Requited, Unrequited: Chapter Twelve

Dead End

That Friday night started out normally. I was watching the news when a jarring ring broke into the anchor's voice. Normally, I can wait out a phone call until the answering machine or Ran picks it up. This time, however, my resistance gave out first, and I picked it up, slightly annoyed.

"Hello?" This had better be good, I thought to myself as I muted the television.

"Kudo-kun", the voice greeted, perfectly calm, "go to Hakase's house now." And then she hung up.

I snorted. Typical Haibara, I though exasperated as I went to Ran's room to ask permission. I though this was just a simple request-or for this case, a demand-from Haibara. Boy was I wrong.

"There's no cure, Kudo-kun." Haibara told me point blank when I sat in her laboratory, leaving me off-guard.

"Ex-excuse me?" I spluttered, not wanting to believe it.

Haibara sighed, clearly annoyed. "There's no cure. Well, you could always use the temporary ones, but there's no ingredient to make a permanent one anymore. I tried making one, but all it could do was to erase all the poison in my system. Even the lab rats didn't revert to their original size. There's no hope now. There really is no cure."

Through all of the explanation, Haibara kept a cool disposition, as if nothing was wrong. As if she was not destroying my world into pieces. And this made me loose my calm.

With a rising fury of disorientation and rage, I stood on my shaky legs.

Haibara raised an eyebrow. "Kudo-kun?"

"How could you say that in that way?" I thundered. "You tell me there's no cure like it's the simplest thing in the world! How could you Haibara? I trusted you! I treated you as my friend, dammit! Do you feel happy that you ruined my life now, huh? Well, congratulations! You ruined it permanently! You ruined everything! My life, my career, my future and Ran! I hate you! And I never want to talk to you again!" By the time I finished, tears were threatening to spill, but I held it back. I didn't want to cry in front of a monster.

Haibara fixed me with a frosty glare, a glare I returned. "I never asked you to trust me, Kudo-kun, or to treat me as a friend." Overcome with rage by her remark, I slapped her so hard and turned to storm out the house, leaving a confused and alarmed Hakase on my wake.

The following day as I went to the elementary school, the Detective Boys came up to me and noted that I wasn't with Haibara. Still angry, I told them that I didn't care, rising suspicions from both Mitsuhiko and Genta. That day, Haibara was nowhere in sight and needless to say, they all pestered me to join them in visiting her. I shrugged them off and went straight to Ran's.

The next day, Haibara was still missing. And the next day, and the next day after that. By the fifth day, guilt was already eating my insides. I knew I was wrong in slapping her and raising my voice at her. Haibara was still a girl, for Pete's sakes! So on that day, I decided to visit her after school.

When I was walking from Ran's house to the school, the Detective Boys joined me. I noticed that all of them were gloomy and quiet, a rare occurrence. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Conan-kun, why did you have an argument with Ai-chan?" Ayumi suddenly asked, startling me.

"Eh? How did you-"

"We came to Hakase's house yesterday", Mitsuhiko began, "and we saw Hakase knocking at Haibara-san's door and begging her to eat. When we asked what was wrong, Hakase said that both of you had a really big fight and since then, she locked herself in her room. We were surpised to know that she didn't eat for three days!"

"When I put my ears on her door", Ayumi chimed in," I heard sobs and sniffles inside. I was really surprised Conan-kun! It's the first time I ever head Ai-chan cry, because I was always the first one to cry between all of us. Why did you two have to fight?" By the time Ayumi finished, she looked ready to cry, and this brought in the guilt in full blast. Before I knew what I was doing, I was already sprinting towards the direction of Hakase's house.

"Haibara!" I yelled, throwing open the gate and running inside the house. I made a beeline towards Haibara's lab, but she wasn't there. I ran next to her bedroom. "Look Haibara, I'm really sorry about my outburst the days before. I-"my ranting stopped dead when I saw a figure near the door.

"She's not there", Hakase said before I could kick the door out of its hinges. "She went to the park to clear her mind."

"Oh…" I muttered, feeling ashamed by the looks my second father had given me.

"Shinichi-kun", Hakase sighed. "There was no need to slap Ai-kun. You should just have-"

"I know alright!" I yelled, and it took a few gulps of air to calm down. "I know, I really do. It's just that everything is too complicated. Yes, I know I'm wrong, that's why I went here to apologize."

Hakase gave me a stern look. "She was crying for five days straight, Shinichi-kun. You should have watched your words." There was nothing I could do but stare at the floor in shame. There was a long, uncomfortable silence before Hakase sighed again.

"Well?"

I looked up, confused. "Well what?"

Hakase gave me an incredulous stare. "Well, what are you still doing there? Go to the park already!" And then I took of running.

I saw Haibara sitting on the grass, looking at the setting sun with no mask covering her face. Even though I saw her with a look like that a few time before, it still amazed me to see her like that. A tranquil look mixed with sadness and self-loathing. The guilt grew tenfold.

Catching my breath, I noticed that she still had not noticed my presence. Taking one last breath, I walked with unsteady steps towards her.

Haibara looked startled when I sat next to her, but a mask of nonchalance replaced it a second later.

"I though you hated me." It was a sentence.

"I… I…"

"When the Organization took me in", Haibara cut me off, and I lapsed into silence, listening to her story, "they taught me to be emotionless. There were times that I rebelled, but all I got were sever beatings. Soon enough, I learned to make things not matter. To put a seal on my emotions and place them on a high shelf, out of reach. And by telling myself that there was nothing on those feeling anyway. I have always avoided the wounds of being able to hope, only to watch it crumble before your very eyes."

Haibara faced me, tears streaming down her face. "I really hate myself for making that drug, Kudo-kun. I ruined you life. I'm such a despicable monster!"

"I'm so sorry about this", Haibara choked, leaning on my chest for support. "I really am."

Her voice was familiar to me. It was the same voice Ran used when everything was falling apart. It was like the voice of a woman who had managed to get out of a burning building, and was focusing on the one thing she'd managed to save instead of all the other things she had lost.

As I embraced her, I knew that we were both in a dead end. But we will never give up. We will do everything, even if it takes to smash the wall just so that we could pass through.

Hey guys! We're on our semestral break now, so I'm taking up the time on posting the stories I had in my notebook for ages. Maybe after two days, I might be able to update another chapter, so wait for it! Reviews keeps me going~!

PS. Did I mention I'm now addicted to Katekyo Hitman Reborn? Gosh! Tsuna-samaaaaa~~!

Akitsuki Akira © Dead End