Mind Reader

Disclaimer – No surprise, I still don't own Bleach. I mean I own some posters and some manga and Gin – wait no….. not the last one

I want to thank the0blind0writer for giving me many awesome ideas, which have given me inspiration. In fact I'm going to give love to all ye folks who gave me reviews, keep 'em coming – they make my day and every time I get one I spontaneously break out into my own personal lucky dance – crap now I have to add Ikkaku to my disclaimer…

Chapter 3

The sun had risen, and with it came a scolding heat – but under cover of the forest canopy Toshiro was perfectly comfortable. His laughing fit had ended eventually (though his mouth still twitched occasionally), and he was now making his way through the shaded undergrowth to the 12th division. Meeting Unohana had provided quite the distraction, but now he was focused solely on his task, and when he finally met with Kurotsuchi his first demand would be for complimentary therapy - it was becoming more and more likely Toshiro would be traumatized after this experience, and it was all that damn clown's fault.

Just then the ground started shaking, gradually at first but fast becoming violent. Was it an earthquake? But Toshiro could see the Senzaikyū and surrounding buildings from where he stood, and they appeared to be completely unaffected. The earthquake couldn't be confined just to this area could it? Jumping to the top of the huge tree next to him, Toshiro peered out across the Seireitei searching for the cause of the shake.

Directly opposite from Toshiro was a wide field, approximately an acre across. And sprinting across that field, arms waving frantically in the air and screaming at the top of his lungs was the substitute soul reaper Ichigo Kurosaki. Kurosaki had been recovering in the 11th Division barracks, and it was common knowledge that Zaraki was desperate for a fight with him – but Kenpachi wasn't the one chasing Ichigo. No, chasing Ichigo was a completely naked Yoruichi, hair flying in the wind whilst she scrunched her face up into a kissy face. But that wasn't what interested Hitsugaya - what he was focusing on was the figure barely visible amongst the bushes at the far side of the field. A crouching Suì-Fēng with binoculars glued to her eyes and a lecherous smile painted on her face.

Grinning to himself, Toshiro flash stepped over to the hedge. He knew he shouldn't approach her – especially with the mind reading ability he possessed at the moment – but he couldn't possibly pass up the opportunity of humiliating Suì-Fēng. Hitsugaya liked to think of himself as a fair person, who would never seek to intentionally embarrass others – but she was just so….. aggravating. She waltzed around all day, nose stuck in the air, bad-mouthing anyone who got in her way – not that her Lieutenant didn't deserve it sometimes. Everyone knew her weakness was Yoruichi, but he didn't know she liked her in THAT way. Armed with excellent ammo, and praying that he could hold off the static long enough to mock her, he stepped in front of Suì-Fēng.

"Why Captain, what an odd place for you to be standing"

It would be a complete understatement to say that Suì-Fēng was surprised; the face she pulled when Toshiro spoke resembled that of a baby whose candy had suddenly been stolen. Her eyes widened and it was clear she was frantically racking her brain for an excuse, whilst determinedly trying to avoid meeting Toshiro's eyes.

"Well, yes I was just….looking for my Lieutenant"

"Hmmm, but isn't Ōmaeda away on a mission to the world of the living?"

Terror flitted across Suì-Fēng's usually composed expression, and she cursed her foolishness – her stupid Lieutenant wasn't even useful when he was away from her. Meanwhile Toshiro had been having too much fun to bother controlling his ability, and the static attacked him with sudden force. Crap.

In Suì-Fēng's head there was a huge black castle made up mostly of one long room devoid of anything aside from a few key pieces of furniture (one of them being a throne), and a group of people. Upon the throne sat Suì-Fēng twirling her mustache (I kid you not, a mustache) deviously and laughing at the others in the room. Kneeling on the floor, arms held up in defeat, were the remaining Captains. There was Kyōraku, and Ukitake, and Kuchiki (who appeared to be wearing a red bikini….) - and there was Toshiro himself. Toshiro supposed he would never get used to seeing himself reversed, as opposed to how he looked in the mirror, and he thought it might take even longer if he kept seeing himself in kitty costumes. This one was different to the other, and strongly resembled Yoruichi, but it still led Toshiro to the same question – why the hell was he always put in the cat costume? It could be worse he supposed, many of the other Captains had it much harder, including a severely bludgeoned Shunsui, a neutered Kenpachi (at this point Toshiro seriously wished for needles to poke his eyes out with – truly that sort of image will stay with you for the rest of your life), and a shaved Komamura (likewise but at least he still had all his parts). Somewhere in the back of his mind Toshiro noted that the Captains suffering the worst treatment where the tallest – was this Suì-Fēng's personal 'Short man complex'? However Toshiro wouldn't stick around to find out; the vomit building in his throat at the sight of Kenpachi (seriously, just imagine it) wouldn't stay down for much longer, and spilling his guts in front of Suì-Fēng would ruin any impression of superiority he had managed to create.

Without even looking in her direction, Toshiro flash stepped back into the depths of the forest, all the while cursing the twisted minds of Mayuri Kurotsuchi and Suì-Fēng.

If you hadn't noticed so far every chapter will try to include a scantily clad Byakuya, what can I say – I'm a romantic. Please Review. Go on…. You know you want to…