Title: Fallen

Author: Lazalot_Anreads

Beta: None

Characters/Pairings: Bella/Jacob

Rating: NC-17

Challenge: None

Summary: Bella is just starting to heal when she is raped, beaten, and left for dead on the side of the road near the reservation. Jacob finds her.

Notes: Rape, New Moon AU

Chapter 004

Entry 001 - Sunday, October 10, 2010

This past Friday night was the absolute worst of my life. I hope it holds that title; I couldn't imagine going through something worse than IT. The rape.

Bella paused to take a deep breath. "Jacob, this is a really ugly story. You don't have to listen to it. I could just wait and write it down myself when my eyes get better."

Jacob frowned and started tapping the pen against the notebook. "I can handle it, Bella, I promise. I just … I NEED to know. If you can't talk about it right now then I understand that, but if you're just trying to protect me … well, don't."

"I just don't want this to change anything between us," Bella said quietly, too quietly for normal ears.

Jacob put the pen down and sat up, touching her cheek tenderly. "You're my Bells. I can't say that this won't change things between us, but … I like to think it will make us closer. Please, Bella. I'm strong enough. Let me be the one you lean on."

"You already are." A faint smile touched her lips, but disappeared as quickly as if it had never been there. "Okay. Pick up the pen."

I'd decided to go for a walk. There were some things I'd been trying to work out in my mind and I thought some fresh air might help. I was almost at Jacob's when I realized how far my feet had carried me.

I remembered that Jacob had gone off somewhere with Embry, so I turned back. But it was a two hour walk and now that I wasn't lost inside my own head, I could feel the ache in my feet. That's when I saw the truck.

It was a familiar ice blue Ford, obviously brand new with all the bells and whistles. Two boys I didn't know personally but had seen around sat on the hood, watching me with the strangest smiles. It gave me the creeps, and I turned again, deciding to run the rest of the way to the reservation even though Jacob wasn't there.

I ran right into his arms. Tyler Crowley, who I hadn't spoken to since the prom mix-up, grabbed me around the waist and tried to kiss me. I managed to shove him away the first time, but then the other two guys grabbed me by the arms and held me still for him to try again. So I bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood and spit it in his face when he reared back in pain.

That just made him angry. He looked me over with a cold, sick glint in his eye that told me EXACTLY what he was thinking. I started struggling even more, but I was just too weak and the guys holding me were just too strong. So I started screaming.

They just laughed and told me to go ahead, that there was nobody around to hear me. I shut my mouth, then. I had some weird idea in my head that I'd just stop responding and that would make them leave me alone. I was SO wrong.

"Jacob, would you get me a glass of water?" Bella's voice shook. "My throat hurts and I need a break."

Jacob jumped up eagerly, feeling like he could use a break, too. He got a bottle of water for her and a can of cherry coke for himself before returning to the bedroom and climbing back up onto the bed so that he could sit beside her. They sipped their drinks, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

Bella was thinking about the rape and all of the emotions talking about it had brought to the surface. Though she continued to speak calmly, a veritable emotional BOMB seethed just beneath her skin. Pain, loss, and sadness were all wrapped up with rage and hatred and she didn't even know any more which emotion was which. They all felt angry to her.

Jacob was thinking about Tyler Crowley and his friends. He knew he would have to kill them in his wolf skin so that nobody would connect the deaths to him. He knew he wanted to torture them first, but he wasn't sure yet just HOW he was going to torture them. They deserved to be raped, but he knew he didn't have the stomach for something like that, so he was going to have to get creative.

"Okay, I'm ready," Bella finally said, her voice catching a little.

Jacob immediately set his drink aside and picked up the pen. "Go ahead."

Tyler stripped me, ripping both my bra and my panties in his rush to get to my naked body. I shivered in the cold and my nipples hardened automatically. He decided that must mean that I WANTED him to - to do what he did to me, and his friends agreed.

Tyler started hitting me in the face, calling me names like 'slut' and 'whore'. It hurt like HELL, especially when he aimed for my eyes, but I didn't so much as whimper. I was proud of that until he slid his belt off and walked around behind me. I screamed each time the buckle hit my back - there was no stopping it. The pain was INTENSE.

At some point I heard the belt drop to the ground and I sighed in relief. My knees were so weak by that time that the only things holding me up anymore were his two thugs. Then they dropped me, and I landed on my hands and knees.

Before I even had time to THINK about running, Tyler was on me. He used his knees to push my legs apart and -

"Stop." Jacob set the pen down with trembling fingers. "I'm sorry, Bella, I just need a minute to get control of myself."

"YOU need to get control of YOURSELF?" Bella clenched her fists so hard that her nails broke the skin of her palms. "I'M the one who was fucking RAPED! Quit acting like this affects you so DAMN much when we both know you don't really give a SHIT!"

Jacob growled at her. He couldn't help it; how DARE Bella try to say that he didn't CARE? Of COURSE he cared! HIS Bella had been beaten and raped by rich white kids while HE'D been goofing off with Embry and it was all his FAULT! Suddenly, he deflated. Maybe Bella had realized that it was his fault, and that was why she was suddenly so angry with him. "I'm SO sorry I wasn't there to protect you, Bella," he said quietly.

"Oh, I see." Bella's voice was like ice. "Big Bad Jacob feels guilty that he wasn't there to once again save Meek Mousy Bella from her own stupidity, so now he's taking care of her as penance. I should have known it would be something like that. Always have to be the hero, don't you, Jacob?"

Something broke inside him. Rolling off the bed and onto his feet, he turned in a strangely graceful move and hit the wall so hard that he left a hole in it. He didn't give a shit. "I'm not TRYING to be a fucking HERO, and I'm not here because I feel fucking GUILTY!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. "I'm here because I LOVE you more than ANYTHING and I always WILL, and I NEED to help you get THROUGH this SHIT!"

He stood, trembling but holding onto his Human skin with all of his will, waiting for some sort of sign that Bella understood where he was coming from. Waiting for her to admit that he was with her out of love, not pity. Never pity.

Finally, she cracked a smile in his direction. "Just pick up the damn pen, will you?" So he did.

- shoved himself inside of me, taking my virginity. I REALLY screamed then.

The rest is a little hazy. I think I was in shock. I do know that they each took several turns violating me and that when they were done, they kicked me around a bit before leaving. I remember seeing Tyler put my underwear in his pocket as they left; I suppose he wanted some kind of sick souvenir.

When they were finally gone, I crawled the short distance to my remaining clothes and pulled them back on. Then I made myself stand up, determined to get to the reservation and get some help for myself. I took a few steps, and then I fell and just curled up and cried.

Jacob found me, of course. He always does. That's how I know he really loves me.

Jacob put the pen down, closed the notebook, and pulled Bella into his arms. "I'm sorry I yelled, baby." He kissed her forehead and squeezed her gently. "I know this is hard for you. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you to tell me what happened so soon after it DID happen."

"No, I'm glad you did." Bella hugged him back, resting her ear on his chest just over his heartbeat, which was strong and steady. "I needed to get it out, and I DO feel better. I'm sorry I went off on you, though. I didn't really mean the things I said. I guess I was just lashing out. I'm REALLY sorry."

"Okay, we're both sorry, then. Let's just move on, huh?" Jacob smiled even though she couldn't see it. "How about I brush your hair for a while?"

She agreed, so he got the brush out of the nightstand and, leaning back against the headboard, got her settled in the space between his legs. He started at the very bottom, slowly and patiently working the tangles out there before moving up and repeating the process. Once all of the tangles were out, he kept brushing, using long, slow strokes that relaxed them both.

There was a knock at the door. "Come in," Jacob said quietly, continuing to brush Bella's hair.

Embry came in and sat on the edge of the bed a fair distance away from Bella after he warned her of what he was doing. "Sam just called. He wanted to know why we aren't phasing. I gave him a load of bull about having a bet with you about who could go the longest without phasing, but he didn't buy it, man. I think he might come up here."

"Oh, no!" Bella gasped. She didn't want SAM of all people to find out what had happened to her! He would go to her father!

"DAMN it!" Jacob groaned and set the brush aside, pulling Bella back against his chest so that he could see Embry over her shoulder. "If he finds out what happened to Bella, he won't hesitate to go to Charlie and that's not what she wants. We need to figure out some way to either hide her while he's here, which we both know is impossible, or to make him keep his mouth shut. I won't have him telling Charlie anything. Bella's not ready."

"I'm never telling him," Bella reminded Jacob sternly.

"Well, I have an idea, but you're not going to like it." Embry's tone was dead serious.

"I'll do anything to protect Bella, you know that," Jacob replied. He pushed Bella's hair aside and kissed her shoulder. "She's my life."

"Okay, then." Embry took a deep breath. "I think you should challenge him for Alpha. We both know you'd win, easily, and then you could LITERALLY make him keep his mouth shut. Also, if you became Alpha, you could claim Bella as your Chosen and then she'd ALWAYS have one of us with her."

Jacob bit his lip. It was a great idea, but could he do it? Could he win against Sam, who had so much more experience? If he did win, could he handle the responsibility? Could he truly become the Alpha of his Pack?

For Bella, he could. He WOULD.