A/N: It's ALIVE! Yes it's back but be warned. The following is my first attempt at writing River Tam. Yeah. Everyone who has written a Firefly fic knows that fear. I think I may have overdone the crazy, but it was an interesting experiment nonetheless. There is actually an internal logic to most of what she says (at least to me), but I think it's better if you don't know the context. Of course if you have to know, just ask and I won't hesitate to try and explain my insane troll logic. Let's just say if you think it's a reference to something, it probably is. Also, be warned. Disturbing themes and the slightest hint of spoilers for The Big Damn Movie (you should know what happens already). This one isn't particularly funny.

This goes to KrisEleven. Because she waited a crazystupid amount of time. Good luck in your exams.

THREE

'And this...' said Wash, picking up the figurine with both hands. 'It's a Triceratops.' He passed it to River, who took the dinosaur gingerly. The slender girl was sitting cross-legged on the cock-pit's mesh floor next to the pilot's chair. The cold metal bit into her calves and ankles, imprinting them in pink cross-hatchings. River turned the dinosaur over and ran her thumb down its lumpy belly.

'Triceratops. Chordata Reptilia Ceratopsidae. An herbivorous dinosaur from the Late Cretaceous Period. Found geographically in Mya, later known as North America, back on Earth-that-Was. The word "Triceratops" literally translates into "Three Horned Face" in Greek.'

Wash nodded slowly.

'Well... for short I call him "Mr. Pointy."'

River seemed to ignore him, giving the plastic toy a sniff. Wash looked back to the console. He hadn't minded when Simon asked him to keep an eye on River, but he was certainly surprised. The young doctor had gone with Mal, Jayne, Zoe and Inara into town, hoping to exchange his medical expertise for a few supplies. Wash asked him why Kaylee and the Shepherd hadn't been put on make-sure-River-doesn't-shave-her-eyebrows-off duty.

'Actually...' Simon had admitted, 'I already asked Kaylee. She says she needs to work on the, um... Gyrodynamic... Vibrospatial... thing... She needs to work on something engine-y, that's all I can make out. '

Wash remembered laughing. 'What about Book? I'm sure he'd be happy to.'

'I mentioned it to River, but she didn't seem too keen.' said Simon. 'In fact, she screamed something about "the lurking hair" and hid in one of the hull's crawlspaces for almost an hour. I think she'd be happier for now if you kept an eye on her.'

And she did seem happy enough. She was strange, certainly. No one was denying that. Then again, he was a Hawaiian-shirt wearing spaceship pilot, who was married to a warrior woman, collected children's toys and possessed a secret talent for juggling goslings. Who was he to judge?

The time on the console was 16:38. Zoe should have been back by now. Of course, Serenity's clock was always screwy on the outer planets, and of course they were always late back from their missions. Still...

'We're both killer robots you know.'

Wash swivelled his chair back towards River. She didn't look up at him, still staring into the Triceratops' painted yellow eyes.

'We protect humanity from our other selves, reeking of Benedict eggs.'

Wash nodded. It seemed like the things to do.

'Captain, too.' she said. 'Captain was once upon Humpty-Shiny-Dokey, before the trampling of horses and men. Wings on the blast. Wolf on the fold. The panic. The vomit. The panic. The vomit.'

Wash's eyes flickered towards the console. 16:41. Now he wasn't waiting for Zoe as much as Simon. He had seen before when River had flipped from the kind of girl who would stroke a triceratops to the kind of girl who'd use it as a blunt instrument. But River seemed nonchalant as she continued to stare at the toy.

'Hooves aren't very dexterous,' she added before turning Mr. Pointy over and licking his stomach.

'Hey!'

Wash couldn't control his arm as it snatched back his toy, like a child. River just stared at him. She swiftly looked at the hem of her skirt, abashed.

'Sorry Wash. Social constructs dictate that the tasting of other people's possessions is impolite. I... I apologize.'

Wash felt his neck begin to burn. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid.

'No, no.' he said. 'It's okay. I mean... You don't have to be sorry. I'm the one who should be sorry. You talk about being impolite, when I'm the one going around grabbing things. Don't mind me. I'm just worried about Zoe and the others, that's all. The waiting always has me wound up too tight.' When she didn't look up at him, Wash leaned down, holding out Mr. Pointy to River. 'You want him back?' he asked, waving the toy enticingly back and forth. 'I think he likes you.'

River smiled but shook her head. She touched the creature's left horn with her fingertip.

'Mustn't run with sharp objects, mother says. Someone could lose an eye. Or crack a sternum.' River's face became dark and she slowly rose to her feet, inching towards Wash. The girl looked on the edge of tears. 'Burst the left lung, pierce the superior vena cava and shatter almost half the thoracic vertebrae...'

'River?' Wash began to get to his feet. 'What's the matter? What...' Suddenly the girl's hand pushed him back into his chair. She pinned Wash's legs down with her knee and she began to clutch at his shirt.

'Red hair! Red-shirt! Red guts all over the dashboard! I think we should call it your grave!' River was suddenly hysterical as her hands scrabbled over his chest. Wash tried to push her off him, but she grabbed his shoulder and shoved him down.

'Stay still!' she ordered. 'Don't move. Ránér shuí xiǎngdào lǎorén yǒu guò zhème duō tā de xiěyè?'*

Even as Wash struggled to get the girl off him, he noticed that her hands weren't clawing at his shirt like he had thought. They were pressing down. Firmly. Deliberately. Like someone applying pressure to a wound. What was she seeing?

'River!' he tried to yell over her panic, while holding down his own. How come he couldn't shove this skinny girl off him? She was almost half his size, for goodness sake! 'I'm fine, River! I'm fine! I'm okay.'

'Not fine. Not fine at all, Alpha Male! They stuck in you like so many corkscrews! Wash, baby! Baby, come on! You gotta go! Burial leaves April out stroke sound looking brown! Juicy full of shadows!'

'RIVER!' Wash burst out. He grabbed the girl's bony shoulders and shook. River's head snapped back and then forward again, her eyes finally settling on him. For a moment she just stared. Wash could tell this time her eyes were really seeing his face. River looked down at Wash's chest again and seemed startled. She pulled her hand away and shrank back against the opposite wall, clutching her forearm, holding her hand away from the rest of her body. She didn't say a word, just gasped over and over like a fish on a bank. Wash just stared back, half-risen from his chair. He didn't know whether to go comfort her or to run. She looked terrified but he really, really, really wanted to run. Wash hesitated before speaking.

'River?' he paused 'You okay? River, look at me.'

She didn't look. She just kept on clutching her forearm.

'Got to go take a shower.' she said at last. 'They'll be back in four minutes, thirteen seconds. Gotta be ready. Gotta get clean.'

'River?' Wash stood, but she had already headed out the door.

He heard her call back faintly, 'Can't change damn spots. Can't change damn spots.'

*Who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?