Chapter 2
Wif a flash of lite, the car came into da gassy gnoll near the wimpimg willow. I gut out but relized that I wus at Hoggwarts, but it wuz diffrent. Then I new... I wuz bak in Tim!
"OMFG!" I shooted. "Dis is hogswarts of the past!" I gut out of da car and got mah suitcasses out off Morty McFli's car. They wer black an had red 666s all over them. But sudenly...
"What da fjuck are u doing out her!" yielded a voice. It came from a preppy janitor who was wering brown cloves and a Justin Beaver t-shit. It was... Mister Norris!
"Fuk u prep!" I sed suicidally. But da old man garbbed my rist and drug me and my fings 2 da skull.
"U stoopid goffs," he grubled to himself as he made me come. "U think yu can do whaddever u fucking want. But I will mak the principle punish u 4 brekking the rulez."
"Fuking squid," I snapped bjack sexily. Then, I kiked him in his boy's thingie and ran. When I finaly gut to the skull, I came inside an went to da grate hall and went to da Slytherin table. All the studnts wre shitting at the tabels as the sorting hat sang itz annuall song. Dis year,it the hat wuz singing Amurican Idiots by Gren Day. Its voice sounded lik a cross btween Gerard Way and Marlyn Munson. All of da goffik peeple in Slytherin were singing alung wif the hat, and all of those preps in Grifindork, Ravenclaus, and Hufflypuff wer pretending to be kule. Dumb preps.
After the hat stupped singin, the Principle stood up on da stage. He wuz a old man wif a long whit beard and a long robe. It wuz... Dumbledore!
"Studants!" he roared wisely, "Itz time 4 da firt years 2 be sorted! In a line firt years!" All of the furst yearz got in a line and da hat shorted them. Evry time it put them in Slitherin, us goffs cheered. We put r middle finger up thos stupid prepz dat gut put in those odder houzes. After they wer sorted, Dumblydore loked over at me and scowed.
"Who da hell r u!" he shooted.
"I'm Onyx Gerard!" I annunced goffikly (i didnt say that my last nam, bcuz I didnt want 2 confuse Drako Malfoy that sat acruss fom me.) "Im an exchange stuednt frum... Pigfartz!"
"Den get the fuk up her and get soorted into a hous!" his voice boomd.
"But im in Slytherin!" I proffesed.
"Nut yet u stoopid goff! Acio goff!" he yieleded. I flu acros the room and landed in the chair. Suddnly, the shortting hat came onto my head.
"WTF!" I scremmed, but nobudy could heer me.
"Oh great, anodder stupid goff!" da hat cockled, "I no wear to put u!"
"U better!" I replid.
"Hufflepuf!" the hat shooted.
"Wut!" I yelld angrally.
"lol, jk," the hat laghed. "Slithering!"
"U fuking poser!" I shotted goffikly. I tuk out my wand and casted a spell. "Crucioo!" The hat scremmed in pain. I laffed, bcuz im a saddist.
"Back 2 ur seat!" Dumbledork roared. I returnd to mah table to hear da cheerz of the odder goffs. We then gut to eat dinner. My food wuz a rare steak wif human blood on it.
"OMFG, tat wuz so fukking awsome!" sumbody screamd. I loked around 2 see a goffik slithering gurl. She wuz a seven year studant and she had lung raven black hair wif purple tips and white makup wif black lipstick and ishadow. She wuz wearing a black corset that showed off her big boobz and a blac lether miniskirt wif combat bootz and red fished netz.. It wuz... my muther!
"Mu- I mean, Enoby?" I gosped.
"How da fuck do u kno my name?" she asked depressedly.
"Um... I guezed, becuz its the same coler of ur hair."
"Oh, ok," she squeled goffikly. "U were so kule shooting dat hat wif ur wand! I can tel u arnt a prep, so I like u already Onix."
"Thanku," I replid angstily. Ebony wuz so hawt. She had such a sexi body wif huge boobs and long blak hair. I wuld hav gotten a boner, but I didnt, bcuz shes my mother, u sicko! I wuld hav to kill her enyway though, and dat made me sad. It made me wanted 2 slit my rists.
Soon, i had to go wif the other slitherins 2 the dungeins were r dorms were. My room had a black coffin init with red velvet inside an posterz all over da wall of Girard Way, Mariling Manson, and Amy Lee (if u don't kno who they r, then fok u!) I wuz happy 2 be wif all theese kule goffs, unlike the Slithering of da futur, so this was grate. Plugging my ipod in the wal, I listend to an MCR song and falled to sleep so I culd sleep. I couldnt wiat 4 2morrow, even thogh I would hav to kill Enoby and find her powr sorce. But 4 noa, I slept.