I don't own any of the characters. Please write reviews! This is all human

J.M.J.

Then I Realized it

Bella's point of view

Chapter 2

The next morning I woke up and did the same thing all over again except after lunch, Rosalie and I had to go to rehearsals at Church. It didn't seem too bad until I was told we had to pick up Ben.

Ben was Rosalie's best friend and he used to be like my big brother. Until we went on a retreat for Church and he told me he liked me. The thing was, I didn't like him back. Apparently, I was a horrible person for not liking him back. He actually got my friends and sister to turn against me and tell me that I was horrible and I should apologize to him and I should date him.

On the way to Church we picked him up and thankfully, Rosalie let me have the front seat so I wouldn't have to sit by him or talk to him. I looked in the side-view mirror to see his very sad-looking face.

"Hey" he practically whispered to Rosalie.

"Hey!" She said happily and hugged him. I didn't get a "hey" and I was glad because I didn't want to talk to him.

"Don't stay too long after because I have some things I want to do when we get home," Renee said as we pulled into the Church parking lot.

"K," I mumbled, getting out of the car. Rosalie and Ben were way ahead of me walking side by side. Rosalie was such a flirt even though she had a boyfriend.

"Hey," I said hugging Tyler.

"Hey!" He was in the Passion Play and they had their rehearsals today too. I was in the Shadow Stations. He and I hung out during the retreat. Everybody thinks we like each other but we don't. He has a girlfriend and I'm just not interested in him like that.

Rosalie and Ben went to look for Mrs. Cope; she was the one that was supposed to be running the rehearsals. She was on the other side of the Church but she was too short to see. After about ten minutes of searching for her, they found her. As she and Rosalie talked, Ben stood by them and kept giving me these pleading looks. Then my sister turned around and glared at me, which made me think they were talking about me. After a few more minutes, Emmett came in and glared at me. I guess Rosalie told him too.

"We're leaving. Are you coming?" Rosalie said glaring at me. "Rehearsals aren't until Wednesday." I said bye to Tyler and walked out the door. It was really dark and gloomy outside because it had been raining all day. Fortunately, it had slowed down to a drizzle so I didn't have to get completely soaked on the way back to the car. We dropped Ben off at his house and the rest of the ride home was silent.

"When is that dance you're going to with Ben?" Renee asked as we pulled into the driveway. Crap! I forgot about that. I was going to go to this military ball with Ben because I had never been to a dance before and he really needed somebody to go with and nobody at school would talk to him because his ex started rumors that he was gay because he refused to have sex with her. I didn't really want to go though, it was just because he had nobody else to go with and I felt bad.

"I don't think I'm gonna go to that mom," I mumbled. Rosalie got out of the car and slammed the door.

"Why not? Who is he supposed to go with then?" She was upset. Of course she wouldn't support me in my decision to not go. Even though she didn't want me to go in the first place and she basically said everything except call me a slut to make her point.

"Nothing happened, I just don't want to go. He'll find somebody else to go with, it'll all be good for him." I was positive he was doing better than me. He was turning my friends and family against me, so at least he had people on his side.

"You better hope so." We got out of the car and I went to my swing back in the woods, my mom went inside. I sat on the swing and it all came rushing to me. The shivering and sweating and nausea and everything came back again. I freaked out. I took out the blade, which I had now started carrying around in my pocket, and cut another line into my arm. I started to calm down as the blood started to spill over the ends of my arm. I didn't have anything to wipe it away because I was in the woods. So I pulled my sleeve back over it and held my arm close to my chest, hoping nobody would stop me and I'd have time to make it upstairs to the bathroom.

I was successful in getting upstairs. Rosalie was in our room talking to Emmett on the phone and I really didn't want to hear it so I decided to take a shower to waste some time.

"I love you more," Rosalie coed, as I walked in the room to grab my towel. She turned and glared at me. "Ugh! Hang on; the bitch is in the room. What the hell do you want?"

"Nothing," I mumbled and walked out the room. I turned on the shower and it started to happen again. I started to freak out all over again. I got in the shower, thinking it would help calm me down. I sat down, curled in the fetal position, and let the water hit me as I watched the blood from my arm rinse off and run down the drain. I thought sitting would make it better, but it didn't, it reminded me of last night. I was overwhelmed and I shut off the shower and grabbed the knife again. I carved another straight line into my arm, and the feelings started to go away, but not really. So I traced the previous lines with the knife, making them bleed again. With the towel wrapped around me, I sat on the edge of the tub for a while. I felt like I was waiting for something but I wasn't sure what it was. I'm not sure if I'm waiting for somebody to save me, or waiting for my life to be over already. Well, I'm not sure if you could even call this life, I pretty much died that night Ben called me. And I don't think I want anybody to find out about me, I just want them to be nice. That's all I want; somebody to be somewhat kind.

"Will you get out of the bathroom? I want to brush my teeth." Rosalie banged on the door. I sighed and grabbed my things and making sure I covered up my arm, I left the bathroom. As I was walking out, she nudged my shoulder like people do after they've been fighting for a while. I went to my room and put on a long-sleeved pajama shirt and some shorts. I brushed my teeth and when I got back from the bathroom, Rosalie was already in bed, headphones in, and lights off. I put my toothbrush away and got in my bed, pulled the covers over my head, and the tears started. All the hurt came pouring out my eyes. The only time I can take off the mask that covers me, is when I'm alone or hidden. The good thing about crying myself to sleep at night, is that I'm a silent crier. Apparently I'm always silent, or maybe just easily forgotten.

Can't wait for the next chapter! It's gonna be greeeeeeat! :) Review please!