Sirius rarely let Decima out of her sight, not that she particularly minded. From the way many of her fellow Slytherins were now watching her, she wasn't too proud to admit she needed help protecting herself. Austin in particular seemed to have some sort of problem with watching Decima and Gwen eating with the Marauders, and his sudden interest in Christa made Decima wonder what was going on in that boy's head. Gwen finally told her that Austin had been trying to go out with her for years, but she had never been particularly interested. Now, he was blaming the Marauders, particularly Remus, for her abandoning the Slytherins as well.

One person who hadn't seemed to have abandoned her was Severus, who was still polite in the halls, still acknowledged that she breathed the same air as him without looking at her as though it was a crime for her to do this. Decima wasn't sure how long this would last, though, because the Marauders and the Gryffindors in general, despised him. Sirius and James were his biggest enemies and she knew they wouldn't take kindly to him taking kindly to her. Sirius was so paranoid that he would probably think Severus was trying to follow after Mr. Black.

In the library one day while the Marauders had detention for a prank, Decima desperately slaved over her Transfiguration homework for Sirius to go over once his punishment was over, noticed someone sit next to her, only to look up and find Severus sitting there. He wasn't smiling, but he didn't look as grim as she usually saw him these days. There was, however, something about the way he sat that seemed off, not out of his usual, but more something she hadn't noticed before.

"Hey, Severus," she said quietly. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," he muttered. "I wanted to check on you. Regulus told me what happened."

Decima pursed her lips. He was referring to the party, he was referring to her final exit from respectable pureblood society, because she didn't know well enough to open her legs and shut her mouth.

"I'm… I'm…"

She wanted to say fine, but she couldn't get the word out. Severus nodded. He seemed to understand.

"You don't have to lie to me, Decima. I know how it feels. I know what you're going through."

Unsure what he meant, she watched with curiosity, he rolled up his sleeve to reveal a string of small, circular scars trailing up his arm, starting at the wrist. Cigarette burns. Someone had used Severus as an ashtray. She gasped.

"Not very pretty, is it?" mused Severus with a humorless chuckle. "Oh, yes, I know how it feels to be dispensable. But Regulus does love you, Decima. I know he does."

"Oh, really?" she said dryly. "So that's why he let his father rape me? And here I was thinking it was to protect his own status. Silly me." Severus was about to protest, but she cut him off. "Tell me, Severus, did the person who used you as a human ashtray love you?" He didn't say anything, but his face darkened and his jaw set. "That's what I thought," she intoned. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to have this done by the time Sirius gets back so he doesn't have to finish it for me. He's got enough on his plate with NEWT work without adding my ineptitude to the picture.

Severus stood and gave a little bow. He had been learning from the purebloods about etiquette. She wanted to smack him for it. He had been so much more pleasant to be around when he wasn't clearly itching to be let into their little club so badly that he was morphing into one of them. Perhaps it was because Lily had stopped talking to him. Ever since then, he had been a different person.

"As you wish, Miss Zimmerman," he said smoothly, backing away from her and exiting the library, Sirius and James coming in as he was going out. They exchanged looks of pure loathing, Decima noted, but there wasn't anything they could do right under the nose of Madam Pince, so they simply paused to exchange the vicious facial expressions and went on their way with what they had been doing. Sirius slid into the chair next to Decima.

"Did the greasy git accost you, darling?" he cooed.

"'Cause if he did," muttered James, "I could use a good excuse to hex him."

"He was just making sure I'm okay," said Decima with a frown. "And you guys should lay off him a little; he's not got it easy."

"What, making sure you're okay so he can finish the job my father started in making you a submissive emotional wreck?" growled Sirius. "I don't think so. Stay away from him, CiCi; I want his head on a pike if he ever goes near you again."

"Sirius," she said exasperatedly, but let it drop. She didn't want a fight with one of the few people on her side. Decima was a Slytherin, she knew better than to bite the hand that fed her twice. Instead, she nuzzled her head into his neck. "You should be quiet so I can finish this and you can look it over, baby."

"Okay, love," he whispered. "But I think you ought to talk to Lily about Severus tonight, okay? I know you don't want to believe me because of our on-going rivalry with him, but there're things you need to know. Please, promise me, you'll talk to her about it?"

Decima nodded, wondering what Lily could possibly have to say to her that could change her view of the one Slytherin still talking to her who wasn't living in Gryffindor Tower.

"Okay, now can I take you somewhere really fast?" he said, his eyes clearly burning with lust. "I've been meaning to show you something."

With a knowing smirk, she nodded, handing him her essay to look over. He made some changes with his wand, but nothing major. She was certainly getting better. Professor McGonagall was right, he was the perfect tutor.

Once he'd finished with the essay, he took her hand, left the stuff at the table, and asked James to take her things back to the dormitory, and that they would be back later. Then, before Decima had a chance to ask where he was taking her, he yanked her out of the library and up to the seventh floor, to a long-abandoned classroom in the south corner of the building.

As he closed and locked the door behind him, he panted, "Finally."

Pushing her up against a desk and taking his lips in hers, Decima could feel his need pressing into her. Already? She responded to his kiss, but there was something different about the situation, something awkward that made her wish she was somewhere else. She wasn't enjoying it, she was too busy worrying, but about what, she wasn't sure.

Sirius didn't seem to notice anything was off. He kissed her neck, which would normally give her shivers, but now she was just squirming, not from pleasure, but from discomfort. He couldn't seem to notice the difference, and she was unable to say a word. Her mouth was in the same dazed and confused state as the rest of her. What was wrong? He peeled her shirt over her head and she let him, but the hunger in his eyes as he looked at her didn't register right.

"God, Decima," he muttered as he took his own clothes off, not noticing her wince as he stood before her in all his naked glory. All her thoughts of him being an absolute god were still there, but it didn't excite her. It repulsed her. There was something very, very wrong. He peeled the rest of her clothes off in a sexy way, not noticing the tenseness of her body, or taking it for excitement. When he held her against him, though, and she whimpered slightly, he frowned.

"Are you all right?" he whispered, truly concerned, realizing she was acting strangely.

Decima began to hyperventilate. His hardness was pressed against her leg and she wanted to run away. He wasn't hurting her, and she knew it, but her head was swimming with panic, and she began to cry, she couldn't breathe, and his voice in her ear asking her what was wrong sounded like it was underwater and across the lake. The world spun for what seemed like forever, and then it went black.

When Decima woke up, she was in the hospital wing, she was in the hospital wing once more, fully clothed, thank Merlin, and she felt incredibly dizzy. Sirius was standing by her side with a worried look on his face, pacing frantically, looking at the floor.

"Sirius?" she muttered, still a bit bemused. He froze and turned to her, relief spreading over his features. "What happened?"

"We were…" he trailed off. "Well, you had a panic attack or something. And you passed out."

Ah. Decima remembered now.

"What triggered you like that?" he muttered, petting her softly. "That scared the hell out of me."

"I don't know," she said honestly, sitting up just a little. "Everything just felt wrong, and I felt worried, and then scared, and I don't know why. I just felt like I had to run away."

"Oh, god," he said with a sigh, smacking his forehead with the palm of his hand. "I'm so stupid. My father… CiCi, I … I swear, I didn't… if I had thought… damn, I'm so sorry!"

Somehow, she knew what he meant. She had just had some sort of reaction because of what Orion Black had done to her, and he felt like it was his fault for not realizing this might happen. With a sigh, Decima took his hand in hers and said, "Sirius, love, you had no way of knowing. I don't blame you. I didn't even know it would happen, so how could you?" Shaking her head she whispered, "I just want to know how to get better."

His eyes met hers, no lust, just tenderness.

"I think I'll have to be careful with you, then, darling," he muttered with a weak smile. "Take everything at your pace, and if you're not comfortable, I need you to tell me, okay? Even if it's just a little. I don't want you to do that to me again. I thought something was really, really wrong."

Decima nodded dejectedly and looked at the ceiling. Before she realized what was happening, tears were forming and leaking from the corners of her eyes, trailing down the sides of her face into her hair. Sirius gasped when he noticed them.

"CiCi? What's wrong?"

She just shook her head and wiped her eyes. She didn't know. Everything was wrong. How did everything get so bad so fast? Sirius's whole life built up to running away from home, but for her, everything turned horrible in the course of a month, and there had been no indication it was coming. It finally hit Decima just how horrible everything that happened to her was.

"It's really bad, isn't it?" she muttered. "The way they teach us to just go along with things because they say so, and we don't realize how horrible that is until it's too late to get out." Decima sniffed and sat up a little. "Thank you, Sirius."

He frowned and kissed her on the cheek.

"What for, love?"

"For saving me."

Decima couldn't think of a word to describe his expression. It wasn't one she had seen on him before. It was almost motherly, or perhaps paternal would be a better word. It was too tender to be something he would have used in public. Sirius was proud of his bad-boy image. But she liked it, and when he leaned in to kiss her, Decima kissed him back, nuzzling her cheek on his when their lips parted.

"I would do it all over again," he breathed in her ear. "I'll always be here to save you. I promise."

The next morning, Madam Pomfrey discharged Decima from the hospital wing with a few swallows of Calming Draught, with the understanding that she would return if there was any sort of repeated incident. Sirius took her back to Gryffindor Tower, where she was surprised to find Lily Evans sitting expectantly by the fire. Upon their arrival, the redhead stood and greeted them, inquiring to how Decima was feeling, and saying she was glad that she was better.

"Decima, could I speak with you privately in my dormitory? It shouldn't take long, I'm sure you don't want to miss breakfast," said Lily, glancing at Sirius, who nodded.

"Erm, all right, Lily," said Decima. Sirius squeezed her arm and kissed her on the cheek, heading off to breakfast.

"I'll meet you in the Great Hall, love," he called back at them, as he was exiting the portrait hole.

Lily led Decima to the sixth-year girls' dormitory, which Decima had never been in before. It was certainly neater than the boys' dormitory and smelled much fresher. Part of it was that Peter didn't live here, since he rarely bathed, she was sure of it. The walls were covered in pictures of rock musicians, from the magical and Muggle worlds, whereas the boys decorated their walls with Muggle girls in bikinis and Playboy centerfolds, with a few Quidditch posters.

"What was it you wanted to talk about, Lily?" said Decima as Lily motioned for her to sit down on what Decima presumed was Lily's bed.

"The boys tell me you've been talking with Sev," said Lily, picking awkwardly at a string on her coverlet.

Decima frowned.

"Who–?"

"James mentioned it when he came back from the library last night," Lily muttered. "Do you remember the big confrontation between those two last summer?"

"Well, I wasn't there," admitted Decima, "but of course, I heard something about it. Apparently it turned quite nasty?"

Lily nodded with a little sniff. Were those tears in her eyes? Was Lily Evans crying? Decima didn't have the energy for this.

"It started out as pretty usual for them," the redhead said. "But it didn't get ugly fast. I tried to step in on Sev's behalf, and at first it was going okay, but then Sev got frustrated and called me a – a M-mudblood. H-he said he d-d-didn't mean it, but you don't say something like that and not mean it. W-when he came to apologize, I told him I c-couldn't make excuses for him anymore. He'd been dark for s-so long. I just want to believe the best of people, b-b-but James was right. If Sev hasn't taken the D-dark Mark, he will. It's best if you d-distance yourself from him."

Decima hugged the girl who was practically a stranger. Decima had wondered what had killed that friendship. They had always seemed so close. She didn't want to believe that Severus would really be a Death Eater, but Decima had convinced herself that Regulus would never be a Death Eater either, and clearly she had been wrong about that. The world was changing so fast, and she used to think she understood it so well, but now she was wondering if she had ever really understood a thing.

"I'm going to go find Sirius," said Decima, "but thank you for talking to me. I… I have a lot to think about."

Lily nodded and Decima slid out of the room, hearing the strangled sobs of the redhead as she closed the door, taking a deep breath and moving down to Sirius's dormitory, where he was stretched out almost seductively on his bed and flipping through the latest Marauder shared copy of Playboy. She raised her eyebrow and cleared her throat. He dropped the magazine out of shock and looked up at her with a sheepish grin.

"D-decima!" he stuttered. "Um, hey, how was the talk with Lily."

"Probably not as fun as your extracurricular reading," she said with a smirk as she moved toward him. "What page?"

He bit his lip nervously and flipped through the magazine to the page he had been looking at.

"Oh my god," she muttered, looking down at the model on the page, who was lounging naked by a pool with a martini glass in her hand and a pair of blood red stilettos on her feet. That wasn't the part that made Decima's heart stop. It was the fact that the model could have been her sister. It wasn't an exact match, but very similar.

"Yeah, James said there was a girl who looked like you this issue. I thought he was kidding, but Remus backed him up and I had to see for myself," said Sirius who looked thoughtfully down at the magazine picture.

Decima nodded numbly and said, "I was worried you were going to say you don't get enough and thought you'd do some reading to make up for your lack of sex."

Sirius snorted and said, "CiCi, if I didn't think we had enough sex, then I would have a serious problem. There's no way a guy could feel undersexed from the amount of shagging we do."

She laughed, knowing he was right, although it had been since before the engagement party. But he hadn't seemed to mind their lack of intimacy for that short time, and she was nearly healed, she thought, so she kissed his forehead softly and tossed the magazine aside laying on top of him, caressing his face gently, feeling his need growing quickly.

"So, what are you thinking about, then?"

His eyes sparkled with lust as he said, "I'm thinking I need to find a bloody pool so you can do that pose for me."

Decima laughed even harder and said, "Well, I wouldn't be totally opposed to that. But we'd need to get me some red stilettos, as well. All I've got is gray and black."

"I think that can be arranged," muttered Sirius as he began trailing wet, open-mouthed kisses down her neck. "But for now…"

Decima moaned in pleasure as he undid her robe and began undoing her buttons, his fingers moving almost too slow for his mouth, which was still working downwards. It was bliss. It was perfect. She was ready. And then, he began to move her skirt down her hips and she saw not Sirius, but Orion Black, and she screamed, thrusting herself backwards and falling off the bed, hitting the hard, stone floor. The last thing she remembered before the world went black and silent was the feel of warm blood trickling through her hair and Sirius yelling her name in fear.