Title: Fallen

Author: Lazalot_Anreads

Beta: None

Characters/Pairings: Bella/Jacob

Rating: NC-17

Challenge: None

Summary: Bella is just starting to heal when she is raped, beaten, and left for dead on the side of the road near the reservation. Jacob finds her.

Notes: Rape, New Moon AU

Chapter 010

Entry 007 - Friday, October 15, 2010

Jacob let me touch him last night. It was the most amazing thing - I felt so POWERFUL. I can't wait to do it again tonight. Giving him that kind of pleasure makes me feel so close to him, like we're one person in two bodies. I want to be even closer, but the thought of full on sex still freaks me out. That's okay. I know now that it will happen someday.

I can't help thinking of Edward. How could I have ever believed I was truly in love with him? I cared for him deeply, in fact I still do, but now that I've given in to my feelings for Jacob I realize that they are so much MORE than anything I ever experienced with Edward. I hope he's well, but I don't want him back.

In fact, mostly when I think of Edward these days I just get PISSED. Who was he to say those things to me in the woods? To make me feel so worthless? It occurs to me now that he raped my soul months before Tyler and his thugs ever raped my body. If it weren't for Jacob I probably would have killed myself by now, that's how horrible he made me feel about myself. I know I thought about it enough times.

I would never do something that horribly selfish and cowardly now. I can hardly believe that I ever even considered it at all. Not just because of Jacob, but because of everyone who cares about me. Charlie, Renee, the rest of the Pack, and even my friends from school like Angela and Jessica. God, Jessica. I owe her a long overdue apology for scaring her the way I did that night we went to Port Angeles, when she was trying so hard to cheer me up. In fact, I owe her more than that - I owe her the TRUTH, at least as much of it as I can give her without endangering her.

I owe Charlie the truth, too, I think - the whole truth. Even the parts that will hurt him, like my thoughts of suicide after Edward left me and the gang rape I so recently endured. He's my father and, while he's not perfect, he's always loved me and tried his best to do the right things for me. He deserves my honesty, at the very least, and I think it's time I started facing my fears instead of hiding from them.

Yes. Yes, this is the right choice, I can feel it in my bones. I'm going to talk to Jacob about it - some of the secrets I plan to share with Charlie are HIS, after all - but I just know he'll agree. Maybe he'll even have some idea of how to go about it without giving my poor father a heart attack. I'm going to go talk to he and Embry about it now.

Bella found the boys in the kitchen, eating junk food and discussing which room they should work on next, since the master bathroom had been finished the day before. "Jacob, Embry, can I talk to you guys about something?"

Jacob, still chewing, nodded as Embry smiled and replied, "Pull up a seat, Juliet."

Bella smiled and rolled her eyes as she sat down in the chair between them. "Thanks, Romeo. Anyway, the thing is, I've come to the conclusion that I need to tell my Dad everything."

Jacob swallowed his mouthful loudly, looking shocked. He knew her well enough to know that when she said everything, she meant EVERYTHING. "Just the other day you wouldn't even CONSIDER telling him about the - about what happened to you the other night, and now all of a sudden you want to spill all of the supernatural beans? Why the sudden change of heart, Bells?"

Bella opened her mouth to explain, but Embry cut her off. "I think it's an EXCELLENT idea! Charlie IS the Chief of Police, Jake; he'd make a really powerful ally, and even if that wasn't the case, Bella is his daughter and he DESERVES to know. Especially since the two of you are pretty much engaged."

Jacob nodded his agreement but didn't reply, keeping his eyes on Bella. He still wanted to know what her reasons were, because he didn't want her to do anything she might regret later, even though he DID think it was a good idea and had actually been entertaining the thought of bringing it up with her just last night as he was drifting off to sleep.

Bella took a deep breath. "When I was six and Renee asked Charlie for a divorce, he never fought her for custody. For a long time - hell, until just last year - I hated him for that. I thought it meant that he didn't care about me, that all I was to him was a reminder of his failed marriage, but now I know better. He didn't do it because he DIDN'T care, he did it because he DID. I think he thought that since I was a girl, it would be easier for me to be raised by my Mom. In a lot of ways he was right about that.

"In other ways he was wrong, of course, but how could he have known just how irresponsible Renee would sometimes choose to be? He couldn't have, because when she was still with him, she wasn't so … well, I guess the word I'm looking for is flaky. Don't get me wrong, I love Renee, but for the most part after the divorce, I spent more time raising her than she did raising me. I resented Dad for that more than I did her because I thought that he'd KNOWN it would be that way.

"When I came here to live with him, though, I started to notice that every time I did something super responsible - you know, the kinds of things a normal teenager wouldn't think to do without being asked, like cleaning the entire house at least once every week - he'd get this look of regret in his eyes. One Wednesday he had off from work, I left school during lunch to fix him something healthy to eat, and when I got to the house he was in the living room watching a tape of my fourth birthday and cursing at the television every time Renee came on the screen, saying things like how he'd trusted her and how I'd deserved to have a happy, free childhood. I left before he noticed me and he never even knew I was there, but after that I couldn't be angry at him anymore. I still didn't really trust him, though.

"But then Edward left me in the woods that night and I got lost, and when I finally gave up and just curled up on the ground I remember thinking that I was going to die there, because Charlie didn't know me well enough to guess that I'd gotten lost. I thought he would probably assume I'd run off with Edward when he wasn't able to reach the Cullens, and he'd never even know that I was dead until some hiker stumbled over my body one day." Bella paused and took a deep breath, shaking her head in wonder. "But I was wrong. He told me later that after he went to the Cullens' and found their house abandoned, he knew I must have gotten lost in the woods because I would never have left without at least telling him goodbye. So maybe he didn't know EVERYTHING about me, but he knew that. He knew that, and so he set up a search party and, well, you guys know the rest."

"So why not tell him then? Why now, nearly six months later?" Embry asked curiously. "I mean, that's when you started to trust him, right?"

Bella nodded. "Yes, that's when I started to trust him. But for the next two months, I was so wrapped up in my own pain that telling him the truth about Vampires never even occurred to me, and even if it had, I didn't have any proof. Then, when I started spending time with Jacob and finally started to get it together again, there was still no proof and I didn't think there was even a point, since the Cullens were never coming back anyway. I never actually truly considered it until I found out about the Pack, but even then I couldn't tell him, because Sam was Alpha and he would never have allowed it. But now Jacob is Alpha and I don't want to keep secrets from him anymore, guys. He deserves better from his own daughter."

Jacob smiled, because telling Charlie everything was obviously not just some whim. Bella had obviously given the idea a hell of a lot of thought, and he could see in her eyes and hear in her voice that she'd made peace with her decision. There would be no regrets - well, unless Charlie completely freaked, which Jacob thought was highly unlikely. Bella and her father were a lot alike; once he had concrete proof of the supernatural, he would probably take things in stride just as she had. Of course, it would probably be wise to have a couple of bottles of whiskey on hand for the more painful parts of the story, but he or Embry could get that easily enough. Since they both looked like grown men, it was unlikely that they'd be carded at any liquor store besides the one on the reservation.

A long moment passed in which Jacob just smiled at Bella, not saying a word. Finally she got impatient and reached over to smack him hard on the shoulder. "Well?" She shook her sore hand out and turned to stick her tongue out at Embry when he laughed at her, then turned back to her silent Chosen. "What do you think, Jacob? It's your decision - you ARE Alpha now, remember?"

"I remember. I think it's a great idea, Bells - in fact the idea actually occurred to me last night, but I wasn't going to bring it up because before today you just seemed so determined to keep Charlie in the dark. But I think this is the right choice, and I know my Dad would be really relieved if he didn't have to keep secrets from your Dad anymore. It hurts him, I think, having to lie so often to his best friend. So I guess the question is, when and where do we tell him?"

Embry cheered loudly and Bella let out a relieved breath, smiling at them both in turn. "I think we should do it today, here - if that's okay, Embry?" When her friend nodded, she smiled and turned back to Jacob. "I think you should call Billy and tell him to bring Charlie here because I have something to tell both of them. Tell him I got back into town late last night and stopped here to talk to you guys about the same thing I want to talk to them about, and then I crashed. Tell them we need complete privacy for this conversation but don't tell him why, and then when they get here we'll tell them the truth. ALL of it."

"Sounds like a plan to me." That said, Jacob pushed his chair back and went to get the phone, which he dialed on his way back to his seat. "Dad? It's me. Listen, I need you to do me a favor …"