Twelve Days of Comfort and Joy

Chapter Seven

In Confidence

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me

Seven Geese-a-Swimming.

Neither of them had managed to sleep a wink, ever since they had both mutually slipped beneath the thick winter sheets, resting their heads on the soft fluffy pillows, sleep had been surprisingly elusive. Not that either minded, it was an opportunity to talk a little more, hold each other, just be together, it was a side to Shayera John felt he had probably missed the most. Others didn't see it but beneath the facade of a short temper and her infamous aggression, underneath all of those careful layers Shayera was a gentle and affectionate being. It would surprise others to know that she enjoyed cuddles, she enjoyed talking quietly to him about intimate things, things she wouldn't confess to any other person, her fears, her anxieties...and he enjoyed comforting her with soft assurances and gentle touches.

Their sleepless night had consisted of those things, Shayera confiding in him how she often felt when people ran away from her in fear when she tried to help them, the subject brought up as she explained her dislike for public places. He held her a little tighter when she cried a little. Crying was alien to her, she hated to cry and John had very rarely ever seen it, but as much as it upset him, he was able to comfort her as was his need to.

"It's okay," He whispered softly into her hair "I'm here, Shayera."

He felt her move a little, just enough so that she could see his face "You are my Myr'a." She reached up and touched his face, the back of her hand running over his strong features. It was a firm statement as if she was trying to convince him of something she thought he would never believe.

Gently he kissed her hand as it passed his mouth "I know." He focused on her eyes remembering seeing the little boy sitting on her lap, remembered the tone of her voice that seemed so different but so tender. It was enough to bring back older memories and dreams, things he had shoved into the back of his pained heart after she had left. Thoughts of a family with her, ponderings on what their family might look like, might be like, he used to be able to clearly picture settling down with her and for the first time in three years, those images, those desires were clear again.

In instinct his memory brought him to Rex, but unlike before it didn't deter him. Rex was a possibility that may or may not come true, Rex was their potential and the very best they could be. Eyes still focused on her, John remembered the request she had made a few days ago and felt that he was ready.

"He was a lot like you." He said in a hushed tone, intentionally cryptic.

Shayera's eyes opened a little wider, it seemed that she had been on the verges of sleep but somehow when she focused on John's outline in the dark she knew who he had been referring to. Rather than ask, she listened.

"Same temper, same fighting spirit...I knew he was our son as soon as he called me Dad."

"W-what did he look like?" Shayera asked, her mind preparing to delete the mental images she had already developed in favour of John's.

John shifted and slid his hand over the cotton fabric of her night shirt until he found where her wing met her back, softly he rubbed the area just around her wing knowing that it was especially sensitive and also that it calmed her no end. Soothed Shayera sidled closer arching her shoulders slightly to guide John to the right place but she knew that John already knew where, his fingers already gently kneading the small space between her wings and shoulders.

"He was a little taller than me, dark hair like mine...your eyes." Those deep emerald green irises that he swore saw right into his heart the moment he first saw them. If he hadn't been sure before he took her mask off that first time, he was certain in the moment afterward when he saw her eyes that he loved her more than he dared confess to himself.

"Did he, did he resemble you?"

Thinking back to the memory John nodded slightly "Yeah, he resembled me. Same nose, same chin." He shrugged as best he could but held her even tighter when she smiled, pleased.

"He must have been handsome...I wish I could have seen him." Shayera's words were sad, her heart clearly aching.

"Maybe one day you will," John gave her a knowing glance before he softened his brown eyes upon seeing her expression.

"John?"

"Yes?"

"Could you explain his wings? Were they real or...or..."

John rubbed her back a little slower; her face was only a few inches from his both of them lying on their sides facing one another. He knew that the truth might upset or disappoint her and he realised how little Bruce had revealed to her, but perhaps it was something positive as he realised that he felt he was the only person that she should need to ask. It made him ashamed of his past behaviour and painfully reminded him of the expression and the diminishing light in her eyes after he told her he was staying with Mari.

"They, well...they weren't real." He saw that same diminishing light again and he felt it stab at his insides. "But he could still fly, his style was a lot like yours," He paused to make sure that she was focusing on him again "I guess he must have learnt from the best."

A small smile humbled her features and he felt himself return the expression, but it fell a little as she spoke.

"Thanagarian and Human physiology isn't completely compatible," Shayera paused and John felt her hand slide under his Marine t-shirt, over his ribs and around to his back gliding up the groove of his spine until she reached his shoulders. Still looking into her eyes he concentrated on her hand as she stroked the bunched muscles of his shoulders, he knew that the area was where his wings would be if he had them and Shayera carefully felt every ridge and groove with her fingers as if she were reading Braille. "The wing gene is recessive which means that two wing genes are needed to produce wings...since Human's don't have wing genes..." She let the sentence trail off, there being no need for her to complete it. As much as she had already known that a child with a human would have no wings, she was comforted that she could at least bear children with him, their genetics not completely incompatible.

"I'm sorry." John said, suddenly feeling that quiet voice of inadequacy in the back of his mind. He was only human while his beloved was an alien, a Thanagarian...maybe sometimes she missed what it was like to be with another Thanagarian, maybe she missed her partner having wings.

"What for?" Shayera's expression was surprised, confused even.

"For not having wings..."

It surprised him to hear her laughing, almost immediately she had snuggled closer still if it were possible and now both of her hands were caressing his upper back.

"Don't be..." She smiled at him, a gentle half smile as if she knew of a secret that he didn't, one that she knew she had to share. "I like that you don't have them." Her hands still massaged his shoulders feeling all of the strong, lean muscles that she couldn't feel on a Thanagarian male. "Besides...it means I can be closer to you." She remembered those nights years ago snuggling into his back in a way that wouldn't have been possible if he had had wings like her. Being with John meant more cuddles and she wouldn't complain about that, although she kept that information strictly to herself, she would never hear the end of it from Wally if he found out that she was a snuggler.

"But," John paused carefully thinking over his thoughts making sure he was happy with everything he was about to say "If we have any children, they won't have-"

A delicate kiss cut off the rest of his words, when Shayera parted from him she made sure that she had his full attention.

"It doesn't matter," Considering him for a few moments before continuing "They might not have my wings but they will have your strength instead, John."

"Do...do you want kids?" He was part way nervous of her answer.

Shayera smiled "Someday, yes. For now though I'm more than content..." She paused "I missed you."

John let out a shaky breath suddenly relieved that she wasn't simply with him because she wanted the son he had told her of, but then he had known the whole time that Shayera wouldn't be with him for that reason alone.

"I missed you too." He replied at last, adding on an afterthought "Sometimes I thought about trying to find you, to make sure you were safe."

Knowing that he wanted to know what had happened to her after she left him all that time ago, Shayera shuddered involuntarily.

"It's okay," John said suddenly "You don't have to tell me...not until you're ready."

"I will tell you," She promised as she held him a little closer feeling comforted by the warmth radiating from his body and the heartbeat she could feel against her chest, but she wasn't sure if it belonged to her or to him or to both of them. "It's just..."

"Shhh." Shayera stopped at John's quiet shushing of her "You don't need to explain yourself." When they had first started talking about trying again almost a month ago, even before then when she first returned, he had wanted her to explain herself, to justify herself, but he knew now that it wasn't necessary. It wasn't necessary because he had finally learnt how to trust her again. Maybe there had been lies and deception, but she was still the woman he had fallen for all those years ago, only his perception of her had changed and he had learnt how to understand it.

Before, he had idealised her, she was perfect, she was immaculate. The revelations during the invasion had pulled her from his pedestal but now, now she was far more real than she had ever been, she made mistakes like everyone else, she was just as stained as they all were. Maybe the Princess could hang onto her perfection and maybe that was what Bruce liked about her, beautiful and pure, untouched by darkness, but John wasn't interested in that concept anymore. Shayera was if not truly...metaphorically human, she was reachable, relatable, obtainable, she was...his love.

John suddenly felt the need to tell her, to say those precious words but he held back, not because he would regret them, but because for now he didn't have to tell her, she knew as he knew.

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad that we got through this."

"Well...we're not all the way through yet," He buried his face into her neck and took a deep breath of her scent, Shayera giggling all the while. "But I know we'll make it."

"We should probably get some sleep." Shayera noted as she glanced at the digital clock on the side "It's nearly three in the morning."

John shrugged "We can carry on talking if you like, I don't mind." His suggestion was immediately discredited as he yawned midway through the sentence.

Shayera smiled and touched her forehead to his "As admirable as that is of you, I think you need the sleep as much, if not more than I do." She knew guiltily that he hadn't been sleeping all that well on the couch but tonight she knew he would sleep peacefully as she had been able to ever since she had been able to cuddle up to him at night. The nightmares were less frequent now, less bitty and fractured, she was even starting to have normal dreams again.

"Mmm, you might be right."

"I know I am, so you better listen to me for once."

"Just this once." He mocked as his eyes started to close, slumber starting to reach for him with intent.

For a few moments Shayera memorised every single inch of his face, the strong jaw, chiselled features, the gentle groove between his eyebrows. Kissing his forehead softly Shayera snuggled close to him, her face resting by his.

"Goodnight Myr'a."

"Goodnight...Sunshine."

The smile never left her lips even in sleep.