Chapter 3
After a day of exhausting exchanges and far too much food, television, and singing Santana said her goodbyes to her mother and the Pierces' and drove her newly acquired family home. Ella and Violet were dead asleep in the back, though Santana was pretty sure Ella was watching her despite the fact that her eyes were closed. If she pulled this same shit with other Santana she fully understood the woman's issue, but it was hard to grasp what her problem would be with her wife as Brittany was sitting next to her positively beaming.
"Something up?" she asked in a tone she hoped was casual.
"I'm just glad you were so nice today. You're normally kind of crabby at parties."
"Ah, I see." Wish someone had told me sooner, I could have pulled that off easily.
"San?"
"Hmm?"
"Um, I know Hailey asked you about having more kids…"
Not ready for this, not ready for this, "She did, I just told her whatever to get her off my back, I don't really know yet." She said hoping that would pacify Brittany enough to drop the subject, Brittany smiled radiantly.
Are you trying to beat Quinn's record why do you want more?
"You know I love you right?" she said sweetly.
"Yeah," Santana replied, again not at a stage where she could just say something like that…especially not with Ella looking dead at her through the rear view mirror!
Santana swallowed a scream as she slammed on the breaks and spun around to see Ella back to being the peacefully sleeping princess. Violet on the other hand was rubbing her eyes trying to figure out what had jerked her out of her sleep.
"What happened?" Brittany yelped panicked.
Santana turned in her seat and stared straight ahead, "Don't tell me. You didn't see that either."
"See what?"
"S'what I thought," she grimbled and continued driving casting occasional glances at the dark haired girl in the back seat.
That night Santana felt more nervous in bed than she had on the night she lost her virginity. Brittany was in their bathroom chattering away about something Santana had deemed too insane to try and follow. She didn't know what to do with herself, she wasn't sure if she should be here at all. Should she do what Puck said and go to a doctor? Was she dreaming even now, or had she just woken after successfully sleepwalking for ten years? Unlikely. Realistically she should leave or at least make it known that she didn't remember diddly shit, but when she had her own mother thought she was being silly so she didn't see the reality of this situation making it through to Brittany. The other side of this was she wasn't rich or the envy of wicked Quinn Fabray, but she was the good friend of sweet normal Quinn Puckerman and still best friends with Noah, best of all the nastiness with Brittany never was. Her other life had been great and she still desperately wanted to go home, but if she had to be stuck in another reality her options could be worse.
Finally her significant other came out of the bathroom lazily brushing her hair still chattering away about… what was it now? Something to do with hot dogs vs dogs being hot, whatever, irrelevant. Santana was flat out hooked on her body, she hadn't really looked the other woman over all day and now in nothing but a flimsy night shirt that rode indecently high she could appreciate what it was that had brought them together in the first place. Even after two children she still had the same shape she had back when they were in school the only difference was now she was much more developed in all the right areas. She also noticed that Brittany's hair was much longer than she had remembered, it fell slightly below the shirt she wore. The taller woman continued to chatter animatedly until she climbed into the bed and turned off the light on the nightstand. Her mouth shut like someone had turned off the power.
The room fell into darkness and suddenly Santana felt silly, "Really you talk non-stop and then just quit when you hit the bed."
She sat up and gave a look that bordered on fearful, "I dunno you just have been getting kind of mad lately when I talk too much at bed time."
"Oh, well, maybe tonight we could talk."
"Great because I really want to tell you about my ideas for the Cheerios at Nationals!"
Santana couldn't help but smile at that, "Yes ok I would love to hear them, but I kind of wanted to ask you something."
"Anything!"
She seemed suspiciously excited about talking after dark, she suspected other Santana had found it endearing at first then obnoxious after a few years. Though looking at her face now she could not see ever being sick of it.
"Do you remember prom? Senior prom?"
"Of course, that's when we started officially dating." She said with a look of pride that could only belong to someone who was rarely asked questions they knew the answer to.
"Right, do you remember what it was that I said to you? When you told me you wanted to be with me?"
She moved in that unnervingly swift fashion she was so good at and pressed her forehead to Santana's, "You got very close like this and said 'I can't promise to be everything you deserve, but I will try harder than I have ever tried at anything to make you happy.' " She said softly.
I said that? "That's what I said alright."
Brittany didn't move from her position, their breaths mingling in the small space between them crating a charged atmosphere that had Santana's lips aching to touch the blonde's, and suddenly the closeness was too much.
Santana stood and stretched, "I'm thirsty. You thirsty? I'm going to get a drink of water," she said and sped out of the door.
The kitchen was dark and she almost destroyed her kidney on a counter corner, but she made it to the fridge and as she chugged down a bottled water she attempted to memorize her way to the couch because she could not go back in that room. She already knew what happened when she let go around Brittany, it went too far. Maybe she was a lesbian here in this life, if this even was life, but she wasn't back home. She couldn't let her time here set her up to be miserable in the real world, back in Boston where she really lived. Not here in fucking Lima. She had worked so hard to make everything perfect and it would stay that way, she was not going to settle for morphing into Sue Sylvester. She knew that part of her wanted to go back in that room and do all kinds in inappropriate things to her ex-lover, but she would restrain herself because those feelings had been buried before and they could be buried again. This life wasn't for her, she wouldn't let it be.
The next morning she woke to the feeling of eyes burning holes in her face. She opened hers to find Ella staring hard.
"It's morning," the girl said in an emotionless tone.
Any hope Santana had that going back to sleep would allow her to wake at home was quite suddenly dashed.
"So it is. Look what is with the staring?" she asked sitting up blearily.
"It's observation," she said and walked away.
Brittany walked in yawning and rubbing her eyes, "What's for breakfast San?"
"What?" she asked looking back at her.
I'm the only person who works in this house and they expect me to cook?
Violet came from her room mirroring Brittany's movements unconsciously, "There's no breakfast?" she asked still rubbing her eyes.
Santana stared blankly at her family and they stared back at her. She didn't know how to cook… they were all screwed.
Then Violet gave her the out she desperately needed, "Um, do you think we can have Lucky Charms?" she asked shyly.
"Of course," she said almost instantly.
Brittany seemed even more excited than Violet as they practically raced to the kitchen, Santana turned around to once again be confronted with Ella's humorless face.
"Lucky Charms?" she said raising one eyebrow.
"Would you rather have Fruit Loops?" You creepy little gnome.
"After all that talk about eating right in the morning-"
She was cut off as Brittany, a spoon already sticking out of her mouth, scooped her up and carried her off to the table. Santana was of course grateful, but a little disturbed, Brittany seemed wary of her interactions with Ella. What was it she was afraid she'd do? Given that most of this seemed plausible it would be way out of character for her to beat her kids. True she really didn't like children but hitting them wasn't her style, adults on the other hand, that was her forte. She looked over the back of the couch as Brittany and Violet launched marshmallows into each other's mouths with their spoons. Ella just watched her darkly.
Maybe I was sent here to save the world from the anti-Christ…
After breakfast Santana got dressed in basic shirt and jeans because she just plain didn't have the desire to pull together a good look out of the shit the other Santana owned, and proceeded to try and figure out what it was she should be doing with her free time. Just as she was about to sit down and waste time with television the doorbell rang. Violet bolted out of her room and raced to the door as if she knew who it was and maybe she did, Santana was certainly curious. The door opened and in stepped Puck who greeted the small girl warmly. He was wearing a sweaty winter jogging getup and seemed rather impatient.
"Santana what are you wearing? Time to go!"
"To what?"
Understanding fell over his face and he slipped in closer to her, "We jog on weekends and holidays, gotta keep in shape."
"Do I have to?" she whispered back to him, she couldn't help but notice that Violet had moved back to her room, and Ella as always, was the only one interested in their conversation.
"It would look weird as hell and it would make me sad if you don't."
She grumbled, got up and changed again, ten minutes later she was jogging in the snow wearing a track suit that, thank gracious, didn't look like a Sue knockoff. The downside was it was neon green, the upside was it was warm.
"What is with these insanely colored random articles of cloth-" she was suddenly able to answer her own question, "Brittany," Puck nodded. "Okay, why am I the official cook?"
"Same answer, but more specifically how much do you trust her with the preparation of food?"
"About as much as I would trust her with a child honestly."
"True, but she has proved herself with the kids and she has proven she can partially burn down your house trying to make buttered bread, not toast, bread."
"What in the hell… Okay why am I jogging?"
He looked her up and down, "How else do you plan to keep a perfect body?"
"Aren't there gyms or somewhere warmer to do this?" she said feeling the cold making her teeth rattle.
"Yeah, but nothing beats fresh air, hey it was you who got me into this."
"It doesn't mean I have to like it."
For a while they jogged in silence while Santana tried not to drop dead from the cold and trying to keep up with Puck's pace that felt a lot like a full on run. She had a slim figure and was well toned, but that was through a careful diet and light cardio. This was training for the big leagues and she didn't even get it, why in the hell did she have to run; wasn't she the coach?
"Puck slow down," she coughed after him between gulps of air.
He stopped and moved to her side looking more concerned than ever, "You really have changed, you used to run rings around me easily on my best day."
"I told you I'm not that person," she panted, doubled over from the stitch in her side.
Puck rubbed her back calmingly, "You really need to see somebody."
"The day after Christmas? Not going to happen."
"What are you going to do? You know if none of it comes back."
"How do you mean?"
"You will stay here right? Keep on trying to get your groove back?"
There was more silence as she thought about it, "I don't know."
"Santana," he said kneeling to look her in the eyes, "Brittany loves you, like more than I think is actually healthy, she not only loves you she looks up to you and not just her Ella and Violet too. Hell even Quinn does, but don't tell her I told you that."
"I get it Puck, but this isn't me."
"Yes it is you just don't remember, look when you go home just talk to Brittany. Make a little love, rediscover each other…you can invite me if you're too nervous," he joked, she scowled at him. "You can't chase this dream life if it leads you away from her, it would be like the saddest thing in the world and I think one day you would show up and knock my lights out if I let you do it. I was serious before, you need her, she really does bring out the best in you."
She wanted him to understand that she wasn't the person who should do that, this life belonged to other Santana, all she really wanted was normalcy again. Maybe it hadn't been perfect but it had been as close as she would ever get. She wanted the life she had built herself.
"One way or the other I'm not going anywhere right now," she said standing having finally caught her breath.
Puck smiled, "Good. Now come on we have to whip you back into shape," he said and took off running.
Santana groaned and followed at a much less respectable pace.
When she finally returned home she found Brittany waiting for her on the couch looking a little like a wounded puppy. Santana attempted to walk past and head to the shower, but Brittany's soft voice stopped her.
"I'm really sorry."
She paused and looked at the other woman confusion clouding her features, "About what?" she asked trying to think of something Brittany had done to apologize for, which would be useless if this was something that had happened before she had arrived.
"Last night. I know you just wanted to talk, but I thought maybe… I mean you had seemed sort of turned on earlier… but I'm sorry I pushed it."
"It's fine," she said not knowing what in the world this was about.
"Will you come back? To sleeping in the bed?"
Then it clicked, she had taken Santana's panic attack as aggravation at her come on, "You don't have to be sorry Britt. I've just… not been feeling well lately."
"Is it your leg? Is it bothering you again?"
"No it's fine, I just feel out of place all of a sudden. Last night I had that feeling, but it had nothing," EVERYTHING, "to do with you, okay?"
She nodded smiling, "Okay."
"Great," Santana felt a little proud of her ability to quell these issues. Sure they would come back later but she would put them off again and again until it was time to go home.
She went into their bedroom, undressed and got into the shower, loving the feel of the hot water washing away all of the half frozen sweat she had acquired. It bothered her that she was so incredibly out of shape, she really thought she was better than that. As the steam began to fill the small space she took deep breaths of it relishing how it made her lungs feel. Moments ago a gulp of air provided the plus of continued oxygenation of her blood and the minus of making her lungs feel like they were on fire. While enjoying the pleasure of warmth the water provided she thought she heard a noise, but after a moment it she convinced herself it had been nothing. Instead her thoughts turned to what injury her leg was supposed to have had or how she had gotten it as a coach, these were things she really needed to ask Puck…
Her thoughts flew of that train track the moment she felt Brittany's naked body pressed against her back.
"What the-!" she yelped, startled out of her meditative state.
She spun around on Brittany to see her standing there soaking wet, with an unmistakable look in her eye.
"Do you still feel out of place?" she asked seriously.
Yes more than I ever have, ever in life, ever! "No," she wasn't sure why she said that even as the words left her lips.
Brittany moved closer again, took Santana's face in her hands and kissed her. At this moment Santana felt her solid resolve crumble, she decided that given the circumstances it would be best to do this not because she wanted to but in order to keep Brittany happy. It wouldn't do to reject her again, that would only hurt her more. This wasn't because she was really gay she was doing this to keep the peace and that was all. That settled she pushed the blonde against the wall and ravaged her neck and breasts, her hands roaming all over her. Brittany's breathing turned ragged and she seemed to want to say something, but the words were lost in the moans that overtook them and Santana didn't have enough interest in talking to slow down. She nibbled roughly on the taller woman's neck as she pushed her knee in between her legs and then her fingers, relishing the familar feel of the woman's body.
Pretending she didn't enjoy the way Brittany writhed and whimpered was quite pointless, Santana set a furious pace that had her lover clutching her back and melting in her hands almost instantly. Her name was on Brittany's lips as her whole body clenched and shuddered her hips bucking involuntarily, Santana held her up loving the look of her riding the wave of pleasure clinging desperately to her, but she wasn't finished with this encounter yet. With a yank she pulled the shower curtain open and pulled a wobbly kneed Brittany back out into the bedroom where she pushed her still soaking form onto the bed and swiftly followed her, straddling the blonde with a look that could only be called predatory. Somewhere she was aware that this had moved beyond merely keeping the missus happy, but she would come up for a reason for this later, now she had a feverish desire burning through her whole body that was not going to let up unless she took action, and that is what she did.
Santana lifted one of Brittany's legs positioned herself between them and ground down on her, and it was like a lightning bolt had struck her. She clenched her teeth and buried her head in Brittany's neck trying to stifle her hiss of pleasure. This time Brittany set the pace, it was slow and commanding at first then gradually picked up as they both found an increasing need for more friction. Brittany's hands found the sensitive space between them and added her talented fingers to the mix causing Santana to bite down on her shoulder again. She hadn't intended on doing it too hard, but all the same she tasted blood in her mouth, she was almost snapped out of her frenzy, but Brittany gave a throaty moan of pleasure and dug her free hand into Santana's hair pushing her head harder into her shoulder. They moved together in a perfect rhythm that returned to her easily from her long burried past, Brittany's touch was familiar and far more intimate, clearly the touch of someone who had gotten to know her far better in the ten years Santana had spent running from her teenage lover. The feeling that was building was more intense and real than anything she could remember from her life in Boston and it had Santana wishing to stay in this one carefree moment forever, but her body pushed her out of sync as her orgasm rocked her causing her to bite down on Brittany's collar bone, a bite that had her wife screaming her name for a second time.
They lay on the bed, Santana still on top of Brittany, enjoying the afterglow of their midday tryst. Santana, however, was snapped out of it by the paranoid feeling that Ella was nearby, she turned her head to the door suddenly alert and a little afraid. The door was still closed and she didn't see the shadow of a demon spawn hiding in the room. Just to be sure she glanced at the windows, but the blinds were drawn, she was pulled out of her search by Brittany.
"San, that was incredible," she said dreamily.
Somewhat assured that the child was not lurking she returned her attention to Brittany, "It really was."
"I was starting to think you didn't even find me desirable anymore."
"Why? Because of last night?" she scoffed, that was being a little too sensitive even for her.
Brittany got the look on her face everyone got when Santana asked something that should be obvious to her, "No. We haven't made love in almost a year."
Santana winced at the term 'making love' then frowned. Why in the hell not? She was hot and amazing in bed what in the world was other Santana's problem?
"It had nothing to do with you," she said attempting to somehow rectify what had clearly been a mistake.
Brittany gave her a smile that melted her heart, "I love you Santana," she said kissing her gently.
"I… I love you too Britt," she said, her brain making a list of excuses as she did, filing it under; 'Being Polite', subheading 'In a Platonic Way'.
In the following days Santana found herself falling comfortably into her daily routine, she even bought a cook book in an attempt to keep her family from having to live off of Lucky Charms until the end of time. She got up, jogged with Puck, came home and played with the kids, even Ella who didn't warm up to her even slightly, and spent her evenings in other Santana's study trying to figure out what in the hell she was going to do if she was still here when school started again. She also made it a regular habit of making sure Brittany never felt unattractive again, this she excused with the thought that maybe she was supposed to fix other Santana's marriage and that was the only problem she could see with it, so in the interest of going home she kept Brittany up all night, every night.
She comfortably followed this routing until New Years Eve where, in the tradition of the Lopez-Puckerman clans they had a huge outdoor party. There were fireworks, hot dogs, hamburgers, soda, liquor and even more liquor. Santana watched the scene before her and felt a little tug at her heart, there was something about seeing Puck, who was shoving a whole burger in his mouth, happily married to a non-bitchy Quinn, well mostly non-bitchy she was currently shouting at him for not chewing properly, that made her smile. Their children were playing happily with hers as Carla supervised them and lit sparklers and it gave her a warm feeling she didn't think she had ever felt in her whole life.
The Pierces were talking to Ms. Puckerman which was interesting because all three of them were pretty drunk, but the conversation seemed to have everyone engaged. Hailey was watching over Brittany as she lit a small firecracker, her younger sister's face one of nervous anticipation. Santana stifled a laugh as Hailey jumped back when it went off, but Brittany just looked amused, clearly the younger girl had been expecting a disaster. Then suddenly, like the ninja she had always been, Ella was at her feet.
"Wanna set off one of the big ones?" she asked, straight faced.
Again she felt pride that the child had yet to make her scream in fright, but she knew it was only a matter of time, "Sure which one?" she asked moving over to the box of fireworks they had prepared.
Ella walked over and pulled out one about as long as her arm, "How about this one?"
"Okay," she said, slightly pleased that this conversation was going so well, Ella rarely said anything unless it was to antagonize her. She reached out her hand to take the firework, but Ella gave her that look, that 'You're doing something out of character' look.
"I can do it, just give me a lighter."
"No way kiddo you are way too small," she laughed.
Ella stared at her levelly for a moment and then tossed it back in the box, "Never mind, better to wait for everyone else to be done with the small stuff," she said and walked away.
Santana just stood there stunned, What the fuck is up with that kid?
"Hey San!" shouted Puck, "get me some more lighter fluid out of the garage would you? I need another burger!"
"No, you don't need another anything! You just inhaled three!" snapped Quinn.
Santana nodded and went back into the house. She entered the garage through the door off the kitchen and looked around for the lighter fluid appreciative that Puck had indiscreetly told her where to search for it. Though it was still tough, it was a two car garage and the light bulb was out so the kitchen was the only source of light she had. Then, all of a sudden, it was dimmed. She turned to see Ella standing in the doorway, this time she actually yelled in surprise. Damn.
The girl had that same humorless look in her eyes as she used her foot to kick the door shut, a move that scared the hell out of Santana. She is going to murder me! I knew it!
"You aren't Santana."
She stared at the girl in amazement, "Not at all," she said eager to tell the truth.
"Who are you? Where is she?"
"I am Santana, but just not the one you know, and I have no idea where the other one is. I mean I have no idea how I got here, I don't even know where here is really," she said, all of this flowing out of her in a rapid stream, despite the company she was overjoyed that someone understood that this was far more than memory loss.
Ella's stare hardened slightly, "Why won't you leave?"
"And go where? My life before has nothing to do with any of this. I think I'm just kind of stuck here until… I don't know I think I'm supposed to be either figuring something out or fixing something."
"Hmmm," she said thoughtfully.
"You have been kind of on my case since the moment I got here, how did you automatically know I wasn't her?" Santana asked hoping some sort of revealing clue would be in the answer.
"I didn't, not at first. When I saw you on Christmas morning your eyes were weird."
"My eyes?"
"Santana's eyes are strong and focused and yours were panicked, lost and lonely."
She gave the girl a long look, "You are the oldest eight year old I have ever met."
"I'm seven."
"Right. Sorry. But how did you know if it wasn't when you first saw me?"
"A bunch of things, you failed like every test I threw at you. I called you mom and you didn't flip out on me, you let us eat sugary cereal for breakfast, your cooking sucks, and you offered to light a firecracker for me. That is like the total opposite of my Santana."
"Why won't she let you call her mom?"
"It bothers her I guess, she doesn't like it when Violet does it either, but sometimes I do it just to make her mad. Violet mostly calls her Sanny, I think that sounds stupid."
"I agree, but seriously the firecracker? What adult lets a kid do that?"
"Santana spent the last few years teaching safety for lighting one just in case I found myself alone with mom and Violet on the Fourth or something, so whenever she can she makes sure I still know what I'm doing."
"I'm… I'm told she doesn't like you much… why is that?"
At this Ella dropped her head and looked at her feet, suddenly she looked like the child she was, "I saw her doing something she wasn't supposed to and I threatened to tell mom. I wouldn't have!" she said looking pleadingly at Santana as she explained herself, "And I didn't, I don't even know why I said I would. After that she was really mad and never really talked to me so I would do stuff to irritate her just so she would say something to me."
"Ella what was it you caught her doing?"
Now Ella looked truly upset, "I'm not even sure. She was doing a lot I couldn't see, but I did see her kissing Ms. Novak."
"Who?" she asked knowing the answer hardly mattered.
"A woman that works at the school."
Santana was in total shock, it made sense it all made sense now. Puck's warning, her sexual estrangements from Brittany, all of it. The other Santana had a wife, kids, friends and a lover on the side. She was cheating on Brittany and had somehow managed to get their child mixed up in all of it. The thought left a bad taste in her mouth, she had been really starting to admire her other self. She had chosen love over her own selfish desires and showed no shame in it, she had become a local celebrity in a town that respected little and most of all had managed to raise a family with her wife in a narrow minded state. She seemed strong willed in a way Santana could only hope for, but now she saw a woman who was unhappy with the things she was so damn lucky to have in the first place. Not only was she cheating on her high school love who was spectacular in every regard she somehow managed to ruin her relationship with her daughter over it. What in the hell had that woman been thinking?
At that moment Puck opened the door and looked between the two of them worriedly, "You guys okay?" he asked.
Santana nodded, "Yeah she was just helping me find the lighter fluid."
Ella moved to a shelf by the door, after shuffling a few things around she handed Puck the canister. He took it still looking dubious.
"You sure everything is fine?"
"Yup, thanks Puck," Santana said pointedly.
He nodded and went back into the house leaving the door cracked, Santana went to close it and knelt next to Ella.
"Look I don't know why I'm here or what I have to do to get back, I don't even know how long I have left to be here, but I will try and fix this okay?"
Ella just looked at her questioningly, "What could you do? If she comes back it will all be the same."
"I don't know, but that has to be the answer doesn't it? To make things right here?" she knew it was sort of crazy to have the conversation with a seven year old but the relief of having someone who understood was driving her on. Ella wasn't trying to convince her that she was this other person, it was obvious to the child that the Santana before her and the one she had grown up with were two separate people.
"I don't know I guess. If this was a movie it would work."
She stood to return to the party then stopped and knelt next to Ella again, the girl looked confused when Santana took her hands and resumed eye contact, "I know I'm not that same person and I'm not sure if any of the changes I make will stick, but you should know that the other Santana is horrible for putting you in this spot. We are kind of the same person, the only real difference is one major life choice so I feel I can say, on her behalf, that I am truly sorry for how you've been treated."
Tears ran down the little girls cheeks as she wrapped her arms around Santana and hugged her, "Can you let her know I'm really sorry about saying I would tell?" she cried.
"She knows," she said patting the girl comfortingly on her back.
For a second time the door opened, but this time it was almost ripped off its hinges by Brittany who looked outright alarmed.
"Ella, are you alright?" she asked looking like she wasn't even sure if she should ask in Santana's presence.
"Yeah mom," she said letting go of Santana and wiping away her tears.
Santana kissed her head gently and took her hand guiding her back through the house and into the yard. Brittany watched the exchange with a look of shock on her face; she had not seen the two of them so close in ages. She almost giggled to herself with joy as she followed them back, Puck started to prepare his burgers and Santana and Ella lit the large fireworks; Ella discreetly teaching Santana how to do it. The New Year was wrung in with a bang and Santana resolved to have this whole mess fixed and be back home before she started to get too attached to this place.
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! Keep em coming! Interest in my stories makes me work faster XD. These chapters keep getting longer, but I don't like short chapters nor do I like uninformative ones so I try to keep the plot moving.