Mind reader

Disclaimer – I don't own Bleach, apart from the bottle under my kitchen sink….see what I did there?

Thank you for all my lovely reviews, although most of them were asking what S&M is - to that I recommend you Google it, I am far too innocent to mention such a thing *receives many disbelieving looks*.

Chapter 5

Byakuya's POV

How am I supposed to get any paperwork done with all this noise going on?

He and his Lieutenant had been completing files and forms together in respectful silence for the past half an hour, ever since he got back from his 'meeting' with Matsumoto (at least Renji had claimed it was a meeting, Byakuya had other suspicions). However Renji's interest had been waning for the last few minutes, even more so than it usually did. When Rukia arrived it was obvious why. Byakuya massaged his temple with his left hand, whilst the other gripped his ink pen (a wonderful gift from the calligraphy society) tightly. How could two people be so loud? Surely it wasn't possible.

"Renji, you may leave"

Renji's face was a mixture of surprise, pleasure and suspicion.

"Are you sure Kuchiki-taicho?"

"Yes, you're not exactly helping"

Renji grinned sheepishly before standing – if he got time off work he was hardly going to argue, and he had only been working for a few minutes…his lucky day.

"C'mon Rukia"

"Are you sure Nii-sama?"

Byakuya simply waved his hand, still clutching his pen. Rukia bowed respectfully (although maybe a little too formally) before running to the door and holding it open for her best friend. Grinning she nodded her head towards him,

"Ladies first"

"Beast before beauty"

"No pain no gain"

"Wait – what pain?"

Boy did Renji regret asking that when she punched him hard in the arm and he crumpled to the floor.

"Hey Rukia! I'm going to get you for that!"

Clambering up he followed after his small, black-haired friend who had vanished, clutching onto his arm and wailing. Byakuya, who was left alone in his office shook his head slowly and stood. The lack of sound felt foreign to his ears, not that he was complaining. After pouring himself some tea he returned to his chair and settled down to finish his paperwork.

For about an hour it was complete quiet, interrupted only by the scribbling of his pen across the stacks of paper. He had gotten down to the last few sheets when something suddenly crashed through his door, sending splinters flying in every direction. Through the clouds of settling dust a small figure could be seen… a figure approximately 4'4" tall.

"Hitsugaya?"

What was he doing here? And why in the name of the Soul Society had he crashed through Byakuya's door? As Toshiro stepped through the – well… what used to be a door, but now resembled a hole – Byakuya had to work to keep the emotionless expression on his face. The 10th division captain looked horrible. His naturally light skin was deathly pale, and his snowy hair stuck up wildly, the fair tendrils capped with rubble.

"Bya – Byakuya….you…you…"

Reaching forward he grabbed the front of Byakuya's shihakusho (no mean feat when you're 4'4") and leant into his ear

"You…you're…you're Zeus…"

And with that he burst into hysterical giggles, high peals of laughter that seemed so ill-fitting with his normal temperament. Well, he must be delusional, Byakuya thought, that's the only explanation. In what way could he be Zeus? It was one of the most ridiculous things he had ever heard, and in ordinary circumstances, would have no trouble saying this to Hitsugaya. However, since Hitsugaya seemed to have completely lost his sanity, Byakuya decided to go easy on him (and would not mention Hitsugaya's use of his first name).

"I really do not know what you are referring to Hitsugaya-taicho, but I can assure you I am in no way Zeus."

There, that ought to do it, nice and gentle, not cruel in the least. Now, he should probably call Unohana over to get her to look at Hitsugaya (not to mention a carpenter to get a look at the door).

"Uno…hana…"

Ah, it seemed as if him and the delusional captain were on the same page, well in that case, he should find-

"Unohana wants you Bya-kun", Toshiro's voice dropped to a whisper, "in her bed!"

Byakuya half expected to hear the manic laughter, but Toshiro's face was as serious and expressionless as his own usually was.

"Hitsugaya-taicho, I strongly suggest you sit down"

"No, no, no, no, you're not listening, she wants you – I've seen it. She thinks you look like Zeus, and she likes you with your top off, and she wants you with a lightning bolt, and she loves you"

"What…? Toshiro, what are you talking about?"

"I read her thoughts! She was talking to me and then everything went blurry, and then you were naked in her head!"

Byakuya was startled (under-statement of the century). What Toshiro (considering he had called Byakuya 'Bya-kun', he was no longer operating under the polite titles) was saying was completely preposterous – Unohana, being in love with him? That couldn't be the truth, she was always so composed and silent…not so unlike himself he supposed. And yes, occasionally he had caught her looking at him, but he had always assumed she was just thinking about things, and her eyes were only settled on him accidently. Although there was that one time… when he had been practicing with his Senbonzakura and had looked up to see her eyes hungrily raking over his body... no. It was completely ridiculous to think such thoughts, it was completely impossible to even think Unohana may like him – and, of course, the whole 'mind reading ' thing was pretty unbelievable too.

"Toshiro, you must be mistaken-"

"NO!" Bam went the chair "I AM RIGHT GOD DAMMIT" and there was the upturned table "MAYURI GAVE ME CRACK AND NOW I READ MINDS"

Mayuri Kurotsuchi- a drug dealer? That was a new one, although not completely surprising. Byakuya doubted it was crack, but if Mayuri really HAD given Toshiro something maybe the 10th Captain was speaking some truth. Summoning a Hell Butterfly, Kuchiki thought hard before recording his message. Hurrying (mostly due to the small boy in the corner of his room rocking back and forth in the fetal position), Byakuya sent it to Unohana, Kurotsuchi and Matsumoto.

Spanning across the Seireitei, from the fourth division healing Centre, to Kurotsuchi's lab, to Matsumoto's favourite pub, a Hell Butterfly sought them out and delivered them a very important message.

"Attention to Kurotsuchi-taicho, Unohana-taicho and Matsumoto-fukutaicho. This is an urgent message from the Taicho of Division Six. Hitsugaya-taicho is suffering from a mental issue, possibly caused by rogue medicine delivered by Kurotsuchi-taicho. This is serious, I believe Hitsugaya is at risk of a complete breakdown, and amongst his symptoms appear to be the ability to… read minds. Please hurry to the Sixth Division's barracks at once, and report to my office. Thank you, Kuchiki Byakuya."

"Well..." Kurotsuchi said to Nemu "This should be interesting"

Damn it, I think my next chapter may be my last – but no fear, I have a new story up (well, only the first chapter) and I would love it if some people checked it out. I'm really sorry for the late upload, but thankfully I have now finished my exams and all I have to look forward to is work experience, so I will probably upload more frequently. As always I would love if you reviewed, but beggars can't be choosers right?