Mind Reader

Disclaimer – I don't own Bleach… if I did do you really think I would be writing fanfiction?

Rangiku Matsumoto was just about to pour that first drop of sweet sake down her throat, after a long hard day of doing nothing, when the hell butterfly arrived. She had been sitting on the tall crooked bar stool, chatting flirtatiously with the bartender, reveling in the fact she had managed to outwit her Captain once again and avoid her paperwork - when the small winged messenger signaled the end of her fun and put her in a bitter mood. Damn… It was probably from her Captain; she should have known better than hiding the stacks of unsigned forms under her futon – maybe she could have put them in her secret sake store? Sighing, she turned slowly on her stool, resigned to her fate of all work and no play. Waving forward the beautiful (yet hugely annoying) swallowtail butterfly, she listened to the message with growing horror.

"Attention to Kurotsuchi-taicho, Unohana-taicho and Matsumoto-fukutaicho. This is an urgent message from the Taicho of Division Six. Hitsugaya-taicho is suffering from a mental issue, possibly caused by rogue medicine delivered by Kurotsuchi-taicho. This is serious, I believe Hitsugaya is at risk of a complete breakdown, and amongst his symptoms appear to be the ability to… read minds. Please hurry to the Sixth Division's barracks at once, and report to my office. Thank you, Kuchiki Byakuya."

Her Captain… able to read minds? But, that was just unfair! She would never get away with anything ever again! Say bye-bye to fun, because a mind reading Toshiro Hitsugaya… the images were too horrible to even imagine. She would sit at a desk all day, signing countless forms whilst her paper-pushing Captain found every bottle of alcohol hidden around the office and saw through every excuse. Groaning internally she pushed herself up from the chipped barstool, slammed her money down on the surface in front of her, and slouched through the door. As she walked down the cobbled streets on the outskirts of the Seireitei, her mind ran through the message again. "Suffering… mental issue… complete breakdown".

Oh no.

She had been so focused on the mind-reading; she had completely ignored the rest of the notice. Rangiku was well aware she complained about her Captain a lot - but she truly cared about him; he was practically family to her. How could she have been so selfish? Breaking into a run, she flash-stepped through the narrow passages, her forehead creased with worry.

On the other side of the Seireitei, Captain Unohana was rushing through the fourth division barracks. When she had first received the message from Byakuya she had been hoping it was an invite for a secret and romantic rendezvous; the reality, although disappointing in comparison, was still urgent and interesting enough to cause her to leave straight away. Besides, who was she to keep Hitsugaya-taicho (and Byakuya-taicho, the traitorous part of her mind whispered) waiting?

Hurrying through the night blackened streets, hands thrust together inside the long sleeves of her haori, she mused on the peculiarity she was faced with. Mind-reading? Surely it was impossible. Then again… when Kurotsuchi-taicho was involved, nothing stayed impossible for long. That man, he simply didn't know how to stop meddling. Messing with a person's mind like that - when would he learn there were limits? Through her righteous indignation, a small section of her (the curious part; the part that had originally pushed her to study healing and medicine) couldn't help but be impressed. Kurotsuchi had truly overstepped the boundaries with this one. She shook any and all thoughts from her mind; meaningless philosophy was getting her nowhere. Bending her willowy neck forward to look at the slanted boards beneath her, she picked up her pace and scurried through the streets – heart pounding with every step that bought her closer to her beloved.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi, Chief of the Shinigami Research and Development Institute, was carefully testing the effects of different acids (the strength and potency ranging from severe upwards) on slices of Shinigami flesh he had been religiously collecting. Not that he believed in religion of course - he scoffed at the idea of some higher entity controlling people's actions. No, the only person controlling his actions was him. As he watched the pale skin burn and sizzle before his eyes, he wondered briefly on the beauty science could create – the subtle flaking as acid eats away at a person, the way gamma radiation can mutate cells so viciously… so wonderfully. Then he was straight onto wondering which would be the best acid to inject Nemu with. He really did have to test it on an active soul; of course it would probably kill her, but he could always just fix the destroyed organs.

"Nemu you idiot, get over here now"

He started searching for the necessary straps to secure her to the cold steel operating table in the middle of the lab. Nemu Kurotsuchi walked hesitantly towards her father, head bowed down respectably.

"Yes, Mayuri-sama"

Mayuri was too busy searching to reply to her, instead he just gestured at the table in front of him with his one long fingernail, the blue nail varnish applied perfectly. Nemu nodded quickly, then lay down on the bare frame, arms dutifully pinned to her sides. Before he had the chance, however, to clip her down, a hell butterfly appeared before him.

"Damn it" He growled, tempted to twist his experiment slightly so he could test the effects of the acid on swallowtail butterflies. Grimacing at the rant the Head Captain was bound to give him, he snapped at the messenger.

"What the hell do you want?"

Byakuya's recorded message filled the lab, the content of which even caused Nemu to sit up without her master's permission. Mind-reading? Mayuri's grin could barely fit on his painted face.

"Well..." Kurotsuchi said to Nemu "This should be interesting"

Byakuya was panicking. Of course you would never know to look at him, and panicking was hardly seemly for a noble. However the shaking Captain in the corner, rocking back and forth in a ball, was slowly starting to get to him. It had been over 10 minutes since he had sent out his message, and 5 minutes since he had given up trying to converse with the shell of a Shinigami in his office. Now he was sat awkwardly in his wooden chair, pen tapping furiously against the table. Where were they? It wasn't as if they were travelling from the Rukongai, it should barely have taken them more than 2 minutes. Suddenly Lieutenant Matsumoto crashed through the hole her Captain had made in his wall not an hour earlier, her breath coming quickly, chest dangerously close to escaping her shihakusho. Byakuya's expression didn't change; he simply glanced at Rangiku, and then wearily pointed to the boy crying in the corner.

Matsumoto, cheeks flushed from her mad dash across the Seireitei, hurried towards her superior. She was amazed; she would never have thought it possible to see her Captain looking so completely vulnerable. Her heart went out to him immediately, and she hurried to close those few steps between them, when suddenly Hitsugaya opened his mouth and started yelling,

"Naked Izuruuuu! NAKED IZURU! Oh God he's so NAKED"

Rangiku immediately whipped her head around, searching frantically for a naked Kira in the office. The only thing she saw, however, was Kuchiki-taicho sitting in his chair - back ridged and eyes wide as he stared at Rangiku. Wait… why would he be looking at her? It's not like she had anything to do with it. Unless… was this? No. It couldn't be. Mind reading? But that was ridiculous! She wasn't even thinking about Kira right now! Much less a nude Kira. I mean, it's not like she would have minded seeing Izuru in a state of undress…

"AHHHH GOD NO PLEASE STOP!"

Rangiku backed away quickly; as soon as she got a couple of feet away from her Captain he stopped shouting and buried his head in his arms, mumbling constantly under his breath. She glanced towards Kuchiki-taicho, and found him still studying her with a cold, callous look. Blush rose in her cheeks as she realized why he was looking at her - how would she ever be able to face him again? Then she remembered – she was Rangiku Matsumoto. How dare he try and intimidate her? She pulled her shoulders back, held her head high and met his gaze directly. It's not like he didn't have any secrets – who knows what went on in that polished, noble brain of his. He didn't look away from her stony eyes, meeting them with an apathetic and indifferent stare. It was entirely possible that they would have remained like that for all eternity, locked in a staring contest neither one of them would win. They were both relieved when Unohana walked into the office and they could finally look away – although Byakuya's immediate sense of relief was marred somewhat by the thought that the healing Captain was after him romantically. He subconsciously moved his chair away from her, until he was pinned against the far wall.

Unohana, on the other hand, was more than happy to see the object of her longing. However, she, just like him, had practice in hiding her thoughts; all she offered him was a casual nod of recognition. Unfortunately she happened to be in the same room as a thought reading Toshiro Hitsugaya, whose power was growing rapidly.

"Unohana loves Byakuya! She saw him naked once when she was looking through his window and he was in the shower and she took a picture and has it in her room under her bed with all the other pictures she took…"

At this point his words had all run together to create meaningless mumbles, but the damage was done. Unohana simply couldn't bring herself to look in Byakuya's direction; instead she just stared at the floor, wishing that it would hurry up and swallow her quickly. She would take torture, agony, years listening to the Head Captain's speeches, anything other than this. An awful silence filled the room, and whilst Unohana glared at her feet, Byakuya was staring at her in dread. A feel of complete horror filled his entire body. Unohana stalked him. Literally stalked him. And she had seen him naked. His flawless, noble flesh had been seen by eyes he had not permitted to see it. Not only that, but she had pictures. Pictures. That she looked at. Regularly. He felt so used, so violated. The awkward silence in the room threatened to overwhelm them; all of a sudden they both felt claustrophic, even with the gaping hole in the wall. Rangiku, on the other hand, was having the time of her life. She was alternating between staring at Unohana with an open mouth, and staring at Byakuya with an open mouth. She couldn't believe it. Unohana loved Byakuya. That's the first thing Toshiro had said. But even better that that – she had naked pictures of Byakuya.

Rangiku was in shock. Unohana seemed so introverted, so sexless. Turned out she was a completely and utterly, for lack of a better word, horny. On one hand, Rangiku knew it was weird… on the other hand; she could kind of see the appeal. Byakuya was hot. There was no denying that he was physically appealing. And she had pictures. Maybe she would be willing to sell the pictures? Or at least show them to Rangiku…

"She won't give you the pictures Rangiku, she keeps them-"

That was as far as Toshiro got before his Lieutenant jumped on him and smothered his face in her cleavage. His limbs started flailing wildly as Rangiku held his head between her breasts, until his body went limp and she allowed his head to loll backwards until it rested against the wall. After checking he still had a pulse, Rangiku stood up and smoothed back her hair, smiling nonchalantly at the two Captains in the room. Byakuya was suddenly very aware he was trapped in a confined space with two women who wanted to see him naked – and he wanted OUT. He started trying to back his chair THROUGH the wall, but before he could create a substantial hole, Kurotsuchi waltzed through the door. He actually used the door. This fact alone was enough to cause everyone to stop and stare.

"Now this is interesting. Nemu, bring me the drill"

Nemu handed her master the drill, and, grinning like a lunatic, he approached Toshiro, hand raised menacingly in the air.

Wow, I was really not planning for this chapter to be so long, but when I started writing it, it became pretty difficult to stop. I'll update preeety soon, because I'm epic. It's true. You KNOW it. And don't feel ashamed that you have naked pictures of your crush in the shower. It happens to the best of us. I have a new story up that I've just started, and I'm wondering if I should continue it? It would be great if you could check it out and tell me what you think. And of course, any reviews for this story would be amazing, opinions would be greatly appreciated, and you know I love all that comment.