Six Broken Ponies: Forbidden Fruit
~BlackRoseRaven
Applejack breathed quietly in and out, head lowered as she stood almost shyly behind a large tree in the apple orchard, looking out past it to watch as Big Mac calmly collected apples from the ground and tossed them into a basket to feed to the pigs. She blushed beneath her cowboy hat, worried scraping her hooves against the ground before she looked over her shoulder as Rainbow Dash prodded gently but impatiently: "Go on, go! Talk to him!"
"Shut up, Rainbow!" Applejack hissed, and Twilight Sparkle sighed and rolled her eyes, favoring her with a flat look as Rainbow half-giggled, half-glared at the look of embarrassment on Applejack's features. "This is damn hard for me… you should be the last person laughing at this considering your own damn self!"
"Yeah, but that's exactly why I'm allowed to laugh at you." Rainbow Dash replied reasonably, and then she softened and said quietly: "Just go out there and do it, AJ. Twilight and I will back you up if you want us to, you know that."
"No, no, this… this is something I gotta do on my own, I think I understand that now. I appreciate you two helping me beforehand, though, not letting me chicken out, and seeing me out here, but… Big Mac and I need to talk about this alone." Applejack said finally, and then she stopped as Rainbow Dash slowly rose a hoof and pointed as Twilight cleared her throat loudly, and Applejack only sighed, muttering: "Well, looks like I ain't got no choice now, huh? You two skedaddle. I'll… come and tell you how things went later on."
Twilight nodded, then she sighed and walked over, dropping her head forwards to forcefully shove Rainbow Dash into moving as the Pegasus cleared her throat, the finally turned with a grumble, following the unicorn away. Applejack watched them leave, then she sighed before turning around and smiling awkwardly up at her big brother, asking finally: "Just how much of that did you hear, Big Macintosh?"
Big Mac only looked down at her, eyes half-hooded and a long strand of straw sticking out of his muzzle. His strawberry-red coat clutched tight over a powerful, muscular frame, and his jewel-green eyes half-shadowed by his short, messy, orange-tinted mane. His tail was cut short as well, to avoid it getting in the way while he worked pulling the plow or one of the heavy carts, and on his flank beside this was a large cutie mark of a sliced green apple. Finally, an old, heavy oak brace set atop a dragon-leather collar rested around his neck and over his breast: a family heirloom, apparently the last thing their father had given him… and as Applejack looked up at his freckled, calm face, and he gazed back down at her, she couldn't help but smile, asking quietly: "You polish that this morning?"
"Yup." Big Mac drawled in his low, slow voice, and then he studied her for a few moments, he said softly: "You don't got to say it, little sister. I heard you crying the other night. Hurt me, hearing my sister cryin' over such a silly thing, but I reckoned that you'd talk to me when you was ready."
"God, you knew? You knew, Big Mac?" Applejack stared up at him, then she gritted her teeth and reached up to slap her hooves against his chest, making him wince and draw back a bit: twice her size or not, Applejack was no helpless little filly. "What the hell, you know how long I been stewing, worrying, fearing?"
"And if I'd come to you about it 'fore you had gotten done settling your mind, what would've happened?" Big Mac responded in his simple country drawl… and yet there was a wisdom in those words that Applejack had always respected, a deep, thoughtful mind hidden beneath his slow-sounding voice that made the female blush a bit as she stepped back, gazing up at him with quiet respect for so many things: he was her older brother, he was stronger, he was always in control… and despite everything, so quiet and smart, a gentle giant that had captured her heart.
There was quiet for a few moments, the two studying each other, almost curiously… and then Applejack ventured hesitantly: "Are… I mean… you ain't… you ain't disgusted by it, are you?"
But Big Mac only smiled softly at her, lightening his features, making him more handsome. "You're my little sister, Applejack. How could I be disgusted by my little sister?" He stopped for a moment, Applejack's heart leaping in her chest as she looked up at him brightly, and the tall male equine's features softened. "'Sides. It's touching. A sweet, beautiful girl like you, liking big ugly me."
"So… does that mean…" Applejack took a hesitant step forwards, gazing up at him longingly… but when Big Mac's smile faded a little, she closed her eyes and nodded silently, bowing her head forwards and whispering: "Why?"
"Because, little sister, I'll always be here for you at the end of the day…" Big Macintosh reached up, gently settling his hooves on her shoulders and gazing down at her compassionately as she looked up with a blush. "But you need to be out there, experiencing what the rest of the world has to offer, too. There are people out there who care for you a lot… wasting your time and affections on big old me ain't necessary when I'm here for you twenty-four-seven anyway. Look at the other people who admire you and love you. I think… they can make you happier, too. Or at least give you experiences that I can't."
"Big Mac, I… please. I love you. I love you so dang much…" Applejack murmured, looking down and clenching her eyes shut… and then she smiled faintly when Big Mac only leaned down and gently kissed her forehead, murmuring: "I only want you, you know. I got my eyes locked on you… you've just done… so much for me and… you sure this ain't just 'cause I'm your sister?"
Big Mac sighed at this, shaking his head as he drew back for a moment, and then he leaned forwards when Applejack looked up, kissing her firmly, his lips pushing to hers. The female's eyes immediately widened, and then her knees almost buckled as she kissed him eagerly back, their tongues twisting and twining for a moment before Big Mac drew his head back, gazing down at her quietly as he said ,calm as ever: "Yup."
"Yup." Applejack smiled dazedly up at him, shivering a bit as her eyes drew along his form… and then she shook her head quickly, murmuring as a second tremble, a nervous pang, ran through her system: "But God… I got so many questions, so many worries! Big Mac, I've been so scared… scared you wouldn't feel the same way, but now I find out you do and… you're still tellin' me to go to others and… I'm scared all the same of what ponies will think of me, what our parents would have thought, what-"
"Now slow down." the larger male said quietly, and Applejack rambled to a halt before she looked up at him silently, seeking advice, consolation, and so much more as a shiver passed through her body. Their eyes met, green and green gazing into one another's irises, and Big Mac said quietly: "First off, mom and dad would have wanted us to be happy. Ain't right to judge someone based on what makes 'em happy, that's one of the things they taught me, so long as it don't hurt no one.
"Second, I don't care much for what other people think. I know it's harder for you, AJ. Lots of people look up to you… but even more than admiring you, they'll respect you if you stand up for yourself a little more." Big Mac continued in his easy, reasonable drawl, and Applejack blushed a bit at this, lowering her head and scooting a little closer… and the male let her press herself against him, his neck resting quietly overtop hers as he closed his eyes. "Don't you worry your pretty head none, little sister. Not about what anyone thinks. That ain't important."
Applejack swallowed and nodded a little against him, and then the ale said quietly: "Like I said, though… I ain't stupid. I know about your city trips too, little sister… at least, I got an idea about 'em." He paused, and when Applejack shuddered against him and pushed herself closer with a faint whimper of shame, he reached a strong front limb up to hug her protectively against his powerful frame, silently holding her close.
She buried her face against the side of his neck, beginning to sob quietly as she shuddered against him… and Big Mac only held her gently close, rubbing soothingly up and down her upper back as she whispered: "I'm so sorry Big Mac… to you, to Granny, to li'l Apple Bloom… what I done, I know, it ain't… it ain't good at all. But I'd get so lonely, and so… needy… and when I realized how much money I was bringing in, it seemed like… like an awful good idea. Setting my own prices and letting ponies do their nasty things to my body, making good enough money that we could afford that new barn and the new farm equipment… and I thought it worked out my lusts, my… nasty side but it just made it and the shame worse…"
Big Mac only continued to hold her close, rocking her gently… and Applejack shuddered against him, tears leaking down her face as she whispered: "I gone and screwed it all up, haven't I? I wouldn't blame you, not one bit, if that was why you won't be with me, Big Mac… I wouldn't even blame you if you told me to get off the farm. I went and mad e a reputation with the city-folk not as a farmer, but a seedy whore… I let myself get so upset about loving my brother that instead of talkin' to him about it like a grown adult I ran off and spread my legs for any pony-folk I could find… I done broke everything, Big Mac, I just done ruined it all, and-"
"Now stop it, Applejack." Big Mac said quietly but firmly, and the female snuffled against his chest as she buried her face into his strong breast, trembling and clenching her eyes shut. "I ain't gonna hold what's past against you. I know you were… confused. We all get confused sometimes… we all make mistakes sometimes.
"I don't want you doing that anymore though, Applejack. Not 'cause your body tells you to, not 'cause you feel like we need the money. We never need the money, not desperately enough you gotta sell your virtue." Big Mac said quietly, and Applejack laughed a little, clenching her eyes shut for a moment before she drew back and gazed up at him quietly.
"I hate to say it, big brother, but I think my virtue's already all sold out, anyway." she murmured, shaking her head slowly… and then she blushed quietly when Big Mac gave her a look that was both sympathetic and firm, glancing away a bit and pawing at the ground. "I know, I know. Ain't no time for jokes but… I guess I just gone and picked that habit up from Dashie."
Big Mac nodded, studying her quietly, and then Applejack hesitated before simply plunging forwards, looking up and saying quietly: "But I got… needs now, Big Mac. It's like some switch has gone done been flicked in my brain and no matter how I fight, no matter what I do, I can't pull that switch back down, I can't turn that part of me back off. It's this thing inside me, Big Mac, this craving, this… addiction, almost. My body begs for it…" She stopped, drawing her eyes quietly over the male's powerful, masculine frame… and then she smiled faintly, meeting his eyes as she whispered: "Love and lust, huh?"
"Yup." the male drawled softly, nodding in return and meeting her eyes… and Applejack lowered her head, cheeks tinged by her blush as she breathed slowly in and out. Then she rose her eyes, gazing over him, taking in the details of his frame and features… but now she didn't have to think about it as much. Maybe she did only love Big Mac as a brother, maybe she loved him as more, she wasn't sure… but more and more, she found herself realizing that Big Mac was also a perfect specimen of a male… and there was a lot of lust mixed with the love, too.
For now, they were silent, brother and sister… and then, hesitantly, Applejack murmured: "I… understand better now. Now that I got it out, now that I… you made me think about it. But I still do love you, more than any sister should love her brother, I think. I still do long for you… not just with… that… part of me, but with my heart, too, and maybe something a little deeper than that. But it's all mixed up together, and I can't peel it apart… not with my mind…"
Applejack stopped, reaching up and silently stroking under his muzzle, and Big Mac smiled a little before she asked finally: "If… we was meant to be, you and me, Big Mac. Would you wait for me if I did what you asked, experienced the world? Or would you go off chasing skirts and get yourself hitched to something other than the plow for once 'fore I have the proper chance to get my time with you?"
Big Mac chuckled at this, saying quietly: "Momma used to tell me you can't fight love, sister. If something's meant to be, it'll be no matter what you do, what you think, what gets in the way."
"I get so jealous of you sometimes, Big Mac. You got a better education from Momma and Poppa than I ever did from any school, and you… got to spend real time with them when I… well…" Applejack stopped, shaking her head slowly before she murmured: "Yeah, I guess you're right, too. Still though… it's hard for me to picture. Hard for me to think about… and I get scared, real scared. Real even more scared of… what happens if we ain't meant to be. I don't wanna be alone, Big Mac… I think even less I want you to be alone. I wish I could give back to you everything you do for me."
"You do." Big Mac said softly, and he shook his head before he hugged her impulsively for a moment, and Applejack blushed a bit as he murmured: "I could never ask for a better sister than you, Applejack. You take care of Apple Bloom, and Granny Smith. And when I ain't in top form, you take care of me, too. Ain't no one else who does that, you know."
"It's 'cause you're so damn quiet." Applejack murmured, and then she stepped back, looking into his eyes softly and hesitating for the longest time… but his calm gaze back calmed her, gave her courage as much as his kind words had… and finally, she smiled a little, reaching up and touching his face quietly. "I need you to do something for me then, big brother. I need… I need to know how much of this is lust, how much of this is love. I need to be… tended to, and I need it to be you. I need you to come with me… and show me, your little sister, how much you love her. That you do love her. That you ain't… disgusted by me."
For a moment, Big Mac hesitated… but then Applejack closed her eyes, bowing her head forwards and whispering: "I've felt this way for months and more. I've hidden it away for so long, and now… I got this one request. Just this one request… I ain't asking for commitment, I ain't asking you to give the world up for me, I ain't saying that… I mean… I… please Big Mac. Let me… find out. Let me learn. Let me know. Let me…"
She stopped, gazing up at him as tears filled her eyes again… and for a few moments, the taller equine only looked quietly down at her, and then he simply nodded slowly, locking eyes with her, asking her a thousand questions in that gaze… and yet he saw all the answers reflected in Applejack's shining emerald irises, the female trembling a little before the male horse said softy: "Yup."
He turned quietly, and Applejack trotted quickly up beside him, pressing her flank against his, flushing and trembling and breathing a little harder as they walked quietly into the apple orchard, and the female recognized the path they were following, leading to an old, out-of-the-way storage shed…
And an hour later, Applejack lay quietly beside Big Mac, content and quiet, a soft, loving smile on her face, his strong body half-curled around her frame and keeping her snuggled comfortably close. They lay at rest together, the smell of sweet hay, stacked apples, soil and their coupling all around them, in the dusky shadows of the storage hut, lit only by the sunlight that streamed in through the cracks in the walls and the shuttered windows… and for the first time in a long time, the female felt… content.
No, the urges weren't all gone… she was starting to understand now they had become something… bigger, worse, with everything she had been doing. But she felt more confident in being able to control them now… and she closed her eyes, kissing the side of Big Mac's neck as he rose his head and looked down at her softly, before he kissed her forehead gently in return and murmured softly: "I love you, little sister."
"I love you too, big brother." Applejack smiled a little up at him, their eyes meeting as she blushed a little… not at what they had just done, her feelings of shame fading, her secret fears falling to rest now. It was a pleased, soft blush as she breathed slowly in and out, studying him quietly… and then she lowered her head forwards against the nape of his neck, murmuring: "It feels… good and right, and I guess… if something feels this way, you can't deny it. You can't say it's all bad or all wrong, even if you want to… I like that. You… you helped me a lot Big Mac."
Big Mac nodded, looking at her softly… and Applejack glanced up with a wry smile as if he'd spoken, saying mildly: "Don't worry, I ain't gonna forget our deal or anything. But… this settled me. It's hard to say why, but it did, it comforted me and it… helped me get things in perspective, understand a little about myself, I reckon. Scary what it takes to learn a lesson sometimes but… this is a lesson I wouldn't mind learning twice."
She stopped, reaching up with a bit of a smile to trace quietly along the male's strong breast, and Big Mac smiled despite himself at her, flicking his short mane before she met his eyes and said quietly: "I ain't never gonna stop loving you. But I'm gonna give other ponies a chance, too, and I'm gonna… let myself explore the world a little. One day, though, I might come back for you. I ain't sure anymore… not because it wasn't wonderful, or 'cause it was all lust, but… 'cause you're right. We're always gonna have each other, one way or another, and… I can think of… another pony who I don't wanna lose. Who… maybe…"
She blushed deeply, but Big Mac only smiled before he carefully stood up, shaking himself out a bit as he drawled easily: "Yup." He paused, picking up the female's discarded hat as Applejack stood up before he gently settled it on her head, making her laugh and smile… and then he met her eyes, saying quietly: "If we're meant to be, we're meant to be. If we ain't, we'll still always have each other, and you'll always have my love. Now go see her, before you lose what you could have had."
Applejack flushed deeply at this, and then she reached up and shoved him grouchily, making the male stumble back and smile again as she grumbled: "You just think you know me so damn well, don't you? Well… hell, I guess you're right though. I… just hope she understands that… I mean… I…"
"Don't explain to me. Go explain to her." Big Mac responded in his gentle drawl, and then he leaned down and nudged Applejack gently with his muzzle, lightly guiding her towards the door as she smiled despite herself and glanced almost shyly over her shoulder at him.
She pushed out through the door… then rose her head as Big Mac stepped out beside her, the two gazing up at the sun in the sky above before Applejack nodded firmly to herself, murmuring quietly: "Yeah. Not gonna let this slip away. Big Mac… thank you."
She leaned over, kissing his cheek quickly… and the male only smiled at her, giving her an affectionate look before Applejack turned and trotted through the orchard… and before she knew it, she had broken into a full run, the trees shooting past as she made for the dirt road that would take her back to Ponyville as she covered ground surprisingly quickly, feeling the wind streaming over her face and through her mane and tail, making her think all the more of Rainbow Dash as she ran down the path, breathing hard, her hat sliding back a bit on her scalp but not falling free as her hooves carried her rapidly towards the town.
Ponies looked up in surprise as Applejack skidded to a halt near the center of Ponyville, looking back and forth almost desperately before her eyes settled on the library, hoping that Twilight would know where Rainbow Dash was… but even as she strode towards it, her eyes flicked to the side… and she almost stumbled over her own hooves, her mouth falling open in a gape as her eyes widened, staggering to a halt as she blurted: "Rainbow Dash?"