Got a little inspiration for another chapter of this. x
One minute Dean was standing making sure than the burgers weren't going to be in danger of needing the last rites, laughing at something that Sid had said and the next he was heading into the house and Sid was at her side, worried, questioning eyes locked on hers.
"It wasn't something that you said Sid, honest," Lisa reassured him although she had no idea what 'it' was as she headed for the back door.
The house was quiet when she stepped inside only an overturn chair marking Dean's passage through its innards.
"Dean?" She called his name softly as she put her foot on the bottom step of the stairs and slowly made her way up.
Please still be here, she prayed silently.
The room to the master bedroom was open. The light shone into it from the ensuite and there was the sound of retching. She found Dean on his knees inside, hunched over the toilet bowl, tears streaking his face which was a study in misery.
"Hey." Lisa knelt beside him, slipping her arm over his shoulders and gently hugging him to her. "Wanna tell me what's wrong? Did Sid say something?"
He wiped at the tracks of his tears as he lifted his head and turned to her. "No."
She waited, knowing enough by now that he would share when he was ready for it.
The silence stretched on and then he dropped his head down onto the rim of the bowl. "I was….we were laughing….I and... I felt happy...content….and then... just for a moment, I forgot."
"Forgot?," she coaxed him.
"Sam. I forgot that the he was burning in hell while I'm barbequing meat. That he'd be suffering and here I am laughing and joking in the damn sunshine. Friends, family….all the things he should have had."
"Dean…..,"
"I forgot my own brother….who,who does that?" His breath hitched through him and she tightened her grip afraid that he might vanish from in front of her if she let go.
"He wouldn't want you to be sad Dean. He sent you to me so you wouldn't be alone, sent you here so that you still had a family and someone that loves you. Relaxing and being happy Dean are part of that. So what if you just weren't thinking about him for one moment? That doesn't mean that you've forgotten him Dean, you couldn't do that. You aren't capable of that."
The words stung her because she knew that they were true and she knew that it was the thing that would stop him from ever being truly happy with her, the thing that would drive him from her eventually; either in the car in the garage back to his old life or at the end of the gun that he still kept under the bed into the next.