Rhiannon updates so damn fast.
Seriously, I put it up and within a couple of hours SHE HAD HER PART UP. I just can't get over that. But I promise this is the last time I say that...
Anyway, I can vouch for the idea! It was mine, of course, and I didn't even discuss it with Rhi before I put it up...so I'm happy she likes it. I definitely do. I have no idea where it came from – maybe I was hyped up on Percocet or something when I wrote it. I can't remember...plus, as an added note, thank god both of us are taking French.
I'm really excited to get working with this. I'll be awake the rest of the weekend. Screw sleep, that's overrated. And in we goooo...
My stomach twisted and turned, and I felt nauseous. The possibilities swirled in my head. There was a chance that everything we had ever said and done was because of the Earl. Everything was mechanical. I knew I should have taken the opportunity to shove the thoughts out of my head as soon as Rain told me to, but it wasn't working. Too much hurt to think about. My throat closed up, and my stomach continued to do back flips while my mind was threatening to make me cry. But I wouldn't do it. I was not going to have a mental breakdown in the middle of the library. Instead, we all stood in silence for what seemed like hours.
Lavi grasped both of our hands, insisting on leading us to Bookman's workstation, since I seemed so incapable of finding it myself. Rain agreed to follow him, but yanked her hand away. He, in turn, gave her a quick stern look, taking our wrists instead. She rolled her eyes in protest, but didn't pull back away. His hand burned where his skin touched mine.
We traveled down what seemed like thousands of long hallways, finally finding the one where Bookman rested. Lavi knocked on the door, and a faint grumble of a "Who is it" came from inside, in which Lavi responded curtly, "Me, you old panda". Aside from the brief protest before we got going, Rain was quiet the whole way. Probably mulling over those dreaded thoughts I'd just implanted in her head. This was the reason I hardly ever studied unless I needed to – I got near to perfect grades so much. Near to perfect...was it because I was just a program—?
No, damn it; get that out of your mind.
Impatiently, Lavi opened the door without any sort of word of approval from Bookman. He looked confused and slightly groggy, as though waking from a deep sleep. I could only imagine how the serious and grim look on his apprentice's face played into that confusion. "Lavi, what are you doing...? You already memorized your records for the day." Looking behind him, Bookman spotted us, and his eyes snapped awake. "What are you doing, bringing them into my workroom? I don't allow anyone but you in here!"
Replacing an explanation, Lavi instead thrust the book at Bookman and told him to open it up to a certain page. He scanned the passage quickly and quietly, and when he was done, looked up and questioned him.
While Lavi explained in a normal and serious tone, I glanced over at Rain. She stared ahead, appearing to be watching Lavi and Bookman's conversation, but her eyes were distant. She was thinking. The redhead had long let go of our hands, and hers were resting together in front of her peacefully, as if she was handcuffed. Rain was never one to be quiet for long periods of time unless she was listening to someone else. Even then, her gaze was intent and filled with purpose. Now, she was just barely paying attention, as if she would drift off at any moment. A thought dared to cross my mind: I've never seen her look so vulnerable. It was as if she was falling, and the moment she would hit the ground, she'd shatter into a million pieces.
She definitely wasn't like that on the inside, though. I could almost hear the millions of questions she had scrambling against the walls of her mind. Rain wanted answers, and so did I, but we couldn't stop focusing on all of those 'what if's?' For instance, what if we really were akuma? What if my life has been an artificial toy made by the Earl? What if we're running out of time? What if—
A certain redhead interrupted our thoughts, and we both snapped into reality once more. "Rain, Maddie, we need to look into this further. As for now, keep everything to yourself. Act completely normal, alright? I know that's a hard question to be asked, but..." Lavi trailed off, his Bookman sense disintegrating slowly and his emotions resurfacing. "Don't worry, okay? I'll help you cover up any worry. We're sure it's just a common misunderstanding. You two can go. It's almost time for dinner."
The door clicked shut behind us as we were almost pushed out of the room. For a moment, all we could do is stare at the floor together, before Rain outburst loudly, "How are we supposed to keep calm? Tell me that, Lavi!" Her fist pounded the door once, but it was loud enough to gain some attention. The two men inside purposely ignored Rain's outburst. Looking over at her, she looked broken, weak. But I knew her. She wouldn't cry. Rain never cried – she merely classified it as too much of a burden.
"...I don't know about you, but I'm probably going to skip dinner," I sighed, arms crossed in front of my puffy sweatshirt. "I need some sleep, anyway. And thinking time."
"Don't be stupid," she glared at me, sending a bit of a chill through my spine. "We don't need thinking time. Neither of us does. The more we think, the more we panic, and the more things go downhill. You'll come with me to the dining hall whether you want to or not, okay? It's going to be hard, but we're going to do what Lavi said. We'll play it cool. We'll play it cool like that song you always go around singing in the hallways at school, okay?" A smirk played at her lips, and I couldn't help but smile back.
"You mean the one from West Side Story that the Jets sing after Riff dies?" I burst out happily, fists shaking in anticipation.
"That's the one," she nods, and we begin to blend in with the crowd, our nerves freshly calmed. There's nothing Rain dislikes more than me belting out music repeatedly, but she knows it soothes me. A few verses escape my lips before she punches me, hard but playful. The crowd moves easily and it calms both of us. I'm sure of it.
I'm also sure that I didn't hear Bookman say to Lavi, "Why do you care so much about those girls? They're humans." To which he didn't respond, "I care about my friends, you crazy old man."
"There you two are!" Lenalee said to us when we arrived in the dining hall. She seemed relieved to see us, to say the least. At first, my eye twitched slightly, my heart pounding louder. Did she know the reason we were gone all day? "Did you two forget? You had to see Komui today around three. He was waiting for you and everything."
Rain looks at my eyes for a brief second, and she recognizes the panic in them. Before I can stutter out a ridiculous excuse, she takes a small step in front of me and says for both of us, "Sorry. Maddie was in the library most of the day and I got caught up with Lavi." She sent Lenalee a reassuring smile, a little bit of guilt added to pass off the excuse. "It won't happen again."
"Needless to say, Maddie," she looks at me, my head peeking out over Rain's shoulder, "you still need your Exorcist uniform." I exhaled loudly, my face filling with color once more. I hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath for so long. Komui definitely wouldn't authorize me to get a uniform if he knew we were potential threats to the Order. This was good.
"Right, sorry," I pretended to be guilty for my actions, nervously rubbing my neck. "Can I reschedule it instead for tomorrow at...5 or something?" She approved of the time, writing it down on a clipboard and then getting in line for food. We followed suit.
As usual, Rain managed to pile up her tray to what seemed like ceiling-high, while all I could really stomach at the time was some calamari. When we sat down at a table, Allen and Lenalee sitting across from us, I slipped a piece of it into my mouth. I couldn't really think much before all that came out of my mouth was a jumbled mix-up of "Oh my god, so good". Rain and Allen began to dig into their portions, while Lavi came up and sat down next to Lenalee. He gave us both grins. I turned my attention back to my calamari.
"Did you hear what happened?" Lavi turned to Lenalee, to which she shook her head. "Yu was sent away today on a mission to collect some innocence up near Siberia. It'll take him days to get there, not even counting the time for the mission. He'll be gone for about a week at least!"
To this, I saw Rain look up at Lavi with a mischievous grin on her face, soba noodles hanging out of her mouth. "Seriously? A whole week without that stuck up asshole?" The redhead nodded in confirmation, to which she spun in her seat. "Yes! I can't wait to wake up in the morning without seeing his bony pissed-off face!"
That was a quick change of mood, I noted nervously, pushing the thought away as soon as it entered my thoughts.
Lenalee smiled softly with a laugh, toning down the pleasure in the air around Rain and Allen and said, "Good. We could all use a little bit of a lighter atmosphere."
Rain and I both noticed this choice of words. We looked at each other, and then forward to a conversation Allen was now having with Lavi while Lenalee calmly ate her soup. Allen was talking animatedly, saying how great it would feel to not have to put up with Kanda's' incessant nonsense', as he put it. Lavi's eyes flickered over to us only for a brief second as Allen took a bite of his fried rice, confirming that yes, he noticed it too. It took a moment to realize that the smile he wore was plastered on his face, and that he was incredibly good at passing it off. The happiness in his mouth didn't touch his eyes, however, which is what might have given it away. But after a while, he and Allen started joking over something, and the line between fake and real blurred.
It seemed with Lavi that line blurred a lot.
"Before you say anything," Rain said as I began to remove my sweatshirt, "could you be any less discreet about liking Lavi? Anytime he comes within a 2 yard radius, you shut up like your mouth was duck taped shut."
My face heated up, but I denied it. "I don't like Lavi. He's just a nice guy, and you at least have to admit he doesn't hurt the eyes to look at." I threw my sweatshirt to the floor, revealing the usual black t-shirt with some sort of design on it. I'd happened to be wearing a Billy Joel concert t-shirt that was baggy and long, but was comfortable as hell and I wore it to sleep almost every night. "Guys are pretty much idiots, too."
"Yeah, we both know they're all idiots, but that never stops people from liking them." Rain unstrapped her boots, tossing them to the side of the bed. "I see you stealing glances at him whenever he comes in the room, too. I also noticed a little glint of jealousy and panic in your eyes when he attacked me."
"I can't like two people at once," I sighed, my thoughts drifting back to our dimension. "It's weird and it makes me feel...loose, if you know what I mean."
"It's okay, you know that, right? Liking two people at once." I could see Rain's face twist a little as she said that. She disliked the very idea of discussing two people deeply in love with each other, let alone her friend crushing on two guys at the same time. I didn't particularly enjoy it either – it felt awkward. "So for now, just enjoy your time with Lavi. It's obvious you feel something for him. We won't be here forever. You can have fun with Lavi, but dream about that 'secret love' of yours in the meantime." She smirked at me, obviously pleased by the look on my frazzled face as I tried to protest loudly.
After everything was calmed down, we both sighed and continued getting ready to sleep. I slipped off my ratty plaid Converse, thinking to myself, I'm wearing shoes that haven't even been invented yet. The air was tense, and Rain was almost ready to lie down and knock herself out. An idea crossed my mind, and I vocalized it while I still had the chance.
"Tomorrow, I'm going to request something from Komui." This caught her attention easily. If I was requesting things, that meant that it would be something normally not allowed. "Since we obviously aren't going to relax with the whole new..." my voice trailed off, mind wandering to the Finders outside our door, "...'situation', we need something to relax ourselves in the meantime. We're being treated like Exorcists, meaning that it's possible we could be sent on a mission. I don't know how that'd work without Innocence, but it's a possibility. Plus, I want something to do in my free time. So I'm going to ask him for something." Rain nodded, her hair bouncing as she did, as confirmation to go on and tell me what it was I'd ask for. Instead, I shook my head. "You'll have to be patient."
She narrowed her eyes, throwing me a dirty look along with a pillow. I smiled brightly, sliding under the covers with a quiet 'goodnight', eager to get the night over with so I could ask for Komui in the morning. Tomorrow, I'd ask Komui if he had any instruments I could use. I hadn't played any sort of music in several days, and was becoming antsy. I didn't expect my beautiful bass clarinet or my guitar, but at least something I could work with. That was the difficult request. For Rain, I'd ask for several pencils and an unlimited amount of paper. I knew she'd be able to calm down if she could write or draw. I might be able to scratch down something, as well. After all, without my artistic ability, I was nothing. Rain fell asleep several minutes later, but my mind was too excited to calm down. With one pillow beneath my head and the other clutched in between my arms, I eventually shut my eyes for some rest.
In my dreams, I hear my violin loud and clear, a sweet vibrato calling out to me. I'm playing it for everyone in the Order, Rain included. None of them have ever heard me on my violin, and I haven't heard myself play this well before. I use swift, long bow movements, easily controlling my dynamics and vibrato as if I were reciting the alphabet. At the end of my solo performance, everyone stands and claps and cheers.
He stands up, too, in the very center of the crowd, in the front row. He isn't smiling, but his eyes are. He claps slowly and politely, just like I know he would. And I see him mouth directly to me, 'You did a good job of representing your instrument.'
I can feel the smile on my face, even in my sleep.
...Christ, I let my emotions flow. Sorry to Rhiannon for letting my actual personal life into this, but I felt like getting it off my chest sort of anonymously. And in all honesty, I do play the violin. And bass clarinet. And guitar. I'm not kidding. I know I have musical talent, and somehow I want to let that show a little.
By the way, just in case you're eternally confused, dynamics is how loud the music is, and vibrato is when a string instrument sounds like the note is shaking.
Geez, is this long enough? I compare my chapter sizes to Rhiannon's and they're so much shorter. I hope I was descriptive enough.
Please keep reading! Reviews are also appreciated. Thank you to anyone who's spent their time with reading this story.
- TheBlackButler