"Quinn and Rachel are locked in the towel cage. Coach Sylvester was sneaking around after hours again and she donkey kicked the towel cage door in rage. It's locked now." Brittany fights the urge to visually deconstruct their body language. It's dark, she's intoxicated on many levels, yet Brittany swears she can see the back of Santana's hand brushing against Emily's bare leg. It is. Santana can't help it. Depth perception left about 15 minutes ago with that giant toke. For the second time tonight, Brittany's confused as to whether she really saw them dancing while holding hands, or if she's just imagined the hand holding.
"Shit! Cut the music Noah!" Santana hisses. She zips into the box and hits the power on the entire soundboard. "Everyone under the bleachers now!" Santana commands. Emily is amazed at how quickly Santana can snap from pleasure to business mode. "Finn, hide Artie's chair behind the flag pole pedestal. Zizes, carry Artie down there now. Puck, get Midgey the Midget!" Santana points Puck to the giant bong. "Lets go!" Santana says. She grabs the giant bag of weed in one hand and Emily's hand in the other. Santana pauses at the top of the stairs and watches the other file out. The last one, Lauren, sprints by surprisingly fast with Artie thrown over her shoulder.
"Impressive," Santana says as Lauren rushes down the stairs. Emily nods in agreement. Less than 45 seconds later, Emily finds herself huddled under a set of bleachers with the entire Glee Club. The ankles of Sue's bright red track suit rustles into view.
"Goddamn mary jane addicted hippies," Sue mutters. She whips out a bullhorn. "Frankenteen? Teen mom? You stupid Glee Clubbers here? Brittany? You better not be here with Lopez! You know her airbags are dangerous to children 12 and under!" Sue lowers her bullhorn. "Huh, I guess it's not them." Sue raises her bullhorn again. "SANDY IF YOU'RE ON SCHOOL GROUNDS I WILL CALL THE FBI!" Sandy might be a part of her evil team of violently aggressive retards, but she really don't want the feds swooping in again. Sue waits a few seconds before shrugging and turning around. "I guess all these years with the ol bull horn is starting to play tricks on my ears…" The kids wait quietly for Sue's footsteps to disappear in the night. They finally let out a sigh of relief when they hear Sue's LeCar drive off in the night.
"Omg Quinn." Rachel shakes the tired girl sitting on the pile of clean towels.
"What is it Berry?" Quinn sighs. 15 minutes ago, she sent Brittany the text about Sue locking them into the towel locker about. She hasn't heard any screaming or police sirens so she assumes her friends are still hiding from the red terror.
"There's a fire," Rachel whispers. Quinn rolls her eyes.
"No there isn't." Quinn knows the white fog creeping into the cage isn't from a fire.
"Ladies, can we assist you?" Puck says. Rachel jumps at the sight of Puck. He's on Lauren's back (piggyback style) and wielding a large bong like a jousting pole. He tries to hand the bong off to Lauren with no luck.
"I'm not your freaking slave Puckerman-" Lauren snaps
"Please, don't bother dismounting," Santana says, holding a hand up to still Puck. She leaves Emily's side and walks to the locked cage. Quinn walks up to the door and watches Santana pick the lock. The door swings open and Santana dramatically shows Quinn the way out with a flourish of her hand. She slams the door shut before Rachel can walk through it. "Sorry, Pucks been meaning to make a baked Berry pie for a long time now," Santana says. Rachel's eyes widen as Lauren expertly lights the bong without dropping Puck.
The halls are dark and empty. Flood lights from outside barely filter in through windows.
"Sorry about Sue." Santana says. She didn't intend to show Emily a category 7 party on her first weekend in Lima.
"Don't worry about it." Emily sneaks a peek at the wall of Cheerleading trophies. "So, you used to be a Cheerl-Cheerio?" Emily says.
"Yep. I was the captain for about two minutes before Quinn ratted me out…" The ensuing silence is saturated with awkward tension. Emily swears Quinn is the less blonde blonde, and she seemed to get along with Santana ok. "Not bad for a judgmental, Lebanese bitch with a boob-job."
"Stop saying that. You're not a bitch to me." Emily looks down and blushes intensely before looking up. "Do you still have your uniforms?"
"Yes…" Santana's eyebrows perk. Both girls grab each other when the set of double doors leading to the athletic health lab slam open.
"Sam's here. And the ice baths and hot tubs are ready. And yes I know the 2 feet personal space bubble rule is in full effect for everyone including Emily," Puck says when Santana's eyes start narrowing into splinters. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls a shiny silver and leather flask out. He tosses it to Santana. "Just don't drop Lucy in the water ok?"
Dave Karofsky scoffs as his Bully Whip Partner trudges up to her locker. The rest of the Glee Clubbers stumble by behind her. They all have deeply red eyes.
"Thanks for inviting me to the party!" Dave says as Santana starts spinning her locker dial. He slaps a red beret into Santana's side. Santana freezes. A hand reaches up and takes the beret from Dave. The latina slowly turns her head and Dave starts to regret his previous drama queenly life action.
"It wasn't exactly planned, Karo-honey," she says as a student walks dangerously close. "Jew Fro," she nods, holding back the violent urge to throttle the ginger froed fuck (she is wearing a Bully Whips' jacket…) as he leers by. She continues to explain the impromptu party. Unbeknownst to her, JBI thinks he's just heard a bit of prime McKinley Gossip. Across the hall Emily spots Santana talking to her patrol partner. She smiles and closes her locker. Her phone buzzes in her bag. A bright picture of Hannah pops up. The text bubble coming from her mouth reads, "How's the new school? Any hotties?" Emily laughs. The laugh turns to a frown. She quickly texts back. " Several hotties. Crazy night. If Pam knew, I'd be feeding bears in the woods."
Mr. Fitz coughs loudly when a laugh pierces the silence. Aria silently kicks Hanna's shin. Hanna rolls her eyes and glares at Aria. Aria watches with jealousy as Hanna's phone buzzes loudly in her lap. Hanna quickly taps out a message "Eff that. If Spencer finds out, you'll be feeding the bears…At least you'd have the chance to get some action in the dirt ;)."
Santana sighs and rolls her eyes when Dave insists again that he's cool enough with Kurt to be invited to social gatherings after school hours.. Mid eye roll, she spots Emily texting next to her half open locker.
"You have to meet the new girl," Santana says. She grabs his hand and drags him across the hallway intersection.
"Why?" Dave says in a near whine. Santana pauses mid step.
"So are you like full gay or something? Not even like, a little bi-curious?" Santana whispers. Dave's eyes jump out of his head. "Relax, no one heard. Now come on, even if you don't think she's hot, I do, and I want you to meet her, we might be spending time with her on Prom night…Just be nice." Santana says as Dave makes a whiney face.
Emily smirks as she fiddles with her phone. Hanna's been trying to pry her new school's location from Emily, but Emily won't budge. Finally, Emily enters in the letter's 'WMHS' into the text.
"I'm so sorry Mr. Fitz, we're all just really emotional with Emily missing," Aria says as she ushers Hanna out of the classroom. "Are you crazy?" Aria snaps as she marches Hanna to the nurse's office for some mental health time after shrieking expletives in the middle of class. Hanna hands her phone to Aria before walking into the nurse's room.
"Hold all calls. Get me before lunch please," Hanna says as she lies down on a bed. She puts a pair of sunglasses on and closes her eyes.
Aria sighs as she taps buttons on Hanna's phone. She gasps as she reads the conversation.
"What the hell what that?" Spencer asks as she catches up to Aria after requesting a blatantly bogus bathroom break from Mr. Fitz. Aria silently hands her the phone and follows Hanna into the nurse's office. Spencer looks down at the text. A quick search of 'WMHS' leads her to a weird, Jewed out version of a 'What Would Tyler Durden Do' type blog. The first post is an eyeful. Although the eyes are censored with tiny black bars, it's obvious who the people are. Emily, a blonde and a tanned brunette are huddled in a large hot tub. Wet strips of grass cling to the girls' skin. A closer look reveals that Emily is wearing her new Varsity competition swimsuit and that Santana and Quinn are wearing their old Cheerios skirts and bikini tops. A faded spray-paint MWHS logo is on the wall in the background. A muscular Mohawked boy in a soaked white wife beater behind the hot tub, photo bombing the girls. 'WMHS AFTER HOURS PARTY CAUGHT ON CAMERA.' – Reads the title.
"Oh wow…'Holy fucking cock shit' is right Hannabear…" Spencer mumbles as she scrolls down. There are neatly arranged sets of pictures. Emily drinking from a flask while sitting in wheelchair rolling down a small grass hill-Emilywrestling with an Asian guy with abs you could slice daikon on-Emily straddled by two different blondes on a football field- Santana and Emily passing a bong hit via kiss, next to a bong taller than Aria-Emily punching the Mohawk boy in the arm-engaging in piggy back races across the grass (sometimes she was the rider, sometimes the ridee (There was that tan brunette again). Spencer nodded silently in approval of the brunette's abs and body over all. "I guess cheerleading really is sport," Spencer murmurs as starts texting back. "Was it cold last night?-Spencer" She chuckles in the empty hall and replies to Emily's solo question mark. "Remember our class on Australia? Aborigines sleep w/dogs on cold nights. 1 if chilly, 2 if cold, 3 if really cold. So was it just the two cheerleaders, or did you find more bitches to sleep with cause it was freezing last night? :P."
Emily shakes her head in frustration and presses the button to call Spencer. "That wasn't funny," Emily says as soon as Spencer accepts the call.
"So it was freezing I take it?" Spencer makes herself comfortable on a bench in the hall. Spencer Hastings enjoys juicy phone calls; it's a well know fact.
"No! Stop spreading rumors. I'll call you later. " Emily says. She hangs up just as Santana reaches her side.
"Hey," Santana smiles. "This is Dave."
"Hi," Emily says. She glances at Dave before focusing on Santana again.
"What wasn't funny? A small smirk is visible on Santana's lips as she files her nails. Emily's eyes betray her as they dart to the phone in her hand. In a second Santana realizes 2 things. A. It's either something, or someone Emily is worried about. And, B. Santana doesn't realize or admit it, she's sort of into Emily. At least enough to spark the ugly Lopez emotional trainwreck bitchmonster from hell. –See violently aggressive/possessive/jealous/erotic? Alter ego of Santana Lopez A.K.A Satan.
Santana pulls on that Cheshire smile and sidles up next to Emily. Dave narrows his eyes. The boy doesn't know what he's witnessing, but he knows it's making him uncomfortable. He remembers that he's in public when a passing jock gives him the thumbs up. He musters a tight-lipped smile.
"So, how was your first Lima weekend?" Santana holds Emily's gaze coyly as she slips her arm around Emily's. "This is my beard by the way," Santana adds before Emily can answer. She points at Dave before looking down at Emily's phone.
"What's a beard?" Emily asks. Santana ignores her and quickly skims the phone.
"Hah, a three dog night is a cold one indeed." Santana raises an eyebrow at the phone.
"Oh, I didn't know you kids like Three Dog Night! I'll throw some songs in as a warm up this week," Mr. Shue says as he passes by in the tide of students.
"Tell your friend Spencer she's a genius." Santana pulls her own phone out of her bra. Emily blushes. "That's such a good code for threesome. I'm texting that to myself."
Brittany wants to punch whoever suggested Three Dog Night to Mr. Shue. The usually energetic dancer sways listlessly in the back as the Glee Club sings 'One Is the Loneliest Number'. In the front, Jesse St. Smokes too much Angel Dust before going on stage, is harmonizing his fluffy bastard, son of Shuester, white man fro off. It's been a week since prom. Sue framed Emily for steroid use to get her banned from Prom. It worked, but now she's back and Brittany has to watch her and Santana pretend like they're not making stupid eyes at each other, while Artie makes them at the back of her head. Brittany is putting so much effort into ignoring Santana, she misses most of Mr. Shue's announcement.
"Brittany, did you hear that? We get to perform at the RoseWood senior prom." Quinn says. Brittany shakes her head and stares at Quinn.
"We're going to another prom?"
"Don't worry. This time Coach Sylvester will be hundreds of miles away and the punch bowl will be ours," Puck snickers behind Brittany. Brittany's vision fills with images of another intoxicated Glee party and this time it doesn't look so fun now that she's single and Santana's still not biting. Lord Tubbington wobbles in on a unicycle with a flask. Brittany frowns. She really needs to get that cat under control. The mirage-like fantasy dissolves to reveal Quinn running her fingers through Emily's hair.
Emily blushes and hopes that her tan is hiding it. Quinn has crossed her legs over hers and Santana is sitting very, very close. She wonders if this is how really friendly straight girls welcome new friends into their group. Santana did give her that dubious warning the first night they hung out.
"What conditioner do you use?" Quinn asks. Brittany frowns when Santana swoops in and starts playing with a strip of hair on Emily's other side. Mercedes glares at Santana and Quinn. She remembers being corner by them like that last year. So now she knows the two former Cheerios have a problem with her weave, they never asked about her choice of hair product. Mercedes takes a picture of the multiracial flirtmess happening in the front row and sends it to Kurt, along with a recount of her experience with them last year. Kurt rolls his eyes and starts to texts back 'Fan your weave, they're flirting.' Mercedes' gaydar really needs be sent to the shop.
"It's probably natural…You're some Asian right?" Santana squints and her voice grows hesitant (too soon for a race dig, Santana?). Emily smiles. She's glad her friends can't see and mock her right now. (Unbeknownst to her, Jacob Ben Israel is lurking outside of the choir room with his Uncle Shlomo's telephoto lens.) The ginger hued fro in the window bobs as JBI snaps away.
"Hot damn. Aria, I'm sorry to inform you that you now have the second juiciest love life in our group of friends," Spencer says as her phone beeps. (So she subscribed to the JBI Gossip twitter, it was for Emily). Pictures of Emily being groomed by the two ex Cheerio Captains line a page. 'NEW TRANSFER SWIMMER HOTTIE STEALS VARSITY CAPTAINCY, EX CHEERIOS CAPTAINS FROM WMHS' QUARTER-BACKS. '
"Well, there goes my appetite." Hanna drops her fork. The blonde squints at the cafeteria. "I need a date. Its not fair that Emily doesn't even need to work for even one and two fall in her lap." Spencer squints at the phone.
"Well at least we're going to have a cute band for our Summer's ball Banquet." Spencer shrugs. She didn't want to say no to Emily when she'd mentioned hiring the Glee Club. The Banquet falls within a few days of Regionals and they can stop by then. The RoseWood Glee members were a real horrible bunch. At least the WMHS Glee club was attractive.
"Well, what is it now?" Hanna stares at the buzzing phone in Spencer's hand.
"Oh my God. It's Emily," Spencer says. She hands the phone to Hanna.
"We have another A on our hands."