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Ch 3 – Mount Rushmore

A few days later, Emmett and I pulled out of town again, a new list of places to see over the next couple of months. Since the previous summer had ended up being mostly about visiting places Bella had always wanted to go, thereby making me think of her constantly, I decided that this trip would be about what I wanted. Emmett had plenty of input, too, but I hoped that if I was able to focus on me and my wants, I would be able to also forget about Bella. She'd obviously moved on with her life, since she was still living with Riley and planning to go to Oregon for school, so it was time I moved on with mine.

One of the first places we went to was Mount Rushmore. I'd always wanted to see it, especially since the idea that men had carved faces into a mountain side had fascinated me since I was a little boy. The area was beautiful and the weather was great as we walked around the park grounds, hiking different trails and taking lots of pictures. I'd managed to start a work out routine during the school year, so I was in much better shape and able to keep up with Emmett a lot easier.

There were some teenage girls there, obviously part of a high school trip of some sort, since they looked to be a couple of years younger than us. Three of them followed Emmett and I for an hour or so before we finally turned around and talked to them. One of them flirted with me quite a bit, and I figured why not? I had nothing to lose, so I flirted right back. She was from Iowa and was 17. She was really smart, and as we walked around a bit more, enjoying the outdoors, she let me know that her group was staying overnight at a hotel in a nearby town. Emmett and I had yet to find a hotel room, so that night as we drove into town, I suggested the local inn, talking up the continent breakfast that they had. Emmett was all for free food, and knew it would save us from buying breakfast the next day, so we booked a room.

There wasn't a lot to do in the town, but there was a movie theater. They had a late showing that night of an old Jaws movie. I called the room of the girls we'd met, and they assured me that they would meet us in the lobby. We all piled into my car and spent the night watching a crazed, overgrown shark as it attacked innocent swimmers in the ocean. Each time Jaws did something, the girls would jump, and soon enough, Heidi was practically sitting in my lap. Her friends Irina and Maggie were fawning all over Emmett, who simply played them along. I knew he'd never cheat on Rosalie, so I didn't pay him much attention.

Heidi was far more experienced than I was, as it soon became apparent, and after the movie, we all went back to the hotel. Emmett was ready for bed, so he went back to our room, Irina and Maggie tagged along, intending to watch tv while Heidi and I went to their room. An hour later, I wasn't a virgin anymore, and I kissed her long and tenderly before leaving her room. The girls were up and gone first thing in the morning, and I didn't see them again. The only thing I had to remember Heidi by as a leather bracelet that she'd given me. It was brown, and as I looked at it in the morning light, I could only think of one thing.

It was the same color as Bella's eyes.

The next few weeks were filled with odd tourist traps, the occasional redneck and hillbilly, and more bugs than I'd ever seen in my life. After looping through West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Missouri, we found ourselves parked along a dirt road in Kansas, marveling at how flat the land was, and how far we could see. The sun was setting, causing the grass that swayed in the breeze to shimmer and almost sparkle. The pink and purple colors in the sky, combined with that sparkle, reminded me of the shoes Bella had worn when we were children.

I closed my eyes, letting a long breath out as I mentally chastised myself for constantly thinking of her. The entire trip had been planned—on my part, anyway—around forgetting her, yet everywhere we went, there was something that reminded me. I couldn't get away from Bella, no matter how hard I tried.

Emmett laid next to me on the hood of my car, his hand tucked beneath his head as he stared up at the sky. "Isn't this just splendid?" he said.

I let out a laugh. "Splendid?" I said. "Really? Where did that come from?"

"I don't know. I just was thinking about words that just don't get used enough. I think splendid is severely underused in the English language."

"You're a smart guy, Emmett." He was always surprising me, making me laugh. I had really enjoyed the time we'd spent together over the past two summers. As we plotted out our route for the last few weeks, I found myself hoping we'd be able to take another road trip during our next summer, too.

Soon enough, we were back at school, immersed in classes and homework. Emmett and I were living in the same dorm building, just on different floors. I had gotten to be more friendly with Rosalie, and she introduced me to several of her friends. One friend, Rachel, lived next door to her, and I soon found out that we had a lot in common. Including the fact that we both really liked sex. Especially with each other.

The year went by quickly, and in March, just as I was considering asking Rachel to join Emmett and I, and maybe Rose, for our summer trip, we got into a fight. A bad one. Apparently she had "issues" from a previous relationship, and she didn't trust me. At all.

Each time I went somewhere, she would pepper me with questions afterward, wondering who I'd talked to, what was said, if there were any other women around. It was annoying, especially since each time I assured her I had done nothing wrong, yet she didn't believe me.

We agreed to take a break for a little while, to try and get a little perspective on our relationship. The next week I kept hearing whispers between Emmett and Rosalie. After asking what was going on, Rose told me that she'd seen a guy leaving Rachel's room the morning before. Rachel confessed that she's slept with someone else, and begged Rose not to tell me. I went to see her, telling her right away that I knew about the other guy. She cried and I felt bad, but I knew in my heart that it just wasn't meant to be with us. I hugged her and told her that I loved her, because I did, and then I left the room.

I didn't look back.

The next two months passed quickly, and I thought it was funny, yet sad. Each day there was something that reminded me of Bella, yet never once did I see anything that reminded me of Rachel.

Emmett and I planned another road trip, this time bound for the East Coast. Rose was staying with her grandmother for the summer, put was planning to fly out and meet us in New York City once we got there. She wasn't sure if she'd stay and ride home with us or just fly back, but either way I knew it would be fun.

My mom was happy to see me, and I was shocked to see Alice. She was going to be a senior in high school that fall, and it seemed as though overnight she'd grown up. Well, not so much up, since she was still a short little thing, but she'd blossomed, as I always heard my mother say. She was obsessed with some new boy in school, Jasper something or other, and they talked on the phone almost every night.

Late one evening as I sat in the kitchen enjoying the homemade apple pie my mom had made, she came in and joined me at the table.

"So are you excited for your trip this summer?" she asked.

"Yeah, we've been planning for awhile, so I think it'll be fun."

"Oh good. I was hoping maybe you wouldn't leave this year until after your birthday, give me a little more time with you."

She smiled at me as I shoveled another bite of pie into my mouth. "Okay."

As I chewed, she nervously twisted her fingers together, her forearms resting on the table. "So, I talked to Bella the other day."

Huh, Bella? My mother wanted to talk about Bella? That was interesting, and I was curious. "Oh yeah?"

"She moved back in with her parents a few weeks ago. She finally left that boyfriend of hers. She seems a little happier, I guess."

"That's good." I didn't have much to say when it came to Bella, though I would forever be curious about her.

"She always asks about you, every time I see her. She's such a good girl, Edward. You know, I really thought tha-"

"Mom, stop, okay? Bella and I aren't friends anymore. That was her choice, not mine. She's the one who caved to peer pressure and cut me off. I never asked her to choose, I was happy to take anything she'd give me. She's the one who chose this, not me."

My mother nodded in agreement with my words. I hoped that my tone wasn't too severe, yet I knew it needed to be stern enough to stop her train of thought.

"It's just a shame, that's all. She's given up so much, and she doesn't deserve the things that have happened to her."

"What do you mean she's given up? She chose to stay here, to move in with her boyfriend. She chose to give up her scholarship and never leave this town. It was her choice to live here forever and just shack up with some loser and pop out a hundred babies. How can you say she doesn't deserve what she gets?"

My mother's eyes met mine. "Edward, do you even know why she stayed here? Why she put her scholarship on hold that first year?"

"Yeah, because she wanted to be with Riley."

"No, Edward. Her mother was sick. She stayed here so that she could help take care of her. Drive her to doctor appointments, help her with her treatments, all that kinda stuff. And she moved in with her boyfriend as a way to give her parents some privacy since the doctors didn't think Renee would survive very long."

Everything screeched to a halt. Her mother was sick? Why hadn't anyone ever told me? How had I missed this?

"I didn't know, why didn't you say anything?" I asked, honestly curious as to why my mother had kept this from me.

"I didn't want to worry you, and there was nothing you could do, anyway."

"How is her mom doing? I mean, I didn't hear that she'd died, so, what?"

My mother pulled a cup into her hands, trailing her fingers along the rim of it. "She's doing better, but it was close there for a while. Last fall Bella was supposed to go to Oregon, use her scholarship. Renee was feeling better, she'd improved quite a lot. When Bella talked to the school, she was told that the scholarship would only be half, meaning she had to pay the rest herself. She couldn't."

"Why couldn't she? She said she'd been working and saving her money." My mother didn't say anything, and my heart sank a bit. "What happened?"

"Honey, Bella wasn't saving money. She was paying her mother's medical expenses. Or at least trying to help pay them. Charlie's a police officer, he doesn't make much money, and with Renee sick, she couldn't work. They never would have been able to afford to pay all the bills, so Bella went to work. You know she worked two jobs, so there just wasn't any time left over for college classes."

I rubbed my hand over my eyes. Everything I thought I knew was a lie. All the things I'd been so certain about for the past two years were nothing like I'd thought. As I sat across from my mother, taking in all the information she was giving me, I started to wonder, yet again. Who was Bella? Really? Which side of her was the real one?

"She said her boyfriend was taking her money, or the little bit she had left from each paycheck. He was spending it at the casino on the res. When he started coming home drunk each night and then throwing her around a little bit, she knew she had to leave. She didn't want to move back in with her parents, but she didn't have any other choice."

Riley had hit her? My heart started to beat faster and I hoped, with every cell in my body, that I didn't see him in town. If I did, I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop myself from punching him. My work out routine had continued over the past year, so I knew I was in decent shape, but depending on his size, I might be in trouble if I started something with him.

"You should really try and go see her sometime while you're here. She could use a friend, Edward. She needs someone, and you were always so good together. Maybe you could just try, for me." Our eyes met again, and I could see how sincere she was being. "For me, Edward. Please."

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll go over tomorrow."

We sat at the table for a few more minutes, until my mother excused herself and went upstairs to go to bed. I sat out on my front porch late into the night, just watching Bella's house. Watching the light go on and off in her bedroom and wondering what she was like now. It had been a year since I'd seen or spoken to her, and almost three years since I'd last really talked to her. What was she like now? Would she be my same Bella from before? The unknown scared me, yet at the same time, I was excited to find out. Once her light went out for good, I stood and walked back into the house. I would absolutely be paying her a visit the next day.

It was just after lunch when I finally found myself walking across the street. My mom had hinted about it all morning, though Alice never noticed. Apparently, Jasper had asked her to a movie that night, and all she could talk about was what outfit she should wear.

I knocked on the screen door and waited, finally hearing footsteps across the hardwood floor of the living room. When the door opened, I looked up.

"Edward?" Bella said, pushing the screen door open so I could see her more clearly.

"Hi, Bella. How are you?"

Her eyes were wide with shock, and it made me chuckle a bit.

"I'm okay. W-what are you doing here?" she asked slowly, her teeth nervously biting into her bottom lip, just like she always did when we were younger.

"I wanted to see you, see how you're doing. I thought maybe we could catch up a bit, if you'd like."

"Alright," she said softly.

"Can I come in?"

She glanced behind her quickly, looking as though she wasn't sure if she should let me inside the house. "Um, why don't we just sit on the porch steps, that'll be fine."

I wanted to see her mother, to see for myself that all the things my mom had told me were really true. "Can't I come inside, instead?" I asked.

"Well, it's just that... I'd rather sit outside, if you don't mind."

"Bella, it's kinda warm today, wouldn't it be better if-"

"Bella, honey, who is it?" I heard from inside the house. Bella's eyelids slid closed and she took a deep breath.

"Mom, it's just a friend. I'll be outside." She opened the door wider to step out, and as she did, I pushed past her and walked into the house. I knew it wasn't very polite, but I was a man on a mission. I needed answers, and this was how I planned to get them.

"Mrs. Swan?" I called out, walking through the entry way and into the living room. Settled in the middle of the room was a rather large hospital type bed with several monitors located around it. Lying on the bed was Bella's mother, a light blue blanket pulled up around her chest.

"Edward?" she said once she saw me. "Edward Cullen, is that you?"

I smiled. "Hi, Mrs. Swan. How are you doing? My mother said I needed to get over here and see you and Bella. She wanted me to say hello, see if you needed anything."

"Oh Edward, it's so good to see you! My my, look how grown up you've gotten." She smiled, and I could tell it was hard for her to do, but she was trying her best. "Come sit right here, college man. Tell me all about school and those amazing road trips you take every summer."

I walked toward the bed, sitting down in a chair next to it. Bella had followed me into the room and was standing in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest. "Mom, I'm sure he has other things to do than sit here and talk to us."

I glanced over at her. "No, I don't, actually."

She let out a small huff, then sat down on the sofa on the other side of the room from me. Mrs. Swan and I talked about school for a few minutes, and it felt nice to be in their home again. I remembered all the afternoons I'd spent as a child, sitting in her kitchen as she attempted to bake some new recipe she'd just gotten. She was always interested in my life and what I was up to. It felt good to have someone to talk to, other than my own parents, and I really enjoyed those times.

"So tell me, Edward, are you dating anyone special?" she said with a wink.

"Oh, no. I uh...I was seeing someone earlier this year, but that ended in March. Her name was Rachel, she was great, but yeah...it just wasn't meant to be, I guess."

I glanced up at Bella as she sat still on the couch. She stiffened at my words, her foot nervously tapping on the floor.

"You know, I always knew you'd be a real ladies man one day," Mrs. Swan said with a giggle. "I used to tell Bella 'He's gonna be a heart breaker some day, that boy is,' didn't I, Bella? Didn't I always say that about our Edward, here?"

Bella started to turn red, her cheeks blushing. It was something I hadn't seen in years, and the sight of it flooded my mind with childhood memories. I loved it.

"Hmmm, you know, I'd always hoped that one day Bella would see what a catch you were, but it just didn't happen. I mean, for as fond of you as she was, I just thought... Oh well. Although now that you're back, I guess-"

"Mother!" Bella said loudly. "Mom, please."

Mrs. Swan sighed. "Oh, sorry." Her eyes caught mine and she smirked, knowing exactly what she'd been doing. "Well, I think I'll take a little nap now. I'm suddenly quite tired."

I smiled. "It was good to see you, Mrs. Swan," I said as I stood and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "I'll come back by before I leave for my trip, alright?"

"I would love that, Edward. I'm always here, so just let yourself in. Anytime."

"Bye," I said, walking toward the door.

"I'm gonna see Edward out," Bella said, following me out of the room.

"You still wanna catch up?" I asked, hoping that she would be willing to sit with me and talk.

She nervously pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, as her eyes stayed glued to the floor. "Um, I guess."

We sat outside on her front porch steps, next to each other but with about two feet of space between us. "So she's why you didn't go away to school?" I asked, wanting to get right into things and not waste anymore time.

"Yeah. Um, she got sick and I couldn't leave. My dad needed me. They don't have anyone else around here, you know? Plus the doctor's were saying she only had a few months left. I couldn't have lived with myself if I'd gone off to Oregon while she sat here dying. I wanted time with her, so I stayed."

"Why did you move in with Riley?"

Her eyes got wide for a moment, then she let out a deep sigh. "That was a mistake. I thought I was helping, giving my parents time to be together. I didn't want to get in the way, but I needed to be close enough to help. He was getting a place and he offered for me to move in. There were two bedrooms, which is the only reason my parents were okay with it. Obviously that lasted about a minute. Once I was moved in, we shared a bedroom, of course. I think my dad chose to believe we were just roommates. It made things easier for him."

"Oh," I said, trying to understand what her life must have been like during that time. "I'm sorry I wasn't around for you, to help with things. I didn't know about your mom."

"Edward, you didn't owe me anything. This wasn't your problem, you didn't have to help me. Besides, I would have just pushed you away, anyhow. After the way I'd treated you, I was mortified to be around you. I felt so horrible."

We were both silent for a few moments before I finally spoke. "Bella, it's just the way things are. I know that. We just weren't meant to be, not even friends. It's okay, I mean, it is what it is, you know?"

"It shouldn't have been that way," she said quietly. "I was such an idiot. You were the best friend I've ever had, and I just let you go. I threw everything away, and for nothing. For pride and popularity and the people that I thought were my friends. It was so stupid."

I noticed her wiping at her eyes and it made my heart ache. "Bella, it's fine. I understand. I mean, yeah, it hurt me and I wish it hadn't of happened, but I get it. Forks is a small town, there are stereotypes and clique's and expectations. I know that, I'm not completely out of it," I said as I laughed softly. "I know you did what you needed to do, and I'm okay with that. You had to make your way, just like I did. It turned out for the best, right?"

"Did it?" she asked, her eyes suddenly burning into mine. "Is this the best? The way we are now, is that what was best for us? Because I don't think it is."

I looked at her, really looked at her. She seemed older, tired, burdened. I wanted to make it better. Even after everything we'd been through, I wanted to make her life easier for her, in any way that I could.

"I don't know," I told her. "Honestly, I don't know what's best. I mean, my life isn't what I thought it would be, but I'm okay with it. I always knew I couldn't have you, not for anything more than just a sometime's friend, and I was okay with that. I was willing to take what you could give me. I never expected anything more from you."

"I did."

"What do you mean, you did? You did what?"

She looked down at the ground in front of her, her mouth opening and closing several times as though she couldn't quite figure out what to say. "I expected more from us. More for us. I always thought we'd leave Forks, that we'd go to places where it didn't matter who we were, and we'd be happy together. I always wanted that."

Her voice was so quiet, so filled with emotion, and it shook as she spoke. "I always had such a crush on you, you know? I knew no one would understand, and I didn't think you felt the same way, so I never said anything. It was silly, I know. I couldn't help it, you were the best friend I ever had."

Bella had crushed on me? What? I didn't know how that was possible. I looked at her, at the girl that I'd grown up with and what a beautiful woman she had turned into. Even through the sadness that surrounded her, she was still the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. It was no wonder why, even after all these years, I couldn't stop thinking about her, dreaming about her. She would always be my "one" and I couldn't believe that she'd felt for me even a portion of what I'd felt for her.

"Wow, I didn't know that," I said.

"Yeah, well, it's not something I really broadcast, you know?"

I laughed. "Yeah, that would have been interesting. I'm sure Forks High would have been totally fine with that."

Her voice was soft. "I didn't care."

I let out a long sigh. Just because we'd obviously been attracted to each other at one point didn't mean anything would ever come of it. Bella and I both led such different lives now, and I would be leaving in a few short weeks. There was no reason to think we could start up a friendship again. It just wouldn't be worth it.

"I was wondering, if maybe we could be friends again," she said. I could hear the nerves in her voice, and I thought about what she said for a moment, internally laughing at the fact that I'd just told myself there was no point in rekindling our failed friendship. Before I could speak, she continued. "I know I let you down before, but I promise I won't do it again. And I know you're dating at school and stuff, so it's not like I'll pressure for a romance or anything. I just miss my friend. I'd like to be friends again, if you would be willing to try."

"I don't know, Bella." I wasn't sure what to do, this was something I'd never thought possible.

"Just friends, Edward. I promise, I'll be a better friend this time."

Her eyes were pleading with me. I could never tell her no. Not ever.

"Okay, friends."

She smiled at me, her lips turning up in the most beautiful grin, which caused my heart to do flips and flops that it hadn't done in years.

"So, when do you leave on your trip?" she asked.

I told her about our plans, that I had a few weeks before we took off, and she smiled, asking if we could spend some time together before I left. I was only too happy to agree.

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