Okay so I' starting to feel like too many people aren't liking this one. Can't say I don't blame you because this one is a little out there. I promise this one is going to get good and I have to warn you this update might make a few people...let's say upset but there is a method to the maddness and to get you guys into it I decided yo do another update today. So with all that said I'm willing to make a bribe. If I get 5 reviews on this today I may add another. Once again...Not a thing of One Tree Hill is mine nor are any of the characters so now that that's out here read on.

Chapter 3

Loss

Lucas awoke with the sound of a sultry vixen calling his name. He opened his eyes and saw her face hovering over his. She cracked a faint smile as his face contorted to a scowl.

"Don't be mad Broody. If it makes you feel any better I'm sorry."

"No you're not, you're not sorry."

"Maybe I'm not but that's what you wanted to hear right?"

"No I want you to mean it."

"Sorry but no can do Broody."

"Why are you doing this to me. Haven't I suffered enough?"

"That's up to you. Do you think you've suffered enough for hurting me the way you did? You think we're square now?"

"Brooke….You have to know that what I did…..what we did….it was a huge mistake."

She scoffed and moved to lie beside him.

"So do you often make mistakes like that twice. Twice Lucas. Two times you penetrated my best-friend with the same dick you fucked me with and you fucked her the same way you fucked me and then you made her cum in a way I thought you only wanted to do for me. Yeah, that sounds like a huge mistake. No actually it sounds like you had it once and couldn't get enough the first time so you had at her again-"

"Brooke-"

"and I'm pretty sure if I hadn't walked in on you two just as you were finishing up the second time you would've signed up for a round three."

Lucas had nothing to say in his defense as her words cut through the dense air. Her voice was beginning to show signs of emotion and it weighed him with more guilt. During that time he and Brooke had been fighting a lot and things were becoming so difficult for them and he turned to Peyton, she made him feel…

"Important. She made you feel like the only man on the face of the earth that could do anything. She supported your superman complex and did a few ego boosts and voila, she gets to play mattress tag with my boyfriend. Is that why you did it?"

"Yes. She didn't look at me like I was a failure like you did."

She didn't look at him no matter how much he wished she would. He could tell his statement had hit her by the momentary stunned silence and the way her body tensed up next to his.

"So I deserved what I got huh."

"That's not what I said."

"No, but it's what you think."

He turned over on his side to face her and when he did he couldn't miss the smudged and running mascara from her tears.

"I hate that I hurt you."

"I hate you did too."

There was a beat but he could almost feel the slim chance of a possibility of forgivness.

"I wish I could take it back."

"No you don't but I bet you do wish you wouldn't have got caught."

"I love you."

She turned her head and faced him with tears still falling.

"You do?"

Her voice sounded so vulnerable and sweet, just like the Brooke that loved him. He went to brush away her tears and for a moment he got that distinct feeling that everything could still work out, he had hope.

"Yeah, I always have" he said as a smile crept its way onto his face.

"Well I hate you, and I always will."

She shot up from the bed and crossed the floor and propped up against his desk. He laid back flat on his back and tried to blink away his own tears now. Her hatred of him was something he had trouble coming to terms with. He ached to be able to take back the events of the night he lost her for good. It wasn't the night he slept with Peyton but a few nights after that, when everything became final. Suddenly he felt the air in the room being sucked out and he had to get out. He flew off the bed and bolted.

"Lucas, where are you going?"

"OUT."

"No need to get all huffy. I'll come with and keep you company."

"No."

"Lucas don't be stupid, where are you going!"

He didn't listen to her, answer back or even stop when he heard her screaming his name. He walked, then started to run and then came to a full sprint. Her hurtful words echoed through his brain and in a way he hoped he could outrun them but soon the sky opened up and the rain began to fall down to the earth, soaking everything. His legs soon began to burn and hurt and when he found himself in front of Tree Hill Cemetery it was almost like he had been drawn there. The iron gates were open and he could see a precession in the distance in top of the hill. Heartbreaking screams and wails floated in the air. He could imagine that some woman, some father, brother or son had lost someone they loved. It was so final to have to sit there and watch as your loved one was lowered into the cold hard ground. It was a feeling that Lucas knew well. He wondered the cemetery in search of the headstone he made regular visits to and when he got there, he had a small ounce of calm wash over him. He fell to his knees and the tears he began to shed mingled with the cold rain and he couldn't help but feel that guilt rise.

"I think about you everyday."

His hands traced the letters of the stone. He felt like if he could touch it, it would somehow ground him.

"I think I'm starting to go crazy. I don't know what to do anymore…I hate my life. I hate it so much. It's like I have this constant pain that I can't get rid of or get past and I just feel like…" He said as his voice began to crack and his tears started to fall more freely, "…I feel like if you were here things wouldn't be so hard. Maybe I don't deserve to get past this, any of this. Maybe I'm supposed to keep suffering….."

He slowly traced the angel on the stone and then looked back at the name. He couldn't help but feel that this was all wrong, that name was never supposed to be etched in stone this early.

Brooke Davis

Born July 8, 1985

Died March 5, 2010

Beloved Friend and Godmother

Gone but never forgotten

Lucas was always considered to be a hard-ass, most of all to Brooke. Now he kneeled at her grave with the tears falling even more as his clothes became drenched from the rain. He recounted every time he told her to shut the fuck up and yelled at her to get the hell away from him and wished he could go back and not waste that time. If he had known things would get so fucked up he might've been nicer to her.

"Boo Hoo, poor Broody."

The raspy voice was back and full of malice. His eyes were trained on the gray head stone that held the name of the only woman he ever loved. He had only now come to terms with her death. It was much harder to take than it was when Keith died. Keith dying hurt but Brooke dying…well that was slowly chipping away at his sanity.

"Am I going crazy?"

"Why Lucas why whatever do you mean" she said coyly tucking her lehs underneath her as she sat on a stone bench.

"I mean…are you…are you real?"

"You mean am I a ghost or a figment of your imagination?"

His eyes averted from the stone to her face and for a moment his breath caught in his throat. Whether she was real or not, he still loved the way just the sight of her could alter his very mood.

"Relax broody. I'm no avenging angel sent back to drive my murderer crazy…if that's what you're thinking."

His gaze slowly left her and went back to the stone that held his lovers name and he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his chest.

"You feel that Broody, that tightening of your chest?"

He tried to ignore her voice and steady his heart.

"That's your HCM actin' up there Lukey."

Again he tried to ignore her and just shut his eyes as tight as he could and focus as much as possible on not passing out.

"You can't ignore me Lucas. You can't ignore what you did to me."

Every word she spoke dripped with anger and Lucas was losing the battle. His eyes began to glaze over and the cold rain drops that fell didn't seem so cold anymore and then his world went black. The last thing he heard yet again was the menacing laughter of the woman he once claimed to love. Her mocking laughter echoing into the darkness and he prayed this would be the last time he ever heard it.

His eyes shot open to the sound of child-like laughter. He shifted his head and saw that he was in a white room, wearing a white gown, with white sheets over his body. Was he in Heaven? More than likely not. He shifted his head again and realized that he in fact was in a hospital and his brother was sitting on a chair opposite the bed with his son in his lap. Lucas always thought that even though he didn't tell her, he knew Brooke Davis would make a great mother. He knew this from watching her with his nephew Jamie. When Jamie had first been born, Nathan would joke that Brooke was there with Haley more than he was. They use to be close like that. Nathan and Haley use to kid about how they couldn't wait to have a little Luc or mini- Brooke crawling around and his answer was always that there was no way in hell he'd ever have a kid with Brooke. They were too dysfunctional he reasoned. He hated that he closed that door. He often wished that he hadn't now because as bad as it got between them he would have loved to have had a piece of him and Brooke in the world. He watched as father and son interacted and smiled. He didn't do much of that lately. He hadn't had much to smile about. Jamie was the first to see those haunting blue eyes.

"Uncle Lucas, you're awake!"

He went to speak but found the act to be slightly painful, but for his little man he'd suffer. He figured that he must've been out of it for a few days and the feeling seemed familiar from when he had to have a tube down his throat.

"Hey J-Luc, what you up to?"

"Just waiting for you to wake up. I begged dad to bring me so I could see you."

"Just what I needed."

Lucas saw the little boys face fall to a sad frown and Lucas couldn't help but ask why.

"What's with the long face man?"

"I was scared."

"There's no need to be scared anymore. See, I'm okay" he said trying to smile and reassure he little boy but somehow the effort fell short.

"I know you are now."

The little boy turned to go back to his father and Lucas' eyes followed him all the way back to the tortured blue eyes that stare back at him.

"Nathan."

"I'm glad you're okay."

Truth be told Nathan wasn't sure how to act around Lucas since that night. Lucas had crossed a line. He had crossed a line too and he knew it. He didn't regret it because it wasn't about punishing Lucas or Haley. That night, to him, had been about two friends needing each other. Brooke and he had been friends since daycare. Most people had been shocked to see that the two never developed into anything. Even more shocked when the warm hearted angel fell from her pedestal for the illegitimate son of Dan Scott, also known as Tree Hill's ultimate bad boy. Lucas was trouble and Brooke loved trouble. That night was trouble with a capital T. It had started out with a little harmless flirting that was thinly veiled from deep pain. Brooke's pain from Lucas, Peyton and Haley's betrayal and Nathan's pain from Haley picking her best friend yet again over her own husband. At some point everyone had fallen out of love.

"I'm gonna go call Haley."

Nathan quickly got up and sat his son in his seat and walked out into the hall to make the call. Lucas looked back over to the little boy who still had that look on his face.

"Hey Jimmie jam?"

"Yeah."

"Come over here for a sec."

The boy wondered over to his uncle and climbed his way up on the hospital bed and sat next to him.

"What's really going on?"

"I was…mommy says not to talk about it with you."

"Talk about what?"

"Aunt Brooke."

There it was, the one topic that seemed to crush his heart every time.

"It's….it's okay to talk about her."

"Uncle Lucas?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"Do you miss her as much as I do?"

"That there Lukey boy is the million dollar question. Why don't you tell my god son how you really feel about this 'whore'."

Lucas' mind tried to shut out pseudo Brooke's words but refuting them proved to be harder than possible.

"I miss her too Jamie. More than you know."

Lucas watched a smile creep across the boy's face but 'Brooke' was just getting started.

"Well what do you know. If I didn't know any better I'd think you meant that. Hey Jamie, why don't you ask Uncle Luke why you can't see your Auntie Brooke anymore. Go on."

"I really miss the way she used to come and read to me. Did you love her Uncle Lucas?"

"Yeah Lucas did you love me when you practically drove me to my death."

His jaw clenched at her accusation. He knew it was true. He knew in his heart that if he hadn't been the heartless son of a Dan Scott, the woman he loved would still be alive.

"I still love your Aunt Brooke."

"Good. Cause I'm sure she still loves you too."

"Ha. The poor boy is delusional. There is no way that I could ever love a man that could do what you did to me."

His teeth were grinding at this point. He wanted nothing more than to say 'shut the hell up you bitch' but he was sure he'd be suited up for a straight jacket within the hour. He needed to be out amongst the living, so that he didn't go crazy being alone, without her.

"Hey guys, Haley said she's on her way. Jamie why don't we let Uncle Lucas get some rest before your mom gets here."

"Aww dad."

"It's alright buddy, I am a little tired. We'll see each other again real soon."

"Okay. I love you…" Jamie leaned over and whispered the last part so his dad didn't hear, "please don't die." The little boy hopped down and trotted over to his waiting father and with that Nathan nodded good bye and then Lucas was alone with nothing but his thoughts. He remembered the night they first made love. They had finally told each other they loved one another, that was one of his many memories he would bring out to lighten his mood before he fell asleep. Sleep came a lot sooner than he had expected, sooner than he wanted because every time he closed his eyes the dream was always the same. It was always about reliving that night, the night all their lives changed forever. His lids were always so heavy that it became near impossible to wake form the hellish nightmare. Tonight would be no different.