"You don't understand" the Doctor replied. He was leaning against the TARDIS control, facing the Master but looking down, his red converse apparently fascinating "You couldn't possibly understand. You weren't there, you didn't see what it was like because you got scared and ran away."

The Doctor raised his head enough to be able to watch the Master but low enough to avoid eye contact. A dangerously glare was set on the Master's face, he was watching the Doctor carefully, his expression an instant warning, silently telling the Doctor not to mess with him. "Then tell me, tell me what could possibly happen which would make destroying Gallifrey seem like a good idea?"

The Doctor's head shot up, he stared at the Master, shock and sadness written in his deep brown eyes, his voice was bitter "A good idea? A good idea? Do you really think that even for a moment I thought it was a good idea?"

"I don't know, did you?" the Master replied, staring him out.

"Of course not" the Doctor answered, his words coming out too quick, his gaze dropping from the Master.

The Master jumped up "You're lying" he said, stepping towards the Doctor, stopping directly in front of him. The Doctor put his arms up in an automatic action to protect himself. "Don't you dare lie to me, Theta" he grabbed the Doctor's arms and pushing him against a wall. "Tell me the truth."

The Doctor struggled to pull his arms away from the Master but while he was taller it didn't make him stronger "I'll explain if you let go of me."

The Master didn't move except to tighten his grip and to raise his eyebrow, silently daring the Doctor to continue to challenge him.

The Doctor didn't dare, he closed his eyes, instantly finding himself back on Gallifrey two lives back. "Everything was burning, the Citadel was falling apart and yet it was the least damaged place in the whole of Gallifrey. Koschei, it was horrific, there was fire everywhere, people were pleading for someone to end it, they just wanted it to be over. The things people were being forced to witness, they couldn't bear it. I think suicide killed as many people as murder did in the worst hit areas. People went mad just so they could cope, others lost themselves, found themselves enjoying it. I was one of those, I lost myself in that War. I became a monster, I enjoyed it, I enjoyed the killing. And I had a thought, just a flying thought. A thought caused through complete insanity, complete desperation and want of complete power"

He opened his eyes, searching the Master's dark brown eyes for understanding but finding only anger. He struggled to continue "I thought I could kill them, kill them all. I'd survive, I'd have the ultimate victory. I'd be the Time Lord victorious" he felt the Master's grip tighten on his wrists to the point where it was painful. Part of him wished the Master would just hit him because he knew it would hurt less than the hatred he saw in the Master's eyes. He avoided the Master gaze when he continued "But it was just a flying thought and it stopped it, it terrified me. It opened my eyes to what I have become, it opened my eyes to what the War was doing to people. Destroying Gallifrey had seemed like a good idea and that wasn't right. But it was then that I realised that it had to be done. The War was destroying everyone, the level of pain, everything, it had to be stopped. I had to stop it."

"And how did it feel, Doctor? Was it the complete power you longed for? Did you feel like a god?" the Master asked, letting go of one of the Doctor's arms so he could use his hand to pull the Doctor's chin up, forcing him to look at him. He saw the tears pricking at the Doctor's eyes and the silent desperation calling out at him not to do this but he ignored it. "Were you awestruck by the beauty of the destruction you'd caused?"

"I felt like a monster, I felt like a selfish cowardly monster and I was so scared. You have no idea what it's like to be that alone, to feel that alone."

"Don't tell me I don't know what it's like, we're in the same position because of what you did. I'm just as alone as you are."

"No." the Doctor instantly disagreed. "No words can explain it. It felt like the universe no longer existed, it felt like with Gallifrey gone there was nothing else anywhere at all. So many great civilisations fell in the Time War and when it was over, there was just… nothing. I was completely alone in the universe." He used his free arm to reach up and gently touch the Master's face "until you came back."

The Master smacked his hand away "Would you do it again?" he asked.

It could the Doctor a moment to realise what the Master was asking and when he did he didn't answer. He couldn't answer.

"Theta."

The Doctor shook his head "I'm not answering that… I can't"

"Theta!"

The Doctor nodded shakily. "Y-Yes."

"You would destroy Gallifrey again if you had the chance to redo it?" the Master repeated.

The Doctor nodded, the tears finally broke through, "I- it wasn't a good idea but it was the right thing to do."

The Master let go and stepped away from him in disgust. The Doctor realised that the Master holding him was all that was keeping him upright when he began to slip. He lent against the wall and kept himself upright.

"I had t-"

"You don't even regret it, do you?" the Master commented. He was pacing up and down a few steps. "If you regretted it you'd want to change it, you'd want to make it right again. But you don't. You didn't deserve to survive."

"Kill me then" the Doctor said, his voice was almost a plea. "Because you're wrong about everything else, I do regret it, I'd give anything to be able to undo it, to find some other way out but there is no other way. I've ran through it in my head a million times since it happened and each time I've come to the same conclusion: destroying Gallifrey was the only way to end it. I knew it was necessary but it was still the worst thing I've ever had to do. Nothing can play it down, nothing can make it all right because back there is empty space, two suns with no Gallifrey to orbit them because of me. But I was the only one thinking sensibly enough to do the stupidest thing ever" the Doctor walked forward and grabbed the Master's head, forcing him to stop pacing, forcing him to look at him "I can't bear it. Humans, they say time heals, but they haven't got the first clue about Time. Nothing can heal this, nothing can make this better, I can never forgive myself. But yeah, you were right, the one thing you were right about, I didn't deserve to survive. So kill me, Master. Please."

The Master placed his hands over the Doctor's, pulling the Doctor's hand away from his face before letting go of them and letting them fall limp. "No" he replied, both his expression and his tone of voice were softer than they had been "I'm not killing you." He wrapped his arm around the Doctor's waist feeling him shaking in his arms. "You're not getting out that easily."

The Doctor buried his head in the Master's shoulder, dampening his jacket, and wrapped his arms around the Master, pulling him close. He was shocked that the Master didn't pull away, but rather just stayed there for a while holding him.

"Do you really want to die, Theta?"

The Doctor nodded against the Master's shoulder.

"Why haven't you then?"

"'cause I was all that was left, I felt like I had to survive for there to be something of Gallifrey still alive." The Doctor replied quietly "Why won't you kill me? You hate me, you said I didn't deserve to survive so why not just kill me?"

"Because I…" The Master started and then stop, not willing to admit to the Doctor that he didn't want to be alone. Eventually he settled for "Because."

"That's not a reason." The Doctor pointed out, his voice still quiet.

"Well it's the only one you're getting." The Master replied, pulling away from him.

The Doctor automatically tried to pull him close again, not wanting him to go anyway, but the Master ignored him, stepping back to put some space between them. He reached up and wiped the last few tears from the Doctor's eyes, "You need to…" he trailed off, not knowing what he wanted to saying, not knowing how to stop hating the Doctor enough to start loving him, not knowing how to forgive him, not knowing if he really wanted to. "Just…" he shook his head, grabbed the Doctor and pulling him into a kiss, letting the action speak the words he couldn't say.

"Come with me." He whispered after a moment, and taking the Doctor's hand led him to the bedroom.

A/N: I love Skillet. That seems random right? Well it's not that random. Because, I meant to say this in chapter one and forgot, so here I am in chapter 3 saying it, Skillet's song Sometimes gave me so much inspiration for this fic. I think it needs a shout out, so go youtube it! And please R&R :)