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Ch 5 – Photo Album

No more words were said until we pulled into my driveway. My parents were gone for the night, so instead of letting her go home, which she tried to do, I pulled her into my house and sat her down next to me on the living room sofa.

"Sweetheart, tell me what's wrong. Is it really that big a deal to see Riley again? It was just talk, Bella. He was trying to get under our skin, that's it. It's no big deal, it's just all that small town stereotype stuff like usual."

"The things he said, they aren't true. You aren't a nobody, Edward, and for him to say that..." She sounded so broken, and sad. It was heartbreaking.

"I don't care what he said, Bella. He doesn't mean anything to me. I'm over it. I'm done being treated like that. I know who I am and I'm not gonna let some stupid comment from him ruin me." I honestly had moved on from the labels of my youth, finding confidence in my successes over the past few years. I was comfortable in my own skin and I was happy with my life. Riley wasn't going to affect that. Unless...

"Bella?" I asked, my thoughts going to my darkest fear. The one thing that I knew could destroy me if I wasn't careful. The truth of the matter was that this one thing was probably what had kept me from taking things farther with Bella when it came to our relationship. "You are over him, right?" I asked, vocalizing my biggest concern.

"What?" she said, looking at me as tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

"You don't want to go back to him, do you?"

Bella watched me for what seemed like hours, finally raising her hands and placing them on either side of my neck. She used her thumbs to angle my head so that she could look me more fully in the face.

"I don't want him. Never again, do you hear me?"

I nodded, assuring her that I understood what she was telling me.

"Edward, I'm not sad about him or what a jerk he was to you. What I'm sad about is the fact that I let him to do that you for years. You probably never even heard the way he used to talk about you. He knew we were friends, and he made stop seeing you. He's the reason I let our friendship fall apart. I was so stupid, Edward."

Her eyes closed as she began to cry harder, her tears streaming faster down her face, and her voice catching on her breathes every so often. "He made me feel like I was worthless and useless, and that no one else would ever want me. The really stupid is that I believed him. I didn't stand up for you, and tonight when he started saying those things...that part of me that wanted to scream at him and tell him how wrong he was...it just wouldn't. I failed you, Edward, and I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. Please forgive me. Please."

"Bella, stop," I said, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her against my chest. I hugged her for several seconds before I finally lifted her a bit and shifted toward her, settling her onto my lap. "You didn't do anything wrong, Honey. He took advantage of you, and for that I'd really like to hunt him down right now, but you didn't do anything to be ashamed of. I was a big boy, Bella. I took care of myself."

"But I hurt you. I know I did."

I couldn't lie to her, that wouldn't help the situation. "You're right. You did hurt me, but I'm okay now. I learned things I never would have learned, otherwise. I've been places and met people...I never would have been able to do that if things had been different between us. You might think you pushed me away, but you didn't. You pushed me toward something, and that something is what got us to this point. And I wouldn't trade this—what we have right now—for anything. If losing you for a little while means that I get to find you again and keep you forever, then I'm okay with that."

She pulled back and looked at me, her eyes wide. "What?"

Crap, crap, crap! We hadn't talked about anything more than just friendship and casual dating, but I'd gone and bared my soul, laying everything out in front of her. If she didn't want the same things I did, I was going to lose her.

It was a chance I had to take.

"I want you, Bella. Forever. I'm not in this for just an easy thing, or a for now kinda thing. I want an always with you. I know it's scary and it's probably stupid to think of tying ourselves down so soon in our lives, but I've known since I was seven years old that you're the girl for me. I'll wait as long as it takes to have you."

"Edward..."

I straightened my shoulders, ready to hear what she had to say, but needing to get out all of my thoughts before I did. "I know this might not be what you want, and that's okay. If you just want friendship, I'll be okay with that. I'll always be hoping for more, but I'll never push you into something you don't want. You're the one in control here, and I know I probably shouldn't tell you that. I mean, if Emmett knew, he'd say I need to hand over my man card, but I don't care. You and me, we're open and honest with each other. No holding back. I want you to know I'm all in, I'm not playing games. I want you, no one else. Not ever."

She tucked her head under my chin, her nose pressed against my throat. I could feel her warm breath on my skin, her wet eyelashes fluttering against my neck every so often. She started to calm down, her breaths slowing and her body relaxing in my arms. Just when I thought she'd fallen asleep, I heard her soft voice whisper the words I had always wanted to hear.

"I want you, too."

The rest of Christmas break was hectic, our mother's needing us to help with different things, run errands for them, meanwhile Bella had her work schedule to deal with. We made out a few more times, but I didn't push her for anything more. We both knew I was going back to school soon, and it felt like if we crossed that line in our physical relationship, it would only make things that much harder when it came time to say goodbye for a few months.

She smiled through her tears when I left, and I promised to be back for a visit as soon as I could.

I made a few random weekend trips home when I was able to manage it, but when spring break came, Bella asked if she could visit me. Her college classes were going well and she'd talked to an adviser at her school. Her grades were good enough to transfer to U Dub in the fall, so the only issue was money. It was simple—she didn't have enough. No where near enough, to be honest. We took the opportunity her visit gave us, and I took her around the campus to talk to anyone and everyone that I thought might be able to help.

She stayed in my room with me for the week, both of us squeezing into my small twin bed. It wasn't just that we wanted to be close, though we did, but it was also about the fact that Emmett was my roommate, and his bed wasn't exactly somewhere I was comfortable with my girlfriend sleeping. Plus, I liked falling asleep with my arms around her, her head tucked against my chest and under my chin. She smelled good, and she was making my bed smell good. We fooled around a bit, but I never pressed her for more, physically. It had been about a year since I'd had sex, and longer for her. I knew she was nervous, and we both knew that once we did that, once we gave ourselves to each other in that way, things would be changed forever.

As the semester came to a close, Emmett and I decided that we'd rent a house the next fall. Alice was going to be starting at U Dub with me, and Rosalie was interested in moving in, too. She and Emmett spent pretty much every night together, anyway, so it just made sense. We found a little three bedroom house that we could afford, and we set up all the paper work so that we could move in as soon as we got back from our summer road trip. It was our last one, and we'd decided to just drive with no plan in mind. We were going to let fate lead us wherever it wanted to.

I was excited about it.

The only bad thing was that Bella couldn't go. I'd asked her to, several times, but she had to work. She had a new manager at the diner and apparently, he was a jerk. He messed with her work schedule on a regular basis, telling her that if she'd go out with him, then she could work any days and times that she wanted. Of course, she wouldn't, which only served to upset him and cause him to take it out on her. She wanted to quit, but there weren't many other jobs in Forks that were hiring, and especially not for just a few more months. She hoped she could stick it out and qualify for some type of scholarship for school so that she could get out of Forks once and for all.

When I returned home in May, Alice was graduating. Bella went to the ceremony with me, and when it was over, we went into the cafeteria to find Alice and my parents. As we stood talking to them, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to find Tanya standing there. She'd graduated, too.

"Edward!" she said, excited and smiling as she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me. "I'm so glad to see you. How are you?"

It was good to see her. She'd grown up so much since the last time I saw her, and I was glad to see how happy she looked.

"Hey, Tanya. I'm good, how are you?"

"Great. I got into UCLA, I'm moving to California next week. Can you believe it?"

I was really proud of her. She was a good student, and I was thrilled that she was going to move on to someplace bigger and better, that would offer her more challenges than Forks ever could. I had complete faith in her abilities, and I knew she'd conquer anything she attempted.

"That's really great, I'm happy for you."

We chatted for just a minute or two before I felt Bella's arm wrap around my waist. I looked to my left to see her looking up at me, her eyes hesitant. I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her to me.

"Tanya, you remember Bella, right?" I asked.

She nodded. "Sure. Hi Bella."

"Hi Tanya. Congratulations," she kindly said.

"Thanks." Tanya looked at me, then back to Bella. A huge smile grew across her face. "So, you finally did it, huh? I hoped you would," she said, winking at me.

I knew she was talking about my crush on Bella and how Tanya had always known. I hoped that someday she would be as happy as I was, and that she'd find a man who would treat her with the adoration and love she deserved.

I said goodbye to her, wishing her the best and wondering if I'd ever see her again.

"She looked happy," Bella said once Tanya was gone.

"Yeah, she did. I'm glad, she deserves that."

Bella smiled. "I used to be so jealous of her. I remember seeing you kiss her one day in your garage. I was outside, and I was so angry and just...hurt, I guess. I ran in the house and cried for the rest of the day. I wanted so badly to be her."

I hugged her tighter to me. "I'm glad you weren't her. Otherwise, I wouldn't have you right now."

She smiled and raised up on her toes a bit, looking for a kiss. I happily obliged her.

The next few weeks passed by much the same way as they had at Christmas, with the exception of Bella's constant watching for the mail's arrival each day. She had been accepted to the University of Washington, but she hadn't heard anything from any of the scholarships that she'd applied for. Because she lived with her parents, she had to go off their income, which meant she couldn't qualify for financial aid. Student loans were her last resort, and she was considering just staying at the junior college in Port Angeles for another year. She would transfer to U Dub the next fall, after I'd graduated, if she had to.

I really hoped it wouldn't come to that. I didn't think I could manage another year without her.

Emmett and I were planning to leave on our trip the day after my birthday, just like the year before. Rosalie would be going with us, so each of us was packing a little lighter this time. Not that we'd packed all that much before.

Bella worked strange hours at the diner, and even picked up a few shifts at the town library. I tried to spend as much time with her as I could, but as each day passed, her spirits dropped lower and lower. Not only did she think she would have to remain in Forks for another year, but she was facing a summer on her own. Again. It killed me to see the sad look in her eyes any time someone mentioned the road trip, but there was nothing we could do.

I was looking forward to my birthday, even though my mother had planned a little party, like normal. Though this one she was making a big deal out of. I was turning 21 and she wanted all of our family and friends to be there. Bella's birthday wasn't until September, so when Emmett mentioned going to a bar for the evening, I didn't even entertain the idea. I knew if it meant Bella couldn't be with me on my last night in Forks, then I wouldn't go. She took the day off work and we spent it watching movies, having lunch, and just enjoying each other.

It was the best birthday I'd ever had.

That night as my mother brought out the cake that was brightly lit with candles, everyone sang and laughed. Bella sat next to me, holding my hand, and when it came time to blow out the candles, she helped me. I made my wish, and though she didn't ask, she knew what it was. The only thing I really wanted was for us to be together. That's what I wished for.

"Okay, present time!" my mom said, bringing out a big box. My parents hadn't given me many presents over the past few years, instead just giving me money for my summer road trip. I was fine with that, so the giant box shocked me.

"Mom, what's this?" I said, hesitantly taking the box from her.

"Just a little something I put together for you. I hope you like it."

I lifted the lid and saw a book inside. When I reached in and pulled it out, I realized it was a photo album. Lifting the cover, I was shocked to see a page filled with Polaroid pictures from the first trip that Emmett and I took

"Mom? How did you..."

"Well, I found a box of pictures in your room and I knew they were from your trip, so I decided that rather than have them stuffed in that old shoe box, I'd put them in a binder for you. There are extra pages at the end for the pictures from this year, so you can add them as you go."

"Wow, this is incredible. Thank you so much." I flipped through each page, seeing pictures of places and people that I hadn't seen in years. The memories came flooding back to me, and before I knew it, I was half way through the book and everyone was just sitting at the table staring at me.

My mother laughed. "Well, I think that was the right gift."

Bella was looking at the pictures with me. "Wow, you went to all those places?" she asked.

"Yeah, we did."

She let out a sigh. "I wish I could have gone with you."

Looking at her, I said the first thing that came to mind. "You did."

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