Falling, Tumbling, Tripping, Stumbling
Author's Note: Wow, I am sorry this update took so long. I had a bit of a hard time with this chapter. I couldn't decide how I wanted to frame each chapter and then I got sidetracked by school but the good news is that I have the next couple of chapters halfway done so there shouldn't be anymore month long wait between updates (fingers crossed and knock on wood). This was also a super fun chapter to write because I love whenever these two characters interact on the show so I really enjoyed writing them. Thank you so much to all of the people who reviewed my first chapter, I'm not expecting many reviews for this story since it hops around with pairings and all but I really really really appreciate every single review I get. They encourage me to write more of this story and of this fandom, so keep them coming!
New Year's had to be the worst holiday invented. It's like once year someone decided to roll up every bad date, dentist appointment, and visit from his mother into one horrible night and call it an evening of celebration.
This year's holiday was turning out to be no different than the past twenty-four. The night started ominously when Chandler arrived at Monica's, alone, to be greeted by his four friends and their four dates. Ross had naturally brought his wife Carol, Monica and Kip were disgustingly snuggled together on the couch, and Phoebe immediately came over to introduce him to some guy she had apparently met at Woodstock in the 70s judging by his attire and the faint smell of weed that seemed to emanate from him. From there the night got steadily worse, by ten he had spilled some of Monica's, admittedly delicious, dip on his shirt, making him look ridiculous. The large and embarrassing stain also didn't make it any easier for him to successfully hit on Phoebe and Monica's hot friends. So by the time midnight rolled around he was resigned to spending this New Year's solo and un-kissed.
"Hey there Mr. Frowny-face. Why so sad?"
Chandler looked up from his slouched position on the couch to see Phoebe smiling down at him from the arm of the sofa. She looked annoyingly happy and festive with silvery tinsel in her hair and little bell earrings that made a pleasant tinkling sound whenever she moved. Begrudgingly he admitted to himself that she looked rather cute all decked out in her holiday gear, even though the accessories themselves were bugging the crap out of him.
"Eh," he replied as casually as he could. "It's another New Year's and once again I'm the only one without someone to kiss."
Phoebe's face scrunched up into a look of sympathy. "Oh, Chandler!" She gently nudged him and he scooted over as best as he could, jostling the couple next to him that had decided to get a head start on their midnight kissing. Phoebe squished down next to him and playfully bumped his shoulder. "What happened to that girl I saw you talking to earlier? She seemed nice."
"She was nice, but apparently she didn't share the same sentiment when it came to me." This time he definitely couldn't keep his tone casual and his self-pity seeped itself into every word.
"What do you mean?" She asked obviously trying to find some way to comfort him. "She was totally laughing at all your jokes."
Chandler let out an annoyed chuckle. "Yeah, she flirted and ran. Said she had to stop by another party down the block."
"Well maybe she did have to go to another party! But that doesn't necessarily mean she wasn't into you!" Phoebe bounced back with enthusiasm.
"Pheebs! She is standing four feet away from you!"
She swung her head around and spotted the girl Chandler had been flirting with talking to their downstairs neighbor over by the bay window. Phoebe's hands curled up into two angry little fists and she made a little motion of annoyance. "Well she is obviously a horrible, horrible person!" Phoebe cried a little too loudly because the girl in question immediately looked over at the pair in indignant anger.
Chandler, certain that Monica would kill him if he was the cause of a cat fight in her apartment, turned Phoebe away from the girl, trying to send apologetic signals in every direction. "Trust me Pheebs, this is not something worth getting angry over." He laughed self-depreciatingly. "Hell, I'm not even angry about it. Stuff like this is just what happens to me. I'm just that guy."
"You are not that guy! You're-you're," Phoebe floundered for the right words before settling for, "You're the funny guy!"
"Yeah cause that guy always gets the girls." A sudden rush of hopelessness ran through him, stemming in part from the disastrous evening and in part from a terrible year dating-wise. He had gone on maybe a dozen dates in the past year and he could count on one hand the ones that actually went well. This night was just the cherry on top of the dysfunctional sundae that was his life.
"The funny guys always do get the girl!" Phoebe cried, tearing him from his thoughts.
He made a loud noise of disbelief. "Oh yeah, name one." Phoebe opened her mouth to reply but he quickly cut her off. "And you can't name a guy from a movie. That doesn't count."
"But that's the most obvious answer." Phoebe whined. Chandler just shrugged and gave her a look that dared her to find an example. She was quite for a moment before her face lit up. "Oh oh! My friend One-Arm Larry-"
"Is this the one who sold accordions on Fifth?" Chandler interrupted.
"No, that's Two-Toed Frank. Duh." Chandler gave his odd friend a sideways glance but remained silent. "No One-Arm Larry took care of a family of swans down by the park and owned fifteen recorders."
"Of course, One-Arm Larry, swan lover and recorder enthusiast." Chandler said unable to hold back his sarcasm.
"Yeah." Phoebe chirped back, either ignoring or not understanding his sarcastic tone. He actually could never tell which it was. "Anyway, Larry was also really funny. Like Bob Newhart funny."
"That's your standard for funny?" Chandler questioned incredulously but Phoebe ignored him.
"And he really liked this girl Cindy, who sold flowers and wax figurines of stray cats at the park on Tuesdays. But at the time she was in a relationship with this other guy, Kevin."
"And did he have any oddly specific job or hobby?" He asked, almost genuinely curious.
"Not really," she replied easily. "Anyway, eventually Larry and Cindy started talking to each other when she came around and BAM!" Phoebe clapped her hands dramatically. "Before you know it they are sharing a pretzel on a park bench every other day."
"So she broke up with that Kevin guy?"
"No," Phoebe answered confusedly, "But they were sharing a pretzel! Don't you see?" She asked excitedly. "That could be you!" She looked off thoughtfully into space. "Although you'd have to buy a lot of recorders." Her brows furrowed. "And cut off one of your arms," she added almost as an afterthought.
"Uhhh, thanks for that Phoebe," Chandler replied cautiously. "But I think I'm going to stick with being two-armed and terrible with women."
"Okay," she said brightly, "suit yourself."
He turned away from Phoebe and put his head in his hand, just praying for the night to be over already. Suddenly someone in the room cried out. "One minute to midnight!" Chandler groaned slightly and began to think of some excuse that would get him out of Apartment 20 in the next minute when he felt a cool hand on his back. He looked up to see Phoebe smiling gently at him.
"I'll kiss you at midnight Chandler." She said, so simply and so sweetly that he almost agreed right on the spot but something stopped him.
"Don't do that Pheebs," he sighed, "I don't want a pity kiss."
"It's not!" She said vehemently. "I really do want to kiss you at midnight! You are one of my best friends. Why shouldn't I want to celebrate the New Year with you?" Chandler smiled crookedly, Phoebe's offer becoming more tempting as the seconds ticked down.
Thirty
"What about Brian?"
Twenty-Seven
"It's Shaun, and I'll just have to make it up to him later."
Twenty
"Really Phoebe, it's fine."
Fifteen
"I'm a great kisser Chandler, you really shouldn't be fighting this so hard."
Eleven
"It's gonna be weird."
Eight
"Probably, but that'll be half the fun of it."
Five
"Okay, as long as it isn't a pity kiss."
Three
"It isn't. I promise."
One
Kissing Phoebe isn't at all what he expected. Mostly because he hadn't really thought about it before the last minute or so, and partially because it felt really nice. She smelled really great, was the first thought that ran through his head. Flowery and crisp. He had never really paid any sort of attention to the way Phoebe smelled before that moment but upon discovering it he couldn't help but think that it suited her. The next thing he registered was that she had very soft lips. Ridiculously soft. Then suddenly everything came rushing to him like a hurricane. She had a hand placed on his thigh and it suddenly felt unbearably hot where she touched him. He realized he had his hand on her waist and incredibly she didn't seem to mind. In fact, they had been kissing longer than what a traditional friendly peck would imply and that fact alone was kinda blowing his mind. People around them screamed and music blasted, but it all seemed muted and far away as he focused on the best kiss he'd gotten all year. Sadly he wasn't sure if it would count as the best kiss of 1991 or the best kiss so far of 1992. Thankfully, in that moment, it didn't really seem to matter to him at all.
What did matter was the fact that Chandler was pretty sure that in the past twenty or so seconds they had been kissing, he had fallen half in love with his friend Phoebe Buffay.
She was sweet. She was fun. She was totally gorgeous. Why wouldn't he fall for her?
He felt her slowly pull back from the kiss and forced himself to meet Phoebe's gaze. His thoughts must have been reflected in his face because Phoebe immediately smiled sympathetically and sighed, "Chandler."
And just like that the spell was broken. Hot embarrassment flushed his cheeks as he suddenly realized how crazy he was being. Him and Phoebe? Five minutes ago he hadn't even considered it. But one kiss with his friend and he was suddenly falling in love with her. How pathetic is that?
Chandler laughed and attempted to cover up the awkwardness he felt, saying, "Wow, Pheebs. You weren't kidding about being a good kisser."
Her expression remained almost tender for a moment, like she couldn't decide if she should let his bout of insanity go or not, before she allowed them to slip back into their usual banter. "Told ya. I'm the best." She paused thoughtfully before adding, "But don't tell Monica. I definitely don't want to compete with her on that one."
He let out a loud, easy chuckle. The awkwardness dissipating effortlessly as they returned to familiar ground. "Now that is a competition I would love to see."
"I'm sure," Phoebe replied dryly but still smiling slightly. She suddenly craned her neck towards the crowd of people gathered in the kitchen. "I better go find Shaun and 'make it up to him' now."
"Yeah, yeah. Go on." He said, a little bit of discomfort slipping into his tone again. Chandler felt her wiggle her way out of her spot between him and the arm of the couch. Looking down at him, she paused and opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something but was stopping herself.
"You're a pretty good kisser too, you know." She said softly and sincerely.
Chandler couldn't help the little grin that spread its way across his face. "Yeah?" He asked, disbelief coloring his voice.
"Totally!" Phoebe bounced.
His grin got even wider as he suddenly felt lighter. "Well would you mind telling some of these girls that?" He joked, spreading his arms out and indicating the room full of females.
"You got it Mr. Frowny-face!" Phoebe gave him one last smile before she headed over to the kitchen to find her date.
As Phoebe walked away, Chandler leaned back into the couch with his hands placed casually behind his head as he thought to himself that maybe New Year's wasn't the worst holiday.
Thanksgiving, now that's the worst holiday.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters seen here. I don't claim them as mine nor do I make any money from these literary endeavors.