Toki wo Koete no Kizuna
Chapter 5- Hana Kotoba
It happened on my third day after I went into the third year. Every morning replayed itself, like an artistic, deep and somewhat unexplained painful cycle of destiny. I never told anyone, not even my cheerful first year roommate, Tsukamoto Tsuru.
They came without a return address, manifesting from the darkness without manipulation. These flowers emerged without a trace and all gradually ended up in my flower album where I dried them and kept them in secret. I steadily adopted a habit every morning to check our room's mail before Tsuru-chan wakes up. I would sneak out of the room from within the shadows, so quiet as to not wake the sleeping crane, leave the dorms and go to the postal box next to the outside of the Honnouji gates. I would unlock our room number's with shaky hands, and peek into the box with a thumping heart, excited to see today's flowers.
Many of the flowers didn't grow naturally in our region. Lots of the flowers were not indigenous to Japan, but from around the world. The colours looked vibrant and shining in my dark album, and they lit up my day before another hectic school day started. I loved flowers, so much that when I was a little kid, still in my father's abusive family, I would ease my time by reading about the flowers around the world and admire their beauty and grace. I began to acknowledge the shining flowers, as if smiling brightly, as my closest and most cherished friends. Although it's a tad bit sad, I secretly thanked the person who brought me flowers every morning in my heart, grateful for the reminiscent of my past.
It started with a lightly coloured, pink sakura, early in the spring. The flower was placed peacefully, facing up, on top of the mail that had been collected from the past day. Shakily, I swept the flower into my hands and slowly retracted my hands with a gentle flush. A familiar scent, a familiar pain reemerged from my insides, burning painfully. As I stared at the pink blossom, I felt tears slowly roll down my eyes. I wiped my eyes and my face lit up into a bright smile as I looked at the peaceful flower, not knowing where the gift came from or from whom. I was grateful to the gift and felt a nostalgic pain from receiving that petite flower.
What came the next day was a yellow chrysanthemum, probably picked from the bush next to the dorms. The yellow was vibrant and bright, shining with its bright message. I secretly swept the flower from the box and rushed back into the dorms, placing it next to the sakura in my drawer with a slighted smile.
The day after was an unfamiliar flower, a light purple, drooping flower. Filled with excitement, I placed the flower next to the other two and ran to school, early enough to sneak into the library. With a flushed face, I quickly tapped on the keyboard with masterful skills. I could feel my heart glide as my fingers ran past the keyboard in swift speed, feeling a warm kindness I never had in this life. In quick seconds, I found out the flower was the Bellflower, indigenous to the northern hemisphere.
By the fourth day, I had decided to buy a flower album, to keep the dried flowers in. Under each flower, I marked the day I received them and the thankful words I would say to the person who gave them to me. Although it was pathetic, I tried to communicate to the other in the best way I could, even if it doesn't reach him—through writing. I don't speak well in crowds, and worse when confronted. I begin to apologize for everything I had done, hoping that the other person would accept my feelings and leave me be; a habit I developed from the confrontations I had with my drunk father nightly as a child.
The flowers gradually piled up. A pale sakura, a shining yellow chrysanthemum, a light purple bellflower, a white iris drooping in sorrow, a bundle of little blue flowers- rosemary and a beautiful and lively violet rose. Today marks the one week period of the days these flowers began to emerge out of thin air, manifested from what I had presumed was my loneliness. These flowers would look spectacular in a bouquet, if only they did not wilt so quickly before the next flower was delivered.
The flowers, every morning, gave me hope. I would run down, grab the new flower, run back into my room and place it in the album before writing down the date and my own grateful feelings. I would spend the time to flip through the album, admiring each flower and smiling to myself at the collection that it had become. When it was time to leave, I would stash my precious secret album away and wake up Tsuru-chan before getting ready to leave for school. The flowers gave me strength and gave me the will to continue each harsh day.
School wasn't particularly hard. I was ranked pretty high in my class, despite my quiet and shy personality. However, people kept away from me, whispering behind my back at my creepy and dark demeanor, giving off a gloomy atmosphere that encircled me.
"Hey, let's go for karaoke!"
"Yeah! I haven't been there for ages!"
"Hey, umm… should we invite Enma-san along?"
"SHH! Don't say that so loudly!" The class bell had ringed some time ago already. I was getting ready to leave for my club, packing up my books slowly. The girls that sat a few seats to my right created a circle as they began gossiping and laughing loudly. I glanced over slightly after hearing my name, frowning sadly. How much I would give to be able to be like them, to be able to laugh loudly in a group of friends who could share pain and happiness in equal terms.
Seeing me look over, the girls quickly gathered their things and left. I could hear their loud whispers above their bustling footsteps. "That Enma Ichi is so creepy and gloomy! Don't get us dragged into her depressed black hole!"
With a depressed sigh, I stood up and slowly made my way to the student council room, readying myself for another hard day.
"The student council will be questioning the following clubs for their expenditure for the following year…" The boy with raven black hair and matching eyes tapped his hand on the white board at the front of the student council meeting room. He stood, tall and confident, and ruled the council with a glorified yet strict fist. He called us the men of justice and had ruled over the school as the student council president for two years in a row. He protected the peace in the school and kept the students in check, giving Basara Academy the most peaceful two years the school has ever experienced. He was called Akai Nagamasa.
I have always admired the man. Unknowingly, I began following him on patrols and stood beside him as he made his preaches to the school. I had no status in the club, but merely another participant that chose to follow the strong headed leader. Before I knew it, I began to make an effort and seeing that, Nagamasa-san, whom had commanded I call him that, acknowledged me. He was the first person to acknowledge my existence as something other than a cloud of gloom. The second was my roommate who moved in on my third year.
Nagamasa-san had given me the role as his secretary and right hand lady. I helped him with gathering notes before club and writing up speeches. He had once praised me for my writing skills, saying that I was worthy to be his typist. That was the first praise I had ever gotten, and my insides flared up with joy, joy that I had never experienced before.
"-chi… Ichi!" Snapping out of my thoughts, I quickly glanced up at Nagamasa-san, who frowned at me, unpleased.
I shook, afraid that I had angered the commander. "I'm sorry." I quickly spouted, repeating the words quietly, but fervently.
Shaking his head, Nagamasa-san slammed his hand into the board, his face bearing the evident anger. "You, as the second in command of the student council, should know better than anyone not to space out during meetings!" He began to lecture me, evidently agitated by my misconduct.
Feeling like I was shrinking into myself, I apologized further, bowing into the desk. The other members remained quiet, knowing that standing up against Nagamasa-san was useless, or that I was not worthy of their pity. "It's my fault, I'm sorry, Nagamasa-san." My voice came out hoarse and quiet. I was afraid, even more afraid than when my father had thrown expensive china at me. I didn't want Nagamasa-san, the only person who ever acknowledged me, to hate me too. I wanted nothing more than to hear praise from Nagamasa-san, to be talked to, kindly, by the man. It was all I could ever ask.
Hearing that, Nagamasa-san stopped. He cleared his throat and continued his lecture. I sat there, head hung low, for the rest of the meeting.
I didn't sleep well. Regret and fear embodied me as I was haunted by the dark shadows. I felt so afraid, afraid to be abandoned by Nagamasa-san as well. My father's words rang loudly in my mind, telling me I'm useless and no one would love me. I knew full well, I wasn't the most beautiful girl in the world or the most charismatic. I never had any friends and never had anyone that I could trust in or can trust me. I never had a boyfriend, never had a chance to fall in love, and I never had anyone praise me.
Until now. Nagamasa-san had spoken kindly to me once, and like a drunken fool, I was captivated by his strong and tough demeanor yet soft and kind thoughts. He ruled the school like an iron ruler, yet his actions merely reflected what he had presumed be best for the school. He was kind, but his kindness was often overlooked, as the students tend to bad mouth Nagamasa-san for his strict means.
The happiest moment of my life was when I was chosen by Nagamasa-san to be his second in command. He trusted me enough to help him and I replied his trust with my eternal loyalty. I swore to myself that I will aid him in his wishes and will give him anything he so wished, if it was within my power to do so. Before I knew it, Nagamasa-san also appeared constantly in my dreams. He appeared before me, clad in armor and in hand is a flower. I would wake with a light blush and a sad smile, telling myself that dreams of knights and princesses were those that did not fit my age.
Perhaps it was due to the dreams, but I began to imagine, how great it would be if my mysterious flower peddler was Nagamasa-san. Although he has no reason to do so, my dreams became more real and I began to will and wish that the peddler was indeed the same man who spoke the kind words to me for the first time. Although it is cruel to the real flower lover, although I feel regret every moment I dream of Nagamasa-san as my flower knight, I could not help myself. I was already so captivated by the man.
"Hey, Ichi-senpai!" Tsuru-chan came knocking in my private door. Quickly snapping out of my thoughts, I buried the flower album in my hands into the depth of my drawer. Turning my chair around, the words flowed out of my mouth quietly.
"Come in."
Tsuru-chan came hopping into my room, the usual happy smile spread across her lips. Her bobbed hair bounce as she hopped, reminding me of how cute she really is. I admit I was jealous of Tsuru-chan. She's so cute, so energetic, and she was very popular in the school. Boys flocked to ask her out and girls gathered around her energetic charisma. I was the polar opposite. But, I hold no ill thoughts against the girl. She, too, was the one of the first people to acknowledge me, after all. And for that, I am more than thankful.
"Hey, Ichi-senpai! I bought some new tarot cards, so want me to read your fortune?" Tsuru-chan held up the cards, a beautiful white crane was shown, dancing in the back of the cards. "Please~? You'll be the first!"
With a kind smile, I nodded. "Sure." I replied before sitting down with her on the floor.
Filled with excitement, the girl quickly shuffled the cards and placed them in a circular pattern. I watched, curious, as she flipped each card up and explained my past, present and future. My eyes widened when she got my past right on, and then softened as she continued to explain my present with excitement.
"Ooh~ Ichi-senpai seems to be having some problems with love~?" Tsuru-chan teased, waving the Lovers card in her hands. I blushed, unable to keep myself contained. Seeing my reaction, Tsuru-chan snickered. "It seems you are very confused with your present situation. You seem to be standing in front of a road split in two." She continued on, metaphorically accurate in every aspect. "How much you wish for the roads to diverge, yet as far as the eye can tell, they are still split."
Tsuru-chan's predictions have always been very accurate. Girls in the school spread rumors of the clairvoyant priestess, the crane of fortunes, Tsukamoto Tsuru. Her popularity skyrocketed as girls and boys alike asked her for fortunes. The first year quickly became one of the school's most beloved idols, next to the stern and mature Ichihara Magoichi, the beautiful and athletic Kudou Kasuga and the motherly and kind Yomikawa Matsu. Even the head teacher, Oda Nou, is admired by a lot of the male students for her beauty and strictness. The school is flooded with beauties and I am far from any match against any of them. With that thought in mind, I had never thought I was any match for the popular Nagamasa-san anyways.
"What's this?" I glanced down at the cards as a mischievous smile spread across Tsuru-chan's lips. She picked up the Fortune card and examined it in respect to all the other cards she had flipped. The last card, Fortune, was supposed to tell me my future. With a quick nod, she looked up at me, eyes shining. "There's hope, Ichi-senpai!"
Not knowing what she meant, I merely cocked my head to the side, confused. Tsuru-chan jumped up onto her feet and waved her arms, excited. "The roads that appear as two may diverge if the actions to wish it happens. The wheel of fortune will turn to your wishes if you so wishes, but only if the future is treaded with care!"
She spoke in riddles, her words came out in confusing strides. With my head still cocked, I tried to make sense of her words. Does she mean that Nagamasa-san and the flower man will meet? Confused, I shook my head, feeling a throbbing pain starting to rise.
"Ichi-senpai, don't give up! Chase him with all your heart!" She exclaimed, sitting back down and clasping my hands in hers. She squeezed my hands tightly, eyes gleaming. "I'm sure everything will work out right! The crane of fortune has spoken!"
I replied with a nervous nod, not knowing what to say to the energetic girl. Chase him with all my heart? When the school is so full of beauties that outs my own? I silently shook my head, confused. I looked back up at her still starry eyes and smiled to myself. Tsuru-chan had never been wrong, but chasing after Nagamasa-san would be suicide. His respectable, charming and strong demeanor doesn't fit me at all. He would like girls as energetic and strong as Tsuru-chan, I was sure of it. Nonetheless, I thanked the girl as she left, still jumping in happiness. I was grateful for her excitement for me, but alas, I cannot chase after a man that can never see me in his eyes for something like that.
I glided my fingers over the book of flowers I had taken out and placed on my desk, smiling sadly to myself, wondering if the person who had been giving me flowers daily had mistaken our postal box for someone else's, or worse… I looked at my closed door, feeling horribly sad. Or worse, it could have been meant for Tsuru instead.
The girl had given me her happiness without a word said, jumping and hopping in excitement and my fortune. She had supported me in so many ways that she would not even know. And now, I had taken even this from her. I sadly opened the book of flowers, looking at the beautiful colours on each page. I felt a strong sense of pain and regret well up from inside of me as tears formed in my eyes, warping my vision into merely blobs of colour. Wiping my eyes quickly, I decided for myself that I would repay Tsuru-chan for her kindness. I am not fit to be anyone's girlfriend, much less wife. At the very least, I wish to be a good friend.
With that determination, I grabbed a piece of paper and began writing, allowing all my feelings to flow out in words, the best way I could communicate.
When I finished, I took the letter, the book, and the new flower I was given today, a beautiful yellow Rue flower, and ran down to our postal box. I unlocked it, like I had every morning, and placed the three items into the box, allowing it to sit together, beautiful to the eye yet sad to the heart. Bowing slightly, wishing that even that action could be sent along with my grateful and regretful letter, I once again felt the tears well up. After a mere second, I raise my head and close the door, thanking the flower peddler for his actions in my heart. This will be the last time I have received a flower and the last time dream I will have. Thank you for allowing me this dream for the past week.
The next day, I woke with a tear-stained face. My dream had seemed so beautiful but my heart wrenched in sadness. It was the same setting as the many dreams before that. Nagamasa-san stood before me, wearing armor of the Sengoku period, his hand outstretched with a flower. This time, I could see the Gardenia clearly, and I could feel myself smile as my face blushed violently. I reached out and touched the pale flower, continuing to smile at the embarrassed man, his own face heated up in red.
Nagamasa-sama.
I shook my head, not knowing why that dream wrenched at my heart so. I want nothing more than to see that Gardenia again, even if I cannot be the one receiving Nagamasa-san's kindness.
Although my head screamed for me to not, my heart pounded with a depressing excitement as I ran down the stairs. What if, what if another flower was planted along with my book and letter, untouched? Meaning that the flowers were meant for me? What if, another letter was written for me, and I could finally make contact with the mysterious flower man? What if… What if I could continue dreaming, of the man and Nagamasa-san, and the flowers they brought every day and night?
I tore open the door, my breath lost and my body drenched in excitable sweat. When the beautifully white flower, like an empty canvas, sat before me with my book and letter gone, I lost myself in confused thoughts. What should I take this to mean? I quickly shuffled through the letters, none of them addressed to me. Nothing. Only the flower remained, the beautiful Gardenia, one of my favorites. Shaking my head, I shakily reached out and took the flower by its vibrant green stem. Placing it near my heart, I shook, tears streamed down my eyes as the image of Nagamasa-san, clad in his brilliant armor, stood before me, face blushed slightly and in his outstretched hand, is a Gardenia.
I regretted my actions but I could not stop myself. I took the Gardenia and glided past Tsuru-chan's peaceful room and into my own. Finding a small cup from the kitchen and poured water into it, I placed the Gardenia in the small, black cup in my room, by the window. I touched the petals lightly, gliding my fingers over the smooth, white petals, clear and beautiful. It represented everything I wanted to be and everything I am not. If I was a colour, I would be as dark as the black cup, absorbing all light. I want to be as white as the Gardenia, reflecting the light and shining brilliantly. Tsuru-chan had that colour in her soul.
I'm so sorry, Tsuru-chan… I repeated the words in my head, apologizing again and again for failing her as a friend. If these flowers really were meant for her, I had stolen something that was hers. I desperately grasped at the thoughts and possibilities, holding on as hard as I could, selfishly wishing and willing that my dreams may come true.
If only I could be the princess in my dreams and Nagamasa-san, my knight.
The lunch bell rang loudly, snapping me back to reality. History class ended uneventful. Hakuji Ujimasa-sensei left the class, walking slowly with his bad back. I got up, grabbing my small lunch I had packed this morning and gliding out of the room, trying my best to ignore the harsh whispers behind my back as I passed by the rows. With closed eyes, I left the room and glided down the floors and out the back doors, into my secret little sanctuary.
I found this sanctuary a year ago, and it had kept me safe every lunch break. The field of flowers and small, stone fountain kept me at peace. It was unnaturally warm, but the warmth had even penetrated to my soul. The horticulture room, or rather, the greenhouse of the school, is a large dome that was hidden behind the school, some ways away from the clock tower. The building held an ancient European feel, the inside decorated with statues and fountains that were beautified by the various flowers. It was like a secret garden, my own little secret garden.
"You're here again, Enma-san?" Katsuya Kojuro, a third year, took care of the plants in the green house. I had spoken to him, but only very little. I had learned that he was in the horticulture club, but his main target is on the garden behind the greenhouse that grew vegetables and fruits. He occasionally would come into the greenhouse to water the flowers.
With a nod, I bowed to the man. He smiled at me and bowed back, with great respect. "I shall take my leave, then."
"You don't have to." I shook my head, my voice urgent. The last thing I would want is to give another person more trouble.
"It's alright. You came to enjoy the flowers, and I'm sure they love to have your beautiful presence as well." He bowed and smiled at me, a mysterious knowing look placed across his face. I blushed lightly, hearing his words. I was far from beautiful. I only like to be around things that I would like to become. I want to be beautiful, to be colourful, just like the flowers. So I desperately, and pathetically, gripped onto this fleeting dream.
Katsuya Kojuro walked past me as I was lost in my thought and closed the door to the greenhouse as he left, a pleased smile on his face.
Silently thanking him, I walked over to the fountain and sat down. I opened my small bento and began to eat quietly, admiring the Jonquil that had began to take over the areas beside the fountain. The white and yellow flowers gave life to the quiet greenhouse, only the sounds of pouring water could be heard. Like a quiet stream with no soul in sight, the sounds of flowing water and scent of sweet flowers brings me back to a past I feel too familiar.
A small, delicate blue flower caught my eye. It grew on the side of the fountain, flowing gently as the water around it pushed its delicate stem. It looked kind of like a weed, but its small blue flowers and tiny yellow center looked captivating. I didn't know the name of the flower, but its tiny existence brought a smile to my face. I reached out and touched the small flower, delicate and fragile, like me.
"Grow strong, little flower." I mumbled, unaware that someone was within my vicinity.
"Ichi?" I quickly glanced up, not noticing the shadow that had approached me so suddenly.
Nagamasa-san stood before me, his face reflected the shocked expression that had taken over my own features. "Nagamasa-san…" I whispered. My eyes slowly traced down to his right hand, holding a familiar book. "That book…"
Nagamasa-san abruptly jumped, hiding the book behind his back. He took a few steps back, his face flushed with embarrassment. I cocked my head, confused. I retracted my hand from the small, blue flower and placed my lunch onto the fountain before I stood up. "Nagamasa-san, how did you get that book?" I felt my own face flush a little as my heart began to pound fast. My voice came out quiet as my mind raced to find an appropriate reason.
Nagamasa-san growled back at me, his eyes darted back and forth, from me to the ground and back. He stumbled about in his words, stuttering as he tried to come up with a reply. My heart raced at his reaction and I could feel my eyes well up in tears, unaware of how to deal with this situation. My hand slowly reached up , covering my mouth lightly. A single tear formed and fell from my right eye and my eyes widened in shock as the only conclusion emerged from my mind.
Nagamasa-san is here because he is the flower man who had been delivering the flowers daily to Tsuru-chan; The happy, energetic and lively girl, whom is perfect for the strong headed and powerful Nagamasa-san, Tsukamoto Tsuru.
Seeing the tear and my shocked expression, Nagamasa-san abruptly shoved his hands out, palms facing me. "S-Stop! Don't cry!" He cried, clearly showing my flower album in his hands.
"It's all my fault, I'm so sorry, Nagamasa-san!" my exasperated voice came out with much effort as I fell to my knees, the tears flowed freely down my eyes. I have betrayed them both, and Nagamasa-san had found out what I had been doing to the flowers that he had painstakingly chosen for Tsuru-chan every morning.
"No, Ichi, you got it all wrong!" He tried to comfort me. I continued to apologize, not hearing a single word he spoke. I shook my head and the words that escaped my lips became louder and my tears flowed faster.
I felt a small shake of my shoulders, yet I continued to apologize, not wanting to hear what Nagamasa-san might have to say to me. I was afraid, so direly afraid, that the worst case would occur. I would lose my only friend, Tsuru-chan, and the man who I swore my loyalty to, the man whom I wished I could spend an eternity with.
"Listen to me, Ichi!" I could hear the anger rising in his voice, but that only heightened my fears further. I continued to apologize, shaking my head fervently.
"Nagamasa-san! I'm so –" I stopped, feeling warm arms circle me. His body was warm, and his grip was tight, worthy of the powerful man that controlled the student body. His body shook lightly as I felt my own shake as well. My eyes widened and my heart raced quickly, almost about to pounce from my chest.
We stayed like that for a few minutes until I calmed down and his grip loosened a little. I could hear the splashing of water as the fountain beside us continued to flow endlessly. "Nagamasa-san…?" My soft voice returned as I choked out the words.
Nagamasa-san slowly loosened all his grip until he parted from me, sitting on the ground in front of me with his face hidden away. I could see evident pink on his cheeks and his mouth twisted into an uncomfortable and awkward frown.
"Ichi, take this." He handed me the book and the letter I had given him. With shaking hands, I took the items back. What I had thought was the letter I had given him was actually a new letter, written by Nagamasa-san's messy handwriting. I slowly unfolded the letter with shaky hands and began reading.
Dear Ichi,
I have read your letter and I believe there has been a grave mistake. The flowers were indeed for you. I had placed a cherry blossom in your box because I thought the Sakura flowers were beautiful that day. Although by heart, it was for you, it wasn't meant to be anything too special. But when I was leaving the dorms, I saw your cheerful and beautiful smile when you received the gift, and I felt attracted to the smile. Since then I thought I would leave flowers I find in your mail. It ended up into a sort of ritual I do every morning. Although I cannot see your beautiful smile every day, I hope that I was able to bring that glowing smile to your face, at least in this lifetime.
Sincerely,
The mysterious Flower Man
"Nagamasa-san…?" I looked up at him, my face flushed redder than before. I felt my tears dry up as a new hope emerged in my heart.
With a bashful face, he looked away, his cheeks bright red. "I also wrote some things in your plant album, but that you can read when you get back." He stood up and turned away, his back facing me. I looked down at the flower album and smiled, that same bright smile I had the first day I started receiving flowers. I held the book close to my chest.
"I have to go get student council stuff ready. See you later in the meeting, Ichi." He stated harshly before he ran towards the exit, head hung low.
I watched him, smile brighter than ever. "Yes, Nagamasa-san."
When I got home, I happily glided into my room and turned on the desk lamp. Sitting down, I opened the book and read through each new comment made from Nagamasa-san.
Sakura- Xday Xmonth Xyear. What a beautiful Sakura flower. I would not have imagined that I would be given such a splendid gift. Thank you very much. This has been the first and most beautiful gift I had ever received.
Cherry Blossoms. In Japanese flower language, they mean the transience of life. The fleeting life of the cherry blossoms gives them a short but powerful beauty.
Chrysanthemum- Xday XmonthXyear. Such a beautiful and lively colour. I heard that Yellow gives people a happy feeling. Thank you, I would never expect such a thoughtful gift from anyone. It truly made me happy.
Yellow chrysanthemums mean slighted love. The yellow brings joy to people's lives and they looked beautiful that day next to the dormitory gates. I thought I should have shared the beauty with you.
Bellflower- Xday Xmonth Xyear. I did not know the name or origin of this flower, so I had to search it up on the internet. It's a beautiful and fragile flower, I really do love it. It reminds me of myself in simplicity.
If you give a bellflower to someone, it tells them that you are thinking of them. The bellflowers are growing very strong this year in the greenhouse. It fits you beautifully.
Iris- Xday Xmonth X year. Such a beautiful flower. I have heard of this flower being used in love stories a lot. It's remarkably beautiful and peaceful to look at. Thank you, it helped me pass a long and tiring day.
Iris means to have faith and to have hope. I hope you the best and I have faith in your daily hard work. Thank you.
Rosemary- Xday Xmonth Xyear. What a surprise to find a bundle of rosemary. This had been different from the other flowers I have received but it held the same gentleness I feel each day I open my mail box. Thank you, this rosemary brought a surprised smile on my face today.
Rosemary means remembrance. I wonder if you remember.
Rose- Xday Xmonth Xyear. What a rare coloured rose. It's different from the common red and white roses you see everywhere. I like this colour, it's deep and beautiful. This must have been hard to find, it's a treasure I will for sure keep, like all the other flowers you have given me. Thank you.
Roses mean many different meanings. A lavender rose means love at first sight. Although that is not truly what I tried to portray, it is quite similar. I had been searching for you all my life, and am glad I can finally give you this flower.
The Rue flower I was given, and not added to my album was added for me. Nagamasa-san also wrote the date for me as well and left a large blank for me to write my own feelings. With a gentle smile, I traced my hands over the rue, feeling foolish for everything I had done and the trouble I had caused Nagamasa-san.
Rue- Xday Xmonth Xyear.
I'm sorry, Ichi. I had lost my temper with you. This rue represents regret, and I have so much regret and so many 'sorry's I wish to say to you. One day I will be able to say it in front of you and tell you how I'm sorry for my mistakes.
Again, I felt the tears well up. I closed the book and wiped the newly formed droplets from my eyes and held the book close at heart. With a determined smile, I took the Gardenia that sat in the black cup in front of me and began readying it to be added to my book's collection. Gardenia… I wonder what this little flower means as well.
I was able to receive all the feelings Nagamasa-san had wanted to give me. All his feelings, jotted down by the language of flowers, reached me safely, and my feelings, written in words, reached him safely. I thanked my fortune, and thanked Tsuru-chan, for how my luck had changed and how my wishes actually came true. This happiness I felt in my heart was slightly familiar, a common feeling I had felt long ago which I cannot date. Nagamasa-san, thank you.
The next day I returned to the fountain at lunch time, standing, for the first time, with my back straight and a smile placed across my lips. A calming feeling encircled me, a feeling that I had longed for. Peacefulness felt so beautiful, so strong.
Nagamasa-san walked up in front of me, his face showing his usual frown. Upon seeing my glowing smile, a smile I had not expressed before openly, his eyes widened and his mouth opened ever so slightly. He froze where he stood, a hand hidden behind in his back. His face lit up in bright red and mine lit up in pink.
He cleared his throat, retrieving his usual composure. With his eyes casted to the ground and face lit up in bright red, he took his right hand, once hidden in his back, and held it out in front of me. The small blue flower I had been watching the day before stood lively in his hands.
"This is a Forget-Me-Not." He claimed, his eyes darting up to see my surprised face. My eyes softened and lips curved into the smile he so loved and reached out and touched the flower; The same way the Ichi in my dreams reached out to touch the flower given by the Nagamasa in my dreams.
"This is beautiful." I replied, softly. I took the flower in my hands and looked at it, tracing my long fingers along the soft petals. I looked up at him and broke out into a bright smile, larger than I had ever known I was capable of. "Thank you, Nagamasa-san."
"This is my proclamation to you." Nagamasa-san replied, smiling at me. His soft, kind smile warmed my once frozen and dark soul. "No matter how many more lives and how many more centuries keep us apart, please don't forget about me, Ichi." He managed to utter, his face soft and pink.
Nagamasa-sama, thank you. It's beautiful.
Ichi, it matters not how many battles I will fight, but wait for my return. I will always be by your side.
Nagamasa-sama…
"Nagamasa-san…" I felt tears well up once again. The tears of happiness flowed gently down my cheeks, my joy that I had longed for erupted into uncontrollable tears. The peace I had longed for, the love I had longed for, the company of Nagamasa-san I had longed for in a world not ravaged by war, I wouldn't believe that after so many years, I could finally attain it all.
I rushed up and ran into Nagamasa-san's arms. I felt his embrace, warm and loving. If only I had this embrace I could have been saved from the depths of hell, the very darkness that I was thrown into after losing my beloved. I looked up into his eyes and he, down to mine. Our silent promise that transcended through time was then sealed with a single kiss.
Chapter 5- Hana Kotoba End
Azure: This had been my shortest chapter, even shorter than MourixChousokabe. This story is dedicated to Oichi and Nagamasa and the pain the star crossed lovers felt. I personally wished peace between the two, where they can love each other without the fear of war and the act of betrayal. May you two find eternal happiness!
Here's a list of the flowers and their meanings that appeared in this story:
Sakura- Transience of life. (Passing of life, fleeting of life.)
Yellow Chrysanthemum- Slighted love
Bellflower- Thinking of You
Iris- faith and hope
Rosemary- remembrance
Violet Rose- Love at first sight
Rue- Regret
Gardenia- You're lovely, secret love
Jonquil- Love me, desire
Forget-me-not – True love
I love flower language, and I had written enough stories with flowers as a symbol in the past. By the way, Hana Kotoba means Flower Language. I wrote this one with a basic thought in mind- Nagamasa secretly giving Ichi flowers in her mailbox every morning. I was also going to have Ichi stalk Nagamasa, but let's not get too carried away!
Happy new years, everyone, and thank you all, VERY MUCH for your support! May the new year of 2011 bring you all happiness and joy.
I swore to myself I wouldn't do this, but I feel that I have to now. I'm too lazy to individually reply all the reviews since that new feature was added here, but I decided I'll do it like how I did it in the past, replying reviews at the end!
JapanManiac- Thank you very much! I had planned something short for Keiji, and was going to have a special little thing just for him that will give him peace from his past. Please look forward to it! As for Hanbei, not much is thought up yet… I personally was going to add him as a side character for Mitsunari's story, though! I didn't even realize the Keiji/Sasuke thing happening! Haha, that's amazing! As for Sasuke/Kojuro, that has been requested multiple times and is now very possibly happening if I can come up with something!
Azab- Thank you very much for the continuous support. I will try to update as much as possible!
NaughtyandSpicyGirl- Wow, thank you very much. I had no idea my fanfic would be so loved. I'm very grateful, thank you to you and your friend! And yes, because of the amount of requests for KojuroxSasuke, it will be seriously considered and hopefully I can come up with something amazing for the two! Happy new year to you and your friend as well.
Mardy96- Thank you very much for your support! Mouri and Motochika has also been repeatedly requested, and is in consideration. The two WILL appear again, I assure you this!
Metal-Jam- Thank you for your continued support. And yes, I will try my best to keep pumping out stories that you and many others would (hopefully) enjoy!
And thank you everyone else who read and added my story to their story alerts or favourites. Thank you all and have a great new year!