Six Broken Ponies: Infantilism

~BlackRoseRaven

Fluttershy gazed softly after Rarity, then she glanced down at Spike and smiled a little as the baby dragon shoved a cookie into his muzzle, greedily munching it up before he blushed a bit and held the paper bag up… but the Pegasus only shook her head, saying softly: "No, Spike, you go right ahead. Besides, you deserve a treat for all the help you've given me today."

Spike gave a whoop at this, and he promptly shoved the last remaining cookie from the bag into his muzzle before putting it back aside on the pile of books he was lugging, following quickly as Fluttershy began to walk towards the library, the cart's wooden wheels creaking quietly as she strode at an easy pace. The young dragon kept up to her, but he was showing a little bit more strain from the long day of moving things as he said finally: "This is kind of a lot of stuff for a sleepover, Fluttershy… how long are you going to be staying with us, anyway?"

"Oh Spike, it's okay, I know that you know." Fluttershy said almost shyly, and Spike cleared his throat awkwardly and glanced away, rubbing at his face embarrassedly before the Pegasus stuttered quickly: "B-But if it's easier to pretend otherwise, I mean… we can always… I'm certainly glad to-"

"No, no, it's fine, it's okay. I'm not going to say I don't think what I saw last night was a little… weird… but I guess that's between you and Twilight, really, and… I know Twilight well enough to know she wouldn't ever hurt anypony and… you… well… didn't seem to mind." Spike stopped, then he smiled a little awkwardly at her, asking hesitantly: "If… it's not… you know, too much for me to ask… when you're an adult, do you really want to be treated like… well…"

"A baby?" Fluttershy smiled a little, closing her eyes and thinking of the night before: how Twilight had let her sleep in her bed, cuddled up to her, small and childlike, how she had rocked her and cooed to her and whispered to her, how she had told her how much she cared for her… and the memories made her feel fuzzy and warm and helped push away the nervous thoughts, the scared thoughts, the so-deeply-etched scars of worthlessness that still pulsed inside her being. "Well, Spike… I guess that's hard for me to say. Rainbow Dash and Applejack and Rarity, I don't think any of them would like to be treated that way… and Twilight is… a very good mother, as I'm sure you must know yourself."

"What, no, no, no… no… okay, maybe." Spike admitted after a moment, rubbing awkwardly at his head. "I guess everyone's different, huh? Weird, all the same… no offense."

"It's alright, Spike. I don't mind." Fluttershy smiled over at him as they continued towards the library, then she laughed a little and shook her head slowly. "I know it's very strange… but… for some reason, it makes me very comfortable. I'm sorry if it bothers you at all…"

The dragon shook his head quickly at this, however, saying quickly: "No, it's… like I said, it's weird, but a lot of things in Ponyville are weird to me. Zecora's weird, too, but I like her plenty… and Rainbow's weird, but I wouldn't change her for the world."

Then both Fluttershy and Spike looked up as Applejack and Rainbow Dash raced by, both tossing a cheerful greeting to the Pegasus and the dragon… and Spike's jaw dropped as he stared quickly after Rainbow, spluttering: "R-R-R-Rainbow Dude?"

Fluttershy only smiled over her shoulder, however, saying quietly: "I guess Twilight's spell worked… my, look at them, though… and without a care about what any of the other ponies of Ponyville think. I wish I could be like more like those two…"

"I… what? Okay, remember what I was saying about things being weird before? I take that back. Now they're weird." Spike said finally, rubbing at his face, and then he grimaced and jogged quickly ahead to catch up with Fluttershy as she continued placidly towards the library. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, since… it would actually be nice to have another guy to hang out with once in a while… but why is Rainbow Dash…"

"Well, it's like I was just saying, Spike. Everyone's different." Fluttershy said softly, and then she smiled a little over her shoulder at him, saying quietly: "It's like how we prefer hay and you prefer gemstones. But if we ever tried to eat gemstones, we'd find them pretty yucky. We know that, instinctively, like many animals know what to eat and what to not eat. I enjoy being treated… in a certain way… and Rainbow Dash feels instinctively like a boy, not like a girl. I guess that just means we're all… weird. But we do know what we… weirdly want."

Spike smiled a bit at this, and then he said quietly: "Okay, okay, I guess I get it. You know… if Twilight really was a mother, I guess that would make me her adopted kid, and you'd be like her daughter, huh… so that would make you my sister."

Fluttershy blushed at this, but the gaze she gave Spike was a warm one as she murmured softly: "Yes. Yes, I suppose you're right at that."

Then she glanced up as the library came into sight, and she smiled softly, almost dreamily: in a way, perhaps it was a strange thing she had found, but it was good, too, in its strange fashion. Twilight mothered her – literally and figuratively – and that was what Fluttershy needed, especially right now. A mother, a parent figure, a someone who would be there to look out for her, show her what real tenderness and affection were, treat her like she truly had worth and value… and her eyes half-lidded as she looked past the small kennel and pen that had been set up in front of the library, bringing the cart to a halt by the main door.

Spike walked past to push the door open, wheezing as he hauled the wagon firmly forwards over the threshold and pulled the stack of books and a few other assorted items inside, looking back and forth as he called: "Twilight, you around? We're back!"

He paused, and then shrugged a bit and looked over his shoulder as Fluttershy walked in, carrying a large bag over her back. "Well, I guess she's not here… but she's been real busy lately, running all over the place and everything. I'll go take a look outside for her, let you set up… I'm supposed to stop by the stationary store anyway before it gets too late. You know Twilight… we're always running out of quills and parchment and ink."

Fluttershy nodded, saying quietly: "Alright, Spike. That's fine… I'm going to just bring the rest of the things I need inside them and I'll set myself up, maybe put a little something on for dinner for when you and Twilight come back."

"Dinner on time for once. I'm liking this more already." Spike said with a smile, rubbing at his stomach, and Fluttershy blushed a little before he turned and headed out the door. Fluttershy watched him go… and then she closed her eyes and gave a soft laugh before shaking her mane out slowly.

"So wonderful…" She turned around, carrying the pack upstairs, and she gently dropped this at the foot of the bed. She gazed fondly at this, the simple, neatly-pressed sheets sitting as if patiently awaiting their occupant… or in this case, occupants, and Fluttershy smiled softly before she turned around, heading back downstairs and through the large central room of the library to the open doorway.

It only took her a few trips to get most of her things inside: clothing, some odds and ends, supplies for animals, cushions, extra blankets… Twilight's home in the library was surprisingly sparse. So much of what Fluttershy had brought, she planned to leave here when she did one day return to her little cabin… both to give back a little to the unicorn, and because she thought it would go to better use reminding Twilight to relax every now and then instead of sitting around with all her other knickknacks and trinkets in her comfortable little cabin.

Fluttershy carefully pulled open one of the larger sacks, digging through it… and then smiling softly as she pulled out a snug onesie that was the same blonde as her coat, made of warm, comfortable mink fleece and with a pattern of various-colored butterflies stitched here and there through the fabric. She carefully slid her way into this, hoofs fitting perfectly in the well-worn little booties at the bottom of each sleeve, tail flicking through the small hole in the back and collar snug around her heck when her head pushed through… and she sighed a little in relief as she straightened and stretched, enjoying the feeling of the warm material clinging against her body.

She dug back through the bag… and a moment later, produced a small, stuffed black bear, with gleaming button eyes and an almost-solemn, stitched mouth, a red blanket tied tightly around its neck to form a little cape. She hugged this fiercely close and kissed its forehead, then pressed her face down into it as she murmured softly: "Mr. Bearingtons. Don't worry, Mommy won't forget about you. It's just that now… Mommy has her own mommy."

She smiled a little, closing her eyes and squeezing it close again before she gently tossed him onto her back, carrying him downstairs and murmuring softly: "Now, let's see what mother has, shall we? I want to be a good daughter, after all."

Fluttershy smiled a little at this, liking those words… and while it might not seem like the healthiest way to deal with her problems, she thought it was probably a whole lot better than punishing herself. Besides, she recognized that it was only fantasy… and she was determined, most of all, to ensure that she would treat Twilight just as wonderfully as Twilight treated her. It wasn't simply about being taken care of… it was more about the fact that the unicorn made her feel like she had real worth, and took care of her, and reminded her that she and others cared about her… when all her mother had ever done…

Fluttershy shook her head slowly as she made her way to the rear of the library and the small pantry Twilight kept, sorting quietly through it. After the years and years of detached treatment and the utter and complete inability to ever get her mother to notice her, it wasn't hard to trade her biological mother out for a better mother figure, even if she and Twilight were roughly the same age.

She closed her eyes as she began to pull things out of the pantry, piling them on a small table nearby that looked like it went mostly unused: she guessed Twilight probably ate most of the time in the library, probably while studying or researching. This thought made the female smile a little as she shook her head a bit, murmuring softly: "I hope I can at least make something good enough for her to enjoy… the way she's giving me such special treatment and attention even while everyone else is suffering so awfully… it means so much to me. But it feels like, over this last while, Twilight's been working so very extra hard to care for us all and fix all our problems… I only hope we haven't stolen too much of her strength away. She must be exhausted…"

Fluttershy paused, then she glanced down quietly, nodding slowly at this and murmuring: "And I do feel a little bad about that, Mr. Bearingtons. Not just about Twilight, I mean… also about the fact that she's spending so much time looking after little useless me when Rainbow Dash has been so desperate to be a male and Rarity almost lost her boutique… and Pinkie Pie, poor Pinkie Pie… I can't imagine what that must have been like for her. My… my mother was bad enough with her lies, but if I had something… inside me…"

She shook her head slowly, saying quietly: "Even Applejack had such problems, and here in Ponyville most of us think Applejack is invincible, Mr. Bearingtons. I guess it's a little silly, but… she was always like a real-life hero to many of us. Strong, dependable… and yet she wasn't even above awful feelings. I felt so sorry for her, when she confessed loving Big Mac… she should have gone and talked to him right away about that, I think. I know, maybe I'm… maybe I'm not worthless, and I should still keep opinions like that to myself, but… well, Mr. Bearingtons, I guess you just have a way of making me talk more than I should."

She stopped, then smiled a little as she looked down: her hooves had automatically gone about the process of organizing the foodstuffs she had brought out of the pantry. She shook her head, then roved through the cupboards of the not-quite-kitchen in the back of the library: it was more like a converted storage area, and Twilight obviously didn't use it for much… and Fluttershy laughed a little at this thought, murmuring: "It's funny, isn't it? My mother didn't use her kitchen much either… but I always did. Here I am again, working in the kitchen for my self-adopted mother… and yet… now I'm very eager to, to try and prove my worth."

She shook her head a little, but her smile lingered on her muzzle as she gathered several bowls, cups and utensils together, quickly moving these out to the table and automatically starting to talk to her teddy bear again, as it bounced quietly on her back and almost seemed to cling to her mane: "I think… the nicest thing, and what's also almost the hardest thing, though… is the lack of punishments. The fact that I'm not expected anymore to cut or hurt myself, but much the opposite. They want me to take care of myself…"

Fluttershy smiled a little at this, heading around the table before she picked up a head of lettuce and quickly began to shred leaves from it into the largest wooden bowl. "But… what was I talking about? Oh yes, of course, Mr. Bearingtons. Poor Applejack… she should have just told Big Mac right away. He cares about her very much, after all… I know he'd never hurt her. But it looks like she must have this morning… although it seems she also must have spoken with Rainbow Dash at some length as well. They make a good couple, don't you think?"

She stopped, then glanced down into the bowl quietly for a few moments before she smiled a little again. "I don't think I like Twilight like that, Mr. Bearingtons, don't be silly. No, she… takes care of me, and I certainly care very deeply for her. But Applejack and Rainbow Dash have something… special… between them, anyone can see that." Fluttershy paused, then she glanced down and murmured softly: "On the other hand, what do I know of things like… love? Mother never loved me, it turns out… and that's been… difficult to process the true depths of. Every time I think about it, what she taught me, the fact she was once my whole world despite how, at the same time, we've always been so… so distant from each other…"

The Pegasus shook her head quickly, then she grimaced a little as she went back to quickly preparing the rest of the vegetables and other foods she had laid out with little difficulty despite the booties over her hooves, making a salad and preparing a side of lightly-toasted bread she lightly brushed with tart raspberry jam. She laid this out over the table, humming a little to herself as she worked, and then she looked thoughtfully at the large bowl of salad she had prepared before murmuring: "Well, maybe there's something else in the pantry."

She paused long enough to gently place her plush bear off her back and sit it on top of the dusty table, away from the food, and then Fluttershy picked up the remaining lettuce, loaf of bread, and other foodstuffs she hadn't used all of, carrying them with her back to the pantry and putting them away. "Don't leave a mess, Fluttershy, mother wouldn't like that."

She hummed softly to herself as she sorted through the pantry a little, looking to see if there was any salad dressing… but when she failed to find any, the pony simply smiled a little and instead gathered several jars of spices and a few other ingredients to merely make the salad dressing herself.

It was a simple enough task after she managed to find an empty jar, and Fluttershy smiled a bit when she finally set this up, looking over the meal she had prepared thoughtfully before brightening as she turned and headed back to the library's main room, intent on fetching some tea from her own packs to finish off setting up for the meal… and then she glanced up in surprise as Twilight pushed through the door with a tired look on her face, closing it behind her loudly before she blinked and then smiled faintly at Fluttershy, drawing her violet irises over her as the Pegasus blushed and said awkwardly: "Oh, I'm sorry, Twilight… I guess I shouldn't've changed right away, but… oh, no, I haven't quite finished dinner yet, either, I was just going to get some tea to brew… maybe I-"

"Wait, you made dinner? Oh, Fluttershy, you didn't have to do that." Twilight smiled warmly nonetheless, however, looking visibly relieved as she stepped forwards… and Fluttershy gazed over her tenderly before it turned to a look of concern as Twilight gave a brief shake of her head, seeming to lose focus for a moment.

Immediately, the Pegasus rushed over to her, and Twilight blushed and straightened before wincing as Fluttershy carefully pushed her forwards towards a large cushion, saying embarrassedly: "Oh, hey now, Fluttershy, I'm fine, really! I just… it's been a busy day and that spell on Rainbow I put maybe too much extra in and…"

"No, no, you sit down right there, Twilight. Listen to your daughter… even if I'm only that in play." Fluttershy said firmly, despite the meekness in her stance and the blush in her cheeks… but her eyes shone with concern and adoration, and Twilight couldn't help but smile up at her, swallowing and not knowing how to respond as she sat herself quietly down. Fluttershy loosened up after a moment, and then she leaned forwards and nuzzled her quietly, making Twilight laugh a little and relax further as she said gently: "Let me fetch my tea and put that on, and then I'll bring your dinner in here to you. You can relax… Spike was out looking for you, though, but he also mentioned picking up some stationary…"

"He never does stop until his chores are done… I've always liked that about him. And really, Fluttershy, you don't have to do all this for me… I mean, okay, I'm a little tired, maybe, but I thought I'd just sit down and study and…" But when Twilight glanced up, Fluttershy had already vanished up the stairs, and she grimaced before rolling her head on her shoulders with a sigh, muttering to herself under her breath but smiling all the same.

The Pegasus hurried down the stairs with a small brown leather bag hanging from her mouth, almost stumbling past in her eagerness as she ran back to the kitchen… and within less than a minute, she returned carrying a tray, and Twilight looked down in surprise at the large bowl of salad she was served, along with the slices of bread, as Fluttershy said awkwardly: "I… put the kettle on, so your tea will be ready soon as well, m… Twilight."

"You… can say it if you want, Fluttershy. I don't mind. I think it's… very endearing." Twilight blushed a little, looking awkwardly down before she smiled slightly as her eyes roved up at Fluttershy's blush… and then she laughed quietly, her smile spreading wider as she spotted the stuffed animal now riding on the female's back. "And who's that?"

"Oh, this… this is Mr. Bearingtons." Fluttershy said awkwardly, quietly reaching back and then lifting him forwards, and she smiled faintly as Twilight's horn glowed and the bear was gently lifted into the air so the unicorn could better inspect it, gazing over the teddy bear. "I don't remember much… about how he came to be. He wasn't a gift from my biological mother… but even she could never get me to part from him, no matter how much… she disapproved. His… cape is silly, but it's a blanket from when I was a baby… I… I've always kept him around. He was always there… I think, he was always secretly telling me… I was worthwhile. But I never really started listening to him until you and the others came into my life, for all… all that I would talk to him."

Twilight studied him quietly, then she glanced up at Fluttershy before she gazed down at the food she had prepared for her, and the unicorn smiled faintly, closing her eyes as the Pegasus gently took her bear back and looked with concern down at her… and then Twilight murmured: "You know… maybe today was harder than I let on at first. The spell for Rainbow drained all my energy, then I had to dash around to see Pinkie Pie and see about helping her after she had a nasty little episode, and… I just got back from seeing Applejack and Rainbow Dash. The spell's still in effect somehow… I don't think it'll be much longer, he's… starting to change back to a she… but… I dunno. This… this really makes it all worthwhile. I was getting so run down and burnt out and starting to wonder if I could really help anyone at all, but…"

Twilight looked down at the food in front of her, then she smiled and scooped some of the salad into her mouth, chewing slowly on it, then closing her eyes as she swallowed and gave a quiet laugh as Fluttershy looked down at her softly. "Don't ever believe again you don't have value, Fluttershy. You just… honestly… turned this from a tiring, stressful day… into something wonderful. Because this is what friendship really is all about… because you remind me that it's not just about doing for others, it's about letting them help you, too."

She quieted, then gazed over at her affectionately and slid over a bit on the large cushion, and Fluttershy gladly joined her and snuggled up against her, curling her teddy bear close under one limb with a quiet sigh as she smiled brightly and closed her eyes, and Twilight gazed down at her softly, murmuring: "God, Fluttershy, look at you… you really do look like… my beautiful little girl. I… I kind of like that thought."

Fluttershy only smiled in return, shyly nuzzling against her neck and closing her eyes as she whispered: "And I like that you make me feel… valuable. That you give me what I need right now… and I know how strange this is, but while I'm attempting to escape my past, and maybe reality a little, I'm not trying to part from it completely. But I enjoy this fantasy… and enjoy more your willingness to play along with me."

"You should eat too then, my little girl, you went through all this trouble for me, after all…" Twilight smiled slightly, but Fluttershy only laughed quietly and buried her face against the side of her neck, and it made the unicorn smile wider before she automatically wrapped a forelimb around the Pegasus… and when she sighed in quiet appreciation and pushed closer to her, she held her all the tighter, murmuring softly: "Alright then, we'll wait until tea's ready. And Fluttershy… thank you."

"No, mother… thank you. Thank you truly, for everything… for giving me hope, and helping me understand my value, and that…" She stopped, flexing her stomach quietly, feeling the pallid scars on her underbelly scratching against the fleecy fabric… and yet it was without pain, as she smiled quietly, almost trembling as she pushed herself tighter against Twilight as the violet unicorn looked down at her with compassion in her eyes. "Simply… thank you, for giving me… a place where I belong."

And Fluttershy smiled quietly, feeling free of her past, feeling like she was able to truly share herself here and now, as she curled herself tighter to Twilight and lowered her head against her, listening to the melody of her adopted mother's heart; content.