Oh Dear...
"So tell me again why you didn't ask Jared?" Emmett was grinning darkly as he hovered by a rack of...something. He hadn't even seen Alice buy or wear it before, so he had no idea.
"Because his fucking shoulders aren't wide enough. Dammit how many times are you going to - do you think this matches my skin?"
Emmett bit back laughter as Paul snagged a piece of dark red lingerie off the rack. Or at least, it was supposed to be lingerie. "Why? Plan on getting it for yourself Paulina?"
"Shut the fuck up man." The wolf growled, showing teeth. "Her skins nearly the same shade as mine, I just want something that looks nice. Plus you're always hanging out with prissy sissy vampires, I figured you'd know better than me."
"So tell me again why you didn't bring Jared?"
"Because his shoulders aren't wide enough. You do know you're trying this on right?" Paul got a wicked, nasty, evil smirk on his face as he dangled the large lingerie before Emmett's nose.
"Yeah, yeah. I owe you for gluing your balls to your legs. So tell me, Paulina. Did you turn wolf and try to lick yourself clean? You know, I'm not that flexible and -"
"Shut up."
"So where'd you meet her anywhere?"
Paul's cheeks flushed in annoyance and embarressment. "We were watching wrestling. She's kind of a part time body builder. Sort of...wide." He shrugged.
"So that explains why Jared's shoulders aren't wide enough."
Paul punched his friend but not nearly as hard as he should have.
ZZZ
Edward was laughing. It was the first time any of the wolves had seen him laugh, and if he had been human? The boy probably would have pissed his pants. He was bent at the waist, and a strange snorting sound escaped his throat. "Oh - Oh my - Oh my..."
"Edward?" Bella's hands were on his back, and she was giving him concerned looks. "What's going on?"
"Balls!" The vampire spat out. "Balls are going on - gluing on!"
Emmett choked on nothing, turning to Paul with panicked eyes. "You better not -"
"Oh my God." Edward laughed louder, lowering himself to his knees. "Emmett!"
If he were human, Emmett would be blushing.
As it were, Paul had rushed from the house, bypassing his pack in favor of running home with his tail tucked between his legs.