Well hello, I'm Diane. So I guess I'm supposed to tell you all about me huh? I don't know what I should be saying….maybe hi? Well I already said that….can I say that again anyway? Yes? No? I don't care, I'm saying hi again anyways, so…hi!

Well, that was a stupid start….this is a lousy reality anyway, and reality sucks, so I guess that's okay.

Okay, got this lame intro where I say hi…I think this is the part where I should be talking about myself.

Me? I guess all you should know about me is I'm a farmer in Singapore. Everything else…I guess you'll get to know more about me as you read on.

That's right! Don't be lazy dammit! Go read on, it won't kill you!

That reminds me…I should really go out and water my bananas and mangoes….but I rather play Zombie Café, and there's only ten more minutes before my Very Fancy Tiramisu is done, yay me! I guess I'll just cross my fingers and hope it rains so I won't have to water it…

Please let it rain! Please! I'll cross my toes as well for good measure…

Damn, I still need a name for my farm, I hate coming up with names. Barzini named his farm 'The Shire', Cheyenne named hers , "The Picolo's Haven", and Xenia's is "Safe Haven"…and as much as they are my friends, what kind of name are those? No offense guys. Of all the names! I mean, you could have call it something super awesome like…Shibal Awesome! See, that's more…awesome!

I looked out at the window and saw Cheyenne watering her peaches, and I saw that she was almost done, having already watered her corn earlier. I'd bet my farm Barzini had also watered his crops…oh well, I hope Xenia didn't. Then I can gripe with her about it!

Just 10 minutes more, I'll get my food done and set more food to cooking and I'm off to bed. Night people!

Xxx

" BAAARRING"

"Stupid phone…." I woke up abruptly to the sound of my phone ringing furiously. Groaning, I picked up my phone and squinted at the screen. 63 missed calls, all from Barzini, and-hey! My Gello Mould is done cooking! A part of me woke up as I skipped Barzini's call and opened up Zombie Café.

After making sure I had attacked some other cafes, set my zombies to work, got new food cooking, and 3 more missed calls later, I exited Zombie Café and I hit speed-dial number 1.

I closed my eyes, hoping to get a couple seconds more sleep, but a loud, shrill voice on the other end of the phone gave me no mercy.

"Have you watered your crops? School starts in an hour!" Barzini yelled, his loud voice came blaring through, and I groaned.

"I'm not deaf…don't shout!" I murmured, "I can do it when I come back from school anyway…."

"No! Do it now!" Barzini's defiant voice shouted again, and I cursed myself for not setting my phone on silent.

"I'll live. I'm going back to sleep, see you later," and I promptly hanged up, set my phone to silent mode and went back to sleep.

Xxx

I reached school just as the bell rang, yes! On the dot! Slacking at its finest! I guess I was now physically in school, if only I could also be here mentally…well that's what friends are for!

Xxx

"No! It's Bean Revolution!"

"Green Revolution! There's no such thing as Bean Revolution! Even though I sleep so much in class, even I know that!" I yelled back at Xenia, amused.

Xenia, decked in black from head to toe except for her green vest, pushed her long ebony hair to the side, which had whipped itself to the front of her face, and huffed.

"Hey you al-" "Please tell this mad woman it's Green Revolution, not Bean Revolution!" I stopped Barzini from finishing his sentence as I not-so-nicely-shouted in his face.

"Uh, Xenia…it's Green Revolution, there's no such thing as…Bean….Revolution," Barzini gaped at Xenia through his glasses.

"Yeah! No such thing as Bean Revolution, Hehe….sorry Xen-Xen!" Cheyenne piqued in, taking a break from reading, "Animal Farm"

Xenia grumbled, "Well Bean Revolution makes more sense, since it's about beans, you know seeds…and it's not all about green…stuff…"

"Keep telling yourself that," I smirked, "Now fork over the 500G!"

I pocketed the money with a smug smile on my face, but it fell slightly as Barzini asked, "Diane….did you water your crops?"

"Hey! Look! It's a flying buffalo!" I exclaimed as I pointed at the imaginary buffalo with a great flourish. "Nice try, you didn't water them, did you?" Barzini didn't even turn around, dang….but Cheyenne did!

Cheyenne's questioning face stared back at me as I laughed heartily, joined by Xenia, but Cheyenne laughed as well afterwards.

Xxx

Xenia suddenly perked up, "Oh my gosh, you guys won't believe what happened yesterday!" Xenia's hazel eyes twinkled as she continued, "So I was walking home yesterday, when suddenly I heard this horrible singing. I swear, my ears nearly bled, it was…atrocious! So I turned around and saw this…really, really tall boy behind me. He gave me a…smile, or at least, that's what I thought it was, and he started flirting with me!" Xenia wailed at the last part as I burst into laughter.

"Really tall guy? Horrible singing? I bet it was Seiki!" Barzini laughed as well, followed by Cheyenne and I grinned inwardly that Barzini had forgotten about my un-watered crops.

Xenia grumbled, "Next time I'm see that….cretin…" she didn't continue, but instead, waved her fist angrily in the air.

Cheyenne pouted, "Seiki tried flirting with me too!" I laughed even louder and Cheyenne continued, "I tried to cover my ears in hope of drowning out the….sound….of, "jhusst teh wayyy yew ahree", but is awful off-pitch, off-tune singing still rang in my ears! Curse you Bruno Mars!"

"Oh, by the way Diane, you're not gonna weasel your way out, you're coming with me to the store later!" Barzini piqued in as he looked me into the eye.

"Curse you Barzini!" it was my turn to mutter under my breath.

Xxx

"Why am I here again?" I groaned as I trailed behind Barzini, who was pouring over different kinds of seeds. High Yielding Varieties, and some other genetically modified stuff.

They're just seeds dammit! I knew I shouldn't have come with him. Gah, I'll have to somehow live through a couple more hours of this dastardly form of torture. I reckon he should just grab the first pack that looks nice and go plant those.

"Because," Barzini started in that tone of his, "I', choosing the best seeds for my farm so I can get a high yield! You should care more you know!"

"Yeah yeah…I'll care when cows give coke instead of milk and they can dance ballet." I turned to my phone and busied myself with my café.

I could hear Barzini's loud sigh and I glanced up to see him go up the old geezer who owned the store. I could hear something about more seeds, or some kind of irrigation thinga-ma-jig. Argh, this is so…frustrating.

It should be like on those gaming consoles, where all you do is mash buttons and concentrate on a small screen all the while sitting happily on a nice comfy sofa! You could also be enjoying nice air-con, maybe have a nice drink as well!

Or even like Zombie Café! Just tap on a screen, set food to cook and wait. I can also watch my zombies going about, serving food and attacking other people's cafes!

Why can't owning a farm be as easy as owning a virtual café?

Xxx

Once you've seen one packet of seeds, you've seen em all! I decided to call up Xenia and see what she was up to, and also to rant to her about how boring this was.

"Xenia!" I screamed at the phone as I heard her pick up on the other end, "Save me! I'm at the store waiting for Barzini, and I'm just about dying!"

"The store is such a rip-off! I hate going there too! I try to only go there during their big sales, otherwise I stay away!"

"I know right? Hey! Why didn't you have to come?"

"Well, because-" suddenly Xenia's voice petered out as a much louder voice wailed in the background, " Cuz yeww ahree beeuteful, jhest tdhe wayyyy yew ahreeeee!"

I snickered and Xenia's annoyed tone came from the other end, "I swear, if he comes here and—"

The line suddenly got cut off. Poor Xenia. Actually, no, poor Seiki, Xenia will probably let him have it! This could be good! Looks like I've got something to look forward to tomorrow!

Xxx

About an hour later, we finally left the store. Barzini didn't buy anything, but he was droning on about that irrigation system again! I thought he would be over it yesterday, but apparently not.

His eyes lit up and his words tumbled out one after the other, "I can't wait till I get 30,000 G! This irrigation system is fantastic! Did you see how high-tech it was? I just had to check it out more closely after yesterday and it's even better that I thought it was! "

I groaned, "We went over this yesterday! Seriously, those things are freaking expensive! You'll be broke just thinking about saving for that! And no, you can't change the subject this time!"

"Hey, look, the pros of this thing will make my farm superior to yours by far! In just a couple of months I can earn back what I'll pay for this!" Barzini protested as he waved his hands wildly.

"You keep on telling yourself that! What's wrong with your current irrigation system? It's much better than mine you know!" I shook my head at Barzini's high aspirations.

"Only the best for my farm!" Barzini declared with a flourish, and I suddenly grinned.

"Okay, I support you getting this new fancy-pansy irrigation system!" I laughed, and I could only laughed harder when Barzini looked at me questioningly.

"Just let me keep your old one!"

Xxx

You will never believe how excruciating school is with Barzini seated beside you. Whenever I put my head on the desk, he'll give me a rather-

"WAKE UP…" He hissed, and I sat up grudgingly.

"The teacher isn't even looking!" I complained but Barzini shot me his famous death-glare, which would make anyone, including Seiki, shut up in a few seconds.

As the teacher went through differentiation for architecture, I placed my iPhone under my pencil case as I continued cooking in the Café, and attacking a friend of mine in this class.

"Bring down one power, and minus one power. Okay?" The Additional-Mathematics teacher said, and our class nodded.

"Okay! Take out your workbook and do the practice on Differentiation. Seiki, you share the book with Diane, do not sit with Shaun, you'll only disturb him."

Geez, thanks Ma'am.

I swore I saw Barzini smirk… I swear… I'll kill that sadistic piece of-

"Yo Diane." I heard a chair pull up beside me and I forced a smile as I turned to face Seiki.

He forcefully took my book from me and started going on and on about this girl from the opposite block, whom everyone knows Seiki likes.

She shot him down 6 times in 4 years, but this person's hide is stronger than the sweep of a ruddy machine gun.

"Seiki…" I said as nicely as I could, but he continued his incessant babbling, which was also clearly interrupting Barzini's aura of thought.

This was going to be a so-called wonderful day.

Xxx

Hey, I said Diane would write Chapter 2, but her god-like speed (that's god-like sarcasm by the way) made me publish it now.

I edited it the day she emailed it to me. So.. Here it is!

Anyway, I got a third co-author, who would be writing chapter 3, then me, chapter 4, Diane, chapter 5, so on and so forth.

I apologise for the vague OC skeleton. Please, we are still accepting OCs.

Name:

Crops Grown:

Farm name:

Relationship to Diane or Barzini or (our new writer later):

Appearance:

Personality:

Note that you are not allowed to own machinery or livestocks just yet.

What are you waiting for! Review already!