CHAPTER FOUR
Charlie bent over and readjusted his indigo snake-skin hotpants, his buttery thighs chafing together uncomfortably. He looked particularly fetching that day, pairing his white, tube top with the nipples cut out along with a duo of red and gold nipple tassels. As he shook his broad chest, the tassels shimmered and danced, trembling from the buds that were suctioned against his savory breasts.
"Hey Charlie," said a blob at the peripheral of his vision.
"Oh, hey," said Charlie. It was his daughter, the ultimate failure and greatest regret of Charlie's life. Bella was evidence of the heterosexual transgressions of his childhood.
"HERP DERP," Bella repeated her catchphrase and fell down a flight of stairs. Charlie caught sight of his daughter, crumpled at the bottom of the stairs. Because of her osteoporosis, her joints had completely disintegrated upon contact with the steps.
Charlie peeled Bella from the floor and poured her into a wheelbarrow which he then attached to a wicker basket full of implausibly heavy apples.
"Hello, my sweet toasty pelican," Charlie heard a voice say and turned around to find a man riding a tiny manatee.
"What?" said Charlie.
The man began WOLFIN' OUT, still riding the tiny manatee, which was crushed between his powerful muscled thighs of terror.
"What do you want?" asked Charlie, filled with both horror and arousal.
Jacob peeled the tiny manatee from his hairless appendage, not bothering to make eye contact with the aging prostitute.
"Where's Bella. I have a…proposal for her," he said, his voice suddenly eerily similar to Jafar from Aladdin. He then proceeded to stroke Charlie's eyebrows until he passed out from the pure ecstasy of enduring the caress of such a throbbing hairless deity who had somehow managed to harness the prowess of a Queen Wolf.
With Charlie out of the way, Jacob was free to speak openly about his 'proposal' to Bella. After he found her fat, caterpillar like body tucked snugly into the wheelbarrow, he briefed her on the happenings at the Rayvin man cave. Thoughts were exchanged, plans were made, and dance parties were held. (Well, Jacob danced. Bella was stretched into a huge sheet of living human flesh and used to shield against government detection.)
In the end, when all human error had been hammered out and the festivity winded down, after Jacob ordered for a fleet of tiny manatees dressed in Mardi Gras attire and baby bonnets, the two partners in crime decided to call it a day. They shook hands and said their goodbyes, after which Jacob stepped onto his fleet of Tiny Manatees and they swam him through the air back to his palace made of Jonas Brothers memorabilia.