Full of Grace
Author's Note: Next chapter. Dillon's POV. This chapter is longer than most. I debated splitting in in half and ending it after a certain part, but then each chapter would only be like three pages. So I went ahead and kept this. I also debated over whether or not this was too fast, but I hate dragging things out for years and years, people get bored. So really let me know what you think. If you were to ever review, this would be the time.
Disclaimer: I don't own General Hospital, obviously, or this wonderful couple. Just this story.
Chapter Six: Sweet Surrender
"Are you okay?"
I continue to slowly take steps in front of me, walking with the light breeze on me. Actually, it's a little too warm for Port Charles in the middle of winter. I'm not complaining.
I look over to Lulu, still awaiting an answer. She seems to be somewhere else mentally right now. Maybe this quiet walk home I suggested wasn't such a good idea. She nods her head after a few minutes of silence, and I try to guess what she's thinking about.
"Food was good," I say quietly in hopes of sparking a conversation. She's not usually like this. Usually she's so comfortable around me. She's the one person that I never feel weird around. I'm always content with her. Tonight, it's not that case. She seems on edge about something.
"Yup," she mumbles, without any enthusiasm. Maybe I should get her some ice cream. If there's one thing I know about Lulu Spencer, it's that she never passes up ice cream.
We're closer to home now, and I see that something's caught her eye. She's staring at the boathouse as we walk by it. I decide against saying anything, but immediately stop as I see that she has done so. I'm not quite sure what she's thinking.
"Dillon," she states in what I can tell is a very stressed voice. "This night was-" she starts, but I quickly catch on to the negative strain in her voice, and I know I should say something.
"Great," I say, cutting her off. Her arms drop to her side as she lets out a mild frustrated sigh. I guess I was the only one having an amazing night. Maybe she isn't as comfortable with me as I am with her. Maybe she doesn't think about me in the way that I think about her.
It's been about two and a half weeks since I realized that I was jealous of other guys around Lulu, about two weeks since I told her I would always be there for her, and about a week and two days since I realized I still have feelings for my step-sister(that's assuming my mom hasn't divorced Luke yet) and ex-girlfriend, Lulu.
"I was going to say it was a mistake," she tells me sadly, and my curiosity is definitely piqued. I look towards her eyes, giving an expectant look for more of an explanation. Oh yes. I'm staring her down.
I see her attention wander back to the boathouse, and I think I get it. Maybe it's not me that was a mistake. I know she feels horrible about everything she did last summer, and I'm guessing that mine and Lulu's little date tonight wasn't too fun for Georgie. Maybe that's what has Lulu upset.
"It's just… well maybe I should be investigation this Rick Webber thing alone," she says, and it's quite obvious she's beating around the bush.
"Lulu," I state in a tone as if I'm telling her she's wrong and she doesn't need to worry about it.
"No Dillon, it's not right. Georgie has been so upset with you for the past month. You two keep getting in these fights… and it's because of me. I screwed up your relationship with her last time, and I'd be pretty selfish to do it again because I want your help or depend on you for something," she rambles.
Honestly, I think it's kind of cute when she does that. She just spits whatever comes into her head out of her head, and she talks a mile a minute.
"I don't blame her for not trusting me! I broke you two up last time. I lied to everyone, and I got pregnant!" she continues, and by now I am rolling my eyes and staring at something in the trees. We've been over this a thousand times; I don't hold that against her anymore.
"She has a right to not trust me and if she doesn't want me around you then I shouldn't be around you! Even though she has nothing to worry about right? I mean, you told her that you didn't feel that way about me."
Whoa! Double take! A: She heard me? And B: She sounds upset at that!
I wish I could tell her that I was lying, that I do feel something for her even though I know I should never act on my feelings. I wish I could tell her that I don't know what it is, but there's something about her that I can't escape, that I will never get over.
I opt out of saying these things, though.
"Just… maybe we shouldn't hang out so much anymore," she states in what is barely louder than a whisper. I can tell that she didn't want to say that.
"Lulu," I state to get her to shut up and listen to me, before pausing for a minute to think about what I should say. Too much is running through my head right now.
"I'm not going to stay away from you," I say simply and matter-of-factly. It's not some grand gesture that's admitting my feelings… but it's going to have to due.
"Do you think you two are meant to be together? I mean, should it be that hard?" she asks me, and I'm not quite sure how to answer.
"Honestly, I don't know," I whisper, when I so badly want to say I know it shouldn't be this hard.
She nods as she folds her arms across her chest, and it's quite easy to see she's still not very comfortable. "It's not your fault, Lulu," I say and completely mean it.
"No, Dillon… it is. I'm getting in the way of you two… and for what?" she says quietly, almost sounding defeated.
"Lulu," I speak softly as I grasp her arm with my hand and try to convey my thoughts.
"We should get home," she says and points to some direction that I'm not concerned about.
"Lu," I whisper, once again, using a personal nickname for her. She's looking into my eyes now, and I decide it's now or never. Slowly, my hand moves to her face and I brush her cheek lightly. I cup the side of her face lightly before touching her lips with mine.
I softly kiss her, my eyes flutter shut, and she's kissing me back. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but seconds later my tongue is begging entrance and we are both breathless in a passionate kiss.
I break apart from her and slightly gasp for air.
"Dillon!" she scolds in, once again, a very stressed voice. I shake my head quickly, and touch her lips lightly with my index finger before she has the chance to say anything. I look into her eyes, before planting another kiss on her.
I'm quite blinded the next morning as I turn over in my bed and am faced with bright rays of sunshine. I slap my hand to my head, quickly covering my eyes, and I remember I have to get up. I squint my eyes as I try to open them, and see that it is a little after ten.
We're meeting Spinelli today around eleven to talk about something involving Lulu's mom and the case. Oh crap. Lulu!
Immediately, I remember the past nights events. Lulu and I. Dinner. Talking. Kissing. Touching. It's all coming back to me. I was caught up in the moment, and quite honestly I'm not sure what to do. I think I just cheated on my girlfriend, with my ex-girlfriend.
But it's not like that. Lulu is important to me, but Georgie is too. I've been with Georgie for so long. For years now, I always thought my entire life was with her. Is that really worth giving up for a possibly doomed relationship with Lulu? As much as I hate to say it, I know it is.
I can't explain it, because honestly two weeks ago I didn't know I even felt this way. Lulu makes me feel. She's an amazing woman, and things feel so right with her. For awhile now, I realize that Georgie has been the safe one. Maybe I'm hiding with her, because it's so much safer for me.
But now I've taken the plunge. Lulu and I kissed, we continued to kiss until we were full on making out, and then we said goodnight. And now I have a decision to make.
I slowly pull myself out of bed and get into the shower.
I finish in the shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, and put on my shoes. I guess I'm ready to go. I get downstairs, and surprisingly I see that Lulu is ready and waiting for me. Usually, I'm the one waiting on her.
"Hey," I say, sensing a slight bit of awkwardness. I guess that should have been assumed. I can't even imagine what Lulu is thinking right now. Last time we were together… I really broke her heart.
She gives me a nod, and reaches for her jacket. She heads for the door, still without saying anything to me, and I decide we need to have this out before we meet Spinelli.
"Lulu!" I call, and she stops in the middle of opening the door. She turns around to me, and I'm suddenly at a loss for words. I can't make promises, and I can't tell her what is going to happen, all I can give her is what I know now.
I know this could turn out very badly, and I don't want to put either Lulu or Georgie through heartache, but I also don't want to write off last night like it was nothing. It wasn't.
I give Lulu a reassuring smile, before walking towards her and planting a soft kiss on her lips. It may not be a speech she's looking for, but it's all I've got right now.
"Are you okay?" I ask her after our lips break apart and I get my jacket. She nods her head, and I open door so we can leave for real this time.
"I thought you might regret what, you know, happened," she says to me, and I immediately shake my head.
"Of course not," I tell her, and we're on our way to meet Spinelli.
"But how does this help?" Lulu asks, and I turn to Spinelli for an answer. He's talking about things going on between Rick, Monica, and Alan four years ago. It's really nothing new, same old news. Maybe he'll come up with some ideas or something. Honestly, I think we've hit a dead end.
I hear Lulu's frustrated sigh as her forehead drops into her hands, and I rub her upper back lightly in support. I know this is really hard on her.
Lulu stands up from the rail she was standing against to support herself. We're at a new location this time. It's near the pier. She turns to me with an forced smile on her face that is easy for my to notice. She's trying to stay strong.
She's still managing the smile as she leans towards me. For some reason, I decide that here isn't the time and brush off her advance, just leaving a kiss on her cheek.
I can tell she's hurt, I see it in her eyes. I don't want to hurt her, that's never been my plan, but I don't know how I'm going to handle everything and I think it's best to keep a low profile.
I mouth an 'I'm sorry' to Lulu, but she looks away.
"I'm feeling a little sick, and we're getting nowhere," she starts, and I give a sigh as it's quite obvious that I upset her. "I think I'm gonna go home," she says and turns to leave. "Oh and thanks Spinelli," she mumbles and I'm left watching her retreating figure.
I let out a groan and turn towards Spinelli. "Are you sure there isn't anything we've missed?" I ask him, wishing there is something I can do to help her.
Spinelli is still watching the direction that Lulu left in. He turns to me, and then looks back that way. "Did you upset the blonde one?"
The look on his face seems to be of shock, and I decide this is a battle not worth fighting. I don't need to go into detail with him.
"Hey Spinelli, um I think I'm going to go, I'm kind of late to uhh, something," I tell him. My lips curve into a quick smile, and I hurry to get home.
A relieved sigh escapes my lips as I step into the living room and see Lulu sitting at one end of the love seat. I'm relieved that I easily found her, but not at the situation.
"Hey Lulu," I say softly as I make my way into the living room like a wild animal nearing it's prey. I know Lulu wouldn't do anything to hurt me, but I don't want to intrude on her personal space or make her any more upset.
"I'm sorry," I start, feeling like an apology is in order first. "It's just, I uhh, haven't talked to Georgie about anything and anyone could have seen us and-" I say and cut myself of, before going into a ramble. "Lulu, I'm sorry," I say, and sit down on the loveseat.
After almost a minute of silence, she still hasn't said anything, and I have to wonder if there is something else going on. I pull out the pillow that is separating us, and place it to my left. I scoot myself closer to Lulu, and wrap my arm around her, pulling her towards me. Her head is comfortably resting in between my shoulder and chest, and I think that I haven't felt this comfortable with someone in a long time.
"Come on," I whisper as I cup her chin. "What are you upset about?"
She sits up, removing herself from my grasp and sits at the end of the couch. She takes a few glances around the living room, keep silent for almost a half of a minute before she turns back to me.
"You're not going to break up with her," she tells me in a defeated tone, as though she knows how it's going to play out. She looks into my eyes for a few seconds, before letting out a sigh and leaving the living room.
Once again, I'm left to watching her walk away, and wishing I had said something.
I did a new thing with this story where I don't beg for reviews, but on this chapter I am going to. I want to know thoughts from EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. who read this. Please. Just click that little button at the bottom. Type a couple sentences. Thanks.