In the morning, Decima felt Sirius holding her tightly. It had become a comfortable feeling since she had run away from the Christmas party. Her new home had become Sirius's arms. It was warm, comfortable and loving, all the things the home she had been raised in had never been. But at the same time, this was a completely new and scary thing, being on her own. Her family had never been the loving rock it ought to have been, but they had provided for her. It wasn't like with Sirius. They had never hurt her like that. Maybe they had loved her, in their own way, even if not in the best way.

Sirius stirred and she smiled at him as his eyes flickered open. He smiled back and kissed her, crawling out of bed to get her some clothes for the day from her things. He slid her uniform in to her through the curtains and got dressed outside them, making casual conversation with Remus, who had just woken up.

The day went by slowly, lonely. Decima thought that being with Sirius would make everything better, but it didn't. She enjoyed his company, and she certainly approved of the sleeping situation, but there was a certain disconnectedness that was driving her mad. There was something in her that wanted to storm back into the Slytherin common room and just belong again. She certainly didn't belong with the Gryffindors, who gave her dirty looks every time she came in one Sirius's arm. It was slowly hitting her. She was no longer Decima Zimmerman, Slytherin Prefect. She was Sirius's Black's Plaything, the Gryffindor wannabe. She didn't have a real home anymore, not in the real world and not at Hogwarts. She really had nothing and she hated it.

Sirius hadn't seemed to notice that anything was wrong, probably because it wasn't him she was unhappy with; it was more the un-status quo of her whole situation. The natural order of things had been turned on its head and chopped through with an axe and Decima didn't see a way out of it. That was, until one day on her way back from Quidditch practice, halfway to Gryffindor Tower when she neatly ran right into Austin Gray.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" she said, worried about how he would react to the whole situation.

"It's all right, Decima," he said.

She froze. He hadn't merely been polite; he had used her first name.

"I wasn't aware you were speaking to me, Austin."

"We all feel bad about what happened," said Austin smoothly.

"Who's we?"

He shrugged.

"Regulus, Severus, and myself. A few others. Christa and Philomela seem to feel really bad about things, too. Regulus even said that your parents seem to be missing you, according to his contacts."

"R-really?"

She didn't believe it. Her parents missed her. They clearly weren't as cold-blooded as the Blacks. They had hearts, they had consciences, and they missed their daughter.

"Yeah. Regulus figures that if he tried, he could get you reinstated into society, if you were willing to repent."

Her mind missed the word repent. It didn't seem to matter. She wanted her life back. She wanted her home and her family and the familiarity of Slytherin. Sirius would understand. He loved her. He knew she had to do what was best for her, and that was going back.

"C'mon," said Austin, holding out his arm in that familiar fashion. "Let me take you to him."

Eagerly, she accepted his arm and let him lead her off to the Slytherin common room, where Regulus was sitting on the couch between Christa and Severus. He looked up when she came in, something unreadable and unrecognizable in his eyes.

"Decima," he said, standing. "It's a pleasure to see you here again."

"I've just told her about what you were telling me this morning, Regulus," said Austin pointedly. "She's interested."

Regulus's eyes lit up. Decima had missed that look.

"I'll send out an owl straight away and see what I can do. Decima," he said, turning to her, "there will be requirements. This won't be free of conditions."

"I would have expected no less," she said honestly.

"One of those will be that you move back in to Slytherin. Your bed is still there for you, should you want it."

She paused. She wouldn't be living with Sirius anymore, and somehow, that bothered her, but she wanted her life back. She wanted her family back.

"Of course, Regulus. I'll move in straight away."

"Good," said Regulus, smiling at her. "I'm glad to see you've straightened out your priorities. I'll be off to send that owl. I expect you to be back with your things by the time I'm back."

With a nod, she hurried off to the Gryffindor Tower, glad that she hadn't unpacked anything. Gathering up her things frantically, throwing a couple of stray things into her trunk, Decima's heart pounded happily in her chest.

"What are you doing?" said Sirius, coming in behind her.

"Regulus is getting me reinstated," she said happily. "I have to move back in to Slytheirn, and there will be other conditions, but I get my life back!"

But he wasn't smiling. He looked sad, hurt, worried, and even a little angry.

"What's wrong, love?"

"You're going back? After everything they did to you, you're just going to offer up an olive branch and run back, do whatever they say? What, couldn't live without the money and the fancy balls?"

His words stung, but the way he looked at her stung worse. Disdain. Anger. Almost hatred. This wasn't going how she had expected it to.

"Sirius, why can't you be happy for me? I'm getting my family back."

"The family that was pressuring you to allow yourself to be raped by my father? The family that disinherited you for running away from someone who was attacking you? You want to go back to that family? Haven't you figured out that the whole pureblood system is completely fucked up and that it's going to kill you if it doesn't warp your mind first?"

"My family isn't like yours, Sirius," she said. "I've never been beaten. I'm not you. I don't have the strength to live as an outcast for the rest of my life. I just don't."

"Is that how you feel?" he scoffed. "I'm sorry if I didn't make you feel included, enough, darling. Perhaps the Potters weren't kinky enough for your tastes? Mr. Potter didn't feel you up so you felt left out of the family?"

"Stop it!" she screamed. "Why are you doing this to me?"

His gray eyes were cold and empty. His jaw was set in anger. Decima didn't know what to do. He looked so dangerous.

"You and I are both very, very damaged, and I think deep down you know that. It's all in different ways, love, but you need to believe me, you're only going to hurt yourself more by going back. I'm trying to protect you and I'm trying to save you from that, but for some reason you think you can handle this on your own. I'm not sure what gave you that idea, Decima, since that worked so well for you before and all."

"My family misses me," she said slowly, full of hatred. "Regulus misses me. My friends miss me."

"And you miss…what?" he said, tossing his bag on his bed. "You miss him screwing you? Prefer him to me? Or do you miss your friends freaking out on you with jealousy every year or so? Or maybe you miss your parents whoring you out to the top of pureblood society for the sake of their own status because you miss their cash. I'm sorry I can't provide all that for you, Decima. I've done my best, truly."

His tone was so vicious. She couldn't believe this was happening.

"I thought you would be happy for me," Decima whispered, not daring to look back into his eyes.

"I guess you thought wrong."

With that, she dragged her trunk out of the room, rushing past him as quickly as possible, not wanting the great Sirius Black to see the tears welling up in her eyes.

It seemed like forever when Decima finally made it to the Slytherin common room, she barely heard Regulus asking her why she took so long. She got inside the door and collapsed in tears. Regulus had Austin take her things to her room and he took her to his own dormitory, petting her comfortingly as she sobbed into his chest.

"Decima, sweetheart, I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened. You were so happy before I sent off the owl. What's wrong."

"Sirius."

Regulus sighed.

"What did he do?"

"He's mad at me for going back. I thought he loved me," she sniffed. "Why can't he just be happy for me?"

"Love," he whispered, running his fingers along her arms, "I hate to tell you this, but my brother never loved you. He's extremely selfish. He wanted you because he couldn't have you. He played the hero to get you, and then once he had you, he figured he'd keep you. It's not about your happiness to him. It's about his prize."

Regulus looked down at her with a familiar look in his gray eyes: lust. Decima frowned and tried not to cry any harder, thinking of how Sirius had betrayed her. She wanted to curl up and cry for the next year, but she knew that wouldn't do any good. She was a Slytherin, after all, and the Slytherin in her knew that the only thing to do about her pain was to get even.

As Regulus leaned down at caught her lips in his, it felt wrong. Decima felt dirty, like she was cheating on Sirius. But she allowed him access to her mouth anyway. And like she remembered quickly, they weren't so different. Regulus took after his brother in more ways than just superficial looks. He knew how to make a girl feel good, though maybe not as good as Sirius did. Decima thought it wasn't humanly possible for there to be two men with that power in the whole world, much less the same school.

Still, Regulus wasn't half bad. He laid her down on the bed, eyeing her greedily. As he took off her clothes slowly, he whispered in her ear, "I've been dreaming about this for so long. Ever since you left, I wanted you back."

Decima allowed him to do whatever he wanted to her, but didn't put a lot of effort into the sex. She went through the motions, but the whole time, she felt like she ought to be with Sirius. Regulus came, and she pretended to, for the first time. There was just something off, and she didn't know what it was, except that she had a sneaking suspicion that all those girls in the harem were right: Once you go Black, you never go back. Of course, the Black in question was Sirius, not Regulus. He had spoiled her. Regulus wouldn't be good enough ever again.

She curled up in his arms, expecting to sleep with him, expecting him to hold her and spoon her and fall asleep tangled up in her, but that didn't happen. He detatched himself, stretched and got up, getting dressed and tossing her clothes back at her.

"We'd better get you to your dormitory or people will talk."

Her heart sank. He was worried about what people thought about them shagging in his dormitory. Decima quietly got dressed and headed obediently to her own bed, thinking she would be happy, she was home. Gwen was sitting on the foot of her bed, and instead of looking happy, she looked very, very disappointed.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" said Gwen as she came in.

"Nice to see you too, GiGi," said Decima, sitting down next to her friend.

"I can't believe you."

"Please don't do this," said Decima with a groan. "Not you, too."

"Oh, I'm guessing Sirius wasn't happy with you jumping ship either? Did he dump you? Because I would have! He risked his life to make sure you were safe and now you're running back into the hornet's nest because you're a brainwashed coward!"

Decima stared at her once-best friend. Those words stung almost more from her than they had from Sirius.

"Gwen, please, I'm not Sirius. I'm not that strong, you know that! There was a reason I was sorted into Slytherin–"

"Yeah, the reason being you'd rather have a few comforts than actually save your own miserable skin! I can't believe you just threw away everything like that."

"I didn't," said Decima, confused. "I'm getting everything back."

"No," said Gwen. "You threw away your safety, you threw away your peace of mind, you threw away Sirius, who is probably the best thing that ever happened to you, and you threw away me, your last real friend. Congratulations. I hope you and your Death Eater fiancé have a lovely life together. Give Voldemort a kick in the balls from me, will you?"

And with that, Gwen stormed out of the dormitory, leaving Decima alone. She had thought it was the right thing to do. It still seemed like the right thing to do. But as she curled up into a ball on her bed and cried her unstoppable tears, she realized she had never felt so lonely before, even when she found out she had been disowned and all she had left was Sirius. This felt so much worse. If it was right, why did it feel so bad?

There was a knock at the dormitory door and Regulus let himself in. There was a smile on his lips. He sat down next to her, either ignoring the fact that she had been crying or oblivious to it.

"I've just received word back. You will be reinstated, should you behave properly at the next formal function."

Decima frowned.

"So I'm still disowned until Easter holidays?"

"Not quite, pet," said Regulus, not noticing her flinch as he said that. "My cousin's engagement is next weekend. As we have a Hogsmeade weekend, Dumbledore has agreed to allow students to attend during typical Hogsmeade hours. It has been decided that this even shall be your reentry to society, provided you behave."

Decima nodded.

"Who is marrying, Regulus? You have several cousins."

"Narcissa and Lucius."

Her heart stopped. She would be at the Malfoy Manor again. Those damned Blacks and Malfoys. She would rather wait until Easter, that way it would be at the Selwyn's, but she suspected that her family had done this on purpose. What better redemption than a nearly identical situation?

Regulus left her to cry herself to sleep, but she didn't know why she was crying anymore. Was it because she was lonely, or because the stakes were so high and the task so difficult? Decima couldn't tell anymore.

Decima found herself going through the motions in more things than sex. She went to classes, but she wasn't learning. She went to meals, but she barely ate. She went to Quidditch practice, but her heart wasn't in it. She did patrol, but she walked around like a zombie. If the school had been under a full attack she wouldn't have likely noticed nor cared. She even kept going to the tutoring sessions, mostly because Professor McGonagall had mandated them. Neither she nor Sirius actually wanted to be there anymore. It wasn't his most brilliant plan.

"So," he said one day, completely out of the blue, "I take it you're going to the circus?"

With a confused frown, Decima asked Sirius what the hell he was talking about.

"My cousin's engagement party," he spat with loathing. "I suppose you're going?"

"I don't see why you care," she said just as spitefully back, "since you didn't seem to be too eager to go back to events like that. Bitter you didn't get an invitation even after you ran away from home? They don't accept back all the runaways, Sirius, just the ones who are sorry."

It was a low blow, and she knew it, but Decima was just so angry that she had to do something, she had to say something, and she had to make someone hurt but her. Was she angry at him? Not exactly. She was just generally angry and wasn't sure who or what at, but that was the worst part. Decima didn't know who to take out her anger on, so she just had to humor herself with silly, pointless blows at Sirius Black. As if he took a word she said to heart.

"I won't even bother telling you that you shouldn't go," he said dryly. "You don't know how to take good advice, as you've already so adequately proved."

"I'm sorry, Sirius," she said sarcastically. "I wasn't aware that expecting someone else to make the same sacrifices you've made because you want to screw them was good advice. I'll try to catch that next time."

And that was a really, really low blow. Sirius picked up the books he had been using to help her with her essay, tossed them to the side, grabbed his bag, and made to storm out of the library. Before he did, he turned and looked at her one last time and said, "You're damn lucky I love you, Decima Zimmerman, because you'd get yourself killed if it wasn't for me."

He then proceeded to storm out of the library. Well. She didn't need him. She wasn't some damsel in distress who needed the great Sirius Black to save her every five minutes from some imagined peril. She could bloody well take care of herself; she had been doing it for years. Decima Zimmerman was no man's fair maiden. She would show him. She would go to the engagement party and she'd have a bloody good time without him. She didn't need Sirius Black. And that would have been so much more convincing if she had said that out loud to his face rather than saying it all in her head.