Fix You

Chapter Five

Bella's POV

No, no, no, not somebody else, please... not Victoria.

This is horrific.

No, that's not even a strong enough word. There aren't words.

I thought the nightmare couldn't possibly get any worse, that it's already been awful enough, but now it has. It somehow has.

James was right when he said that we were all going to die and, in all honesty, the thought of somebody like Carlisle having his life taken away prematurely is simply heartbreaking. It's cruel, unjust.

The world would be robbed.

But, saying that, maybe there's some kind of afterlife. That hope which I'm clinging to furiously could make this a tiny bit more bearable.

Then again, if there was, it's not like I'd go to Heaven with him. I've tried my hardest to change, to be forgiven, but it's like a plaster covering a wound; it's still there, just hidden. I promised myself that it'd heal, but it never really has. There's still a scar.

The thoughts keep circling around repeatedly in my head like sharks; it's maddening.

It's totally true what they say; during times when your life is in danger you turn all philosophical and think about all your mistakes.

"Bella, Bella?"

A frantic voice pulls me out of my thoughts and I somehow manage to focus on Carlisle's face. His eyes are bright and alert and full of fear.

That's not good considering he seemed so calm before.

"Bella, you need to take some long, deep breaths, please just do it for me." I look at him in confusion and try to speak, but nothing comes out. It's as though my body has stopped responding already in preparation.

"You're starting to hyperventilate, Bella; you need to listen to me and breathe. Try to forget about what's happening and focus on yourself."

Now that he's mentioned it, I realise just how difficult it is to take in air; my chest feels tight and every breath I take feels worthless, as though my throat is clogged up with tissue paper.

"Just look at me and try to calm yourself down."

I obey him, putting all my trust in his doctor's instincts. Nothing else seems to matter in this moment; it's just us two looking at one another, trying to keep each other going. It seems painful that I've wasted too much time not looking at his eyes; they really seem to show what he's feeling.

It's too soon to be falling, though, surely? Why does someone so special have to appear in circumstances as horrid as these?

Slowly, though, despite my worried thoughts, it gets easier. The air reaches my lungs and brings sweet relief, and the dizziness and sickness gradually disappears.

Then I remember where we are and what's happening.

"He can't have k-killed her," I stammer, once again attacked by images of the dead body beside me. It's like the man's eyes are burned into my mind, and the feeling of his warm blood that's now turned cold will always stay with me.

"We'll just have to hope so."

It's turned eerily quiet in the other room and I turn to whisper to Carlisle, suddenly struck once more by his beauty. His hair manages to look oddly appealing even when it's ruffled and messy. Before I can let those thoughts take over, I shake my head and check myself. This isn't really the time or the place.

Then again, we may not ever be in the right time or place again...

"This, um, this m-might be my last chance to say this..." His eyebrows knit together in a frown during my pause. "But... but thank you for everything you've d-done; you've made this more b-bearable. I-"

My voice breaks towards the end as a sign of my weakness and I close my eyes despairingly to be surrounded by darkness. Carlisle's voice somehow weaves its way through and makes my heart beat faster. "Bella, you mustn't speak like that. We can't give up."

I can feel his eyes somehow sizzlng into my side and turn to look at him; he looks somehow determined. "Carlisle, I..."

The words disappear into nothing as the sound of the door being thrown up grips our attention; it brings back fresh memories of how this ordeal first started. I'm fully expecting to see James dragging in Victoria's body like a rag doll, but my stomach turns light with a powerful relief when I see her crawling on the floor behind him.

She's hurt, but she's alive. That's something.

Without hesitation, tears flood my eyes and flow down my cheeks at the sight of her; there's no blood, so perhaps the gun shot was a false alarm to taunt us all, a warning of what could happen, but it looks as though she's hurt on the inside under her skin, in more ways than one.

"Oh God," I whisper quietly, praying for once that there is one. Surely he could intervene and stop this horror from happening?

Like some kind of dog, Victoria makes her way back to where she was before and sits quietly, passively letting herself be tied back up. I dread to think what sort of dark things they talked about, what pain she endured, but now she just looks helpless, as though she too has given up.

It's a pitiful and awful sight.

"You should have heard the excuses she came up with," James suddenly sneers, smirking to himself. "No matter how many lies you tell, the truth always comes out in the end. You lose track of what's fact and what's fiction..."

He trails off suddenly, shaking his head, and we all sit in silence.

"You know what I saw? What made me do all this?" he spits, waving around the gun. No reply. "I walked into our own home, all ready to fucking propose, and I saw her in bed with my best friend. My best friend."

I turn to Victoria and she just weakly shakes her head, unable to protest any further.

"I should have known from the start that she'd turn my life to shit but she kept drawing me in, like the fucking Devil. All women are like it." His mad stare turns to me and it's almost like I can see the hatred burning there.

"They're not," Carlisle protests, and I feel my born turn cold again. This stress is too much to deal with. "I know some good people, you shouldn't assume that everybody's the same." I really wish he would stop... the gun in James' hand is quivering. "Why are you punishing us for this?"

I can see his jaw locking and unlocking like a vice. "You two need to shut the hell up! I've never asked for your fucking opinion and you won't stop going on like fucking parrots... you think you're always right, but I'm in charge here. Me."

"We know," I whisper despairingly.

"Yeah? Show me, then, and keep your traps shut."

He begins circling the room again and I notice how the sweat is beginning to saturate his shirt and how his face is slowly turning redder; is his anger really that intense? He must have really cared for Victoria to have reacted this badly.

Surely he wouldn't want to hurt her...?

My mind begins ticking away; even though everything feels sluggish, I try to recall the few crime programmes I've watched on TV in the past. They always used to be so good at negotiating with criminals, using psychology and whatever...

But I'm not trained at any of that. It's hopeless.

And if I even try, he's likely to respond with kindly shooting a bullet into my body.

"You know what? This is getting boring now," James suddenly grunts, hurrying around like a dangerous hyperactive child. "I'm not gonna waste anymore time here. It's gone on long enough." He disappears through a door and we all look at each other in confusion and panic; what's he got planned now?

"Carlisle..." I begin, but he cuts me off.

"Bella, I'm really sorry that I've let you down, but I... I just don't know what to do anymore," he stumbles. It all comes out in a rush and my body turns even colder; is this a sign that it's all truly over now because Carlisle has surrendered too? The sight of him looking so lost causing a sharp pain in my chest and I try to hold back the pain.

"But..."

"I'm sorry, it was stupid of me to make a promise which I had no way of being sure that I could keep... Bella, I'm so sorry."

I stare at him wordlessly; I thought he had a plan? Wasn't he supposed to get us out of here?

It was probably foolish of me to put so much trust and faith in a stranger. I'll never learn.

James storms back in and, mistakenly, I meet his eyes, and it's as though something has snapped. The fury in his face looks so powerful, so out of control, and the breath catches in my throat.

Slowly, he takes a cigarette from his pocket and lights it, taking deep breaths as though he's calming himself for something that's about to happen.

That's not a good sign.

This really does feel like my last chance to do something. I've got to.

"James, p-please I'm sure Victoria never meant to-"

I never finish. He pulls out the gun at a terrifying speed and that's when everything changes. It all happens in some strange blur. Some strange, horrifying blur.

A familiar deafening sound fills the room and everything slows down.

Then there's this most incredible and shocking impact which takes my breath away, and my head jerks backwards to hit the table. That pain is lost, though, because it feels as though a bomb has exploded inside of me, and everything seems to move in an even slower motion.

My vision blurs, my hearing is as though I'm listening to someone shouting from underwater, and the pain is just... it's white, searing, blinding, agony.

Am I on fire?

I don't even know if I'm breathing anymore.

Something feels warm and wet on my right leg, and I vaguely register seeing a pool of red beside me.

When the truth hits me, the pain surges in one final powerful burst.

I've been shot.

Oh my God, I've been shot.

I turn to Carlisle, horrified and barely conscious, and I see the outline of his face; the features have all merged into one and I blink furiously, trying to get a clearer picture that I can keep for my last moments.

It's not working. Why isn't it working?

I want to move; I want to reach over and cling to Carlisle to say goodbye, but my body feels paralysed; if I even try to move, the hot pain completely consumes my senses, dragging me closer to the end.

Fear is the next thing to take over; I never had a chance to be forgiven.

In my hysteria, I begin to imagine the smell of gasoline and burning, and I wonder if I've already gone to Hell.

That's the last thought I have. I try desperately to clutch onto life, however torturous it may be, but the pain is just too much. A strangled sob escapes from my lips, and then everything disappears, leaving me on my own.