougo, get your ass to bed!" Hijikata exclaimed at the same time Gin had yelled at Kagura.
"SHUT UP!!!!!!" Okita and Kagura exclaimed, both grabbing the ends of the Candy Land game board and chucking it at Hijikata and Gin (kinda ironic how they are the same height).
Well, of course, the board was dead on, smacking both of the dead-fish eyed men right on the nose.
"Okay, new strategy," Gin muttered, as he got back up from being knocked over by the board.
"We don't stand next to each other?" Hijikata asked.
"That could work."
Gin and Hijikata moved so that they had Shinpachi and Kondo were in the middle.
"Yosh!" Gin exclaimed, "Now see if you can hit us both!"
"Oi, China," Okita whispered, "They stole our game board."
"Why would they do something like that?" Kagura whispered.
"What are you guys talking about?!" Shinpachi, the straight man, exclaimed.
"Oi, the straight man made us seem stupid," whispered Okita.
"What should we do about it?" Kagura whispered back.
"Let's throw something at him."
"Yeah!"
Kagura pulled out her umbrella and Sougo pilled out his bazooka, and they both shot at Shinpachi.
"How's that throwing something?!" Shinpachi exclaimed as he ran away from the bullets.
"You think he'd learn not to respond to they're stupidity!" Kondo laughed
"Oi, gorilla just called us stupid, and made a joke that isn't funny," Okita whispered.
"Let's throw him into the dumpster!" Kagura exclaimed.
"No," Okita responded, "That wouldn't be cool… Lets hang him on the falg pole by his underwear!"
In a matter of five seconds Kondo was hanging form the flag ple by his underwear, while the childish duo was laughing at him.
All that remained was Hijikata and Gin. Kagura and Okita turned around evilly.
"Oh shit!" Hijikata exclaimed.
"No, pretend not to be afraid!" Gin exclaimed, "Just get out your sword and stand your ground!"
"But Kondo took away my sword when he put me on restriction!" Hijikata complained.
"Here!" Gin exclaimed, throwing Hijikata a green object, "Use this zucchini!"
"How the hell am I going to use this zucchini?!"
"Would you prefer to use my squash?"
"Why the hell are you carrying around gourds?!" Hijikata exclaimed.
"Oi! That's none of your business! Everyone has their little secrets!"
"What type of secret is this?!"
"Stop complaining!" Gin exclaimed, "They're coming!"
Gin and Hijikata fought their hardest, but they were soon overpowered by the two kids (and not to mention Okita got a hold of Hijikata's zucchini).
"Hijikata-san," Okita smiled, pinning Hijikata to the ground and holding the zucchini in front of his face.
"O-Oi!" Hijikata exclaimed, "What do you think you're going to do with that?!"
"I'm gonna make you eat it."
"Raw?!" Hijikata exclaimed, though he didn't find this to be much of a torture attempt.
"And without mayonnaise."
That's when Hijikata realized the extent of this torture, "NOOOOOOO!!!"
Okita then forcibility forced the zucchini into Hijikata's mouth, while Hijikata cried at the taste of no mayonnaise.
Kagura had soon pounced Gin and pinned him too, holding a container of white milk.
"Oi!" Gin exclaimed, "What are you going to do with that?!"
"I'm gonna make you drink it!" Kagura responded.
Gin gasped, "But that's white milk! I only drink strawberry milk!"
Kagura laughed evilly, "I'm aware." Kagura then stuck a funnel in Gin's mouth and poured the milk down it.
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMPHH!!!!!!" Gin exclaimed as the milk was being forced down his throat.
Well then both Gin and Hijikata both went into some type of body shock, from receiving such abnormal foods (at least to them). Okita and Kagura stared at each other, both of them realizing that they were the only ones left. They both quickly assumed a fighting before exclaiming, "ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOT!!!!"
When they chant finally ended, Kagura had rock and Okita had paper.
"You bastard!" Kagura exclaimed.
"You're just jealous of my superior skills." Okita gloated, starting to walk away.
"Oi!" Kagura exclaimed, "Where the hell are you going?!"
"Bed," Okita responded, "And don't follow me unless your are prepared to strip and sleep with me."
"And what if I am?!" Kagura exclaimed.
"Just go home. You aren't going to win this argument."
"Fine, I'll going home," Kagura responded, "But not because you told me so! I have an important infomercial I have to see." She dragged the bodies of Gin and Shinpachi behind her, "YOU BASTARD!!!!"
"She totally likes me," Okita muttered as he walked into his room.
It took Hijikata a few hours to wake out of his no-mayonnaise coma and still another hour to get Kondo down from the flagpole.
He then ran to Okita's room in an angry rage.
"YOU DAMN BRAT!!!!" Hijikata yelled as he burst through the door.
"Oi, Hijikata," Okita muttered, rising up from his bed, "Don't use your outside voice inside."
"I WILL YELL WHEN EVER YOU WANT!!!" Hijikata exclaimed, "HOW THE HELL COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME THEN JUST COME HERE AND SLEEP?!"
"Actually, I never fell asleep," Okita responded.
"I don't care about you or sleeping problems! No one would fall asleep counting such weird things!"
"It wasn't my normal sleeping problems," Okita complained, "My stomach feels weird."
Hijikata stopped yelling, "Really? Are you going to puke?"
"No, it's not that kind of weird," Okita exclaimed, "It kinda feels like its squeezing together, and it makes strange grumbling noises."
Hijikata stared at Okita blankly, before screaming, "DON'T BE SUCH AN IDIOT! THAT'S THE FEELING OF HUNGER!!!!"
"Ah."
"DON'T JUST- Oh, never mind!" Hijikata muttered, "When the last time you ate?"
Okita thought for a second, "Dinner, two days ago."
Hijikata smacked Okita on the head, "Do you plan on having this cold for the rest of your life?! You need to eat to get better!"
Okita stared at Hijikata, "I want ice cream."
"Eh?"
"That's what to give to sick people."
"I think you're mistaking that for getting your tonsils removed," Hijikata sweet dropped.
"But I want ice cream."
"I'll see what I can do," Hijikata muttered, walking towards the door, "Just get back in bed."
"Yes mother."
"And stop calling me that!"
Okita laid back down in bed, and tried to sleep by counting the tiles on the ceiling. It didn't work. He tossed and turned, but nothing was a success. But all of his moving around had caused on of the loose tiles to fall off the ceiling and smack him in the face. Success.
"Oi, Sougo, wake up!" Hijikata exclaimed, kicking Okita, "I got ice cream."
"Feed it to me," Okita muttered lazily, not bothering to open his eyes.
"Like hell!" Hijikata exclaimed, "Feed yourself."
Okita sat up and glared at Hijikata, as he snatched away the large bowl of ice cream, and pulled his bazooka from out of nowhere and shooting at Hijikata.
"Oi!" Hijikata exclaimed, his Speedos absorbing the blast, "What the hell was that for?!"
"Damn Speedos!" Okita exclaimed, "Do they have any weaknesses?"
"Actually when they absorb the blast it hurts my penis a bit."
"You want me to kiss it better?" Okita asked.
Hijikata turned scarlet.
"Ah! You actually want me to! You pervert!" Okita exclaimed, taking a large bite of the ice cream, "Oi, Hijikata-san. What flavor is this?"
Hijikata smiled, also holding a bowl of ice cream, "I got mayonnaise, that way I could have some too. Though I have to say, that I'm kinda disappointed, I thought it would taste more like mayonnaise."
Okita stared at Hijikata wide-eyed.
"What?"
Okita dropped the bowl of ice cream on the floor, quickly sprang up, and ran towards the door.
"Oi!" Hijikata exclaimed, "Where are you going?!"
"Bathroom," Okita muttered running out the door, "Going to be sick."
"Eh…EH?!"
Hijikata wandered to the nearest bathroom, and walked into it hearing strange noises form one of them.
Hijikata knocked on the stall door, "Sougo, are you okay?"
"No." Okita responded, "You poisoned me with dog food."
"It isn't dog food!" Hijikata exclaimed, "It'd delicious!"
Okita walked from out of the stall, looking worse than before.
"Sougo, you look awful!" Hijikata exclaimed.
"So do you," Okita muttered, "What trend are you following, the half-dead mutt style?"
"You little bastard I-," Hijikata started, but was interrupted by Okita holding out his arms, "Eh?"
"I'm tired. Carry me. Just don't touch me in any weird places," Okita responded.
Hijikata was kind of surprised by this, but he obeyed anyway, picking up Okita princess style.
"Oi!" Okita exclaimed, "I don't wanna be carried like this! I'm not your bride, you bastard!"
"No," Hijikata responded, "You could choke me if I carry you piggy-back style!"
Okita continued to complain (and sometimes threaten) until Hijikata finally waked into Okita's room (with many newly added bumps to his head).
"There was that so bad?" Hijikata asked, laying Okita in his bed.
"Yes," Okita responded, "Go back and do it again until you get it right!"
"No!"
There was a moment of silence.
"Hijikata-san?" Okita asked.
"What?"
"Can you… sing me a lullaby?" Okita asked.
Hijikata smiled widely, "Why? Is it because of some sentimental memory of the past? When you were a baby did your mom sing to you, and that's the only memory you have of her? Did your sister used to sing to you? Is something else that proves that you have a trace of a heart?"
"No," Okita responded, "I just know that you have a terrible voice and that my ear drums would soon send a message up to my brain to make me pass out."
"You bastard my-," Hijikata started.
But he was interrupted by a very flustered Yamazaki who ran into the room, "Vice Commander, Captain, we're under attack!"
Author: Ah, dramatic cliff-hanging ending. Don't you just hate them? Anyway, today I was rubbing my cat's, Turtle, belly, and for no reason she decided to bite and scratch my hand. I thought she was just playing, but just to be sure I asked one of my other personalities, Jim.
"Jim, why did the cat attack me?" I asked.
"Because you're an annoying bastard!" Jim exclaimed.
Ah. Case closed.
P.S. I do not own Gintama, if I did Gin would be trapped in a cage and I would force him, by whip, to strip for me.