Hey. Love to all who read. I wrote you guys a cute one. Hopefully you guys will like it as much as I liked writing it.
Chapter Eleven
Both his class and free period flew by. Before he knew it he was sitting down to a picnic on the lawn going over his notes. He looked up often to scour the grounds for Snape.
When the latter did appear he seemed to be searching too. He was paying so much attention to the horizon that he failed to notice Remus and his blanket spread of food. He tripped over Remus' shoulder. Both had failed to notice each other and they discovered each other in the same instant that Severus landed in Remus' lap. Some pumpkin juice had spilled on Severus' shirt.
"I'm so sorry, Remus." Severus froze after his first name slipped out. Remus noticed it but chose to play it off as nothing. He cast a quick drying spell and Severus looked good as new.
"Its not a problem, Severus." Snape looked offended by something and Remus wondered what had him upset but thought it kinder to not ask. In fact he would lighten the mood for the dour male perched in his lap. "Much as I like you, aren't we moving a bit fast?" Remus wrapped an arm around Severus jokingly, although after earlier it was hard to not realize how nice it might be if it was real.
"You mock me, Lupin." Snape wiggled a little in Remus' lap and he tried to ignore the sensation. Severus needed a friend. Or at least that's what Remus was chanting as Snape slid off of his lap. The snide Slytherin made to stand up and storm away but Remus grabbed his hand to pull him back into a sit next to instead of on the Gryffindor.
Snape would have made to get up if it weren't for the fact that he had no one to meet. He felt for Remus and owed him, owed him more than he knew. Remus offered him a plate of roast beef sandwiches and a plate for him to gather his food upon. Severus took one.
It seemed symbolic to Remus, that he took a sandwich. A metaphor for excepting help and friendship. Of course Severus only thought of how shitty he felt for leaving Remus crying last night. How shitty he still felt knowing he had the supplies that Remus had gathered.
Remus was calmly licking a popsicle he had packed in a magical cooler. He wasn't hungry, more intent on Severus and the change he saw there. "What are you staring at?" Severus thought he was going to be ridiculed for his hair, or his clothes. Maybe the way he ate was repugnant to Remus. It was always something.
"I wasn't," Remus began, but remembered that Severus was used to lies and hatred. He needed both compassion and the truth. "Alright. I was staring at you. You look," Remus paused again and Severus went to leave before he could get more hurt than he was when he began this. He could salvage something. "Severus, wait." Remus cast an extremely fast silencing charm and disillusionment spell combined. No outside viewers could see or here Them and unless they walked inside the bubble they might as well be insanely far from the private lunch and discourse.
"I was staring. You seem different somehow." Severus flinched from the words as he would a slap and went to leave. Remus spoke quietly as he would have to try to trick Sirius or James to come closer instead of leaving. "I like the change. It suits you."
Severus turned, confused. What was he supposed to think about Remus saying these words. Oh how he longed for them to be meant at all, much less the way his heart yearned for. "Why mock me? Lupin? Don't your dear friends do it enough. Don't the unassuming masses make the ridicule clear enough without your help?" Remus moved forward to grab the ailing body in front of him. "Don't. Don't. What did you want from this, Lupin? Was the aim to gain my trust, or to simply gain something to use against me?"
Severus didn't make to move, but did throw the uneaten sandwich on the floor. The token of friendship flung aside. "Severus. Look at me. Please look at." Severus told his eyes to stay glued to the floor but they disobeyed and turned to those amber eyes. Severus didn't trust the blonde before him yet he did as he was told. "Do you know legilemency?" Snape didn't want his head to move a fraction of an inch yet it nodded, not enthusiastic but definitive. "Look. My walls are down. I will not let you see everything." This was a feral growl. Sirius would have held Remus and said it was okay. Snape didn't know about Moony and so didn't know the cause, assuming it was merely anger.
Severus knew entering his mind was a rotten idea. It would be difficult to hide from his master and it wouldn't be long before he had to face him. Yet Severus was sure he would comply, despite his minds persuading objections.
"Like I said Severus. You will be allowed to see much, but do not try to go beyond the boundaries. You would not like what you found there." Remus was sure Severus had bailed before the story of last night and he knew naught of the werewolf lurking under his skin. Severus would be in for a nasty shock. But the worst shock would be the anger he would receive from Moony. Only one person ahs experienced the full wrath of Remus' greatest secret and Sirius has years of experience dealing with it. Severus would be crushed.
Severus was interested in what he would see. Would he find the truth about Remus' vicious plot against him? It seemed unlikely. Remus wouldn't let him in if he had anything to hide that Severus could see. Severus had a question before the inevitable. "How did you know I was a legilemens? Its too rare to have been a lucky guess."
Remus reached over to pat Severus' hair. He was startled by how smooth and clean it felt. Not greasy but silky. Remus shock his head and moved the hand to his shoulder, a safer location. "I will answer once you know you can trust me."
"Legilemens," said Snape. He had to maintain eye contact. He was nowhere near good enough to do it without eye contact. He saw Remus standing up for him against Sirius and James many time. He watched the fight from earlier, but only a snippet.
And then he saw Remus sitting in bed mumbling about 'How to save Severus.' It looked absurd except for the extremely rapt and intent look on Remus' face, as though this was his only pressing issue. Gryffindor red and gold hangings were surrounding him and the minimal light suggested it was late at night. He could here snores from outside the drapery and a grunt or two as three roommates slept with ease while the fourth of their group worried. This seemed to be a nightly ritual by how many ideas seemed to flow from his, nearly in tongues with the speed and fluidity that they were shot out at.
"If I'm his friend he will be safe." was the last suggestion before Severus moved onto the next memory. Then he hit Remus' wall and chose not to test the mind he was in. They were closely matched but Remus clearly had some information that Severus didn't have. Severus pulled from his mind and leant back, shocked.
They locked eyes. "How did you know?" Severus said it gruffly, trying to hide the awe at the offered friendship behind the hate and scorn he was raised to know and love.
"I knew because," Remus paused and slid closer to Severus. Severus for his part, was too stunned to do mare than sit. "Voldemort," another pause because Snape had flinched at the use of his name. The sandy blonde threw an arm over Severus' shoulders. He rubbed soft circles upon his upper arm. "You-Know-Who wouldn't want a follower who couldn't."
At this Severus panicked. Remus knew and it would blow his cover. He would be useless as a spy and the Dark Lord would kill him if Dumbledore took his eyes of him for a second. He tried to play it off. "I have know idea what you mean. Do you feel well Lupin?" Remus just used his other hand to brush the silky hair away from the now terrified face.
"Severus, I wont tell. Honest. I want to help you." Severus wanted to leave but knew he couldn't stand with the fear coursing through his young veins. He wasn't mature enough for this spying. He wasn't mature enough for anything. A single tear slid down his cheek.
"Severus," Remus' voice was quieter now, pleading. "Don't worry. I wont tell." When this had no effect on the pale Slytherin before him he figured something else had Snape worried. "You'll be fine. You're smart and he will trust you."
"That's not it, Remus." Severus should have stopped there, because his voice cracked. "I'm lying to the vilest wizard alive. For Dumbledore's little Order. Your pissy little buddies want in so bad and I'm risking my life every fucking day for their cause." Remus had guessed Dumbledore must know what was going on but this seemed a little intense even for him. The wolf just sat and rubbed circles with one hand.
This was fucked up. They both knew it. Though they had never hated each other they hadn't been friends and now, in the span of less than twenty-four hours they had both cried in front of the other. "Severus, I'm glad you told me this. I'll try to do more in the future. But right now you need to eat. Have a sandwich or some crisps at least." Remus handed him another plate laden with food, delicacies the aroma of which caused Remus' mouth to water.
The dark haired boy slide away just a bit, leaving their knees still touching. He ate and ate, relishing in the feeling of hunger, having spent so long repulsed by the thought of eating. The stress that killed the desire for food seemed to have melted from him.
Remus just watched Severus eat until the hungry, hurt human wasn't hungry anymore. Remus felt he had to say something, "You can talk if you want. I know how hard it is to open up and if you need to say anything I'll listen." He looked at Severus and tried to look calm though he didn't feel it.
Severus was angry fast. "You 'know what its like?' How in hell do you know what its like?" Severus' words were coming between angry pants for breath. "Do you know what its like to feel like a monster? Like you shouldn't have been born, much less be who you are. Have you felt that?" The angry pant turned to a more mournful belabored breath pattern. The tears, barely ended, still not dry, began anew with more vigor. Remus moved back next to him. He knew these emotions. He had been through this maniac rant before. He had always been alone. He would ease Severus through he emotions that took him years to straighten.
Just as Remus began to say it was okay Severus put his head on Remus' shoulder and began with a new branch of the same idea. "I know for a fact no one would pick me first for anything. there are a thousand people that would take precedence. There are many people I see everyday that don't even consider my existence. Do you know what its like to know no matter where you go you'll be second best at best?"
These words were spoken softly, just into Remus' ear. It would have seemed romantic if not for the tears that ran down the pale face, staining it with salty marks of the pain inside.
"I know. I know what its like to feel like a monster. I know what its like to feel you would have been better left unborn. Knowing that others would be happy if you had never been." Severus let forth a rough, callus snort of mean-spirited disbelief. Remus would prove to him of the truth and of the trustworthiness he possessed. "I'll trade you a secret for a secret. I know yours. I'll tell you mine. My deepest, most vulnerable point." And so Remus commenced the story of his turn. He told Severus once again of his attack and of the near death and the hatred of his parents.
Remus was cried out. He shed no tears just held Severus and told him the story he had told no one. Repeated a story no one else knew. Severus stopped breathing, just slight tears flowed down his now rosy cheeks and remsu was lost for words to describe the creature before him, revealed as the truly beautiful thing he was in the glorious light of the sun.
At the conclusion of Remus' story he summoned the cooler from the other side of the blanket and pulled out two butterbeers and a carton of chocolate ice-cream. Once Severus had stopped crying he sat up and they indulged in the delicious calming dairy treat and savored the contraband drinks they shared.
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