If there was anything for which she could be grateful, it was meeting Jolee Bindo. The old man's dismissal of her true name was a breath of fresh air, as was his easy acceptance of her.
Kenna couldn't help but compare his reaction to Carth's. The only time the man spoke to her was when she got so desperate to hear his voice she asked him if he knew anything about the planet. Despite knowing it well enough herself to write a guidebook if Kashyyyk were to turn into a tourist destination. Is he still mad at me? Or is he just waiting for me to speak first, since it is my past? She desperately hoped it was the latter. He hadn't sounded mad when he told her what little he knew about Kashyyyk, which was promising.
When Jolee said he could get her past the force field, Kenna took him up on his offer. Juhani had seemed very distracted the short while she'd been on the planet, so Kenna decided to let her go back to the ship. Besides, even if he wouldn't talk to her, she wanted Carth with her. The two of them followed the hermit past what had been the Czerka outpost to the huge, shimmering force field blocking the path.
"Now, let's see…" Jolee grunted, manipulating the controls to allow them to dart through. "There we go." The three of them headed into the Lower Shadowlands, Jolee leading. He was the one who knew where he was going.
Several fights with cowardly Mandalorians and one encounter with a half-crazy Wookiee named Freyyr later, Kenna was worn out. She made an executive decision: finding Bacca's blade for Freyyr and the Star Map could wait until morning. All three of them were tired. She didn't know Jolee well enough to read him like she could Carth, but the pilot was dragging almost as badly as she was. She could see it in the slouching shoulders, the way--every so often--his feet would drag. She felt ready to collapse herself. Part of me wishes I would, just to see how he would react. She hoped he would be worried. She decided not to test it, though.
"We need to rest. All of us." Kenna plunked herself down on a rock.
"You kids have no endurance," Jolee humphed as he sat down more slowly, but Kenna could see the relief in his eyes. You're not fooling me, old man. "Do you intend to camp down here? 'Cause that will be your only option if we rest too long."
"Yes, actually, I do. If you're worried, we can take turns keeping watch." Kenna looked up at Carth, who had settled for leaning against one of the enormous tree trunks instead of sitting down, and raised an eyebrow.
"I sit down, you won't get me up 'til morning," he explained, shadow of a grin crossing his face so fleetingly Kenna wondered if she'd really seen it.
"Well, then," Kenna smirked, "you get first watch."
"I walked right into that one, didn't I?" He shook his head. "Don't answer that."
Kenna chuckled, first genuine smile he'd seen in ages crossing her face. "G'night."
I've missed your smile. "Kenna?" She looked up. "Who's next?"
"Oh." She paused for a second to think, looked over at the already sleeping Jolee. "Me. Three hours. No more."
"But you n--"
"Carth. No more."
He sighed and relented. "Alright, alright. Three hours." I'll be damned if you aren't the stubbornest woman I've ever met. You're even worse than Mori, which is really saying something. His wife would never compromise on anything she thought was important. Kenna was a lot like her in that way.
It could be a bad thing, however. One of those things Morgana considered important was him staying home. While he agreed with her about that, he still signed up for a tour with the Republic military at the start of the Jedi Civil War. Dustil growing up free was more important. They'd had a huge fight about that, neither willing to surrender an inch.
"Isn't the Telos Militia enough?" Morgana sighed in exasperation, glaring at him from across the room.
"No." He turned to leave.
"What, that all I get?" She stomped across the room to grab his arm. "Carth! This is important!"
"Well, so's work. I'm going to be late. We can have this out when I get home."
"Or we can have it out now." Morgana crossed her arms. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to find out through my sister that you signed back up?" She slammed the mirror in her hand down on the dresser.
"Because I knew how you would react!"
"Then why did you do it?" He could see the rage simmering behind her eyes.
"So that Dustil doesn't grow up under the Sith! Do you want that for him, Mori? He deserves to grow up free."
"He deserves to grow up with his father home! You know we both hated it when you were gone for months. Why are you doing it to us again??" Her expression demanded an answer, and since she stood between him and the door, Carth couldn't really avoid answering.
"I told you. I don't want our son growing up under the Sith. How many times do I have to repeat myself?"
"How many times do I have to tell you our son's going to think you don't love him if you're gone all the time?"
Part of him wanted to strangle her. The larger part had to admit she was probably right. Carth sighed. "Look, Mori, we really can talk about this later--"
"You're not leaving. Not until you answer my question."
"I did!!"
"No, I want to know why you think you have to go fight the Sith. There are hundreds, thousands of soldiers to fight for the Republic. Why do they need you?" She poked one finger into his chest.
"Because I'm one of the best pilots they've ever had! Because I need to see for myself if Revan and Malak really betrayed the Republic. Because if I don't go and something happens to you--either of you--I'll never forgive myself! Now, if that's not satisfactory, we can have it out when I get home, but I really need to leave. I love you." He kissed her goodbye and headed out the door, leaving Morgana speechless in the bedroom.
Carth reluctantly pulled himself back to the present. That memory led to worse ones. They had finished talking about it when he got home that night, at various volume levels. He'd apologized for not talking with her before signing back up, sworn up and down that she and Dustil were the most important things in the universe to him. But he was determined to go, and she was just as determined to keep him home. They finally put the whole mess on hold, to deal with later. If he really went through with signing up, an 'if' Morgana never hesitated to stress, it wouldn't be for a month or so. For that night, they decided to kiss and make up, heavy on the 'kiss' part.
He'd taken a bunch of new recruits out to the polar region for extreme-weather training the next day. While he was out there, miles away from her and Dustil, the Sith had bombarded the planet. They targeted the civilian areas almost as fast as the military bases. By the time he managed to find his wife, it had been too late to do more then hold her and watch her die. The medics arrived too late, swamped with a planet full of suffering and dying. It was only then that he realized Dustil was gone. He'd spent days scouring the surface of Telos for his son, screamed himself hoarse calling his name, but never found him, finally gave him up for dead, too.
He'd rejoined the Republic military the next day. Most of the soldiers figured out real quick not to ask about his family. He'd been almost a loner, simply flying wherever the Fleet Admirals told him to go. Until the Endar Spire…
Carth shook his head, reluctant smile spreading across his face as he looked over at Kenna. So something good came out of that assignment after all. He hadn't been too thrilled, it was only an 'advisory position' and he didn't even get to fly the ship. But then there was the Sith attack, the crash landing with some female soldier he didn't even know, rescuing Bastila, escaping Taris, then the search for the Star Maps, all the while falling for Kenna. Finding Dustil on Korriban, in the Sith Academy, had shaken him. If he owed Kenna for nothing else, the amount of effort she put into changing his son's mind about the Sith still left him so much in her debt he didn't think he'd ever get out.
Kenna mumbled something in her sleep and rolled over. "No, Alek…we really shouldn't…" Wonder what she's dreaming about. It was an idle thought, born out of the boredom of staring at the unchanging darkness.
"C'mon you two, I've done this a hundred times," Alek prodded the two more reluctant Padawans.
Revan and Baryn exchanged a look. "I don't think we should," Baryn began hesitantly.
"He's right, Alek," Revan pointed out, for once agreeing with the younger of her two best friends. "We're not supposed to be in there."
"Oh, come on. It's just a library. What could the harm be in goin' in a library and lookin' at a couple holocrons?"
"I don't know," Baryn had to admit, "It just seems Master Vrook wouldn't have told us to stay out without a good reason."
"Fine, if you don't want to go in, then go and meditate with Mical or something." Alek jabbed, suggestion Baryn was acting like a complacent child impossible to miss. Mical was only eleven and far too happy simply obeying the masters' instructions. He turned to Revan. "You'll go in with me, wontcha, Rev?"
Much as she agreed with Baryn, she was really curious. Maybe just a couple steps, to see what it's like. "Sure will," she replied, pasting on a smile and glancing one last time at Baryn's retreating form.
"C'mon, then. If we don't wanna get caught, we need to leave before Master Vrook shows up."
"He comes here on a regular basis? Is it really a good idea for us to be in there?"
"Aw, come on, Rev. You're usually draggin' me toward adventure, why am I draggin' you?"
"I don't know." Revan shook her head. "For some reason, I feel like everything will change if we go in there today. And not in a good way. Let's do something else. We can sneak in tomorrow."
"They're gonna change the lock tomorrow an' I won't be able to get in anymore. This is a goodbye visit. Come on!!" He turned and walked toward the intimidating door. Ignoring the screaming voices inside that told her to grab his arm and drag him off to do something, anything, else, Revan followed him. They had hardly closed the door when the echo of voices drifted down from one of the upper levels. "Oh, Sith's blood!" Alek dragged her back between two shelves and pushed her down. He crouched next to her. "Vrook and Zhar. He's half an hour early!"
"Alek, we should leave."
"We can't now, they'd catch us!" Alek pushed her down further, stirring up dust. Revan willed herself not to sneeze. With no choice in the matter, really, she found herself eavesdropping on the two Masters as they talked practically over her and Alek's heads.
"We received another request for aid today," Master Zhar was saying.
"Where is this one from?"
"A few of the Outer Rim planets all sent one request. They added a note that maybe together they would be important enough to finally warrant a response."
Revan could picture Vrook shaking his head at what he would see as impudence but she recognized as frustration the Jedi kept insisting the Mandalorian threat needed to be evaluated before they responded. "We cannot respond until we have a full understanding of the threat posed by the Mandalorians."
"We cannot delay much longer in a decision, Vrook. They need to know if we'll help them."
The two Padawans would never know Vrook's response. Revan lost her balance and tumbled into the off-balance shelf. She, Alek, and the holocrons went sprawling across the floor with enough racket to wake a krayt dragon. The Masters were down the stairs glaring sternly at the miscreants in less time then it took Alek and Baryn to gulp down breakfast in the morning.
"What are you two doing in here?" Vrook demanded.
They exchanged a guilty glance. "It's my fault, Master Vrook," Alek spoke up. "I talked Revan into coming in here. Don't blame her."
"Well, it's just as much my fault," Revan pointed out. "I let him talk me into it."
"This is true," Master Zhar seemed to almost chuckle. "I believe a couple hours cleaning dishes would serve you both well. The droids could use an opportunity to visit maintenance."
The two Padawans groaned. "Yes, Master Zhar." They bolted for the dormitory, faces on fire.
Later, after serving their punishment, Revan snuck into Alek and Baryn's room. Baryn had helped them, despite having done nothing wrong. The three of them were so often serving a punishment together no one thought it odd he was helping them. But they had other things to discuss tonight.
"Do you think we'll help those planets?" Revan asked. "We should. They need help, we can help them, I don't see a reason we shouldn't. What needs evaluating?"
"Exactly what I think," Alek agreed. "How 'bout you, Bar?"
The youngest of the three shook his head. "If you two did something I'd follow you, you know that. But I think maybe we should find out more details before we pass judgment. Maybe the Masters know something we don't."
"I guess you're right," Revan conceded. "So, for now…" She snatched the pillow from behind Baryn and swung it at Alek.
"Real mature, Rev," he teased as he blocked it. Before hitting her right back. "Your turn!" Soon all three of them were ducking pillows and laughed hard enough they drew the attention of one of the Masters. Revan scrambled under Baryn's bed as the white skinned Twi'lek opened the door and demanded to know what was going on. She was still fighting a laugh--
"Kenna, it's your turn."
Kenna shook off the disorientation of going past to present so quickly. "Thanks." She rubbed sleep out of her eyes and smiled sleepily at Carth. "Get some sleep. Before you fall over."
"Yes, ma'am."
Kenna stood and leaned against the embankment, still trying to shake off the drowsiness. Maybe he was right. You need more sleep. She shook her head, trying to figure out if her dream was just a dream, or a memory. It had seemed so real. But dreams will do that sometimes. No, it had to be a memory. She remembered what happened next. She'd laughed. The boys had invented all kinds of reasons a girlish giggle was coming from underneath Baryn's bed. The Twi'lek didn't believe any of them, and was bending to look, which would have meant more punishment when he found her, when someone called him out to the hallway. While his back was turned, Kenna, then Revan, had scrambled out, barely avoiding detection. That day had been the start of her and Malak's, then Alek, journey toward the dark side, though neither knew it then. Neither would have imagined that within a couple years they would be defying the Council and leading a group of like-minded Jedi and Padawans, including Baryn, to fight the Mandalorians.Neither suspected that they would fall--hard--when they found out about the Star Maps.
The memories came screaming back. Kenna had fallen first. Alek had been reluctant, still hoping for reconciliation with the Jedi Order, but he had eventually followed his best friend. Kenna assumed mastery because she could whup his backside in a duel. She'd proved it twice, the second time costing him his jaw, before he grudgingly submitted to her.
I don't need to be thinking about that, she chided herself, I should be paying attention to my surroundings. She surveyed the encompassing darkness, drumming her fingers against the hilt of her lightsaber, deciding to let the memories and dreams stay dreams.