Hijikata and Okita stared at Yamazaki blankly before Hijikata asked, "Yamazaki, did you take your meds?"

"What does that have to do with the fact that we're being attacked?!" Yamazaki exclaimed.

"Who in their right mind would attack the Shinsemgumi Headquarters straight on?" Okita asked.

"It's…" Yamazaki stopped for a dramatic pause, "The Nematodes."

"Oh, like the things from SpongeBob?" Okita smiled.

Hijikata and Yamazaki stared at Okita blankly, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Okita stared back, "It's not my fault that you guys have never seen SpongeBob. What type of childhood did you guys have?"

"The Nematodes are a terrorist group," Hijikata explained.

Okita chuckled, "Who'd name their terrorist group the Nematodes?"

"I think you're missing the point."

"I think you're missing your brain."

"Oh, you had to go there didn't you?!" Hijikata exclaimed, "It's always about smartness with you!"

"Ummm…anyway," Yamazaki interjected, "They've kidnapped Kondo!"

This took both Hijikata and Okita by surprise and they both quickly grabbed their swords that were in the corner (the had been bad swords). Okita would have been the first one out the door, but Hijikata grabbed his sleeve.

"Oi!" Okita exclaimed, "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"What the hell am I doing?!" Hijikata exclaimed, "What the hell are you doing?! You're not going outside to fight terrorists when you have such a bad cold! Go back to bed!"

"Just try and stop me!" Okita exclaimed.

There was a moment of silence before Okita started to swoon and passed out on his own.

Yamazaki stared at the sight, "Where you planning that?"

"Nope!" Hijikata responded, "I guess this is just my lucky day!"

"Will he… be okay?"

"Don't worry, he's immortal."

Yamazaki was just about to ask for an explanation but Hijikata had already run out the door. He looked down at Okita who was half in the room and half out the door and being the good-natured little ninny he was, he couldn't just leave Okita there. He pulled Okita onto his back and started to walk over to his bed.

"Yamazaki?" Okita muttered.

"Yes Captain?" Yamazaki responded.

"Why does your hair smell like strawberries?"

"That would be because I use strawberry shampoo."

"Ah."

Yamazaki laid (and not in the sexual way) Okita down in the bed, wondering what the point of that conversation was before running out the door.

Hijikata stood to face the Nematodes. They were an ugly race. I mean with their two eyes and their hair and their four limbs. And not to mention that they had a nose, ohh that terrible, terrible nose. It was a race that only could be deemed with the name: Human.

"Oi, you bastards!" Hijikata exclaimed, "Where did you put Kondo."

"Oh, well if it isn't the demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsemgumi?" one of the Nematodes asked in a high-pitched squeaky voice, "Here to save your little Commander?" All his friends then laughed like he had said something cool (he didn't).

Hijikata glared at them, "Stop acting like you know me just because you want your friends to think you're cool! You. Are. Not. Cool. I'm the only cool one who's allowed in this anime!"

Then the guy from the 'hard-boiled' episode randomly floated by, "And me!"

He was then shot out of the sky by a random bazooka, and holding that random bazooka was a very random Okita, who then shot the stupid Nematodes and his stupid friends.

"Oi, Sougo!" Hijikata exclaimed, "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"It's not my fault," Okita responded, "You fell for the pass out trick and then Yamazaki left me all alone and thought that I would get up to try and kill people."

"Damn Yamazaki!" Hijikata exclaimed, pushing all the blame off to Yamazaki.

"Hijikata-san, where do you think Kondo is?"

"He's in my pocket," Hijikata stated sarcastically.

"Well if he's in your pocket, I suggest that you let him out, it's kinda hard to breathe when your stuck in a pocket," Okita responded.

"I was being fictitious!" Hijikata exclaimed.

"What does that mean?"

"It's like sarcasm."

"I know."

"Than why the hell did you ask?!" Hijikata exclaimed.

"Because I was being fictitious when I said I didn't know what fictitious meant."

"You're annoying!" Hijikata exclaimed, "Go back to bed!"

"No. We have to find Kondo," Okita responded, pulling out a gaudy (one of my 6th grade vocab words) machine that kind of resembled a gameboy.

"What's that?" Hijikata asked.

"I had a chip installed in Kondo in case he ever got lost."

"Do they allow that on humans?"

"No, but when I took him to they vet they didn't question me. In fact, they said that it was a good idea to put chips into pet gorillas, because they run away a lot."

Hijikata stared at the small screen that was on the device that Okita held, "Then why is there a Pokemon battle going on in the detector?"

"Because this is my gameboy," Okita explained, "I kinda stuck. The Elite Four is really hard to beat."

Hijikata looked down at the game, "Oi! Use Bite! Use Bite!"

"No! Why would I use Bite?! That's a stupid idea! It has barely any effect on a Dragon-type Pokemon!"

Hijikata was just about to argue when he realized what he was doing, "Oi! Why the hell are you playing Pokemon when we need to save Kondo!"

"Ah, that's right," Okita responded, getting out a very small raisin looking piece of machinery, "He's underground. In a basement. Actually it's the Shinsemgumi's basement."

"You figured all that out by looking at a raisin?!" Hijikata exclaimed, "What are you a raisin whisperer?!"

"You idiot," Okita responded, "Didn't you read that paragraph about your complaint. It's not a raisin, it's a very small raisin looking piece of machinery, not a raisin."

"Ah."

There was a moment of silence before Okita said, "Okay, it is a raisin, I actually got the memo from a hearing device in my ear."

"You little bastard!" Hijikata exclaimed.

"No time for talking, Hijikata-san," Okita responded, walking towards the basement of the Shinsemgumi, "We have a gorilla to save."

Hijikata just muttered something inappropriate and wandered after Okita. They soon entered the basement of the Shinsemgumi and realized that it actually had not been cleaned in a while. It had dust everywhere and cobwebs stuck to the wall and also to the various skeletons of poor souls that had been trapped down there and never been found.

"S-Sougo," Hijikata stuttered, "Ummm… are you s-sure that Kondo is down here and not…I don't know, a place with more sunshine?"

"Don't be so frightened, Hijikata-san," Okita responded, "Only like eighty people have ever died down here."

"S-Seriously?!" Hijikata didn't take that as much of a comfort statement.

"Well, actually that's a rough estimate. Probably more."

Hijikata then clinged to Okita.

"Oi! What do you think you're doing?!" Okita exclaimed, "Let go of me! Behave like an adult!"

"What are you talking about?" Hijikata asked, "I-I'm not clinging to you, I'm just making sure you're stable, and you are!"

"Then why aren't you letting go?" Okita asked, "And why are you shaking?"

"Well, why are you shaking?"

"Hijikata-san, I have a fever over 105 degrees, I should be in bed right now. I have a right to shake," Okita responded, "Actually I think that I will go to bed, bye-bye Hijikata-san."

"No! Wait!" Hijikata exclaimed, "Don't leave me!"

Okita stared at Hijikata.

"Ummm…" Hijikata drawled, "Because the people who captured Kondo might be super-strong and I might need your help to defeat them."

"Yeah, that's why," Okita responded sarcastically.

So Hijikata and Okita walked though the basement and eventually got to the end room, where the found the Nematode's boss and Kondo tied to a chair.

"You guys came for me!" Kondo exclaimed, "I feel so touched!"

"Don't celebrate yet!" the Nematode boss exclaimed, "You still have to get past me!"

Hijikata drew his sword, but Okita didn't. He just walked by the man and straight to Kondo, untying him.

"Thank you for your service," Okita bowed as he walked past the man again, with Kondo in tow.

"These guys aren't really all that strong are they?" Hijikata asked.

" No," Okita responded, "I believe that they are not."

"You sneaky bastard!" the Nematode's boss exclaimed. He lashed out at Kondo with his sword.

Okita saw the sword coming and, out of reflex, he preformed a very nice and sacrificial thing. He pushed Hijikata in the way of the blade. Unfortunately for Okita, Hijikata also pulled his sword out just in time to save his neck.

"You damn brat!" Hijikata exclaimed, easily killing the leader of the Nematodes.

"Sougo, you saved me!" Kondo praised, hugging the little savior.

"He hardly saved you!" Hijikata exclaimed, "All he did was push me in front of the blade! Oi! Are you even listening?!"

"Be quiet Toshi!" Kondo exclaimed, "I'm thanking Sougo for saving me!"

"Kondo-san," Okita muttered, "I'm really tired."

"Of course you are, with all of that heroic rescuing that you did!"

"All he did was freakin' push me in front of you!" Hijikata exclaimed, "How in hell is that heroic?!"

"You're just jealous of him because you didn't have the guts to save me!" Kondo exclaimed, continuing to hug Okita, who was starting to get quite blue in the face.

"Oi, Kondo!" Hijikata exclaimed, "You're suffocating him!"

"No I'm not!"

Hijikata sighed and pointed in a random direction, "Look a flaming melon!"

Kondo quickly shot his head in the direction that Hijikata was pointing to, "Where?!"

"Ah," Hijikata responded, quickly taking the gasping Okita away from Kondo, "You must have just missed it." He then proceeded to walk out the door.

Kondo stood there, dumfound, for a few minutes before he suddenly exclaimed, "There was no flaming melon, was there?"

Well after two days (two extremely long grueling days) Okita's cold finally packed its bags and returned to Germy town. Okita was then called in to see Kondo in his office (if that's what you wanna call it). But was surprised to see that Hijikata was there too.

"Oi!" Okita exclaimed, "What's this about?"

"Well," Kondo explained, "I want you guys to go gather evidence…kinda… on this guy that we suspect of being a terrorist."

"Why us?" Hijikata asked.

"Well, you see…" Kondo drawled.

"What do we see?" Okita asked, "I actually see a lot of things. Let's play I spy. I spy something big."

"Your attitude," Hijikata responded.

"No, but close. It's your head."

"Anyway," Kondo interjected, "I thought you two would be the best for this job because… well this supposed terrorist is the leader of a program… that helps people in… gay relationships get along better."

Hijikata and Okita stared at Kondo blankly.

"And…well since you two are… you know…" Kondo drawled, "In a relationship… I thought that…well, you know."

Hijikata forced himself to smile while he responded through gritted teeth, "And what would make you think that?"

"Well, I mean, with the sex you've been having…"

Hijikata smiled more widely as his eyes filled with murderous intent, "Oi, Sougo. Why don't you tell Kondo what you think of that statement?"

Okita stared up at Hijikata, his eyes starting to water up, "H-Hijikata-san! W-Why are you denying it? I-I thought you said you loved me! I-Is it another man? C-Can I not satisfy you anymore. I-If that's true then I guess I'll j-just have to k-kill myself!"

Hijikata grabbed Okita by the collar of his shirt, and yelled, "What's your problem, Sougo?! Why do you always have to be such a sarcastic brat?!"

"It was a joke, Hijikata-san. A joke," Okita responded.

"Well if you guys aren't actually dating, then can you at least pretend?" Kondo asked, "I don't know else could do this! You're my only hope!"

And with that said, Hijikata and Okita were on the case.

Hijikata and Okita were now driving the squad car to where the supposed terrorist held his gay relationship meetings.

"Oi, Hijikata-san?" Okita asked.

"What?!" Hijikata exclaimed.

"Can I drive?"

"No!"

"Dammit! You're just like your father!"

There was a moment of silence before Hijikata wondered what the heck Okita meant when he said that he was just like his father. He continued to ponder this until they drove by a random old guy with a star tattooed to his baldhead.

"Oi, Hijikata-san!" Okita exclaimed, "Run that guy over!"

"No!" Hijikata responded, entering out of his thinking mode.

"Why?!"

"What did he ever do to you?!"

"I don't like the look of him!"

"That's no reason!"

"Fine!" Okita picked up his bazooka from the back seat and climbed out the sunroof, quickly shooting the random guy. (Don't ask me about the random guy with a star on his head. My friend asked me to put him in. It's kinda an inside joke. Funny thing is, I don't know what that joke is.)

"Why'd you have to shot that old guy?!" Hijikata exclaimed.

"I told you, I don't like the looks of him!"

"I'm not even going to try to understand you!"

"That would be a good idea for both of us."

Hijikata then parked in the parking lot of where the supposed terrorist gave his gay relationship meetings and both he and Okita walked to the front door. They both gulped as they entered the door.

Author: Ah, another cliff hanger (not really). So anyway, I was just reading back through this story and realized all the typos that were in here. I wanted to go back and correct them, but I'm too lazy. Oh well, I guess those unedited typos just make it authentic…not really.