Peter's question had clearly taken Carla by surprise, but she seemed determined not to show it, getting up and striding over to the kitchen. She topped up her glass. Just orange juice, but he'd seen the quick glance for something stronger. When she sat down again, her manner was that of the tough businesswoman.

"What does it matter why I didn't tell you?" she said coldly. "You'd made your decision. When you found out the truth, you stuck with your decision."

Her voice became harsher. "And you've told me whatever I want, you'll never change your decision."

"I'm sorry" he said, regretting his question. "I wish things could've been different."

"So you've said before", she replied bitterly. "And aren't we both bursting with happiness right now."

"But maybe we need to understand the past, so we can deal with it."

His deep brown eyes looked pleadingly at Carla. Behind her anger, he could see her intense emotion: the regret, the fear, perhaps even still love for him, despite everything. Her feelings for him had caused her so much needless suffering. But this was why it suddenly seemed important to talk tonight, when the past seemed all too real for them both. Maybe they should have talked properly a long time ago.

"I didn't tell you 'cos I'm a coward" Carla eventually answered, almost too softly for him to hear. "I was scared you'd not believe me, you'd think it was another play for you, hate me even more." She couldn't meet his eyes. "And if you did believe me, I couldn't bear to hurt you."

She paused, realising she'd never taken responsibility for her part in covering up Leanne's affair.

"I was weak. I hoped you'd find out some other way. But I'm so sorry Peter. I know I should have told you."

Peter took a deep breath, recognising her sincerity and the truth in her words. Would he have believed her really? He'd almost idolised Leanne back then. As his anger returned, his mind turned to a more dangerous path.

"If I'd found out the week before the wedding, I'd never have gone through with it Carla. I couldn't have stayed with Leanne after that." Carla was looking down, but her rapidly tapping fingers revealed her inner turmoil.

"I'd have been nowhere near the Joinery either, when that explosion went off" he continued.

"Don't do this, Peter, I'd never have forgiven myself if…."

"Hey love, sorry" he interrupted quickly, reaching his hand out as if to soothe her. "I didn't mean that. I'm just thinking what would have happened. Imagine, with my stag do cancelled, Ashley might still be here, with Clare and the boys. You see, just one different decision, we could rewrite history."

"A dangerous game." Carla warned, teasingly.

"I'd have been a newly single man" Warming to this line of thought, Peter turned to sarcasm. "And known as I am for my calm and sober nature..."

"Always Peter", she played along.

"...so I'd obviously not have made any spontaneous decisions."

She nodded, mock-seriously.

"But chances are, about this time last year, I might have found myself heading over here…" Their eyes locked together.

"A not so unexpected visitor."

"…hoping you might try and seduce me again." His voice was low now.

"Well, ordinarily, I'd play hard to get…." she smiled, still looking into his eyes. "But I reckon that ship had long since sailed."

"That's fair to say" he agreed, smirking.

"Eh, watch it" her eyes flashed.

He realised he'd crossed a line now, selfishly and recklessly, but couldn't stop himself.

"Maybe you'd have kissed me? Like in July..", he suggested, allowing himself to remember that passionate kiss. Their secret. Her gaze wavered, and he could see her mind was there too.

"Just like that" she finally said. "But without the guilt. Both free agents."

"If you'd kissed me then, I could never have stopped" he admitted, suppressing a momentary pang from the word 'guilt'. They both paused, lost in memory yet painfully aware of each other. Involuntarily his eyes glanced over to her bedroom door, half-open, just a glimpse of the room he'd never seen. Could never see. This was getting out of hand: he longed for something he couldn't let happen. Thankfully the space between them on the sofa kept them apart. For the moment.

"And then….?" he couldn't resist asking.

She laughed for the first time, throwing her head back, her glossy hair falling across her shoulder.

"A girl's got to have some secrets hasn't she?"

He couldn't help but smile. However wrong it was, he knew his imagination would fill in the rest of the fantasy later. He suspected hers would too.

"I can promise you one thing though" she teased. "There'd have been a second date.

He didn't doubt it.

"And a third and a fourth?"

"Can't see why not" she replied, her eyes glinting. "We'd be great together you know."

Part 4

Carla's words hung in the air, both realising they weren't talking about the past any more. He couldn't speak, but his silence said it all. He reluctantly broke their gaze. They both turned away, slightly breathless.

He hadn't felt this alive in months. But then the guilt hit him again, much harder, a thud in the chest. He felt sick. While a relationship last year might have been possible, even probable, how could he lead her on now? He'd told her so many times that he'd never leave Leanne. And with Carla so vulnerable at the moment, he had just reignited her desires, created fresh hopes.

Lust. He'd be safe if that was all it was. But he'd grown to care about this woman more than he ever believed possible. In trying to protect her from drink, sadness, grief, the attack, he'd only ever set out to be a good friend. A support to someone who needed help, but couldn't admit it. But when did his need to save her, to make her happy, take over everything else in his life? He even wanted to protect her against Leanne. His feelings for Carla were so tangled, every time he tried to tease out a single thread, the knot just tightened.

He needed space to think, and he suddenly saw it was past eight o'clock. Time was running out. With Leanne about to return home with his oblivious son, he knew he had to leave. He finally ended the long silence.

"I'm sorry. Back to reality I'm afraid. I need to get home now – but can I see you soon?"

"Always" she answered. He had worried she might be upset, but she seemed more composed than he was. "And I meant it, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on."

"Thank you. Not that I'm much use to anyone at the moment, but you know I'm here for you too."

They stood at the door, and there was another awkward pause. Then he leaned in to hug her, closing his eyes, savouring her warm embrace again. With her hands slowly stroking his back, for a moment he was back in their fantasy of a year ago. Feeling her cheek pressed against his, he found himself whispering to her: "happy anniversary."

She tightened her arms, pulling him closer. Even more softly, she replied "happy anniversary", then kissed his cheek tenderly.

Walking out of the building, he realised he was heading for danger, but he knew he'd be back soon.