Full of Grace

Author's Note: This next installment is in Lulu's POV. Umm, not really much to say. Sorry it took so long. But anyways, I'd like you to all remember that nothing is perfect right? Even soap opera's. There's a lot of setbacks before the really good things happen. Things change quickly when you are in love with someone, even if you love someone else. So just remember this.

Anyone who's reading this, review please. Even a simple "it was great. UD soon." Or something longer telling me about what things you did and didn't like. Whatever it is, I need opinions. Umm so that's it.

Disclaimer: I don't own General Hospital, obviously, or this wonderful couple. Just this story.

Chapter Seven: Trouble Sleeping

I roll over to face my window. The small drops of water are slowly sliding down the glass surface. The precipitation outside is softly hitting my window every few seconds. I look over to my alarm clock, and focus on the bright red numbers relaying in my mind.

1:07. That's it. I've only been laying here for two hours. Then again, I have nothing to look forward to in the morning, so why am I wanting this night to end so badly? I can tell you. The images keep flashing through my head. Over and over and over.

I think, I come to a decision, and then I completely change my mind and go back to square one. It's pointless. I just want to fall asleep. I need a breather here. Letting out groans, tugging at my hair, and rolling my eyes has become enough. I need some sleep, but I just can't because it keeps replaying in my mind.

I looked to Dillon, receiving no words from him, and decide that's it. He won't break up with Georgie, and he shouldn't have to. I need to stop getting in their way. What kind of person am I, by doing this twice?

I heard a few shouts and calls from him, but before he could finish yelling out my full name, I was in my room and had slammed my door. It's been hours since then. I watched some TV, specifically Veronica Mars season one. I seriously love this chick. She's my idol.

I read a few pages in a book, thinking that maybe I should start focusing more on my studies. Disregarding them is one of the many reasons that I keep getting in these situations. I also painted, cleaned, and repainted my finger and toe nails. I've successfully avoided Dillon Quartermaine all day long.

It's been hours, and I still can't get to sleep.

I hear the slight tap on my door. I look over at it and realize that I didn't close it all the way, so it's obviously not locked. Seconds later, he hasn't come in yet. Usually, he'd just walk right in, but not now. I get up from my bed and make my way over to the door, slowly and carefully to not bump into anything in the dark.

I see a fraction of his dark form through the crack between the door and the doorway. I give him a defeated look, even though he probably can't see it, and I close and lock the door. I need to sit down and talk to him, for real, all cards on the table.

But I'm just so tired.

I look over to the clock for the second time. It reads 3:23, and I'm still not asleep. I need to do something about this… now.

I slowly but surely pull back my covers and climb out of my bed. I open my door and make my way down the hall quietly on the tips of my toes, as if I was going to wake someone. His door is open, even more so than mine was. He usually doesn't leave it open. Maybe he wanted me to come back.

I step into his room, and move closer to his bed. He's breathing lightly, and I can see his chest slowly rising and falling. He looks peaceful. I don't want to break that. I think about leaving, but decide against it. I slowly let myself sit down on the edge of his bed, and whisper his name.

He gives an incoherent mumble, rises up farther on his bed, and rubs at the edges of his eyes. After a few seconds, I hear him say, "Lulu?" His tone sounds as though he's seeing a ghost, that I'm not actually here. Well I am buddy, so snap out of it.

I look to his smile, and the way that his hair has gone into all sorts of directions. I lean in closer to him, and place my hand onto the bareness of his chest as he softly kisses me. Things grow more heated as the kiss deepens to a very passionate one and our hands begin roaming each other's bodies. I'm almost laying on top of him when I realize what we are doing and quickly stand up. He follows.

"I can't do this," I breathe out, practically gasping for air because of the thousands of thoughts running through my brain and the loss of oxygen only seconds ago. I hear him softly whisper my name, and ask me what's wrong. His hand slowly begins to caress the bottom of my shoulder and top of my arm.

Suddenly, I realize just how exposed I am. I'm wearing only a small pink tank top, with matching 'short shorts'. I run a hand through the few strands of hair that aren't in my messy bun, and let out a sigh. Dillon seems just as confused as I am.

He senses the shiver I let out, and pulls my to his chest. I rest my head against his collar bone, and let my body form with his. It's then that I finally realize what I've been thinking these past few months. I want him so badly, but not under these circumstances. Things need to be fair between all three of us.

I wipe the second tear that falls, the first had already landed on his bare skin. I wonder if he understands why I'm tearing up. It's this whole situation, combined with the thousands of other things that have happened between us.

I slowly retreat from him, and he reaches out to lightly grasp my arm, pulling me back to him. He starts to speak something, but I silence him with one chaste kiss and my index finger to his lip.

"I care about you so much, Dillon. I always have, and I always will. Things haven't changed since this morning, I'm saying I want to be with you. But you're with Georgie. I'm not going to be that lying, manipulative girl again… I can't be. So you have a choice. It's her or me. I won't hate you for it, but you have to decide," I tell him, finally gaining my composure to say the words I should have said this morning.

Actually, the things I should have said a couple months ago when this affair really began, in an emotional sense.

I give the best managed smile I can, and head for my room, closing his door behind me. Now, everything's out in the open. Dillon knows it all. What I feel, what I want, and he needs to decide what he wants.

I'm pretty freaking nervous. I can tell you that. I want him to want me too, but now maybe I can finally rest because I've done what I needed to do.

Against my own better judgment, I stop by Kelly's the next afternoon. If anyone asked, I would say it was because I was hungry for some of the good food. However, honestly, I went because I wanted to see Georgie. I don't plan on telling her what happened between Dillon and I, but for some twisted reason I have to see her.

Maybe Dillon's already talked to her. If she's sad, then I know that he picked me. I need to see her to make sure I did the right thing.

Who am I kidding? Of course I didn't do the right thing. I'm, possibly, tearing apart two people who have been together for years. They love each other. They were married. Who am I to think Dillon would pick me anyways?

Because I was pregnant with his child? No. Because I lied to him and manipulated him into being with me? No. Because he stood by me, against Georgie's protests, when I had nobody else? Maybe. Because I'm in love with him? Yes.

I'm in love with him. I'm in love with Dillon freaking Quartermaine, truly and completely. I have been for awhile, it just took me a long time to realize it.

Maybe it's a lost cause. Maybe I'm fighting for something that will never be mine. Maybe my mom will never return to us, my dad will always be away, and Dillon will never love me back. And maybe, just maybe, that's how things are supposed to be.

But I'm Lulu Spencer, I laugh in the face of danger. I don't back down, and I really don't give up. I fight. That's me, Lulu Spencer, a fighter. If I want my dad here, I'm going to get him to come home. If I want my mom with us, I'm never going to give up on her. And if I want Dillon, I'm not going to sit back and just let Georgie have him.

She's working today. She greets me with a smile, and I'm not sure what to make of it. I order fries and Dr. Pepper. She tells me it's coming right up, with a grin plastered all over her face. It's quite clear that he hasn't broken up with her. Now the question is… is he going to break up with her, or he's going to break things off with me?

The worst part about being in love with someone who might not love you back… wondering. It sucks to not have the answers.

I grasp at the fallen strands of hair and push them into my hair tie. I grab the tube of MAC lip gloss, and brush the liquid across my lips a couple times. I grab a small black jacket with white stars on it from my bed, and throw it on over my grey tank top. I grab my purse from my dresser, and hurry out of my room.

I'm going to see a movie. Yes, I'm going alone. That may sound pathetic… but I don't care. Besides, who would I go with? I have no friends. I want to go see a damn movie and I'm going see it.

I push around things in my purse, looking for my wallet as I walk down the hall. Before I even realize he's standing in front of me, I crash into him. I giggle softly as he mumbles "sorry" and jumps down to the floor to retrieve my things.

"It's okay. It was my fault," I tell him as I take my purse back from him and offer a smile. Okay, this is awkward. Completely and utterly awkward.

"I, uh, I'm going to the movies," I tell him absentmindedly and watch as he nods. "I mean, if you want to come," I further explain, and wish I hadn't. It'd be better if I hadn't ran into him in the first place.

"It's okay, I'm uh, I'm busy," he tells me, and I just nod. I wonder if he really is busy, or if he's trying to avoid an awkward situation.

Okay, so maybe I never should have told him to pick. Maybe we shouldn't have kissed in the first place. Things between Dillon and I are never weird. The thing I love most about Dillon is that I can be comfortable with him… and now I'm not.

Should I just ask him? Should I just ask if he picked me or Georgie? Maybe he hasn't decided yet. What am I doing? I feel like a little school girl in junior high who asks out a boy in a note. It's been so long since I've felt butterflies flutter in my stomach like this.

I want to tell him this. I want to tell him that he makes me want to be that kind of girl. The kind of girl who embraces life and enjoys every second of it. I decide I might as well tell him everything that I feel. What do I have to lose?

I look up to his eyes, with a wide smile on my face, and it hits me. The wave of sadness and despair that escapes from him. It hits me, and I want to do nothing but lay in my bed and cry.

"You're staying with her?" I ask, almost afraid to let out the words. I feel like a thousand knives just flew into my stomach simultaneously. I was right, the boy I love doesn't love me back.

"I have to," he mumbles sadly. I can see it in his eyes. He doesn't want to tell me this, but he is. He isn't wishing for this, but it's happening. The one thing that keeps from wishing I was my mother about now, is that I can see in his eyes he wants to pick me.

I see him reach out and touch my arm, but I'm running back into my room before his hand reaches me. I'm long over the movie. I plan on laying in my bed for the rest of the day, instead of braving the world. I'm entitled to that right? I get to be upset and cry for a couple hours.

The worst part, is that I, Lulu Spencer, have just given up.

Tears escape from my eyes and sobs come from mouth as I replay the words over and over in my head. "I have to."